the collective makes my stomach turn

[expanding_x_man]

I have some kind of deep aversion to collectivism, to "community" if you will, even though I am, from one side of my family, part of an actual, real-life tribe. I mean, an American Indian tribe, or First Nations as we are called up north - Blackfoot, Blood or Kainai band. Still, something in me just cannot stand the actual collectivist idea. There is an idea that Plains Indians are very individualistic. We had those visions quests that were solitary and the visions were unique. People bragged about war exploits... But tribes are also claustrophobic, like small towns, and I experienced a bit of that too, even if I did not grow up on the reserve. My father, remember, is not from there.

I'm not sure how being Indian, even half, relates to this anti-collectivist feeling. I don't know if that is part of it... or just the fact that I see through it. I don't have illusions. Possibly, it has nothing at all to do with it.

As an LGBT person, I am also uneasy, while I enjoy a lot of what goes with 'community", the celebrations in the park, and so on -- I also just have never felt wholly a part of any community in a way that was comfortable. I mean, I don't feel the love. I often feel the distrust, the acrimony, the pressure to conform. I do not like to conform.

I guess this explains quite a bit about my political proclivities, and how they have developed in time. More than I will say here... I am just putting it out there.

The collective reminds me of a hive mind. Stomach turning... insect like... in the worst sense... the group mind...