the funny thing is.
Some people thin the only reason a person wants to be back with there ex is because there lonely, but that's not true. The only reason I'm lonely is because he's not here, it's him & only him that I feel lonely without. I havn't been whole since we broke up, it sounds funny but ever since that day I havn't been happy. And no matter how many time I had gotten my heart broken before him, it was never like this. I was always sad for a while then got over it, it never took this long and these feelings never lingered. Yes, for a year I pretended that I was fine, I didn't talk about it, I put it in the wayy back of my mind, but the truth is none of it ever went away. I think about the times when we where together, the fun we had, how he could always make me smile, even when I was sick. We would just hangout, and watch movies all the time, we didnt really have to do anything to have fun, because we where together. There arn't many movies I can watch now without thinkign of him ebcause we either watched them, where going to watch the, or talked about them.
And what's really funny is that people don't believe it. Yes, I broke up with him, I was ying to save myself that may never have happened, I broke my own heart but I've realized my mistake. I don't know if it's too late, he just won't tell me, he won't talk to me. I don't think anybody could know how I feel right now. It's complicated, but to love somebody and think about them all the time, and not talk to them, and know that they arnt thinking of you at all even though you always htink of them, and knowing they just dont care for you anymore, they just dont trust you anymore.. it's aweful. I wouldn;t even wish this upon my worst enemy.
I may be lonely, but thats not why I want to be with him, it's funny... I have been single alot, I never had any relationships last that long... But I love sumone.. and now that I do.. and everybody know it.. 6 guys have told me that they would like the chance to date me. 6 guys.. can you believe that? in the past 3-4 months 6 guys have told me that they like me.. they have for a while but they just never told me.. 6 guys.. thats strange.. But I don't liek any of them, I don't even talk to any of them, I just want one person. I just want the person that I have loved for a year an 1/2 back. That's all.. seems like a simple thing but it obviously isn't. I just want us to be us again. I just want him to trust me again, I want him to look at me that way again. This is so hard for me. 6 guys have told me they want to be with me.. I could have my pick of 6 guys, but I dont want any of the 6.. there my friends and I dotn want to hurt them but I have told them that I love somebody. I don't talk to them, I want to be with him not any of them. 6 guys and I want to be with soembody who doesnt even want to be with me. Well atleast thats how it seems. He may have said someday we can get back together but if thats true then why wont he talk to me? does he think it's funny to know that I cry every night? does he just want to hurt me the way I hurt him? Because I for one can say he's managed that and beyond. And if that's so I'm not mad at him for it, I deserve it. But I'm still a person with deep feeling and I don't think I should get the cold shoulder even if I do deserve it. It;s just.. he isn't that kind of guy. I know he isn't. Maybe some people would say he is, maybe he's that way to friends that have stabbed him in the back.. thats understandable.. but this is me we are talkign about. I just don't know why he;s doing this to me.. after all we've been throguh I just don't know why he;d do this to me. I mean once he loved me right? atleast he said so.. He's the only guy i really believed that he really did love me. He proved it to me over and over. And if he really did love me that intensly as I thought he did, then why is he beign like this? I know he needs time. But I would give anythign If he would just say one word to me.. just one.
This journal has become a way for me to just vent everything. nobody really reads this anyways except lissie. but if soemone is reading this.. just know this isnt meant for the whole world to see, I dont want that. I just dont know what else to do with myself and this is a great way for me to get stuff off my chest, it helps, I still ry but this helps. even though it's just the slightest bit, it helps.
And what's really funny is that people don't believe it. Yes, I broke up with him, I was ying to save myself that may never have happened, I broke my own heart but I've realized my mistake. I don't know if it's too late, he just won't tell me, he won't talk to me. I don't think anybody could know how I feel right now. It's complicated, but to love somebody and think about them all the time, and not talk to them, and know that they arnt thinking of you at all even though you always htink of them, and knowing they just dont care for you anymore, they just dont trust you anymore.. it's aweful. I wouldn;t even wish this upon my worst enemy.
I may be lonely, but thats not why I want to be with him, it's funny... I have been single alot, I never had any relationships last that long... But I love sumone.. and now that I do.. and everybody know it.. 6 guys have told me that they would like the chance to date me. 6 guys.. can you believe that? in the past 3-4 months 6 guys have told me that they like me.. they have for a while but they just never told me.. 6 guys.. thats strange.. But I don't liek any of them, I don't even talk to any of them, I just want one person. I just want the person that I have loved for a year an 1/2 back. That's all.. seems like a simple thing but it obviously isn't. I just want us to be us again. I just want him to trust me again, I want him to look at me that way again. This is so hard for me. 6 guys have told me they want to be with me.. I could have my pick of 6 guys, but I dont want any of the 6.. there my friends and I dotn want to hurt them but I have told them that I love somebody. I don't talk to them, I want to be with him not any of them. 6 guys and I want to be with soembody who doesnt even want to be with me. Well atleast thats how it seems. He may have said someday we can get back together but if thats true then why wont he talk to me? does he think it's funny to know that I cry every night? does he just want to hurt me the way I hurt him? Because I for one can say he's managed that and beyond. And if that's so I'm not mad at him for it, I deserve it. But I'm still a person with deep feeling and I don't think I should get the cold shoulder even if I do deserve it. It;s just.. he isn't that kind of guy. I know he isn't. Maybe some people would say he is, maybe he's that way to friends that have stabbed him in the back.. thats understandable.. but this is me we are talkign about. I just don't know why he;s doing this to me.. after all we've been throguh I just don't know why he;d do this to me. I mean once he loved me right? atleast he said so.. He's the only guy i really believed that he really did love me. He proved it to me over and over. And if he really did love me that intensly as I thought he did, then why is he beign like this? I know he needs time. But I would give anythign If he would just say one word to me.. just one.
This journal has become a way for me to just vent everything. nobody really reads this anyways except lissie. but if soemone is reading this.. just know this isnt meant for the whole world to see, I dont want that. I just dont know what else to do with myself and this is a great way for me to get stuff off my chest, it helps, I still ry but this helps. even though it's just the slightest bit, it helps.