post #21

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[fill: look me in the eyes, tell me all your lies] iii

[anonymous]

+

jongin picks sehun up from his apartment on the night of august 22nd. he grabs sehun's hand in his own and puts it over the stick shift, then covers it with his own hand. sehun looks at him quizzically, but jongin offers no explanation.

he doesn't really have one at this point.

"happy two month anniversary," sehun says softly, running his thumb along the inside of jongin's pinky. "what should we do?"

jongin cannot say, stay at my home where you are safe and no harm can come to you. he wants to, but he doesn't want sehun to live in his constricting fear forever. he wants sehun to dream as though he'll live forever, and live as though he'll die the very next day.

"we can stay at home if you want," sehun says, as though understanding the conflict written across jongin's features. "you seem very tired lately, i don't want to push you."

"is that okay with you? truly?"

sehun slants him a smile. "we'll be together, so it is okay."

+

august 23rd comes sluggishly and without fanfare, and jongin wakes in the morning to sehun's fluttering eyelids in his face. he feels too hot and the air con seems to have shut off on its own, so he throws back the covers and stalks across his room naked to turn it back on.

sehun wakes up and jongin follows him everywhere--the kitchen, the living room, the shower. they spend a lot of time in the shower and in the end they're rinsing off in lukewarm water and sehun is still giggling, jongin's legs still weak. evening comes quickly and easily in the late summer day and as the clock strikes seven, jongin leans across the couch and grabs sehun's face so he can kiss him.

they don't fuck. jongin is scared that will cheapen this, this feeling of sehun's mouth against his and this little thing called love. sehun smiles against his mouth.

"hey," he says, breaking away, "can i suggest something?"

"what?"

"can you go grab some ice cream?"

jongin snorts. "what, and you're just going to wait here, princess?"

"mhmm," sehun hums happily.

"not a chance in hell," jongin says, passing it off with a grin. he doesn't let the fear bubble to the surface, and he's not letting sehun out of his sight for more than a minute. "you're coming with me."

"i don't want to."

"please?"

the change of tone in jongin's voice seems to snag onto something in sehun's consciousness, and his smile fades a little. he nods, grabbing jongin's hoodie from the couch because the night is cold.

they have five hours to midnight.

+

jongin drives with one hand on the wheel and one hand on sehun's hand on the stick shift. beside him, sehun fiddles with the radio station, switching from bubblegum pop to trot to american mainstream to obnoxious rap.

"can you decide on something?" he asks at a traffic light.

"can't," sehun says. "everything sucks balls, man, like, worse than you do."

"i am never fucking you again."

i really won't.

"we'll see," sehun says salaciously.

a pause settles between them like dust. for a moment there is only white noise when sehun flicks to a station that has no signal, and it comes spilling out like water from a dam.

"i love you. i love you forever. i need you to remember that. i wish i had looked into your eyes more."

the light turns green, and jongin steps on the gas. sehun is a little disoriented, but jongin hears his voice, white and soft.

like wind.

like the rush he has in his ears before the universe contracts into a pair of headlights.

"i lo--"