love is something you gotta earn
So I've been thinking about chivalry ever since my brother decided to be a jerk and get mad at me for my opinions on the matter. But thats just the thing, there is no reason to get mad. I think the problem is people who are all about chivalry aren't really hearing what i'm saying about it. Because my feelings towards chivalry are based on individuality. Its 3 basic things.
1) I feel disrespected when men are chivilrous towards me because i'm a woman
2) each woman in the world is her own self with her own opinions on chivalry
3) people should treat eachother the way that person wants to be treated.
I don't care what couples do for eachother. As long as nobody is being hurt physically or emotionally you can do whatever you want. I think that if a man is dating a woman and both of them believe 100% in traditional gender roles, then they should act within those roles. I really don't care.
I do, however, care about how I am treated. I don't like when men assume that they should do these things for me because i'm a woman. I don't like when people say "even though some woman say they don't like it, they do". I don't like when I am treated a certain way because of my gender.
I also believe in being polite. Holding doors for the people behind you, please and thank yous, watching out for the safety of your friends etc. I just don't think those things should be based on ones gender. If somebody is walking in an unsafe nieghboorhood, what difference does it make what gender they are? Bullets don't avoid men, muggers don't avoid men. People should walk together to be safe no matter what.
I also really don't like when my opinions are ignored. If a man assumes he should treat me a certain way, that is annoying but tolerable. If I then say to the man, please don't treat me that way, i feel disrespected and they continue to treat me like that then thats insane and hurtful. Please don't put me on a pedastal, or treat me like i'm fragile. Frankly, I can probably take care of myself better than a lot of my male friends.
I don't like when people try to make me feel bad for not wanting the man to treat me like that. "But think of how you're making him feel", "you're emmasculating him", "he needs to to that for you because it makes him feel good that he's is putting you above him". 1) why do i have to worry about how i'm making him feel? Why doesn't he worry about how he's making me feel? 2) masulinity shouldn't be based on lowering women. Also, its not my fault if you're not comfortable enough with your masulinity to treat me equally. 3) he is not putting me above him, he is putting me below him. Treating me like I need to be taken care of, like i'm fragile. I am not.
So, basically it comes down to this. If a man is around woman that like chivalry, he can be chivlarous. If a man is around woman that don't like chivalry, he should not.
Also, woman shouldn't be offended if a man is not chivalrous. Men have the right to decide how they feel about chivalry. Some men feel bad treating woman like that and shouldn't be forced into it.
I am not saying that all men should never be chivalrous towards woman, i'm saying that all people should be allowed to make their own decisions on how they want to be treated and treat others. And that people should respect a persons decisions.
1) I feel disrespected when men are chivilrous towards me because i'm a woman
2) each woman in the world is her own self with her own opinions on chivalry
3) people should treat eachother the way that person wants to be treated.
I don't care what couples do for eachother. As long as nobody is being hurt physically or emotionally you can do whatever you want. I think that if a man is dating a woman and both of them believe 100% in traditional gender roles, then they should act within those roles. I really don't care.
I do, however, care about how I am treated. I don't like when men assume that they should do these things for me because i'm a woman. I don't like when people say "even though some woman say they don't like it, they do". I don't like when I am treated a certain way because of my gender.
I also believe in being polite. Holding doors for the people behind you, please and thank yous, watching out for the safety of your friends etc. I just don't think those things should be based on ones gender. If somebody is walking in an unsafe nieghboorhood, what difference does it make what gender they are? Bullets don't avoid men, muggers don't avoid men. People should walk together to be safe no matter what.
I also really don't like when my opinions are ignored. If a man assumes he should treat me a certain way, that is annoying but tolerable. If I then say to the man, please don't treat me that way, i feel disrespected and they continue to treat me like that then thats insane and hurtful. Please don't put me on a pedastal, or treat me like i'm fragile. Frankly, I can probably take care of myself better than a lot of my male friends.
I don't like when people try to make me feel bad for not wanting the man to treat me like that. "But think of how you're making him feel", "you're emmasculating him", "he needs to to that for you because it makes him feel good that he's is putting you above him". 1) why do i have to worry about how i'm making him feel? Why doesn't he worry about how he's making me feel? 2) masulinity shouldn't be based on lowering women. Also, its not my fault if you're not comfortable enough with your masulinity to treat me equally. 3) he is not putting me above him, he is putting me below him. Treating me like I need to be taken care of, like i'm fragile. I am not.
So, basically it comes down to this. If a man is around woman that like chivalry, he can be chivlarous. If a man is around woman that don't like chivalry, he should not.
Also, woman shouldn't be offended if a man is not chivalrous. Men have the right to decide how they feel about chivalry. Some men feel bad treating woman like that and shouldn't be forced into it.
I am not saying that all men should never be chivalrous towards woman, i'm saying that all people should be allowed to make their own decisions on how they want to be treated and treat others. And that people should respect a persons decisions.