just for the record, I love JWalk a lot, all right
Calling With Your Questions
Brent leaves the band.
pg-13, brent/brendon, brendon/ryan
Brendon says, "I want to fuck you."
They're in his bunk. It's not the best place to cram two boys in, and their bodies are tangled together in a way that is less sexy than messy. Where their legs meet Brent can feel the clammy sensation of sweat that starts a prickle in his spine all the same.
Brendon says, "I want to fuck you."
It's not too surprising, because right now Brendon's bangs fall on Brent's collarbones and he's rubbing against the knee of Brent's jeans gracelessly. Brent would laugh at how ridiculous they both look if he weren't as hard as he is now. He throws his head back and exhales tensely. It's almost a groan and he thinks he can nearly see how his breath makes the dull grey air above the bunk shimmer, just for a bit.
He curls his fingers around Brendon's hair and pulls him up, and they kiss. It's a little messy and their teeth clack together. Brent thinks he can hear the soft sloppy sounds of them kissing echoing in the room.
Spencer and Ryan are out.
Brent digs his fingers into Brendon's hips and thinks, come on, faster and muffles his sounds in Brendon's mouth. It doesn't take very long for either Brendon or Brent to come, by from jerking off each other hurriedly. A shudder goes through Brendon's frame, and his mouth falls open.
Afterwards, Brendon tucks himself back into his jeans and refuses to look at Brent. Brent understands that he's not needed any more and stands up and shuffles the two steps needed, back into his bunk where he lies, staring at the ceiling of the van. When Spencer and Ryan return, that's how they find both of them.
Brent begins spending more time phoning home.
--
They're recording the album down in Maryland. Brendon and Ryan are fighting and it makes Brent feel awkward, as though he's not sure how the spaces between them can accomodate him. Spencer rolls his eyes and knows exactly when to barge into the argument and how long a time to let them fight it out, but he's known Ryan so long it isn't surprising.
When the argument is over Brent remains the only one feeling awkward, like he doesn't know how to smile or how to place his hands. He always knew what to do before they started recording or got signed, when Brendon and Ryan had their fights. But it's different now. The stakes are higher and Brendon and Ryan fight harder.
"See," Brendon once tried to explain to him, "sometimes we need to clear the air a little. And it helps the music, it really does help."
Brent sees. He just doesn't know where he should be when these fights happen.
--
He's off getting lunch for everyone else (he likes it, it gives him something to do) when he comes back and hears, "maybe you should just record the bass parts, Brendon."
He can imagine Brendon's determined face, nodding silently.
"We won't tell him."
Brent freezes just for a second, before walking away from the studio. Then he realises it's thirty degrees outside and walks towards the room again, making his footsteps louder on purpose.
He eats his lunch silently and pretends not to see the looks the other guys give each other when he tries to play the bass part that's been eluding him for so long.
--
He continues to keep his head down. Everyone seems to be changing, suddenly; Spencer has morphed into a prettyish dude with unicorns on his shirt when Brent can't help but look at him and think, just seven months ago you were wearing baggy pants. It's the same with Brendon; only he thinks you didn't have any friends at school except me. It's more than a little mean and he can't help but hate himself for it.
Ryan's still the same, just more theatrical, yet more impenetrable than ever. Brent bites his lip when Spencer and Brendon look at Ryan experimenting with his makeup fondly. Ryan threatens to make them all wear it.
Brent mentally casts himself as The Normal One in the band. It seems that while everyone loves playing the Xbox he wears his affinity for it like a badge. It says I Am Normal even though I'm in a band. It sort of works.
--
He's gaming against Brendon when he wins and pumps his fist into the air. His eye happens to fall on Ryan, lounging on the couch. The look on Ryan's face is fierce (for him), and just slightly less impenetrable than Brent's used to. He follows Ryan's sightlines and it lands on Brendon, who's still protesting, "Shut the fuck up, Wilson."
Brent falls back against the couch and thinks, oh.
--
When Spencer and Ryan are off the van again, Brendon goes to Brent's bunk this time. He says, "fuck me" and it's low and desperate. Brent complies, without being very surprised when Brendon insists on being on all fours. He slides the condom on and slicks Brendon up with lube, trying not to think, I have a girlfriend. I am cheating on my girlfriend at this very instant.
As always, by the time Spencer and Ryan are back on the bus there's at least two body lengths' worth of distance between them.
"So," Brendon says, "Did you all find anything?"
Brent watches Brendon narrowly, whenever he talks to Ryan, for the rest of the week.
--
Brent figures it's a done thing when he meets Jon Walker.
Jon Walker is a nice guy. He has hair that flops into his eyes and wears flip-flops and loves coffee. He also techs for The Academy Is..., who are mostly nice to Brent and always make him feel welcome when he's over at their bus.
Brent has to admit, when he sees Jon Walker he thinks, finally, another normal guy. He gives himself another two days to see how he fits in with the rest of the band when it turns out that Brendon has already made friends with him.
"We sang Disney," Brendon beams, looking at Jon fucking Walker, "and I knew it was meant to be."
Brent wishes Brendon would stop making such a fool of himself, but Jon doesn't seem to mind and treats him like a favoured younger brother. Soon Spencer and Ryan are pretty tight with him, too, and Brent doesn't bother approaching Jon when he's alone. And when Spencer and Ryan and Brendon are around, he cuts his eyes to another side and tries to avoid meeting Tom Conrad's unnerving stare.
Brent begins missing soundcheck. He just doesn't see the point.
--
They leave him behind.
"Spence?"
"Oh hey, Brent."
"You left me behind."
"Yeah, we noticed."
Spencer's voice is just dry enough to make Brent feel like he has to apologise. He tries not to say, why didn't you call me? "So where are you guys now?"
Spencer suddenly sounds a lot more apologetic. "Um, we're on the highway now and we can't actually turn back. Could you try and find your way to the venue yourself?"
Brent tries not to roll his eyes. He's pretty sure Spencer would be able to tell. "Well, hey, I don't actually see any taxis over here."
"We -" Spencer chews on his lip, a little. Over the line, Brent can sense that it's too silent. There isn't any of the background noise that indicates Brendon or Ryan breathing or taking up space on the tour bus. If Brent strains, he imagines that he can hear the sound of the bus engine trundling along the highway.
"We'll send someone to pick you up when we arrive at the venue, but I don't think you'll be in time to actually play at the show tonight."
Brent says, "Fine."
Brent says, "I'm sorry."
He hears Spencer over the line saying, "We'll see you after the show tonight." It's a little drier and friendlier than it previously was. Brent shrugs, feeling the tension diffuse from his shoulders again.
"Bye."
Brent tucks his Sidekick back into his pocket and rubs at his eyes. He won't deny that he feels a lot more relaxed now but he hates that he has to be the one saying sorry.
--
Brent's missing the third soundcheck in a row. He's dawdling at a 7-eleven when Spencer calls him: "Why weren't you at soundcheck?" He's never actually called before. Usually they just look at each other meaningfully.
Brent's mind stutters a little, to think of a plausible excuse besides I didn't feel like it. He says, "I didn't know it was now."
"It ended fifteen minutes ago. Jesus, Brent!"
"I guess I just - lost track of time." Even at this point in time, Brent still half-believes that Spencer will just tell him to lose track of time in full view of your bandmates, please.
The silence between them stretches on for a long while until it's clear it's Spencer's turn to speak. "I'm sorry, Brent."
"What?"
"This isn't working."
Spencer says, "It would be better for everyone. This includes you."
Spencer says, "We think you should leave the band."
Brent leaves the band.
pg-13, brent/brendon, brendon/ryan
Brendon says, "I want to fuck you."
They're in his bunk. It's not the best place to cram two boys in, and their bodies are tangled together in a way that is less sexy than messy. Where their legs meet Brent can feel the clammy sensation of sweat that starts a prickle in his spine all the same.
Brendon says, "I want to fuck you."
It's not too surprising, because right now Brendon's bangs fall on Brent's collarbones and he's rubbing against the knee of Brent's jeans gracelessly. Brent would laugh at how ridiculous they both look if he weren't as hard as he is now. He throws his head back and exhales tensely. It's almost a groan and he thinks he can nearly see how his breath makes the dull grey air above the bunk shimmer, just for a bit.
He curls his fingers around Brendon's hair and pulls him up, and they kiss. It's a little messy and their teeth clack together. Brent thinks he can hear the soft sloppy sounds of them kissing echoing in the room.
Spencer and Ryan are out.
Brent digs his fingers into Brendon's hips and thinks, come on, faster and muffles his sounds in Brendon's mouth. It doesn't take very long for either Brendon or Brent to come, by from jerking off each other hurriedly. A shudder goes through Brendon's frame, and his mouth falls open.
Afterwards, Brendon tucks himself back into his jeans and refuses to look at Brent. Brent understands that he's not needed any more and stands up and shuffles the two steps needed, back into his bunk where he lies, staring at the ceiling of the van. When Spencer and Ryan return, that's how they find both of them.
Brent begins spending more time phoning home.
--
They're recording the album down in Maryland. Brendon and Ryan are fighting and it makes Brent feel awkward, as though he's not sure how the spaces between them can accomodate him. Spencer rolls his eyes and knows exactly when to barge into the argument and how long a time to let them fight it out, but he's known Ryan so long it isn't surprising.
When the argument is over Brent remains the only one feeling awkward, like he doesn't know how to smile or how to place his hands. He always knew what to do before they started recording or got signed, when Brendon and Ryan had their fights. But it's different now. The stakes are higher and Brendon and Ryan fight harder.
"See," Brendon once tried to explain to him, "sometimes we need to clear the air a little. And it helps the music, it really does help."
Brent sees. He just doesn't know where he should be when these fights happen.
--
He's off getting lunch for everyone else (he likes it, it gives him something to do) when he comes back and hears, "maybe you should just record the bass parts, Brendon."
He can imagine Brendon's determined face, nodding silently.
"We won't tell him."
Brent freezes just for a second, before walking away from the studio. Then he realises it's thirty degrees outside and walks towards the room again, making his footsteps louder on purpose.
He eats his lunch silently and pretends not to see the looks the other guys give each other when he tries to play the bass part that's been eluding him for so long.
--
He continues to keep his head down. Everyone seems to be changing, suddenly; Spencer has morphed into a prettyish dude with unicorns on his shirt when Brent can't help but look at him and think, just seven months ago you were wearing baggy pants. It's the same with Brendon; only he thinks you didn't have any friends at school except me. It's more than a little mean and he can't help but hate himself for it.
Ryan's still the same, just more theatrical, yet more impenetrable than ever. Brent bites his lip when Spencer and Brendon look at Ryan experimenting with his makeup fondly. Ryan threatens to make them all wear it.
Brent mentally casts himself as The Normal One in the band. It seems that while everyone loves playing the Xbox he wears his affinity for it like a badge. It says I Am Normal even though I'm in a band. It sort of works.
--
He's gaming against Brendon when he wins and pumps his fist into the air. His eye happens to fall on Ryan, lounging on the couch. The look on Ryan's face is fierce (for him), and just slightly less impenetrable than Brent's used to. He follows Ryan's sightlines and it lands on Brendon, who's still protesting, "Shut the fuck up, Wilson."
Brent falls back against the couch and thinks, oh.
--
When Spencer and Ryan are off the van again, Brendon goes to Brent's bunk this time. He says, "fuck me" and it's low and desperate. Brent complies, without being very surprised when Brendon insists on being on all fours. He slides the condom on and slicks Brendon up with lube, trying not to think, I have a girlfriend. I am cheating on my girlfriend at this very instant.
As always, by the time Spencer and Ryan are back on the bus there's at least two body lengths' worth of distance between them.
"So," Brendon says, "Did you all find anything?"
Brent watches Brendon narrowly, whenever he talks to Ryan, for the rest of the week.
--
Brent figures it's a done thing when he meets Jon Walker.
Jon Walker is a nice guy. He has hair that flops into his eyes and wears flip-flops and loves coffee. He also techs for The Academy Is..., who are mostly nice to Brent and always make him feel welcome when he's over at their bus.
Brent has to admit, when he sees Jon Walker he thinks, finally, another normal guy. He gives himself another two days to see how he fits in with the rest of the band when it turns out that Brendon has already made friends with him.
"We sang Disney," Brendon beams, looking at Jon fucking Walker, "and I knew it was meant to be."
Brent wishes Brendon would stop making such a fool of himself, but Jon doesn't seem to mind and treats him like a favoured younger brother. Soon Spencer and Ryan are pretty tight with him, too, and Brent doesn't bother approaching Jon when he's alone. And when Spencer and Ryan and Brendon are around, he cuts his eyes to another side and tries to avoid meeting Tom Conrad's unnerving stare.
Brent begins missing soundcheck. He just doesn't see the point.
--
They leave him behind.
"Spence?"
"Oh hey, Brent."
"You left me behind."
"Yeah, we noticed."
Spencer's voice is just dry enough to make Brent feel like he has to apologise. He tries not to say, why didn't you call me? "So where are you guys now?"
Spencer suddenly sounds a lot more apologetic. "Um, we're on the highway now and we can't actually turn back. Could you try and find your way to the venue yourself?"
Brent tries not to roll his eyes. He's pretty sure Spencer would be able to tell. "Well, hey, I don't actually see any taxis over here."
"We -" Spencer chews on his lip, a little. Over the line, Brent can sense that it's too silent. There isn't any of the background noise that indicates Brendon or Ryan breathing or taking up space on the tour bus. If Brent strains, he imagines that he can hear the sound of the bus engine trundling along the highway.
"We'll send someone to pick you up when we arrive at the venue, but I don't think you'll be in time to actually play at the show tonight."
Brent says, "Fine."
Brent says, "I'm sorry."
He hears Spencer over the line saying, "We'll see you after the show tonight." It's a little drier and friendlier than it previously was. Brent shrugs, feeling the tension diffuse from his shoulders again.
"Bye."
Brent tucks his Sidekick back into his pocket and rubs at his eyes. He won't deny that he feels a lot more relaxed now but he hates that he has to be the one saying sorry.
--
Brent's missing the third soundcheck in a row. He's dawdling at a 7-eleven when Spencer calls him: "Why weren't you at soundcheck?" He's never actually called before. Usually they just look at each other meaningfully.
Brent's mind stutters a little, to think of a plausible excuse besides I didn't feel like it. He says, "I didn't know it was now."
"It ended fifteen minutes ago. Jesus, Brent!"
"I guess I just - lost track of time." Even at this point in time, Brent still half-believes that Spencer will just tell him to lose track of time in full view of your bandmates, please.
The silence between them stretches on for a long while until it's clear it's Spencer's turn to speak. "I'm sorry, Brent."
"What?"
"This isn't working."
Spencer says, "It would be better for everyone. This includes you."
Spencer says, "We think you should leave the band."