This is quite funny too
Bloody Love
Ross finished packing. Ever since Satan, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Ross had been dank.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing fisted him, all was cluttered. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a cauldron to become a dark potato.
Just then, there was a rusty knock at the door. Ross opened it and stood there angrily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his bum.
When Ross came to, Satan was holding his penis and looking throbbing. "My love," Satan said hotly, "I'm sorry for the pulsing shock. I've been shipwrecked on a shiny island for the last ten years, living like a nun being fisted with rusty nails. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hand in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Ross could hardly believe his Satan had returned. "I will always love you, hand or no hand. Besides, you can cover it up with a shoe."
They embraced seductively and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was filthy.