The Dalai Lama on Why I’m in the Middle of a Divorce
Originally published at Exponential. You can comment here or there.
From this speech he gave in Madison on July 19th.
“First of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion. Many forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and attachment. For instance, the love parents feel of their child is often strongly associated with their own emotional needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Again, in marriage, the love between husband and wife - particularly at the beginning, when each partner still may not know the other’s deeper character very well - depends more on attachment than genuine love. Our desire can be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be good, when in fact he or she is very negative. In addition, we have a tendency to exaggerate small positive qualities. Thus when one partner’s attitude changes, the other partner is often disappointed and his or her attitude changes too. This is an indication that love has been motivated more by personal need than by genuine care for the other individual.”
I think when we use the word “desire”, it can be equated to mean “desire for connection”. For a connection to someone else, striving to make positive what is negative. Striving to be supportive of growth. And being so enabling that you become smothering.