To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing, 29: Insecurities
Title: To Mend a Butterfly's Broken Wing
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
*~*~*
I'm awake to the trials of confusion creates/There are times when I feel the way we're about to break/When there's too much to say/We are home now/Out of our heads/Out of our minds/Out of this world/Out of this time
*~*~*
BPOV
It was a bit weird, but I finally broached the subject of my dream with Alice and Carlisle. We were right inside the woods behind the Cullen's home, waiting for Emmett and Jasper to get back with Edward from hunting. He had to go with supervision now, because everyone was afraid of what would happen if he came across a wayward hiker. He had been fed human blood, and although he hadn't shown any real signs of craving it, they wanted to keep a close eye on him.
"Um... I had a dream last night," I said gazing deep into the forest. I felt them turn and look at me. "My dreams have always had a realistic feel to them, but last night it felt really... well, real. Moreso than usual."
Carlisle looked slightly worried. "What did you dream about?"
"There was a fire and the Volturi came. Caius and Marcus said they were here for whom they came to collect and the rest would die. Aro told me I could help save them, but I don't know what that meant."
Alice stared at me. "It sounds like a premonition of sorts."
"Is that possible? I mean, my dreams and nightmares have always been... odd. Almost clues to something I wanted to figure out. They were a little vague before, but since everything that happened, I had been having more. I don't know what happened with Edward, but it just felt so… real when I dreamed about him. It's hard to explain."
"It doesn't surprise me," Carlisle mused. "We always wondered about Edward not being able to read your mind and Jane not being able to hurt you with her power. I don't think it's too far out of the realm of possibility that you could have precognitive tendencies."
I stared pensively into the forest.
"It could be that your way of blocking certain things happening to you could extend to others?" Carlisle said a few moments later.
"That makes sense. I think it's probably a moot point considering we're going to Alaska to lead them away from here, but I can ask Kate or Tanya, see if they have any idea if that's possible. Any other dreams you have, let us know," Alice said.
I agreed and saw a flash of color, and Edward was standing in front of me. I couldn't help smiling at his exuberance as we headed around to the front of the house. The red that had tinged his eyes was almost gone now, and they were back to their usual butterscotch.
"Why don't we stay outside?" Edward asked when everyone began heading into the house.
"We'll be right over here," Alice said, perching on the porch with Jasper. Edward and I sat in my truck out front. Maybe it could maybe help trigger his memory again.
I had the window open and could hear the pattering of the rain on the roof of my truck. When I glanced over at Edward, he was frowning and shaking his head. "Edward?" I asked quietly.
"Tell me something we did together," he urged, looking as if he were trying to remember something.
"Um… you told me about being a vampire while we were having dinner one night in Port Angeles. You had saved me from being attacked by random street thugs while I was there, too."
His face cleared. "Bella…" he whispered.
Edward was back again. "That was… quicker this time," I said in shocked amazement. He was still coming back to me, to us. I didn't want to interrupt it, so I didn't call Alice and Jasper over.
"I feel like I'm trapped inside, unable to break through the confusion. It's as if there are two sides of me; the one that doesn't remember anything before the kidnapping and the one who remembers being with you and loving you."
I swallowed with difficulty. "Edward…" I reached out and touched his cheek. "We want you back for good." He leaned into my palm.
"What do you remember?" I asked gently. "If there is any information on the Volturi, your family should know."
He frowned. "The person who did this to me is pure evil. He has no scruples whatsoever even compared to the rest of them. His power lies in his mind; he doesn't have to do anything except look at you to exert power over it and wear it down. What's even more disturbing is that he's able to do this to vampires. That makes him even more dangerous."
I couldn't believe Edward was here. He was really here. My delight warred with the trickle of icy fear in my veins at what he was saying.
"Bella, they're creating an army or something… it has something to do with a take-over, I think, and they want the strongest to fall in with them."
My heart beat faster at the idea of a stronger Volturi, one that had no qualms whatsoever, even in regards to the Cullen's. They had always respected Carlisle. My thoughts were interrupted by the desperation in Edward's. His hands found mine.
"Bella, it's slipping away," he whispered, his face close to mine.
I held on to him. "Edward, just focus on a good memory," I said desperately.
Desperation turned quickly to shocked surprise when Edward's lips met mine. I sucked in a gasp as memories flooded my mind, as his scent wrapped around me. I felt so many different emotions as he kissed me, and I barely had time to think. His lips were cold, smooth as glass, and he whispered that he loved me. My heart hurt as I fought to regain control and pulled away. Jake.
Edward had slipped away again and looked perplexed. I frowned, not knowing if I should say anything about the kiss; about how it was going to just confuse things and how it hurt in ways I wasn't sure I understood.
"Are you okay?" I asked instead.
"I just heard something. I think it was someone running."
Worry speared through me, but Edward didn't seem overly concerned, so I relaxed fractionally.
"Edward, we need to tell your family what you remembered," I finally said. I felt the urge to be inside and away from whatever Edward had heard.
After I told them, Carlisle rubbed a hand over his face. "This just sounds worse every time we get more news. I don't know why they would do this; I know they don't have our… caring for human life, but to screw with the vampire world this way? It's just going to create a disaster."
Emmett growled low in his throat. "I think it's time those assholes got taught a lesson."
Esme looked upset. "I wish it wouldn't come to this. I can't stand what it's doing to us."
As they began to ponder maneuvers, I drove home, antsy and needing a distraction.
*~*~*
JPOV
I found part-time work at a garage right outside of Forks. My boss in Hoquiam answered on the first ring when I called, and he gave me a good recommendation. I was hired, set to start work in a couple of weeks when one of the part-time guys' was meant to leave, and talked car parts with the boss for awhile.
It was a strange feeling talking this normal stuff when so much was happening that was not normal. I knew Bella was with the Cullen's today, so I set off for the garage and got really lucky. The owner of the shop was impressed with my knowledge. Once I left there, I headed for Sam and Emily's. Sam decided to have a meeting with the whole pack, just as a precaution. There was still no indication that the Volturi would come here if the Cullen's left the area, but all of us had stopped phasing for at least a year, so he wanted to keep things fresh.
My worry for Bella was more for her emotion well-being and sanity. If there was anything else to worry about, I would deal with it when the time came. When I got to their house, Emily had laid out lunch for all of us; it was still quite a feat. We may not be phasing, but we still had rather large appetites.
The counter was full of roast beef and turkey hoagies, bags of chips, plenty of fruit, and a cooler full of cans of soda.
"Hey Jake," Paul said amiably, slapping me on the shoulder. "It's actually good to see your ugly mug around here again."
I smirked. "Did you miss me, big guy?"
He tried to punch me, but I ducked away and hurried into the house, hearing his mutterings of how he really didn't. I just laughed and gave Embry a high-five. After a few punches and slaps on the back, we all settled down to eat the hoagies.
"Thanks for coming," Sam said. "Jake, I know you said that the vampire that can see the future hasn't made any indication that the Volturi will show up here, but I wanted to get everyone here just in case."
"There really is no word yet on how this is going down? They're going to follow the leech family?" Jared asked.
"As far as I know," I said. "Alice - the one who can see the future - hasn't seen them making any other decision."
"We haven't phased in awhile, so we could live our lives again. I just wanted to make sure everyone is on board if anything happens. A little practice fight training wouldn't hurt…just to be prepared."
"We're doing all this just because of a possibility that there might be danger?" Leah asked skeptically. She paced around the room, lifting Samantha when she woke from her nap and began crying.
Even though Leah was still a pain in the ass, it was nice to see that she had adjusted to Sam and Emily being together. She was also really good with Samantha as I watched her rock the baby slightly.
"It doesn't hurt to keep training," Sam said calmly. "It would help anytime, just in case. And if the Volturi is as bad as the Cullen's say, then I would feel better if we were all a little more prepared."
Paul jumped up, grabbing me in a pseudo-headlock. "I'm all for it! Let's go, punk."
I broke his hold and chased him outside. Everyone was keeping things light, I noted, and I was glad for that. Just as Bella needed some fun and stress-relief, I knew I did as well. Even if this was due to a serious matter, they made the re-training fun.
"Dude, I'm still stronger and faster than you," I teased as I threw and then pinned him to the ground.
He growled, gnashing his teeth at me, and I jumped back as he tried to kick my legs out from under me. I left Paul to stew in his irritation and instead tried to dodge Quil and Embry. We leapt and tackled, throwing fake punches, working on fighting techniques in our human form.
"Shit, that hurt!" Embry complained when Quil kicked him into a tree.
He retaliated with a punch that sent Quil careening by me. "Nice!" I said impressively.
I laughed when they both tackled me to the ground.
There wasn't much of a chance we would ever be in our human forms during a fight, but there was always that possibility. We were fast as humans and we worked on that, making ourselves stronger and better.
Once we were done, I checked the time. It was a little earlier than we planned, but I decided to head over to the Cullen's to get Bella. I waved to everyone and drove back into Forks. I parked and as I was walking toward the house, I heard a sound that I never wanted to hear. My eyes took in Bella from a distance, sitting in the truck with Edward, and they were kissing.
Everything inside me froze for a second. Then as the anger, fear, and pain hit me, I took off. As I flew through the trees, I catapulted into my car and raced away. Every instinct in me had wanted to go and pummel Edward into the ground for daring to kiss her, to kiss my Bella, but the insecurities pounded through me. I wanted to demand an explanation, but I was too scared to hear what she would say.
She had been so in love with him, obsessed with him, and she had to be falling under his spell again. I could barely think as I kicked up the gravel in my driveway as I parked.
I jumped out of the car, my body twitching and wanting to phase, as I paced around restlessly. I couldn't wait here; I just couldn't. I threw a few things into a bag and threw it into my car. I would just drive, give her some space…
I picked up a pad of paper and wrote her a note, and got into my car and just drove. I stopped once to call Embry. "Will you watch out for Bella? Make sure she's safe? And ask Quil to help you."
"What…?" he mumbled confused at my greeting. It sounded like he was eating.
"I need you to watch out for her. I'm serious. Make sure she's safe."
"Jake… what the hell? You know we will, but what's going on?"
"I'm leaving town for a little bit," I said calmly. The image of Bella's lips against Edward's shot through my mind and my stomach ached.
"What happened?" he asked quietly.
"I don't want to discuss it. Can you just do this for me? And let me know if anything changes."
"Okay," he said. "I know this is a girly thing to say, but you know you can call me if you need to get something off your chest."
I didn't even have it in me to harass him for that comment.
"Thanks. I'll be in touch."
I hung up and just stared sightlessly at the road ahead, driving until I realized I was back in Hoquiam. I drove to our apartment building, stared at the familiar sight. My stomach churned as I got out of the car and walked around the back of the building. I glanced up and saw Bella's hummingbird and butterfly feeder.
On a small sigh, I turned around and gazed at the bare garden. It used to be so full of life, full of things Bella liked to pick and cook. I wandered to the door, tempted to go inside, but I didn't really want to see the bare rooms. There was still furniture, maybe a few odds and ends, but nothing that showed our time here together.
It wasn't always good times, but the good far outweighed the bad. I loved being home with my brothers', but I truly missed living here with Bella and the time we spent together. It was an empty shell, and the grief battered at us without it. I trudged away from the building, driving by the marina where we rented paddle-boats, past the farmer's market where I would complain she took forever choosing the perfect fruits and vegetables, and past the bakery and garage where we both worked.
I ended up in the parking lot of the one bar I had been to - the sports bar where I had met Lindsay for our date. Inside I sat at the bar, unsure if I should try my luck and order a beer.
"What can I get ya?" the bartender asked as he set out a bowl of nuts.
I decided to go for it. I knew squat about beer, but I knew what Charlie and Billy drank. "Can I have a Rainier?"
He grabbed a can out of the cooler and handed it over. Huh, that was easy. I opened it and took a swallow. I remembered trying it with Embry and Quil a few years back and the taste hadn't really improved much, but I drank it anyway. I wandered back to the pool tables, shot a game with some guy whose name I didn't catch, and when I turned I saw Lindsay.
I blinked, wondering if alcohol could actually affect me. Apparently not, because she was heading toward me, and her slender arms were around my neck.
"Jake!" she exclaimed. "Wow, it's good to see you."
She hadn't changed much. Her hair was still that light brown with blonde highlights, but it now swung around her chin instead of her shoulders. Silver earrings poked through her hair, and she was wearing a pair of black pants and a purple top that draped open to expose her back. Her face was lit up in a bright smile as she pulled back to look at me.
I worked up a smile - it was good to see her after all - but with everything going on I wasn't feeling too sunny. I sat in a booth with her while I finished off my beer.
She scrutinized me with bright blue eyes. "You don't look so good, Jake. Are you okay? What are you doing back in Hoquiam anyway?"
I picked at the wings I had ordered. "Not really. I'm just... visiting for now," I said not really wanting to say anything. At least not here.
She frowned. "Are you staying longer than a day?"
When I nodded, she held out a hand. I furrowed my brow and stared at it. "Come on," she said lightly. "I'll go back to your apartment and hang out with you if you want..."
"I... don't really want to stay there right now," I said, feeling kind of stupid and embarrassed. She seemed so put together and content, and I felt like my world kept rocking on its axis, continuously throwing me off-balance. Why couldn't I have a normal life with Bella? Why did there always have to be drama and vampires involved?
She shrugged lightly, still holding her hand out. "Okay. We can go to my apartment and hang out there. If you want, you're welcome to stay a couple days or so."
I appreciated the gesture, and I wouldn't mind the company, so I followed her outside the bar. The drizzle had started up again, but summer was hanging on even as it got closer to fall, and it sizzled when it hit the sidewalk. I had almost forgotten; Bella's birthday was in a couple days. Her gift was in La Push, buried under a pile of clothes in our closet. The pain settled in my heart, and I swallowed back the lump trying to rise in my throat. I followed Lindsay to her place, anxious to just sit somewhere quiet and relax.
Inside her apartment, I noted all the little personal touches that reminded me of her. She had really had a thing for art, and she had black and white prints of different city streets scattered around, on the tables, on the walls. She had a bunch of plants perched on the windowsill and books, magazines, and quite a few coffee cups on the side tables.
As I wandered around, I noticed some of the beach photos that were framed looked familiar. "Are these yours?" I asked with some surprise.
She smiled, offered me a soda. "Yeah. I got a job at a local photography studio. They're doing a beach segment right now, so I've been traveling around Washington and getting specific shots. A few of them are published in their magazine, and I decided to frame some of them."
I grinned. "That's awesome, Linds. You look happy."
"I am. I've just started seeing someone, work keeps me busy; you know I still tinker with cars a little bit, too, when someone asks for my help." She smirked at me.
I snickered. "Nice. It's good seeing you happy."
She cocked her head at me as she perched on the couch, legs tucked up under her Indian-style. "You don't. Jake, what happened?"
I sighed, trailing a finger over the end table - which came away a little dusty - and sat next to her. "I'm not sure. I saw... something, and I sort of just took off."
"Something involving Bella?" she asked.
I nodded. "There's a lot of shit going on at home - and not much of it is good. Except for being with Bella and seeing my family. But she's been helping out her ex and, well, I saw them kissing."
Her eyes widened. "What? That's hard to believe... every time I've seen Bella, I could see how much she loved you."
"He's having mental flashbacks of sorts after what he went through, and it's a tenuous situation," I said lamely. I couldn't explain; the woman I was in love with was already embroiled in the danger, and I was helpless to stop it, so I would not drag anyone else into it if I could help it.
"That's… scary," she said frowning worriedly. "But Jake, not everything is what it seems. You should talk to her."
"Yeah," I mumbled leaning my head back onto the sofa. "I just… well, I'm afraid of what she'll say. She was in love with him, hell, she was engaged to him." I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment.
She rubbed a hand over my shoulder. "Don't you dare be embarrassed admitting that. You know I always liked that about you; how open you are and not afraid to say something that most guys don't have the balls to."
I laughed wearily. "You look exhausted," she said. "It's late. I'll get your bed set-up."
I followed her upstairs and went into the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth with an extra toothbrush she had. When I came out, she was leaning against the doorjamb of the spare room.
She smiled softly. "Goodnight, Jake." She reached around me to give me a hug, and I did the same to her.
When she pulled back, I hesitated for a second, our lips close. I could see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, and I pulled back. I wouldn't be that guy. Lindsay was attractive, a good friend, but even though we had gotten closer than expected and still obviously felt that slight connection, I was in love with Bella. No matter what happened, I wouldn't retaliate by kissing Lindsay and screwing up my relationship with her or Bella, nor did I want to be responsible for any problems between her and her boyfriend.
"Sorry," I whispered.
She kissed my cheek. "You're hard not to love, Jacob Black." I smiled as she called me by my real name.
I slid into the bed, listening to her in the bathroom, and when I finally drifted off to sleep the only person that drifted through my dreams was Bella.
*~*~*
BPOV
I got a call from Quil asking me if I could get a ride home from my dad. I was surprised, especially since Jake was supposed to be picking me up. He seemed a little subdued and in a hurry to get off the phone, though, so I didn't bring it up.
Charlie was heading to our house anyway for dinner. He planned on grilling some steaks, and I was anxious to spend some time with him. With everything going on, I wanted to spend more time with my family and friends.
I called Charlie, and he agreed to come get me. When we pulled up to the house, I frowned when I saw Jake's car wasn't there. Where was he?
Charlie got the steaks out and got them on the grill while I prepared a salad and some baked potatoes. We had dinner together like old times. He questioned me about Edward and how things were going. I omitted the kiss, still kind of thrown off-balance by that.
"This was nice," Charlie said. "Kind of like old times, huh?"
I smiled as he was apparently on the same wave-length. "Yeah, it was. I'll be right back," I added as I hurried into the bedroom.
In the bedroom, I saw the note propped on my pillow. I picked it up and read:
Bells-
I know you still have some sort of unresolved feelings for Edward. I wasn't spying, but I came to the Cullen's earlier today to pick you up and saw you kissing him.
I decided to leave for a few days to clear my head and give you a chance to decide if he's what you want. Quil and Embry are keeping an eye on you and the situation, so don't worry. You're protected. I'll be in touch with them about what's going on, too, and I'll be back if anything comes about. Stay safe. I love you.
-Jake
I stared at the note in shock. He was gone? Where did he go? My legs were shaking, and I sat unceremoniously on the floor. My eyes burned with unshed tears. He saw Edward kiss me. I couldn't begin to imagine how that must have felt to him as I leaned my forehead on my knees. I wanted Jake to hold me, but he was gone.
Charlie came into my room after a hesitant knock. "Bells?"
He saw me on the floor and hurried over, checking me over. "Honey, what happened? Are you okay?"
"Jake's gone," I whispered. "He left."
His brow furrowed. "What? Bella, he wouldn't…"
"He saw Edward kiss me."
His eyes widened. "Edward kissed you?"
I just cast my eyes down.
"Honey, are you still in love with him?"
"My feelings are… confused… for him."
"Are you in love with Jacob?" he asked.
I nodded without hesitation. "Yes. Very much so."
"Then you'll go find him. Not tonight, though. Get some sleep and go find him tomorrow. It's not worth it to let the one you love slip away from you."
My eyes welled up again, and I nodded. I would. I would go after Jake. "Will you stay with me for awhile?" I asked quietly.
He nodded, kissing the top of my head. "Of course I will."
We sat on the couch, my head resting on his shoulder like a child. When he left, with a lot of hesitation and making sure I was okay, I peeked out the window. I could see the faint outline of two huge men nearby, watching me. I knew it was Embry and Quil; their eyes met mine and I could see the sadness on their faces. "Tomorrow," I mouthed. They both nodded.
I climbed into my bed, alone, pulling Jake's pillow against me. "Tomorrow," I whispered again. "I'll find you. You won't get away from me that easily. I love you."
*~*~*
AN: I know, I know! I'll try to make this brief… Jake isn't perfect either. He knows Bella extremely well, and they are much better at working things out, but this is his weak point. He's scared which is why he left. I promise this will be covered and resolved in the next chapter. I won't make you wait any longer than that! I think this needed to happen to get this issue to come to the surface, hence why I did it… and honestly, I would think Edward would try this because of his feelings for Bella. My intention was to put no fault on anyone involved.
And I have a O/S up in the "Just a Kiss" contest if you'd like to check it out. I don't think voting started yet, but I thought I'd let you know ahead of time. Link is: http:/www.fanfiction.net/u/2922402/Just_a_Kiss_Contest. And I posted a random O/S to my FFn/LJ acct - More Than Just Friends - if you'd like to check that out as well. Just something for fun! Thanks for reading my babble, if you did. ;-)
Chapter 30
Author: exquisite_ugly
Rating/Warnings: M (language, sexual situations)
Summary: After the newborn fight things take a different turn with the Volturi. Edward goes missing, the Cullen's leave to search for him, and Bella flees town from the pain of loss. Can Jacob help her deal with the grief a second time? AU, M for language, sex
*~*~*
I'm awake to the trials of confusion creates/There are times when I feel the way we're about to break/When there's too much to say/We are home now/Out of our heads/Out of our minds/Out of this world/Out of this time
*~*~*
BPOV
It was a bit weird, but I finally broached the subject of my dream with Alice and Carlisle. We were right inside the woods behind the Cullen's home, waiting for Emmett and Jasper to get back with Edward from hunting. He had to go with supervision now, because everyone was afraid of what would happen if he came across a wayward hiker. He had been fed human blood, and although he hadn't shown any real signs of craving it, they wanted to keep a close eye on him.
"Um... I had a dream last night," I said gazing deep into the forest. I felt them turn and look at me. "My dreams have always had a realistic feel to them, but last night it felt really... well, real. Moreso than usual."
Carlisle looked slightly worried. "What did you dream about?"
"There was a fire and the Volturi came. Caius and Marcus said they were here for whom they came to collect and the rest would die. Aro told me I could help save them, but I don't know what that meant."
Alice stared at me. "It sounds like a premonition of sorts."
"Is that possible? I mean, my dreams and nightmares have always been... odd. Almost clues to something I wanted to figure out. They were a little vague before, but since everything that happened, I had been having more. I don't know what happened with Edward, but it just felt so… real when I dreamed about him. It's hard to explain."
"It doesn't surprise me," Carlisle mused. "We always wondered about Edward not being able to read your mind and Jane not being able to hurt you with her power. I don't think it's too far out of the realm of possibility that you could have precognitive tendencies."
I stared pensively into the forest.
"It could be that your way of blocking certain things happening to you could extend to others?" Carlisle said a few moments later.
"That makes sense. I think it's probably a moot point considering we're going to Alaska to lead them away from here, but I can ask Kate or Tanya, see if they have any idea if that's possible. Any other dreams you have, let us know," Alice said.
I agreed and saw a flash of color, and Edward was standing in front of me. I couldn't help smiling at his exuberance as we headed around to the front of the house. The red that had tinged his eyes was almost gone now, and they were back to their usual butterscotch.
"Why don't we stay outside?" Edward asked when everyone began heading into the house.
"We'll be right over here," Alice said, perching on the porch with Jasper. Edward and I sat in my truck out front. Maybe it could maybe help trigger his memory again.
I had the window open and could hear the pattering of the rain on the roof of my truck. When I glanced over at Edward, he was frowning and shaking his head. "Edward?" I asked quietly.
"Tell me something we did together," he urged, looking as if he were trying to remember something.
"Um… you told me about being a vampire while we were having dinner one night in Port Angeles. You had saved me from being attacked by random street thugs while I was there, too."
His face cleared. "Bella…" he whispered.
Edward was back again. "That was… quicker this time," I said in shocked amazement. He was still coming back to me, to us. I didn't want to interrupt it, so I didn't call Alice and Jasper over.
"I feel like I'm trapped inside, unable to break through the confusion. It's as if there are two sides of me; the one that doesn't remember anything before the kidnapping and the one who remembers being with you and loving you."
I swallowed with difficulty. "Edward…" I reached out and touched his cheek. "We want you back for good." He leaned into my palm.
"What do you remember?" I asked gently. "If there is any information on the Volturi, your family should know."
He frowned. "The person who did this to me is pure evil. He has no scruples whatsoever even compared to the rest of them. His power lies in his mind; he doesn't have to do anything except look at you to exert power over it and wear it down. What's even more disturbing is that he's able to do this to vampires. That makes him even more dangerous."
I couldn't believe Edward was here. He was really here. My delight warred with the trickle of icy fear in my veins at what he was saying.
"Bella, they're creating an army or something… it has something to do with a take-over, I think, and they want the strongest to fall in with them."
My heart beat faster at the idea of a stronger Volturi, one that had no qualms whatsoever, even in regards to the Cullen's. They had always respected Carlisle. My thoughts were interrupted by the desperation in Edward's. His hands found mine.
"Bella, it's slipping away," he whispered, his face close to mine.
I held on to him. "Edward, just focus on a good memory," I said desperately.
Desperation turned quickly to shocked surprise when Edward's lips met mine. I sucked in a gasp as memories flooded my mind, as his scent wrapped around me. I felt so many different emotions as he kissed me, and I barely had time to think. His lips were cold, smooth as glass, and he whispered that he loved me. My heart hurt as I fought to regain control and pulled away. Jake.
Edward had slipped away again and looked perplexed. I frowned, not knowing if I should say anything about the kiss; about how it was going to just confuse things and how it hurt in ways I wasn't sure I understood.
"Are you okay?" I asked instead.
"I just heard something. I think it was someone running."
Worry speared through me, but Edward didn't seem overly concerned, so I relaxed fractionally.
"Edward, we need to tell your family what you remembered," I finally said. I felt the urge to be inside and away from whatever Edward had heard.
After I told them, Carlisle rubbed a hand over his face. "This just sounds worse every time we get more news. I don't know why they would do this; I know they don't have our… caring for human life, but to screw with the vampire world this way? It's just going to create a disaster."
Emmett growled low in his throat. "I think it's time those assholes got taught a lesson."
Esme looked upset. "I wish it wouldn't come to this. I can't stand what it's doing to us."
As they began to ponder maneuvers, I drove home, antsy and needing a distraction.
*~*~*
JPOV
I found part-time work at a garage right outside of Forks. My boss in Hoquiam answered on the first ring when I called, and he gave me a good recommendation. I was hired, set to start work in a couple of weeks when one of the part-time guys' was meant to leave, and talked car parts with the boss for awhile.
It was a strange feeling talking this normal stuff when so much was happening that was not normal. I knew Bella was with the Cullen's today, so I set off for the garage and got really lucky. The owner of the shop was impressed with my knowledge. Once I left there, I headed for Sam and Emily's. Sam decided to have a meeting with the whole pack, just as a precaution. There was still no indication that the Volturi would come here if the Cullen's left the area, but all of us had stopped phasing for at least a year, so he wanted to keep things fresh.
My worry for Bella was more for her emotion well-being and sanity. If there was anything else to worry about, I would deal with it when the time came. When I got to their house, Emily had laid out lunch for all of us; it was still quite a feat. We may not be phasing, but we still had rather large appetites.
The counter was full of roast beef and turkey hoagies, bags of chips, plenty of fruit, and a cooler full of cans of soda.
"Hey Jake," Paul said amiably, slapping me on the shoulder. "It's actually good to see your ugly mug around here again."
I smirked. "Did you miss me, big guy?"
He tried to punch me, but I ducked away and hurried into the house, hearing his mutterings of how he really didn't. I just laughed and gave Embry a high-five. After a few punches and slaps on the back, we all settled down to eat the hoagies.
"Thanks for coming," Sam said. "Jake, I know you said that the vampire that can see the future hasn't made any indication that the Volturi will show up here, but I wanted to get everyone here just in case."
"There really is no word yet on how this is going down? They're going to follow the leech family?" Jared asked.
"As far as I know," I said. "Alice - the one who can see the future - hasn't seen them making any other decision."
"We haven't phased in awhile, so we could live our lives again. I just wanted to make sure everyone is on board if anything happens. A little practice fight training wouldn't hurt…just to be prepared."
"We're doing all this just because of a possibility that there might be danger?" Leah asked skeptically. She paced around the room, lifting Samantha when she woke from her nap and began crying.
Even though Leah was still a pain in the ass, it was nice to see that she had adjusted to Sam and Emily being together. She was also really good with Samantha as I watched her rock the baby slightly.
"It doesn't hurt to keep training," Sam said calmly. "It would help anytime, just in case. And if the Volturi is as bad as the Cullen's say, then I would feel better if we were all a little more prepared."
Paul jumped up, grabbing me in a pseudo-headlock. "I'm all for it! Let's go, punk."
I broke his hold and chased him outside. Everyone was keeping things light, I noted, and I was glad for that. Just as Bella needed some fun and stress-relief, I knew I did as well. Even if this was due to a serious matter, they made the re-training fun.
"Dude, I'm still stronger and faster than you," I teased as I threw and then pinned him to the ground.
He growled, gnashing his teeth at me, and I jumped back as he tried to kick my legs out from under me. I left Paul to stew in his irritation and instead tried to dodge Quil and Embry. We leapt and tackled, throwing fake punches, working on fighting techniques in our human form.
"Shit, that hurt!" Embry complained when Quil kicked him into a tree.
He retaliated with a punch that sent Quil careening by me. "Nice!" I said impressively.
I laughed when they both tackled me to the ground.
There wasn't much of a chance we would ever be in our human forms during a fight, but there was always that possibility. We were fast as humans and we worked on that, making ourselves stronger and better.
Once we were done, I checked the time. It was a little earlier than we planned, but I decided to head over to the Cullen's to get Bella. I waved to everyone and drove back into Forks. I parked and as I was walking toward the house, I heard a sound that I never wanted to hear. My eyes took in Bella from a distance, sitting in the truck with Edward, and they were kissing.
Everything inside me froze for a second. Then as the anger, fear, and pain hit me, I took off. As I flew through the trees, I catapulted into my car and raced away. Every instinct in me had wanted to go and pummel Edward into the ground for daring to kiss her, to kiss my Bella, but the insecurities pounded through me. I wanted to demand an explanation, but I was too scared to hear what she would say.
She had been so in love with him, obsessed with him, and she had to be falling under his spell again. I could barely think as I kicked up the gravel in my driveway as I parked.
I jumped out of the car, my body twitching and wanting to phase, as I paced around restlessly. I couldn't wait here; I just couldn't. I threw a few things into a bag and threw it into my car. I would just drive, give her some space…
I picked up a pad of paper and wrote her a note, and got into my car and just drove. I stopped once to call Embry. "Will you watch out for Bella? Make sure she's safe? And ask Quil to help you."
"What…?" he mumbled confused at my greeting. It sounded like he was eating.
"I need you to watch out for her. I'm serious. Make sure she's safe."
"Jake… what the hell? You know we will, but what's going on?"
"I'm leaving town for a little bit," I said calmly. The image of Bella's lips against Edward's shot through my mind and my stomach ached.
"What happened?" he asked quietly.
"I don't want to discuss it. Can you just do this for me? And let me know if anything changes."
"Okay," he said. "I know this is a girly thing to say, but you know you can call me if you need to get something off your chest."
I didn't even have it in me to harass him for that comment.
"Thanks. I'll be in touch."
I hung up and just stared sightlessly at the road ahead, driving until I realized I was back in Hoquiam. I drove to our apartment building, stared at the familiar sight. My stomach churned as I got out of the car and walked around the back of the building. I glanced up and saw Bella's hummingbird and butterfly feeder.
On a small sigh, I turned around and gazed at the bare garden. It used to be so full of life, full of things Bella liked to pick and cook. I wandered to the door, tempted to go inside, but I didn't really want to see the bare rooms. There was still furniture, maybe a few odds and ends, but nothing that showed our time here together.
It wasn't always good times, but the good far outweighed the bad. I loved being home with my brothers', but I truly missed living here with Bella and the time we spent together. It was an empty shell, and the grief battered at us without it. I trudged away from the building, driving by the marina where we rented paddle-boats, past the farmer's market where I would complain she took forever choosing the perfect fruits and vegetables, and past the bakery and garage where we both worked.
I ended up in the parking lot of the one bar I had been to - the sports bar where I had met Lindsay for our date. Inside I sat at the bar, unsure if I should try my luck and order a beer.
"What can I get ya?" the bartender asked as he set out a bowl of nuts.
I decided to go for it. I knew squat about beer, but I knew what Charlie and Billy drank. "Can I have a Rainier?"
He grabbed a can out of the cooler and handed it over. Huh, that was easy. I opened it and took a swallow. I remembered trying it with Embry and Quil a few years back and the taste hadn't really improved much, but I drank it anyway. I wandered back to the pool tables, shot a game with some guy whose name I didn't catch, and when I turned I saw Lindsay.
I blinked, wondering if alcohol could actually affect me. Apparently not, because she was heading toward me, and her slender arms were around my neck.
"Jake!" she exclaimed. "Wow, it's good to see you."
She hadn't changed much. Her hair was still that light brown with blonde highlights, but it now swung around her chin instead of her shoulders. Silver earrings poked through her hair, and she was wearing a pair of black pants and a purple top that draped open to expose her back. Her face was lit up in a bright smile as she pulled back to look at me.
I worked up a smile - it was good to see her after all - but with everything going on I wasn't feeling too sunny. I sat in a booth with her while I finished off my beer.
She scrutinized me with bright blue eyes. "You don't look so good, Jake. Are you okay? What are you doing back in Hoquiam anyway?"
I picked at the wings I had ordered. "Not really. I'm just... visiting for now," I said not really wanting to say anything. At least not here.
She frowned. "Are you staying longer than a day?"
When I nodded, she held out a hand. I furrowed my brow and stared at it. "Come on," she said lightly. "I'll go back to your apartment and hang out with you if you want..."
"I... don't really want to stay there right now," I said, feeling kind of stupid and embarrassed. She seemed so put together and content, and I felt like my world kept rocking on its axis, continuously throwing me off-balance. Why couldn't I have a normal life with Bella? Why did there always have to be drama and vampires involved?
She shrugged lightly, still holding her hand out. "Okay. We can go to my apartment and hang out there. If you want, you're welcome to stay a couple days or so."
I appreciated the gesture, and I wouldn't mind the company, so I followed her outside the bar. The drizzle had started up again, but summer was hanging on even as it got closer to fall, and it sizzled when it hit the sidewalk. I had almost forgotten; Bella's birthday was in a couple days. Her gift was in La Push, buried under a pile of clothes in our closet. The pain settled in my heart, and I swallowed back the lump trying to rise in my throat. I followed Lindsay to her place, anxious to just sit somewhere quiet and relax.
Inside her apartment, I noted all the little personal touches that reminded me of her. She had really had a thing for art, and she had black and white prints of different city streets scattered around, on the tables, on the walls. She had a bunch of plants perched on the windowsill and books, magazines, and quite a few coffee cups on the side tables.
As I wandered around, I noticed some of the beach photos that were framed looked familiar. "Are these yours?" I asked with some surprise.
She smiled, offered me a soda. "Yeah. I got a job at a local photography studio. They're doing a beach segment right now, so I've been traveling around Washington and getting specific shots. A few of them are published in their magazine, and I decided to frame some of them."
I grinned. "That's awesome, Linds. You look happy."
"I am. I've just started seeing someone, work keeps me busy; you know I still tinker with cars a little bit, too, when someone asks for my help." She smirked at me.
I snickered. "Nice. It's good seeing you happy."
She cocked her head at me as she perched on the couch, legs tucked up under her Indian-style. "You don't. Jake, what happened?"
I sighed, trailing a finger over the end table - which came away a little dusty - and sat next to her. "I'm not sure. I saw... something, and I sort of just took off."
"Something involving Bella?" she asked.
I nodded. "There's a lot of shit going on at home - and not much of it is good. Except for being with Bella and seeing my family. But she's been helping out her ex and, well, I saw them kissing."
Her eyes widened. "What? That's hard to believe... every time I've seen Bella, I could see how much she loved you."
"He's having mental flashbacks of sorts after what he went through, and it's a tenuous situation," I said lamely. I couldn't explain; the woman I was in love with was already embroiled in the danger, and I was helpless to stop it, so I would not drag anyone else into it if I could help it.
"That's… scary," she said frowning worriedly. "But Jake, not everything is what it seems. You should talk to her."
"Yeah," I mumbled leaning my head back onto the sofa. "I just… well, I'm afraid of what she'll say. She was in love with him, hell, she was engaged to him." I felt my cheeks heat in embarrassment.
She rubbed a hand over my shoulder. "Don't you dare be embarrassed admitting that. You know I always liked that about you; how open you are and not afraid to say something that most guys don't have the balls to."
I laughed wearily. "You look exhausted," she said. "It's late. I'll get your bed set-up."
I followed her upstairs and went into the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth with an extra toothbrush she had. When I came out, she was leaning against the doorjamb of the spare room.
She smiled softly. "Goodnight, Jake." She reached around me to give me a hug, and I did the same to her.
When she pulled back, I hesitated for a second, our lips close. I could see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, and I pulled back. I wouldn't be that guy. Lindsay was attractive, a good friend, but even though we had gotten closer than expected and still obviously felt that slight connection, I was in love with Bella. No matter what happened, I wouldn't retaliate by kissing Lindsay and screwing up my relationship with her or Bella, nor did I want to be responsible for any problems between her and her boyfriend.
"Sorry," I whispered.
She kissed my cheek. "You're hard not to love, Jacob Black." I smiled as she called me by my real name.
I slid into the bed, listening to her in the bathroom, and when I finally drifted off to sleep the only person that drifted through my dreams was Bella.
*~*~*
BPOV
I got a call from Quil asking me if I could get a ride home from my dad. I was surprised, especially since Jake was supposed to be picking me up. He seemed a little subdued and in a hurry to get off the phone, though, so I didn't bring it up.
Charlie was heading to our house anyway for dinner. He planned on grilling some steaks, and I was anxious to spend some time with him. With everything going on, I wanted to spend more time with my family and friends.
I called Charlie, and he agreed to come get me. When we pulled up to the house, I frowned when I saw Jake's car wasn't there. Where was he?
Charlie got the steaks out and got them on the grill while I prepared a salad and some baked potatoes. We had dinner together like old times. He questioned me about Edward and how things were going. I omitted the kiss, still kind of thrown off-balance by that.
"This was nice," Charlie said. "Kind of like old times, huh?"
I smiled as he was apparently on the same wave-length. "Yeah, it was. I'll be right back," I added as I hurried into the bedroom.
In the bedroom, I saw the note propped on my pillow. I picked it up and read:
Bells-
I know you still have some sort of unresolved feelings for Edward. I wasn't spying, but I came to the Cullen's earlier today to pick you up and saw you kissing him.
I decided to leave for a few days to clear my head and give you a chance to decide if he's what you want. Quil and Embry are keeping an eye on you and the situation, so don't worry. You're protected. I'll be in touch with them about what's going on, too, and I'll be back if anything comes about. Stay safe. I love you.
-Jake
I stared at the note in shock. He was gone? Where did he go? My legs were shaking, and I sat unceremoniously on the floor. My eyes burned with unshed tears. He saw Edward kiss me. I couldn't begin to imagine how that must have felt to him as I leaned my forehead on my knees. I wanted Jake to hold me, but he was gone.
Charlie came into my room after a hesitant knock. "Bells?"
He saw me on the floor and hurried over, checking me over. "Honey, what happened? Are you okay?"
"Jake's gone," I whispered. "He left."
His brow furrowed. "What? Bella, he wouldn't…"
"He saw Edward kiss me."
His eyes widened. "Edward kissed you?"
I just cast my eyes down.
"Honey, are you still in love with him?"
"My feelings are… confused… for him."
"Are you in love with Jacob?" he asked.
I nodded without hesitation. "Yes. Very much so."
"Then you'll go find him. Not tonight, though. Get some sleep and go find him tomorrow. It's not worth it to let the one you love slip away from you."
My eyes welled up again, and I nodded. I would. I would go after Jake. "Will you stay with me for awhile?" I asked quietly.
He nodded, kissing the top of my head. "Of course I will."
We sat on the couch, my head resting on his shoulder like a child. When he left, with a lot of hesitation and making sure I was okay, I peeked out the window. I could see the faint outline of two huge men nearby, watching me. I knew it was Embry and Quil; their eyes met mine and I could see the sadness on their faces. "Tomorrow," I mouthed. They both nodded.
I climbed into my bed, alone, pulling Jake's pillow against me. "Tomorrow," I whispered again. "I'll find you. You won't get away from me that easily. I love you."
*~*~*
AN: I know, I know! I'll try to make this brief… Jake isn't perfect either. He knows Bella extremely well, and they are much better at working things out, but this is his weak point. He's scared which is why he left. I promise this will be covered and resolved in the next chapter. I won't make you wait any longer than that! I think this needed to happen to get this issue to come to the surface, hence why I did it… and honestly, I would think Edward would try this because of his feelings for Bella. My intention was to put no fault on anyone involved.
And I have a O/S up in the "Just a Kiss" contest if you'd like to check it out. I don't think voting started yet, but I thought I'd let you know ahead of time. Link is: http:/www.fanfiction.net/u/2922402/Just_a_Kiss_Contest. And I posted a random O/S to my FFn/LJ acct - More Than Just Friends - if you'd like to check that out as well. Just something for fun! Thanks for reading my babble, if you did. ;-)
Chapter 30