45~

[expectremorse]

My sister liked movies. Good movies, not the fucked up ones

Comments

[Private]

[most_feared]

Yeah, I have.

Honestly, I still think you have something. But I'm not going to deny it's a damn hard time to live without someone that important to you.

[Even if he cheated and made himself forget, and never figured out for years why it hurt so badly.]

[Private]

[expectremorse]

[He's just quiet for awhile.]

I was deluding myself into thinking that I could live without her. Without somebody who mattered. It-

Surprisingly though, it wasn't her I was thinking of when I wrote this.

[Private]

[most_feared]

Well, if you wanna talk about who it was, I actually have been listening. But only if you want to.

You're never gonna live without her. Not really. She's branded herself on you ten times harder than John ever thought of doing.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

I'm-

[Oh god. Can you say things like this?]

You ever go to sleepaway camp?

[Private]

[most_feared]

Nope. But I know what they are.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

I might be missing home.

[Private]

[most_feared]

But home as you remember it.

No. That makes sense. I miss home, too. Even if I can go back. I got work to do and I miss it.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

...That girl-Buffy. She was drinking. My sister always used to come and get me when I was swimming in the shit but...

[Nostalgic?]

I miss Angelina, I miss being a cop, I fucking-all of it. I blame those stupid movies.

[Private]

[most_feared]

She sounds like she did a good job of helping keep you from embarrassing yourself.

But this place doesn't give you much of a homey feel. You don't need to feel bad about being homesick, especially not here. Even if you feel like you haven't got anything to go back to, you still sound like you've got a lot, or at least a lot that you can work for.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

You know what's funny?

I'm starting to feel that way. I really truly am. Not...

[Quiet] I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it's there. It's actually there. I mean if I could, I could rehabilitate...

I'm thinking ahead. How about that.

[Private]

[most_feared]

The shoe is going to drop. The shoe always drops. Every damn day is a rain of goddamn shoes.

It's not worth throwing away a good future for. Especially a future where you can stop that shit from happening to someone else, and feel damn proud you did just because you managed to beat it and had the license and recognition to do so.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

[weak laugh]You know? Why not? Amanda's left me alone-I have a good warden-maybe I could actually go back. People might...

This could all flip in a heartbeat.

[Private]

[most_feared]

It could. Look at these bullshit floods that happen. It could. Lying to you would be a disservice.

But when you're in a hostile environment, don't you need to be ready to handle everything with precision and tact? You fuckin' survived Harlem for a good long time, and I know what happens there.

Re: [Private]

[expectremorse]

Harlem. I survived that, I survived the court system, I survived being a cop..

Didn't survive Jigsaw.

If the admiral decides that guy is worth rehabilitation Kay, I don't care what any of you say I'm going to kill him. Fuck Amanda, that man deserves to die.

[Private]

[most_feared]

[Welp. At least he mad it this far.] Let's just see how that other shoe hangs for a while before we start making murder plans, huh?

[Private]

[expectremorse]

[sad to say. Hoffman shakes it off]

I think I might try and convince Parker we need Hot dogs.