(no subject)
nights are long and restless. try to keep myself busy, go to work, go to gabis house, dont come home often because i cant stand being in my own room. i have never felt like this in my entirel ife. This is the worst pain i have ever experienced. and i dont understand why its happening still. doesnt want to be with me.. but will still sleep with me? how? how does that not hurt him after? how can he feel so good about it? oh i know, BECAUSE HE'S A GUY. they are all the same. god, too many thoiughts going through my head at the moment. one minute im mad, then im sad... then eventually i block it out and feel nothing. but the cycle continues. there are good days, and there are bad. this is a bad day. it sucks to love something you know you can never have, and not knowing why you cant have him. the reasoning behind it doesnt add up. i just dont understand.
MEN. argh.
MEN. argh.