Saccharine Outlook
Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend in Singapore and ruminating over how dramatically my life had changed, mostly for the better, in the space of a mere year. It was exactly a year ago when I had stumbled upon an opportunity I would never have imagined and changed the direction in which my life seemed to be heading. Indeed, when it rains, it pours and I had two fabulous options to choose from, both with their own set of pros and cons. The months of depression leading up to those moments seemed all worthwhile. Then there was the 3 months of paperwork, realization of the enormity of the decision and the move. And then I seemed to promptly hit my lows again. My pay cheque was (and continues to be) outrageously low, the cost of living in London outrageously expensive and my boss and I hated each other's guts. My life seemed to amount to nothing and I could not stop harbouring thoughts of having traded the company of a fab set of friends for something that refused to come to fruition.
I am loathe to admit it, for fear of it slipping away, but I think I have finally moved on from my lows and I, um, might even go as far as saying, I've been consistently happy for a few weeks in a row now. This, in spite of said stealing of handbag and a subsequent loss of more cash since that and what not. Yes, this year has been brutal, financial speaking. And yet, I have resumed running (which I suspect is the root cause for all this sickening positivity), I don't moan about my mad hours at work because I love my team (yes, it's possible to love the team, even in the bitchy, corporate world that an investment bank is) - sometimes, a downturn in the economy can bring people close like that and I am working harder than ever and learning a lot in the process. A recent wardrobe revamp has left me feeling pleased and is another cause for this general upliftment of dispositions.
I am finally making good use of my Cineworld Unlimited card and catching films after long hours at work and falling in love with larger-than-life figures - Che, Milk, etc (biopics galore!). Having the alone time to read news regularly and opinionate about them, I constantly feel the pulse of politics and economics as the world unfolds to make history in our lifetime - Obama, financial meltdown, Gaza, etc. I love my writing classes and my starting-to-slowly-burgeon social calendar. I look forward with great anticipation to signing up for volunteering at the new season at Shakespeare's Globe and all the travel coming up ahead in the coming months. My reading list is expanding by the day and I can't wait to tick books off in the list in the weeks and months to come. I cook Thai, Chinese, Indian and Italian with an ease I enjoy and like to experiment with cross-cultural flavours.
At some point, I want to start going to ballet classes in gym, resume my squash lessons, start off a short-term drawing lesson at Slade School of Art and resume French lessons where they don't ask me to pay through my nose.
I am still not entirely happy with where I am, but from where I was a year ago, I feel I'm heading more in the direction I always wanted to. More importantly, I am focusing more on the concrete things I can control to make my dreams a reality, rather than pine for an end-state which might seem unattainable. I reminisce less about my days and friends in Singapore and plan more around my life in London. I am proud of having taken the leap of faith and expanding my world, in spite of how difficult it was for me personally. I'm now a calmer and less bitter person than I was a few months ago. I am focusing less on the fact that I'm being severely underpaid and more on the possibilities after this mind-boggling crisis.
Why am I bothering to write all this out today? Because, I normally bother blogging only when I'm at my lowest, which makes my blog persona seem ever so angsty and pessimistic. And tomorrow, the results come out, so I might lose grip of this feel-good mood and might need to remind myself how to pick things up again.
Edit - I passed, I passed, I passed :D :D :D Onwards ho to the next level, what a nerd I am, indeed! And because it's only human nature to wish and want for more, even in the happiest of states, God, please let things be good for Ritwik too * fingers crossed *
I am loathe to admit it, for fear of it slipping away, but I think I have finally moved on from my lows and I, um, might even go as far as saying, I've been consistently happy for a few weeks in a row now. This, in spite of said stealing of handbag and a subsequent loss of more cash since that and what not. Yes, this year has been brutal, financial speaking. And yet, I have resumed running (which I suspect is the root cause for all this sickening positivity), I don't moan about my mad hours at work because I love my team (yes, it's possible to love the team, even in the bitchy, corporate world that an investment bank is) - sometimes, a downturn in the economy can bring people close like that and I am working harder than ever and learning a lot in the process. A recent wardrobe revamp has left me feeling pleased and is another cause for this general upliftment of dispositions.
I am finally making good use of my Cineworld Unlimited card and catching films after long hours at work and falling in love with larger-than-life figures - Che, Milk, etc (biopics galore!). Having the alone time to read news regularly and opinionate about them, I constantly feel the pulse of politics and economics as the world unfolds to make history in our lifetime - Obama, financial meltdown, Gaza, etc. I love my writing classes and my starting-to-slowly-burgeon social calendar. I look forward with great anticipation to signing up for volunteering at the new season at Shakespeare's Globe and all the travel coming up ahead in the coming months. My reading list is expanding by the day and I can't wait to tick books off in the list in the weeks and months to come. I cook Thai, Chinese, Indian and Italian with an ease I enjoy and like to experiment with cross-cultural flavours.
At some point, I want to start going to ballet classes in gym, resume my squash lessons, start off a short-term drawing lesson at Slade School of Art and resume French lessons where they don't ask me to pay through my nose.
I am still not entirely happy with where I am, but from where I was a year ago, I feel I'm heading more in the direction I always wanted to. More importantly, I am focusing more on the concrete things I can control to make my dreams a reality, rather than pine for an end-state which might seem unattainable. I reminisce less about my days and friends in Singapore and plan more around my life in London. I am proud of having taken the leap of faith and expanding my world, in spite of how difficult it was for me personally. I'm now a calmer and less bitter person than I was a few months ago. I am focusing less on the fact that I'm being severely underpaid and more on the possibilities after this mind-boggling crisis.
Why am I bothering to write all this out today? Because, I normally bother blogging only when I'm at my lowest, which makes my blog persona seem ever so angsty and pessimistic. And tomorrow, the results come out, so I might lose grip of this feel-good mood and might need to remind myself how to pick things up again.
Edit - I passed, I passed, I passed :D :D :D Onwards ho to the next level, what a nerd I am, indeed! And because it's only human nature to wish and want for more, even in the happiest of states, God, please let things be good for Ritwik too * fingers crossed *