Waiting at the light, know what I mean.
Recently my thoughts have been all over the place, fannishly: I've been thinking about Z Berg and Tennessee and Charlotte all over again -- I've finally (yes! I know! late to the party!) fallen in love with Z. Before this she was kind of cool, but also kind of too cool for me? I guess I get intimidated very easily. Then I started thinking about her and Ryan Ross, and the dynamics of that is kind of fascinating, and also egelantier linked me to that picture of Z again, where she looks uncharacteristically rumpled, and something just kind of clicked in my head. Z, I LOVE YOU. ♥_______♥
Just today softlyforgotten also posted a The Like-in-VMars ficlet, and I know nothing about Veronica Mars, but it was amazing! Then I started thinking about all the really overwrought scenes on television that I like, and how much I would enjoy bandom people in there, and well, this happened. (I love Life on Mars a lot. Confession time: I have not actually finished the entire series, even though there are only sixteen episodes. Once I have finished them, there will be nothing left to watch!)
High up on the roof, Z looked down. The building wasn't very tall -- it was only the seventies, after all -- but five stories were still high enough to make one dizzy, especially when you were considering jumping off them.
Especially then. The wind whipped loud in Z's ears, and maybe that was why she didn't quite hear Tennessee, not until she was right behind, yelling against the breeze, "Don't jump!"
Z didn't jump, but she didn't turn around either. Mostly she just stood on the edge, and tried not to blink until her eyes burned.
"It's okay," she said, over her shoulder. "I've figured it out, right? This isn't my time. It isn't my time at all. And I'm -- I'm in the hospital, I'm in a coma, or whatever -- but this isn't real. All I need to do is take the definitive step."
The definitive step, she thought. Only her own voice echoed back at her in her head, mean and a little mocking. She looked down again. (Every five seconds, to get used to it.)
Her stomach was still in the habit of bottoming out.
"I -- you can't believe anything Neil says!" Tennessee said, sounding panicked and frustrated. "He's my ex! It was just a thing he said, to psyche you out, because he was jea--"
This time Z turned around. "What?" she asked. Tennessee's lipstick was still on, and she was close enough that when she bit her lip, Z could see the red on her teeth.
Tennessee gazed at her, so sad and so despairing. "Look down," she whispered. Z turned back abruptly, and Tennessee shrieked, "Slowly!"
Z held onto the barrier, although she didn't mean to -- she wasn't supposed to mind if she fell. Sure enough, Neil was stumbling beneath, a poorly-cut figure in brown tweed.
"Don't jump!" he shouted. "Sorry, bad joke -- bad joke!"
Z swayed, and Neil must have noticed, because he shot a last terrified look up at her and ran away.
Z looked at Tennessee again. She was suddenly standing much closer than she had been, not enough to prevent Z from falling, but nearly there.
"This is real," Tennessee said angrily. The wind was still whipping her hair around her face, and Z wanted to touch it. "I'm real, and you're real, and -- damn it, Z, you can't just discount all of us here."
Z held a finger up, trying to think while her insides were frozen with fright. "My notes said nothing," she said, "about mobile phones."
Tennessee inclined her head, like she didn't really understand. Z figured she couldn't ever be blamed for that. She closed her eyes and thought she could smell the leather coming off her boots. Who even decided what she had to wear for this, anyway? Mini-skirt and boots, this had to be a cliche, had to be why this wasn't real.
"I know what you're going through," Tennessee said, her voice low and so, so carefully modulated. Z didn't need this, fuck.
"You promise?" Z asked.
"We all feel like jumping sometimes," Tennessee said, and Z was going to shake her head, because that wasn't what it was about. "Only we don't," Tennessee said, and she finally sounded angry enough that Z decided that it wasn't worth it to argue. "You and me, because we're not cowards. Z?"
Z closed her eyes. If she didn't jump, just stepped away and let Tennessee take her hand, nothing would change. The displacement would still be there -- not solved, just postponed. This wasn't where she was supposed to be.
"Give me your hand," Tennessee said. Her voice sounded wet and upset.
It was one of those days in Manchester, when the sun would be too glaringly bright and the wind would cut you to the bone anyway. Z remembered the weather, from back home. Manchester, year twenty ten.
She gave Tennessee her hand and shut her eyes against the too-bright light.
I don't know if you can actually tell what's going on in there, if you hadn't watched the show.
BUT WHAT ABOUT a Doctor Who thing? Where Z's a Time Lord, and so is Charlotte. (Maybe Tennessee is one too, hm.) What I actually mean is, Charlotte's the Master and gets shot and refuses to regenerate, just out of spite. And she dies in Z's arms. I am just saying.
And I doubt I'll actually write this, but FIVE TIMES FIGURE SKATERS WERE ROBOTS:
1. Stéphane -- that's why he's always so cheery!
2. Johnny Weir: rebel robot. The USFSA hates him, but the rest of the world loves him.
3. Evan -- this time no one's surprised, and Evan hides the fact that he has hurt feelings about no one being surprised.
4. Yu-Na -- Brian coaches her so she emotes more. What they didn't expect to do was to teach her how to smile.
5. Adam Rippon -- everyone's kind of befuddled at how the wiring could have gone so wrong, to make this model be so thrilled every time he lands the jumps he was basically programmed to do, but it turns out nobody minds.
It's 11 p.m. and I feel wide awake now, because I just had a two hour nap. Hey! hey!
Just today softlyforgotten also posted a The Like-in-VMars ficlet, and I know nothing about Veronica Mars, but it was amazing! Then I started thinking about all the really overwrought scenes on television that I like, and how much I would enjoy bandom people in there, and well, this happened. (I love Life on Mars a lot. Confession time: I have not actually finished the entire series, even though there are only sixteen episodes. Once I have finished them, there will be nothing left to watch!)
High up on the roof, Z looked down. The building wasn't very tall -- it was only the seventies, after all -- but five stories were still high enough to make one dizzy, especially when you were considering jumping off them.
Especially then. The wind whipped loud in Z's ears, and maybe that was why she didn't quite hear Tennessee, not until she was right behind, yelling against the breeze, "Don't jump!"
Z didn't jump, but she didn't turn around either. Mostly she just stood on the edge, and tried not to blink until her eyes burned.
"It's okay," she said, over her shoulder. "I've figured it out, right? This isn't my time. It isn't my time at all. And I'm -- I'm in the hospital, I'm in a coma, or whatever -- but this isn't real. All I need to do is take the definitive step."
The definitive step, she thought. Only her own voice echoed back at her in her head, mean and a little mocking. She looked down again. (Every five seconds, to get used to it.)
Her stomach was still in the habit of bottoming out.
"I -- you can't believe anything Neil says!" Tennessee said, sounding panicked and frustrated. "He's my ex! It was just a thing he said, to psyche you out, because he was jea--"
This time Z turned around. "What?" she asked. Tennessee's lipstick was still on, and she was close enough that when she bit her lip, Z could see the red on her teeth.
Tennessee gazed at her, so sad and so despairing. "Look down," she whispered. Z turned back abruptly, and Tennessee shrieked, "Slowly!"
Z held onto the barrier, although she didn't mean to -- she wasn't supposed to mind if she fell. Sure enough, Neil was stumbling beneath, a poorly-cut figure in brown tweed.
"Don't jump!" he shouted. "Sorry, bad joke -- bad joke!"
Z swayed, and Neil must have noticed, because he shot a last terrified look up at her and ran away.
Z looked at Tennessee again. She was suddenly standing much closer than she had been, not enough to prevent Z from falling, but nearly there.
"This is real," Tennessee said angrily. The wind was still whipping her hair around her face, and Z wanted to touch it. "I'm real, and you're real, and -- damn it, Z, you can't just discount all of us here."
Z held a finger up, trying to think while her insides were frozen with fright. "My notes said nothing," she said, "about mobile phones."
Tennessee inclined her head, like she didn't really understand. Z figured she couldn't ever be blamed for that. She closed her eyes and thought she could smell the leather coming off her boots. Who even decided what she had to wear for this, anyway? Mini-skirt and boots, this had to be a cliche, had to be why this wasn't real.
"I know what you're going through," Tennessee said, her voice low and so, so carefully modulated. Z didn't need this, fuck.
"You promise?" Z asked.
"We all feel like jumping sometimes," Tennessee said, and Z was going to shake her head, because that wasn't what it was about. "Only we don't," Tennessee said, and she finally sounded angry enough that Z decided that it wasn't worth it to argue. "You and me, because we're not cowards. Z?"
Z closed her eyes. If she didn't jump, just stepped away and let Tennessee take her hand, nothing would change. The displacement would still be there -- not solved, just postponed. This wasn't where she was supposed to be.
"Give me your hand," Tennessee said. Her voice sounded wet and upset.
It was one of those days in Manchester, when the sun would be too glaringly bright and the wind would cut you to the bone anyway. Z remembered the weather, from back home. Manchester, year twenty ten.
She gave Tennessee her hand and shut her eyes against the too-bright light.
I don't know if you can actually tell what's going on in there, if you hadn't watched the show.
BUT WHAT ABOUT a Doctor Who thing? Where Z's a Time Lord, and so is Charlotte. (Maybe Tennessee is one too, hm.) What I actually mean is, Charlotte's the Master and gets shot and refuses to regenerate, just out of spite. And she dies in Z's arms. I am just saying.
And I doubt I'll actually write this, but FIVE TIMES FIGURE SKATERS WERE ROBOTS:
1. Stéphane -- that's why he's always so cheery!
2. Johnny Weir: rebel robot. The USFSA hates him, but the rest of the world loves him.
3. Evan -- this time no one's surprised, and Evan hides the fact that he has hurt feelings about no one being surprised.
4. Yu-Na -- Brian coaches her so she emotes more. What they didn't expect to do was to teach her how to smile.
5. Adam Rippon -- everyone's kind of befuddled at how the wiring could have gone so wrong, to make this model be so thrilled every time he lands the jumps he was basically programmed to do, but it turns out nobody minds.
It's 11 p.m. and I feel wide awake now, because I just had a two hour nap. Hey! hey!