ranting.. forgive me..
So I have realized that I made a huge mistake. I miss him, I love him, but he doesn't give a shit as to weather I where to live or die. Well maybe I wouldn't take it that far but that's how he's acting. So three weeks ago I let my true feeling out. I have been talking to his friend Ryan who I tell everything to so I told Ryan. Then a little while later I decided that Josh should know how I felt too, so I wrote him an e-mail, but he didn't get it until after Ryan had told him I wanted to talk to him and he IM'd me. He told me he doesnt hate me and blah blah, and he didn't get the hints so a few days later after we had hungout one day I told him how I felt and that I still liked him. He said that we would probubally get back together at soem point but just not right now.. then we hungout that night, and he hasnt talked to me since??? I wrote him a letter askign him to just tell me how he feels, if he doesnt want to be with me than just fuckin tell em so I dont have to sit here and wonder all the time. My heart is broken and I can't stop crying. I mean we stayed up til 3:30 AM talking online.. and had started talkign at 11 pm.. thats 4 1/2 HOURS!!! all we talked about was us and the past an everything, and he has just as good memories as I do and I don't get why he wouldnt want that again, but if he doesnt, atleats tell me why you know? I want to be with him, I miss him, I miss beign with him, I was so happy with him, until the end of it, and I know I played it out to be horrible blah blah but really i just broke up with him so I wouldnt get my heart broken, but its broken 2 times since then and I just want him back. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I just wish he would talk to me. I don't know if it has to do with me being away at school, or the fact that he may be going to jail for a little while? or soemthign else? I just want to know, is that such a big thing to ask for? I think not.. If it is any of those two reasons there are simple solutions, I'd coem home on weekends, every weekend, I'm only have 9 months of school left anyways.. thats really not that long, or ig it had to do with the jail thing.. I would visit him, I'd write him, he could call me, it wouldnt matter as long as we where together. Alot of you would probubally say he's probubally not worth it, but he is to me. He was just so much different than anyone I have been with before, and yes maybe he broke a few silly promises, but they werent a big deal, I overreacted many times, but I'm not like that anymore. I just don't get it.. I just wish he would tell me how he feels, somehtign, anything.. I could go on for hours but I won't.. I'm just so upset about it I dont know what to do with myself.
on a lighter note.. since I last written i've started cosmetology school, it's going great, just got out of freshman class, and once i'm done with my hours, witch should be in about 9 days, I will be eligable to work on clients! scary but it should be fun. I live in Bangor, just ac ouple hours from home, no biggie.
My sisters still rediculous, dumb bitch anyways, wrecked two more cars, what else is new? she may go to jail, but she always gets away with eveyrhting, if she went to jail my life would just be that much better. It would take me years to write all the stuff she has done just in the past few months..
well I guess that's it for now. Later days.
on a lighter note.. since I last written i've started cosmetology school, it's going great, just got out of freshman class, and once i'm done with my hours, witch should be in about 9 days, I will be eligable to work on clients! scary but it should be fun. I live in Bangor, just ac ouple hours from home, no biggie.
My sisters still rediculous, dumb bitch anyways, wrecked two more cars, what else is new? she may go to jail, but she always gets away with eveyrhting, if she went to jail my life would just be that much better. It would take me years to write all the stuff she has done just in the past few months..
well I guess that's it for now. Later days.