post #36
TL;DR RULES
1. post anonymously unless linking to a fill posted somewhere else
2. use the subject line to indicate pairing (in alphabetical order using stage names i.e.baekhyun/chanyeol) prompt details go in the comment.
3. use necessary content warnings
4. do not embed on meme. link to images/videos. label nsfw content.
5. do not repost prompts ( Read more... )
1. post anonymously unless linking to a fill posted somewhere else
2. use the subject line to indicate pairing (in alphabetical order using stage names i.e.baekhyun/chanyeol) prompt details go in the comment.
3. use necessary content warnings
4. do not embed on meme. link to images/videos. label nsfw content.
5. do not repost prompts ( Read more... )
Which is true, and there’s something resounding about those two words that makes Kyungsoo’s heart clench because he is supposed to be Baekhyun’s friend and he can’t even help Baekhyun when he’s ‘sad’. He can’t even figure out why and that’s like a huge punch in the face. He’s torn between feeling ‘needed’ and ‘not knowing’, as if there’s a door separating them and it’s taunting him because he just needs to find the right key to get through.
Baekhyun skips dinner, mumbling that he’s ‘not hungry’ and Kyungsoo knows that’s Baekhyun’s way of saying he’s ‘sad’, and there’s a mutter that bubbles through the members of Alright and More food for us then! and he doesn’t know if it’s ignorance or denial. Baekhyun locks himself in the room he shares with Chanyeol and he doesn’t come out all night, and Chanyeol stays with Wufan instead because Joonmyeon tells him to stay out of Baekhyun’s way until tomorrow but he doesn’t say anything when Kyungsoo carefully knocks on Baekhyun’s door twice and calls softly for him.
Baekhyun opens the door with a sniffle and quickly pulls Kyungsoo inside, twisting the lock again. His bedsheets are crumpled and his pillow is soaked with a big wet patch of ‘crying’ and ‘sadness’. It’s very ‘lonely’ and ‘sad’ and ‘quiet’ in this room and it’s a natural instinct that when Baekhyun trails back to his bed and flops down, curling into a ball, he follows and opens his arms wide to encircle Baekhyun inside.
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Kyungsoo thinks that Baekhyun is fragile. Baekhyun is a fragile boy with ten fingers and ten toes and a glass heart and he thinks that if Baekhyun lets himself become too human then his beating heart will go thump thump thump crack smash, and he knows that Baekhyun knows this himself. Baekhyun hides himself behind the carefully constructed walls of his smile and his eyes and his voice because he’s scared that if he doesn’t, he’ll ‘break.’
Baekhyun isn’t Sehun. A hug doesn’t fix things. He isn’t Zitao, who just cries and cries and doesn’t know how to do anything but, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to deal with him.
“Do you want me to stay?” Kyungsoo asks quietly, voice muffled in the sweet strawberry scent of Baekhyun’s hair.
Baekhyun fists his hand in Kyungsoo’s sweater tighter and lets out a whimper. “I-“ he says, “I don’t know.”
“Do you want me to go?” Kyungsoo asks.
Silence, and then, “No.”
Kyungsoo stays.
It isn’t much and it isn’t very helpful but he stays with Baekhyun anyway, all throughout the night with their legs tangled together and Baekhyun’s face pressed into his chest because even if he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say, being ‘there’ for Baekhyun and being there when he’s ‘needed’ is enough.
-
Kyungsoo isn’t Baekhyun’s best friend but Chanyeol is so that’s why Kyungsoo corners him the next day in their quick ten minute break during practice.
“There’s something wrong with Baekhyun,” is what he says, bluntly, stomping on Chanyeol’s foot because he sometimes doesn’t ‘get’ stuff as well as other people. He’s smart in the way that he’s a logical thinker and knows how to time his touches on Baekhyun’s arm to get the fans screaming; when it comes to this though, he’s dense.
Chanyeol lets out a yelp that breaks his conversation with Wufan and turns to Kyungsoo. Simultaneously they both look over to Baekhyun where he’s standing together with Yixing and Luhan and they’re laughing about something together.
“He looks fine to me,” says Chanyeol, shrugging.
“Well, he isn’t,” Kyungsoo snaps, and it comes out a lot more irritable that he intends. Chanyeol looks affronted for a second and even Wufan pauses midway his sentence with Zitao to raise an eyebrow at him. Kyungsoo cowers. “Sorry. Just-just ask him if he’s alright.”
“If you say so,” Chanyeol says, “but he likes you better,” and something like ‘pride’ swells inside Kyungsoo’s chest.
“Just-please,” Kyungsoo says.
Chanyeol gives an exasperated sigh and leaves, going over to tap on Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun turns; Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun’s eyes flick over to him and his face changes into a bright grin, concealer hiding the dark circles and puffy red bags underneath his eyes, and Kyungsoo makes out an I’m fine and a Kyungsoo and a Stop worrying. Chanyeol returns in under thirty seconds with a smartass smile on his face and says, “I told you.”
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Nothing’s the same anymore because ‘later,’ Baekhyun pulls him into his room again after being shut in there for the past half hour since they arrived back to the dorm and the entire space reeks of alcohol and ‘hurt’ and subdued sea-salt of tears permeating the air. He giggles and falls backwards onto his bed, tipsy and dizzy, and Kyungsoo copies, letting Baekhyun rest his head on his chest and feel his heartbeat thumping against his ribcage.
“I think you are drunk,” Kyungsoo says. “Lightweight.”
“I think I might be, just a little bit,” Baekhyun laughs quietly. “Shh, don’t tell anyone though! It’s a secret.”
“Baekhyun, you-“
“Shh, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun interrupts. “You’re being loud.”
“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says. “Are you okay?”
Baekhyun hesitates; bites his lip, tries to keep the ‘sad’ out and the ‘happy’ in but he can’t. “Yes,” he says but he looks like he doesn’t really believe himself and Kyungsoo thinks that he doesn’t either.
“It’s okay to be sad, you know,” says Kyungsoo. “It’s okay to cry, sometimes, if you really want to. It’s not weak to cry or to be sad.”
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“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says.
“Haven’t you ever thought about it? Why you want to be an idol?” The word is bitter in Baekhyun’s mouth. “Haven’t you ever wondered why you work so damn hard for people you don’t even know? Or why you work so fucking damn hard for three minutes on stage, for ten lines in your song, and why, god, you’re working so hard to be someone you’re not? I just want to sing, Kyungsoo. Why is it so hard?”
Kyungsoo lifts his head up and kisses him.
It’s not much in the way of an answer but he doesn’t know what else to say and besides Baekhyun is ‘sad’ and Kyungsoo hopes that he can kiss away the ‘sadness’ and self-deprecation because he doesn’t know how exactly he can fix this but he thinks that being ‘there’ so Baekhyun isn’t ‘lonely’ is a start. He thinks that if he’s ‘there’ so Baekhyun can lean on him when he needs to, so Baekhyun can cry when he wants to and so Baekhyun can be sad when he’s trying so hard to hide it, he can be there for Baekhyun when Baekhyun ‘needs’ him. He kisses Baekhyun soft and slow, doesn’t try to coax his way into Baekhyun’s mouth, but keeps it safe and easy and lets Baekhyun take control, let’s Baekhyun press his lips harder and curl his hands around the nape of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kisses speak the words Kyungsoo can’t; they say the things Kyungsoo wants to, says the I’m here for yous and I want yous and Be mines, and they’re like a soft breeze that calms the crashing waves against the shore of Baekhyun’s fragile heart.
It’s not okay, not yet, but it’s better, and better is good enough for Kyungsoo, for now.
lmfao the ending is so bad im sorry im goin sleep
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oh my god anon im-- pls reveal yourself let me love you long time this fic gave me life tonight and im crying and 'sad' and oddly satisfied at the ending im just-- gdi this is perfect and everything i needed ;u;
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