Three for One
As an American living in Austria, I find that I am really living in two worlds. One is Austria, land of Apple Strudel and Mozart, and the other is that of the Turkish immigrants in Austria (my fiancé is Turkish). The two interact, of course. The Turkish must enter the Austrian world for work and school, and often find that their children have turned out much more Austrian than Turkish in their tastes for entertainment, foods, and lifestyles. And the Austrians occasionally choose to enter the Turkish realm, either to savor the cultural delicacies or to join in on some sort of social work. But for the most part, both sides tend to keep to themselves with many immigrants preferring their own culture and its close knit ways, and learning very little about their new land as a result, and many Austrians preferring to sit around and rue the day that the Turks ever arrived in. Even to the point of created hypothesis that one day the Turks would be the end of the Austrian race. I am the odd one out, with family on both sides of this divide (my mother is Austrian), and as a new mother, I am facing the difficult task of having to bridge all three cultures so that I may introduce them in someway to my daughter. So I have found myself dancing at many a Turkish wedding and struggling with the Turkish language, all the while trying reign in my manners for my Austrian family and drink as many melanges and white wine spritzers as I possibly can. I almost go gaga trying to remember the words for Turkish folk songs, and do my best to remember all known works Mozart ever wrote. I learn the theology behind the Alevi branch of Islam, and visit churches trying to reconnect with my lost Catholic heritage. And all the while, I think that I am missing the very essence of both cultures. I am going through all the motions, but I have this fear that I am always going to be an outsider, watching through a window and taking notes in the hopes that if anyone ever let me inside, then maybe, just maybe I will fit in. And what if my daughter ends up being an outsider as well? Am I the only one that is stressed out by this?