Permie kick off event happening tonight!
I need some cheese to go with all the whine I've got. It's obnoxious to me, but perhaps only because various annoyances have been swimming 'round the brainball with no outlet for them. Hence, the blogging.
School:
So, I'm not doing near so terrible in my calculus class as I thought I was. I was frightfully sure that I was on my way to failing (a notion not at all discouraged by the fact that I have failed the first two quizzes). I have spent soo much time learning from 'net tutorials and spending time with my teacher. The class is half way finished, a 2nd test is due next week, and the class will only get harder. I will do what I can, and if I fail, I fail. There will be no execution upon receipt of a failing grade (my first). I just get the honor of taking it a 2nd time...somehow.
On that note, There are several different routes I could take in terms of my college career, but with the recent tuition increases and the the fact that I've been working towards a degree for far too long, my favorite plan, currently, is to take 4 classes a quarter, disappear out of the social realm and earn the bulk of my degree this academic year. My last 2 classes would be taken next fall and graduation to follow shortly after.
The Pro: I would be free to begin a career (in a terrible and possibly dying economy, no lie)
The Con: I would be a penniless student. (Thank providence for a husband that adores me and works hard), and I would be graduating into a degrading economy.
The way is fraught with disaster, but there is luck in being foolish. The reality is that i have drawn some tentative plans up for later use and will apply them as it benefits.
Tonight there's a permie kick-off event going on in Tacoma, and I was invited to come and give a testimony, so to speak. I'm down! Those were some amazing 8 months and intense learning. I would love to spread the joy around. So, I will head there.
Work is aggravating. Retail often is. Not the customers, but the co-workers who strive to impress upon me every little thing I missed and failed to do. And then assure me that it's not a personal attack. Well, sure it's not. I never said it is. The distaste comes from the fact that I don't call them out on every little thing they fail to do. I just fix it. We're human. We do the best we can and when we are given many tasks with no way to enforce things when they aren't done, it becomes aggravating - or, you just accept that they weren't done and you fix it. Every shift. EVERY time I step in the door. They can't do it without me, because they don't have the staff. But they're sure making the decision to leave the store and leave them in a lurch much, much easier.
I am looking forward to the management classes that are coming later this year. I look forward to gaining some skills and honing others to become a much better manager. I seem to be rough with the employee that works under me, though I work very hard to keep my tone gentle and my words encouraging, she still seems to feel that I am too hard on her. She's much older than I am, I have worked really hard for the last (too long) to show her that I work as hard as I ask her to. I have put a lot of energy into a place that doesn't give a damn about me or my efforts, except when the numbers come back and show how well I sell. I don't want to sell people or have my livelihood dependent upon whether or not I get one more customer to sign up for a credit card, especially when I'm against credit cards, personally. Oh, the ramble never ends.
I have ideas about the future..nice, vague ones that allow for life to throw bumps into them. Meanwhile, I am grateful for my friends and family. and the fact that my car is working again without too much money being lost into it. that's been a life saver and sadly less expensive than using mass transportation.
Ooh, thinking of friends, I had quite the busy social weekend - I went to a couple of drumming circles for the first time in a long time. The first was a bust, as far as music making goes. There were too many strangers and it turned into a lovely "getting to know you" social. lovely, but I really, really wanted to drum and sing my little heart out. Luckily for me, my girlfriend Phoenix held an impromptu drum circle the following night where we got such excellent rhythms and lovely singing going that I passed out with my soul uplifted for the first time in awhile. There are little joys and there are lasting joys and this was one of the many little joys. The next day I opened at work and thus my balloon was deflated a little, post haste.
why can't I keep the joy of those connections alive in the days to follow them? They are not that far and few between the rigors of daily life. My own life is well and stable. My husband is well and stable. It's only this working lark that brings us down. Must find a way to enjoy earning my keep or this life will be a hard one.
I am glad to have written my thoughts out. Maybe now I can just live life and enjoy the evening. It is tiring to plan. My mom says, "don't borrow trouble". I don't see it as borrowing trouble, so much as attempting to circumvent foreseeable problems. Perhaps a compromise is in order. I'm still seeking that balance.