my confession
this is hard to say but it needs to be said and i'm finally ready to say it.... i've been hurt so badly by so many people. it seemed the madness wouldn't end unless i ended it and the only way i knew how to end it was to end my own life. i've had 3 suicide attempts over the last 4 years and i wear 7 scars from self-mutilation. did you know that? it's taken me years to say that to the public. i guess i can say that because i'm getting better. every time i fell short or something went wrong i'd make my body feel the pain i felt in my mind. i believe that's a cutter's reason. they want to physically feel the hurt they feel in the heart, mind, and soul. and when you're doing it you're so consumed with anger that your body is almost numb and you don't notice the damage you're doing. when you feel like nothing in your life could ever go right, the pain isn't pain at all to you. i've finally realized how bad these habits are and i'm breaking them. it hasn't been easy, i still have days when something will go terribly wrong and i wanna give in. but i'm fighting it....maybe this entry will explain a lot about me and my ways...and please, if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all.