Talking about life...January 3rd
It's the New Year and I'm feeling great. Hello-o nine, goodbye two thousand and eight!
Sure, the New Year happened January first and it is January third right now, but I didn't think about making resolutions until today. Here are my resolutions for 2009.
1. Spend more time with myself. I have dozens of family members, hundreds of friends, thousands of children (not considered my family since they're all bastards), and billions of fans, but there is only one me.
2. Raise awareness. Do you know that millions of people do not know who Joe Samaniskowsky is? For the uninformed, Joe Samaniskowsky is over 300 years old (I don't know his exact age, but I do know that he bought the Mayflower from the pilgrims in America and sold the boat to Christopher Columbus who needed a way back to Spain from India).
3. Fix the economy. As an American, it is my patriotic duty to help the failing American economy. The first step is to inform the Secretary of Treasury that there is gold at the end of rainbow. Then the Secretary of Treasury convinces the military to give me good men and sexy women for a covert ops mission to steal rainbows from the terrorists and countries that America doesn't like until we have enough gold to pay off the National Debt and all the mortages!
4. Change careers. All my life I've wanted to be a journalist (which is why I made the livejournal in the first place). However, after seeing a video of a journalist being eaten by cannnibals, I have decided to become a hatemail writer and internet spammer.
5. Break a promise. So I promised this girl that I'd be with her forever, except I'm going to live forever and she's not and I don't want to hold hands with a corpse in 80 years, so I'm gonna have to tell her that sometime this year.
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Oh yeah so yesterday my friend said, "Your livejournal doesn't make sense."
And I was like, "Yeah because it makes dollars!"
And she said, "You're crazy."
And I was like, "For you!"
And then she said, "I love you."
And then I hugged her.
Sure, the New Year happened January first and it is January third right now, but I didn't think about making resolutions until today. Here are my resolutions for 2009.
1. Spend more time with myself. I have dozens of family members, hundreds of friends, thousands of children (not considered my family since they're all bastards), and billions of fans, but there is only one me.
2. Raise awareness. Do you know that millions of people do not know who Joe Samaniskowsky is? For the uninformed, Joe Samaniskowsky is over 300 years old (I don't know his exact age, but I do know that he bought the Mayflower from the pilgrims in America and sold the boat to Christopher Columbus who needed a way back to Spain from India).
3. Fix the economy. As an American, it is my patriotic duty to help the failing American economy. The first step is to inform the Secretary of Treasury that there is gold at the end of rainbow. Then the Secretary of Treasury convinces the military to give me good men and sexy women for a covert ops mission to steal rainbows from the terrorists and countries that America doesn't like until we have enough gold to pay off the National Debt and all the mortages!
4. Change careers. All my life I've wanted to be a journalist (which is why I made the livejournal in the first place). However, after seeing a video of a journalist being eaten by cannnibals, I have decided to become a hatemail writer and internet spammer.
5. Break a promise. So I promised this girl that I'd be with her forever, except I'm going to live forever and she's not and I don't want to hold hands with a corpse in 80 years, so I'm gonna have to tell her that sometime this year.
---
Oh yeah so yesterday my friend said, "Your livejournal doesn't make sense."
And I was like, "Yeah because it makes dollars!"
And she said, "You're crazy."
And I was like, "For you!"
And then she said, "I love you."
And then I hugged her.