Closure
Took mom out for Japanese Tapas in La Mission tonight. Kind of a hip place. We were excited because the place looked empty, but when we walked in every empty table had a little paper on them that said "RESERVED". FUCK.
So I walk up to the hostess look her in the eye, deepen the voice, and turn up the charm. She seats us in a table close to the bar and says we have it for 1.5 hours.
We walked past an empty table about 4 feet from the table the hosted directed to us.. I sensed there were people in back of us who were being seated at that empty
I took a seat and BOOM there she was. It's been 3 years but I knew her instantly. She looked great. She was always a pretty girl. She was skinnier than I remember. Hair was great. She wore high heels. She never wore high heels around me, but maybe she was trying to be a big girl now.
Her presence started fucking with my head. A quiet panic starts rising in my head. My heart started beating faster. The last time we saw each other in person I was screaming at her on some bullshit and she was crying.
Mom takes a call outside the restaurant. (Which never happens.) I try to center myself. I'm 31 now. Time to wear the big boy pants. I start taking deep breathes and slowly beginning to center myself. I also ask the waiter to give me a glass of the strongest sake available.
Slowly my mind steadies and I start analyzing the situation. In a flash, I see it. She knows I'm here.
Our part of the restaurant is pretty empty. She chose to sit with her back to me. Her companions are looking around the place in wonderment. She's the only one rigidly staring at one direction.
Get a grip dude. I try not to be a loser for once and actually be a human being. So I actually start focusing on the food and my company. It was ok. I enjoyed the chicken hearts. They were always a treat for me when I was a kid and I haven't had good ones since Espetus. Halibut Sashimi was on point.
Anyways mom talks about how she found a decent document shredding service. She's got tons of stuff to shred. She's pumped. I talk about the day. Mention that New Jersey is the second biggest residential Solar Market in the United States. You know. The good stuff.
I'm alone at the table again. Staring at some random point in space ahead of me. Sorta forgot about her, but she hasn't moved an inch. Then suddenly boom there it is. It lasted for one second but she turned around and looked straight at me. Like a stoic champ I maintain my gaze. She sees I'm still there and looks away. I smile to myself. I win.
I know it's petty, but I finally feel closure. More so than the ritual burning of all the stuff she gave me. I feel so relieved. I feel as light as a feather. I munch on the last beignet, help my mom with her bags, pay a 20% tip to the scenester wait staff and practically fly back home to Daly City.
So I walk up to the hostess look her in the eye, deepen the voice, and turn up the charm. She seats us in a table close to the bar and says we have it for 1.5 hours.
We walked past an empty table about 4 feet from the table the hosted directed to us.. I sensed there were people in back of us who were being seated at that empty
I took a seat and BOOM there she was. It's been 3 years but I knew her instantly. She looked great. She was always a pretty girl. She was skinnier than I remember. Hair was great. She wore high heels. She never wore high heels around me, but maybe she was trying to be a big girl now.
Her presence started fucking with my head. A quiet panic starts rising in my head. My heart started beating faster. The last time we saw each other in person I was screaming at her on some bullshit and she was crying.
Mom takes a call outside the restaurant. (Which never happens.) I try to center myself. I'm 31 now. Time to wear the big boy pants. I start taking deep breathes and slowly beginning to center myself. I also ask the waiter to give me a glass of the strongest sake available.
Slowly my mind steadies and I start analyzing the situation. In a flash, I see it. She knows I'm here.
Our part of the restaurant is pretty empty. She chose to sit with her back to me. Her companions are looking around the place in wonderment. She's the only one rigidly staring at one direction.
Get a grip dude. I try not to be a loser for once and actually be a human being. So I actually start focusing on the food and my company. It was ok. I enjoyed the chicken hearts. They were always a treat for me when I was a kid and I haven't had good ones since Espetus. Halibut Sashimi was on point.
Anyways mom talks about how she found a decent document shredding service. She's got tons of stuff to shred. She's pumped. I talk about the day. Mention that New Jersey is the second biggest residential Solar Market in the United States. You know. The good stuff.
I'm alone at the table again. Staring at some random point in space ahead of me. Sorta forgot about her, but she hasn't moved an inch. Then suddenly boom there it is. It lasted for one second but she turned around and looked straight at me. Like a stoic champ I maintain my gaze. She sees I'm still there and looks away. I smile to myself. I win.
I know it's petty, but I finally feel closure. More so than the ritual burning of all the stuff she gave me. I feel so relieved. I feel as light as a feather. I munch on the last beignet, help my mom with her bags, pay a 20% tip to the scenester wait staff and practically fly back home to Daly City.