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[someone has been cooped up for the first two days of a five-day vampire toll. He no longer has the urge to eat things without provocation, but he's not happy about it either. Namely because.]
Once you hit a certain point in life you cut down on certain things you like. You don't spend all evening watching late night movies, you don't get drunk at 11 am. Hell, I had a buddy of mine who had an ulcer so bad he couldn't eat anything spiced-at all. The guy loved his hot wings.
There it is. My big vice.
[killing does not count as a vice dammit.] Food. I like food. So I'm fat.
I was fat. I've been working on that. However it really takes somebody being on a diet or somebody being unable to eat anything. Actually unable to eat anything.
You know what my favorite food is? White chocolate cake with strawberry filling. If you go to a really fancy place on 6th street they shave white chocolate all over it. They make a coating and it is delicious.
Steak is a must. Vampire, alien, giant tele-fucking-tubby? I bet you have all had steak. The best steak is always chicken fried with gravy. Let no man tell you different.
The most delicious food however, the god-given sanctified fucking manna from heaven? Tailgate food. Things you watch while watching football, baseball, hockey, or rugby. Potato wedges, onion skins, pickles deep fried, bacon-all of it. Mixed together. Out of all of it? Two things. Hot wings. Deep fried smothered in classic Frank's red hot sauce with bleu cheese dressing. Don't dress it with ranch dressing, that's what pussies do.
I went to this really high class tailgate when I was in the academy with a girl who was going to compete on iron chef. Deep fried bacon and asparagus. She cooked it in garlic.
And then out of all of it? Pizza. No, you haven't eaten pizza until you have had pizza on the east coast of the United States. Meat lovers. Hand smoked sausages and pepperoni-extra pepperoni and sauce from Polero's on 23rd street. Best. In the City.
Whatever anybody thinks of anything. We all eat. So what are your favorite foods? Anything. Desserts in particular.
And can someone let me out now? I'm fine.
[This post might sound a bit sad and slightly desperate for a number of reasons. Hoffman is still a vampire, so he can't do anything but drink blood. Chances are he picked up something about food in one of his books and then bam. Nourishment needed. Except. He can't.]
[Private to Dracula]
...I am truly sorry I taunted you with ice cream. And I have a question for you.
Once you hit a certain point in life you cut down on certain things you like. You don't spend all evening watching late night movies, you don't get drunk at 11 am. Hell, I had a buddy of mine who had an ulcer so bad he couldn't eat anything spiced-at all. The guy loved his hot wings.
There it is. My big vice.
[killing does not count as a vice dammit.] Food. I like food. So I'm fat.
I was fat. I've been working on that. However it really takes somebody being on a diet or somebody being unable to eat anything. Actually unable to eat anything.
You know what my favorite food is? White chocolate cake with strawberry filling. If you go to a really fancy place on 6th street they shave white chocolate all over it. They make a coating and it is delicious.
Steak is a must. Vampire, alien, giant tele-fucking-tubby? I bet you have all had steak. The best steak is always chicken fried with gravy. Let no man tell you different.
The most delicious food however, the god-given sanctified fucking manna from heaven? Tailgate food. Things you watch while watching football, baseball, hockey, or rugby. Potato wedges, onion skins, pickles deep fried, bacon-all of it. Mixed together. Out of all of it? Two things. Hot wings. Deep fried smothered in classic Frank's red hot sauce with bleu cheese dressing. Don't dress it with ranch dressing, that's what pussies do.
I went to this really high class tailgate when I was in the academy with a girl who was going to compete on iron chef. Deep fried bacon and asparagus. She cooked it in garlic.
And then out of all of it? Pizza. No, you haven't eaten pizza until you have had pizza on the east coast of the United States. Meat lovers. Hand smoked sausages and pepperoni-extra pepperoni and sauce from Polero's on 23rd street. Best. In the City.
Whatever anybody thinks of anything. We all eat. So what are your favorite foods? Anything. Desserts in particular.
And can someone let me out now? I'm fine.
[This post might sound a bit sad and slightly desperate for a number of reasons. Hoffman is still a vampire, so he can't do anything but drink blood. Chances are he picked up something about food in one of his books and then bam. Nourishment needed. Except. He can't.]
[Private to Dracula]
...I am truly sorry I taunted you with ice cream. And I have a question for you.