(no subject)
It's weird that I only feel comfortable journaling when something is going on with my life. It's not that I want attention, I just don't have anyone else to talk to.
It's hard to realize that I think too much of myself. Not that I'm cocky or arrogant, necessarily, but I feel like everyone owes me favors for things that I do for them. I don't like giving of myself for nothing, but since I never embraced that desire openly, I'm causing mayhem in my life. I want to be purged of my selfishness and terrible mood swings. I want to realize that my life is not bad. I just wish that I had a desire to believe in myself.
I had a good weekend. A REALLY great weekend. I don't know why I ruin things by bringing up things that I'm not sure how to explain. It correlates with past bad experiences, but my defensiveness is coming off as pure bitchiness.
My boss's wife is a bitch. He tells me stories and he goes to work sad sometimes. Twistedly, I think that his wife is right and I would do the exact same things. I'm a bitch; how could anyone like that?
I'm tired all of the time. I need help, but am too scared to get any. I want to run away for a weekend and see if it's the same being alone as it is now with "friends" and family. I need space and energy and to feel that I can accomplish anything.
I went out with some people from high school to san francisco the other day. I couldn't help but to walk off by myself. I couldnt stop it, in fact. I felt shuttered in and lonely when I was with them some of the time. I want to breathe clearly.
It's hard to realize that I think too much of myself. Not that I'm cocky or arrogant, necessarily, but I feel like everyone owes me favors for things that I do for them. I don't like giving of myself for nothing, but since I never embraced that desire openly, I'm causing mayhem in my life. I want to be purged of my selfishness and terrible mood swings. I want to realize that my life is not bad. I just wish that I had a desire to believe in myself.
I had a good weekend. A REALLY great weekend. I don't know why I ruin things by bringing up things that I'm not sure how to explain. It correlates with past bad experiences, but my defensiveness is coming off as pure bitchiness.
My boss's wife is a bitch. He tells me stories and he goes to work sad sometimes. Twistedly, I think that his wife is right and I would do the exact same things. I'm a bitch; how could anyone like that?
I'm tired all of the time. I need help, but am too scared to get any. I want to run away for a weekend and see if it's the same being alone as it is now with "friends" and family. I need space and energy and to feel that I can accomplish anything.
I went out with some people from high school to san francisco the other day. I couldn't help but to walk off by myself. I couldnt stop it, in fact. I felt shuttered in and lonely when I was with them some of the time. I want to breathe clearly.