How wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying
Thank you so so so much to everyone who loved up on me in the Love Meme. I had tears streaming down my face, no lie. I usually steer completely clear of those kinds of things (there's too much potential for hurt feelings in addition to all the love, and it just feels too high school) but since it just HAPPENED, I'm all verklempt. You guys are awesome, seriously ♥
And now I want to say something.
Okay. Here's the thing. There are four hundred people that have this journal friended. Seriously. FOUR HUNDRED. That number is just. Ridiculous and I can't quite wrap my head around it. I know that probably half of those people have filtered me out long ago, or don't use LJ anymore, or whatever, but that still leaves a fuckton of people with their eyes at least glancing over this journal on a regular basis. And yet the amount of comments I receive has seemed to stay more or less steady at around 5-10 per entry for at least the last couple years. And this makes me feel kind of weird and uncomfortable. It has two dimensions - for one thing, I feel sometimes like I'm just kind of yelling out into a black void and my words are getting swallowed up. For another, it also feels like I'm in a goldfish bowl, with everyone kind of hovering around and able to see me, but not reaching in an interacting. It's weird and a little bit out of control.
I think I let it get to this point because I never stopped treating this journal as something temporary. When I got my LJ, it was just kinda like, oh this will be fun, but I didn't think it would become an integral part of my life like it really has. I've had this journal for 3 years and a month, now. That's a long time in my young life. And I've been something of a fandom butterfly, flitting back and forth and hither and yon and piling up friends but never really fully leaving a fandom, and I don't think I can let it get much further.
And here is where I admit my shameful secret - I read on filters. I know, it's terrible, but if anyone says to me they could totally keep up with 518 journals, well, I'd tell them they were a liar. Not to mention I've lost interest in a lot of what those journals have to say. And I know it's somehow not kosher to let people friend you and not friend them back, but what else am I supposed to do?? If I friended everyone who has me friended, that would be over SIX HUNDRED journals. o.O That's just not realistic. So more often than not nowadays, I don't friend back. I feel kind of bad, but there's nothing else I can do! This is the reason I could never go friends only, and I really don't understand people who DO go friends only. If you go that route, doesn't it mean you pretty much have to friend everyone who wants to friend you, and then either read their journals or read on filters, which is ANOTHER faux pas? It's a catch-22! I hate friending etiquette, I really do, because it always feels like you're doing something wrong.
So all of this is to say - I think I'm going to do a pretty significant friends cut. I apologize profusely in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings, and I know it's going to be hard, but I just have to do it. Feel free to defriend me, honestly, I'm declaring defriending amnesty right now. And if you have anything to say to me about all of the above, please do! Maybe I'm being a bitch with this post? Idk! Please tell me if I am, because I hate being a bitch /o\
Good thing I'm home early and have no plans for the evening... this is gonna take a while -_-
And now I want to say something.
Okay. Here's the thing. There are four hundred people that have this journal friended. Seriously. FOUR HUNDRED. That number is just. Ridiculous and I can't quite wrap my head around it. I know that probably half of those people have filtered me out long ago, or don't use LJ anymore, or whatever, but that still leaves a fuckton of people with their eyes at least glancing over this journal on a regular basis. And yet the amount of comments I receive has seemed to stay more or less steady at around 5-10 per entry for at least the last couple years. And this makes me feel kind of weird and uncomfortable. It has two dimensions - for one thing, I feel sometimes like I'm just kind of yelling out into a black void and my words are getting swallowed up. For another, it also feels like I'm in a goldfish bowl, with everyone kind of hovering around and able to see me, but not reaching in an interacting. It's weird and a little bit out of control.
I think I let it get to this point because I never stopped treating this journal as something temporary. When I got my LJ, it was just kinda like, oh this will be fun, but I didn't think it would become an integral part of my life like it really has. I've had this journal for 3 years and a month, now. That's a long time in my young life. And I've been something of a fandom butterfly, flitting back and forth and hither and yon and piling up friends but never really fully leaving a fandom, and I don't think I can let it get much further.
And here is where I admit my shameful secret - I read on filters. I know, it's terrible, but if anyone says to me they could totally keep up with 518 journals, well, I'd tell them they were a liar. Not to mention I've lost interest in a lot of what those journals have to say. And I know it's somehow not kosher to let people friend you and not friend them back, but what else am I supposed to do?? If I friended everyone who has me friended, that would be over SIX HUNDRED journals. o.O That's just not realistic. So more often than not nowadays, I don't friend back. I feel kind of bad, but there's nothing else I can do! This is the reason I could never go friends only, and I really don't understand people who DO go friends only. If you go that route, doesn't it mean you pretty much have to friend everyone who wants to friend you, and then either read their journals or read on filters, which is ANOTHER faux pas? It's a catch-22! I hate friending etiquette, I really do, because it always feels like you're doing something wrong.
So all of this is to say - I think I'm going to do a pretty significant friends cut. I apologize profusely in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings, and I know it's going to be hard, but I just have to do it. Feel free to defriend me, honestly, I'm declaring defriending amnesty right now. And if you have anything to say to me about all of the above, please do! Maybe I'm being a bitch with this post? Idk! Please tell me if I am, because I hate being a bitch /o\
Good thing I'm home early and have no plans for the evening... this is gonna take a while -_-