(no subject)
I woke up early this morning as promised. I couldn’t open the gate and was almost attacked by a spider (after i accidentally destroyed his home) so no bike ride.
So i got dressed and went to the lake. I was half way into my mile and a half, when I realized that it was about 6:50 AM, that I was wearing my machamp shirt, and that I was at the lake (late realization, yes) and that it was thursday. a very particular thursday. the twelve. steve died two months ago. when he died, i named my machoke after him. he’s a great pokemon, and i leveled him the most, minus my starter pokemon. and walking in the sand in the dark in the forest surrounding the lake he died in, i started to cry. i cried so much but not a single tear came from me… my face was dry but i still felt the saddest associated with the imaginary tears. the biggest irony, the place, the day, the plan, and the shirt. i miss you. when i enter the band hall i feel like you should be there, but you’re not. we all miss you. i hear the trumpet sectional but i don’t hear you. it hasn’t felt like two months. happy birthday. goodnight, sweet prince.
and after destroying four more spider’s nests while stumbling through the dark, my only good morning by a sweet, courteous stranger in the dark, hardening the callouses on my feet, i saw the bright red sun rise over the trees and onto the lake, and into my fragile eyes. i chased the sun to the point where it shined the most direct and the strongest within the trees and stood there feeling the raw magenta light warm my skin. at that moment i realized it was you and its gonna be okay. life felt beautiful at that moment. i felt warmed beyond a topical level. i realized that when the inside feels ugly and deformed, the world on the outside is where you can find the beauty and perfection. when you smile the world smiles with you.