2005.....
recap on 05
ahh, it has been some time since i have touched my live journal. probably around a year now. but i would like to recap on 05
the year stared off on a good note right away. new years last year was memeoriable, or should i say 2 years ago now? lol
then i had my share of ups and downs a long the way. this time last year seems so long ago, more than just a year ago. maybe its because i have changed a lot over 05, to who i am now.
i feel like im constantly challenged, and always have a hardship in my life i have to deal with and cope with. i honestly wouldnt mind a break, and to have it easy for a little while.
sometimes im thankful that i havent had it easy in the past however. i feel like im more ahead of the game so to speak than others, just because when your challenged you learn more about life and have a deeper understanding, that someone who hasnt lived and learned cant comprehend. its my way of looking on the bright side of what negitve i have experienced. at least its kept me humble and a good person i would like to think.
i find myself sick of the people i hang out with, sometimes. its not that i dont love all my friends it just seems everyone is shady these days. i dont know what this world is coming to. i think a negitive aspect of myself when dealing with others is that i need to talk about things, and resolve things. maybe that is some sort of unresolved issue i have, with things feeling unfinsihed. but i hate, and i mean hate..people being mad at me. i need to be able to understand why? i feel like if i know, i can be a better friend. but a conclusion i made the other day is that i need to stop pleasing everyone else , and be happy with who iam first. a very hard task to accomplsih however.
on the realtionship portion to my life. 05 has been a learning experience. i have met many assholes, and just many different types in general . finding someone who means something has been quite frustrating. getting let down has been the story to my life for a while. it seems guys are unreliable and enjoy making girls feel like crap. what ever happended to the classic gentlemen? take you on a real date, to a resturant and open your door. a guys definition of a date these days is hook up. i stopped caring about every realtionship i was in. i didnt really let myself feel or get expectations, for then i could be let down. BUT despite thinking i would never find somebody in high school, i may have. i always brushed myself off and got back up after every disspointment, and continued to think ..my day would come. and in some strange way, i feel like it has. there is this boy and hes been absoulutly amazing to me. we started out best friends quote un quote, but yeah? that didnt last. many people called it before i even saw it, and said kayla your like in love with him. and for some reason i denied it and convinced myself i didnt feel that for him. and we just recently started going down the path of more than friends. hes my gentlemen. on last friday he took me to key western for dinner, classy i know. he makes me feel safe, and takes care of me. what i need =/. i trust him, and that is probably the best compliment i could give anyone. i think he scares me though, because for a while i stopped caring or letting myself get attached , almost puttin up a wall. and this boy has major potintal to hurt me if i let him in, past this wall i have built. i want to though, but its so hard. i denied having feelings for him to myself cause it scares me. my emotions for him are way strong, i feel like running. but i continue to see him often and feel safe in his arms. hes treats me good, and is nice to me? i dont know..but thas hard to find these days. guys are asses. period.
he gave me the best compliment i have ever recieved so far. i asked, "does your mom like me?" and he said .." yes my mom likes you, she says you make me a happier person." =)That right there, is the best compliment to me. To be able to make someone a happier person and have a postive impact on there life, is very rewarding to me. if i could make anyones life better, it would make me happy to know that. =)
its funny how my recap of 05..slowly turned to me talking about this boy. despite my negivite year, in which i could be complaining about , and feeling sorry for myself about. im only seeing the postive of how it ended. wow
he seems to make me forget everything ive been through.
well then, to end it . 05 was a hard year, but i cant complain it sure as hell was better than 04. which is almost sad to say.
but 06 here i come, maybe..just maybe ill get my break. =)
kayy
p.s.- HOLY SHIT that is long . SORRY guys!
ahh, it has been some time since i have touched my live journal. probably around a year now. but i would like to recap on 05
the year stared off on a good note right away. new years last year was memeoriable, or should i say 2 years ago now? lol
then i had my share of ups and downs a long the way. this time last year seems so long ago, more than just a year ago. maybe its because i have changed a lot over 05, to who i am now.
i feel like im constantly challenged, and always have a hardship in my life i have to deal with and cope with. i honestly wouldnt mind a break, and to have it easy for a little while.
sometimes im thankful that i havent had it easy in the past however. i feel like im more ahead of the game so to speak than others, just because when your challenged you learn more about life and have a deeper understanding, that someone who hasnt lived and learned cant comprehend. its my way of looking on the bright side of what negitve i have experienced. at least its kept me humble and a good person i would like to think.
i find myself sick of the people i hang out with, sometimes. its not that i dont love all my friends it just seems everyone is shady these days. i dont know what this world is coming to. i think a negitive aspect of myself when dealing with others is that i need to talk about things, and resolve things. maybe that is some sort of unresolved issue i have, with things feeling unfinsihed. but i hate, and i mean hate..people being mad at me. i need to be able to understand why? i feel like if i know, i can be a better friend. but a conclusion i made the other day is that i need to stop pleasing everyone else , and be happy with who iam first. a very hard task to accomplsih however.
on the realtionship portion to my life. 05 has been a learning experience. i have met many assholes, and just many different types in general . finding someone who means something has been quite frustrating. getting let down has been the story to my life for a while. it seems guys are unreliable and enjoy making girls feel like crap. what ever happended to the classic gentlemen? take you on a real date, to a resturant and open your door. a guys definition of a date these days is hook up. i stopped caring about every realtionship i was in. i didnt really let myself feel or get expectations, for then i could be let down. BUT despite thinking i would never find somebody in high school, i may have. i always brushed myself off and got back up after every disspointment, and continued to think ..my day would come. and in some strange way, i feel like it has. there is this boy and hes been absoulutly amazing to me. we started out best friends quote un quote, but yeah? that didnt last. many people called it before i even saw it, and said kayla your like in love with him. and for some reason i denied it and convinced myself i didnt feel that for him. and we just recently started going down the path of more than friends. hes my gentlemen. on last friday he took me to key western for dinner, classy i know. he makes me feel safe, and takes care of me. what i need =/. i trust him, and that is probably the best compliment i could give anyone. i think he scares me though, because for a while i stopped caring or letting myself get attached , almost puttin up a wall. and this boy has major potintal to hurt me if i let him in, past this wall i have built. i want to though, but its so hard. i denied having feelings for him to myself cause it scares me. my emotions for him are way strong, i feel like running. but i continue to see him often and feel safe in his arms. hes treats me good, and is nice to me? i dont know..but thas hard to find these days. guys are asses. period.
he gave me the best compliment i have ever recieved so far. i asked, "does your mom like me?" and he said .." yes my mom likes you, she says you make me a happier person." =)That right there, is the best compliment to me. To be able to make someone a happier person and have a postive impact on there life, is very rewarding to me. if i could make anyones life better, it would make me happy to know that. =)
its funny how my recap of 05..slowly turned to me talking about this boy. despite my negivite year, in which i could be complaining about , and feeling sorry for myself about. im only seeing the postive of how it ended. wow
he seems to make me forget everything ive been through.
well then, to end it . 05 was a hard year, but i cant complain it sure as hell was better than 04. which is almost sad to say.
but 06 here i come, maybe..just maybe ill get my break. =)
kayy
p.s.- HOLY SHIT that is long . SORRY guys!