DAY SEVEN 💫 #94 How We Love
Prompt number: 94
Title: How We Love
Pairing: Kyungsoo/Jongin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9,623
Summary: When their old roommates graduated, university couple Jongin and Kyungsoo decide to move in together. But life under one roof isn’t as easy as they thought it would be.
Author’s note: First of all, thank you to the mods for being extremely patient and forgiving. I apologize for all the trouble I caused you. Second, thank you to the prompter for this prompt! Sorry if it’s not exactly what you wanted. I don’t know what happened but I hope you like this all the same. Third, I’d like to thank Jongin and Kyungsoo, whose existence made this fic possible. I wouldn’t have been able to write this if they don’t make it so easy. Lastly, I would also like to apologize for my tenses, this is unbeta’d. Still, please enjoy~
The entire length of Jongin's body is covered by a pleasant warmth, a comforting heat radiating from the body pressed against his, their legs tangled under the blankets, fending off the cold, arms locked around each other, hold tight and secure as the wind outside picks up, the last of the monsoon rains making their rounds before summer changes to autumn and the greens make way for the reds and the yellows. Jongin thinks that he and Kyungsoo fits so well together like this, the ends of his toes pressing warmly against Kyungsoo's ankles, the circle of his embrace the perfect space for Kyungsoo's familiar body to hide from the night's cold.
It's still dark outside, the room bathed in moonlight. It's silent save for the soft hum of Kyungsoo's breathing, soft exhales fanning across Jongin's neck, hitting the sensitive skin right at his collarbones, tickling a little, but Jongin makes an effort to stay still, to relax, not wanting to wake his boyfriend up after such a stressful day yesterday. Besides, Jongin enjoys the feeling of Kyungsoo's lips touching his bare skin out of sexual contexts. It makes Jongin smile up at the ceiling, eyes making out the stars they stuck up there three months ago, twinkling with their artificial light above them.
Others might call him silly, but Jongin likes the little things about Kyungsoo, the little details, the things that others don't notice but mean the world to him. Jongin likes the insignificant things, the normal days, the mundane activities. He has a notebook full of these.
One of these things is this. Jongin likes Kyungsoo's lips on him. He likes it when the older would whisper something to him in a crowded hallway, soft lips ghosting across the shell of his ear, barely there but heavier when he speaks, each syllable a brief touch and go that sets Jongin's heart fluttering helplessly. In the middle of so many students, milling around with heavy books in their arms, an array of colors and conversations fighting for attention, all Jongin can think of is Kyungsoo's lips on his ear, and the soft press of his chest against Jongin's arm as he leans in.
Jongin likes it too when the older would hug him from the back, strong arms circling his middle, waist caged by the heat that permeates through his clothes, the pressure behind him soft and yet firm, a source of comfort when he's stressed out over papers, ideas escaping him. But it's not the hug that sets Jongin's heart hammering loudly in his chest. It's Kyungsoo's lips pressing to the base of his neck, mouthing encouraging words against Jongin's skin (You can do this, I'll cook you a meal afterwards, how's that?), the touch of his smile against Jongin's neck not quite a kiss but might as well be.
And Jongin likes it now, Kyungsoo curled on top of him like a cat, exhausted after his first exam so early into the new term, the older's limbs tangled with his, whole body pressed against his own under the covers, Kyungsoo's face set against his neck, and of course-of course-his lips touching Jongin's collarbone, a soft and ghost-like touch of nothing but a mere press of plump lips against his bare skin, and yet it has his heart thumping like drum beats in his chest. Jongin is hopeless, he knows. But he likes this about Kyungsoo, his boyfriend's lips against his skin. He likes it very much.
As if sensing his thoughts, the warmth in his arms moves, stretching and then settling down again. Kyungsoo cranes his neck up, arms squeezing, eyes blinking sleepily up at Jongin. Jongin tries not to coo at the sight of his adorable boyfriend waking up.
"Swhat syow dwoing awakhe?"
"Shhh, sleep, hyung. Woke up 'cause of the chill. Let's go back to sleep. Class isn't until this afternoon for you," Jongin leans down and pecks Kyungsoo's nose, making a smile bloom on the older's face, slowly spreading across his lips.
Kyungsoo's clearly tired. Jongin knows he hasn't slept properly in weeks, spending every spare time he could on studying for yesterday's exam. They hadn't gone out on a date in months but Jongin understands. Kyungsoo's a graduating student this semester, he's writing his thesis paper and all his units are major courses. There's pressure for him to do well, from his family, from his adviser and department. He has a job offer lined up that's riding on his final GPA. He's just finished an internship last summer, and though this has already cut down on their time together, moving and living in together after their old roommates graduated last term helped bridge the time apart. Still, it hasn't been enough but Jongin understands, he really does.
"You sleeping too?" Kyungsoo asks, eyes closing already, heavy with sleep. He really is tired, Jongin thinks as he looks at the older's face so close to his, his hand moving up to the older's neck, fingers touching the small growing hairs at the back of his boyfriend's head, skimming lightly, rubbing and kneading gently. Jongin knows it brings comfort to Kyungsoo, and will lull him back to sleep in no time.
"Yeah, I'll go back to sleep too. So you go back to sleep too, 'kay?"
Kyungsoo doesn't answer for a while. Jongin thought he's fallen back asleep but then a soft mumble and a rustle, "M'kay," as Kyungsoo returns to his original position, head falling back down and resting on Jongin's neck, lips touching skin in a silent whisper. Jongin's heart starts beating just a little bit faster in his chest again, like it always does. He wills it to calm down but then Kyungsoo kisses him, right there at the hollow where his neck meets his shoulders and mouths against his skin, "G'night, baby."
Jongin's heart stops beating all at once at hearing the seldom used term of endearment, his breath hitches and he stills. After 2 years, he's still so in love it's ridiculous. His heart pangs in his chest.
"Goodnight to you too, baby."
That night, like most nights these days, Jongin doesn't sleep easily.
Jongin is afraid.
Kyungsoo is running late again. They agreed to meet for lunch, their schedules aligning for the first time in weeks. Jongin cooked doenjang jjigae, following Kyungsoo's instructions carefully right down to the way he cut the spring onions and leeks. The hour preparation and cooking time took longer than needed because Jongin kept pausing and rewinding the video, replaying moments he likes, just staring and admiring his boyfriend as he cooks in the apron Jongin gave him as a present for their birthdays as a joke (an ugly thing that cost Jongin a thousand won, the real gift was a weekend of mind blowing sex).
They filmed the cooking video last year, back when their schedules were better and their days together were longer. It was filmed here at Jongin's dorm room which he used to share with Kim Minseok, a ChemEng major who liked his side of the room clean as can be, but doesn't bother Jongin with his. He's perfectly fine when Jongin's clothes litter the floor, or when his books are stacked under the bed, when there are empty boxes of chicken on Jongin's desk. As long as Jongin keeps his mess on his side, Minseok doesn't say anything and even lets him borrow old reading materials for a professor they shared.
The doenjang jjigae cooking video is part of a series. Jongin was in charge of holding the camera, filming his adorable boyfriend cooking various dishes that he called "easy to make meals for university students", but Jongin thought were more along the lines of "only to be attempted by professional chefs of fifteen years".
Kyungsoo insisted on the idea, saying Jongin needs to cook healthy meals instead of ordering chicken delivery all the time. So he thought of making instructional cooking videos that Jongin can follow along on his own. Kim Junmyeon, Kyungsoo's old roommate, has lent them his expensive DSLR camera that he never uses for the occasion. Minseok stayed with him over the weekend so Kyungsoo and Jongin can film their videos at the younger's dorm, it being larger and having a kitchen instead of the commons kitchen per floor in Kyungsoo's building.
The weekend was spent filming Kyungsoo cooking, and eating the good food together on the small table, their legs cramped and knees touching but with big happy smiles on their faces. That night was spent cuddling on Jongin's bed, watching a movie that gets forgotten halfway, and ends with Kyungsoo fucking Jongin into the creaking student bed, slowly and then harder, just the way Jongin likes it. Jongin returns the favor in the morning.
The day after, with the sun filtering through the curtains, bodies warm and perfectly molded into each others', they decide to move in together after Junmyeon and Minseok graduate.
But now, looking at the cold pot of doenjang jjigae in front of him, Jongin wonders if moving in together was too early in the relationship.
The new term has just started, barely a month in, but they've been living together since summer, when Minseok moved out after his Spring classes three months ago, the same time Kyungsoo started his internship. Since then, Jongin has barely seen Kyungsoo, always busy with work, going even on the weekends. The times Kyungsoo is at home, he spends working on take home reports and his thesis paper, back hunched over his desk, typing away on his laptop, books open by his side. Jongin watches him from his own bed across the room, silently observing, but never interfering.
At first, Jongin would engage his boyfriend in small talk about their day, something Jongin has always wanted to do and imagined to come home to, Kyungsoo at home after a tiring day and spending the rest of their night talking, laughing and basking in each other's presence. Every time, Kyungsoo would stop whatever he was doing, turn towards Jongin and give him his full attention. Most of these nights, Kyungsoo would end up joining Jongin on the bed, work long forgotten. But Jongin put a stop to it when after a week, he noticed Kyungsoo waking up very early in the morning, finishing whatever he couldn't the night before because Jongin wanted to talk. Jongin decided his domestic fantasies can wait until after Kyungsoo's internship.
The three months of Kyungsoo always away was hard for Jongin and he imagines it was harder for Kyungsoo, who was stressed with his internship and the expectations set on him, the need to impress so they can consider him for a permanent position once he graduates after this term. So Jongin gave Kyungsoo all the space he needed, all the time he could give. They were living together, but Jongin has never felt as distant from Kyungsoo as he did in those days.
They began having little fights on the second month. Little things, insignificant things. The toothpaste cap on the bathroom sink, the warm water running out, turning off the lights, Jongin's dirty clothes on the floor, his chicken boxes on the desk, his socks (or rather, his lack thereof). Things that never bothered them before but now leads to small tiffs. They both don't like shouting, or dramatic arguments. It's always a clipped conversation, sparse words even lesser. The anger is always superficial, gone in a day or two, and soon enough they would be back to their normal selves, teasing and loving as they prepare for bed, cuddling under the covers for the night.
Jongin picked the habit of waking up in the middle of the night around the third month. One of his most favorite things is watching Kyungsoo, looking at him as he moves about, as he talks, gazing at the side of his face, at the dip of his brows, the tip of his nose, the fullness of his lips. Jongin likes watching Kyungsoo, the way he laughs, the way he walks. But he barely saw Kyungsoo anymore. He woke up one day, a leg cramp after dance practice with the boys that afternoon, and he saw Kyungsoo curled by his side, head nuzzled against his chest. His heart warmed at the sight, and he spent a good hour or so just looking, gazing, watching. He kissed the top of Kyungsoo's head, and murmured an I love you, before drifting off to sleep. Since then, he has taken to waking up at night, odd hours, but always before Kyungsoo wakes up, just to spend a few moments with his boyfriend, though asleep. It wasn't enough, but it helped ease his anxiety and fears.
The little notebook happened around the start of Fall term, a few weeks ago. It was a generic little black notebook with no ruled lines, just plain white paper bound together. Jongin saw it and thought it would be nice to keep something he can jot down notes and ideas in. The notebook ended up being filled with things he likes about Kyungsoo. It's half filled now, pages upon pages of Jongin's sappy thoughts about his boyfriend, and the things that make his heart flutter. There are no less than five pages dedicated to how much he likes Kyungsoo's lips on his skin, and about one or two on how adorable Kyungsoo looks in Jongin's oversized polos, which he loves to wear, folding the sleeves to his forearm to hide the fact that they're not his.
There are just so many things that Jongin loves about Kyungsoo, it's hard to stop writing, every little thing seemingly a reason for Jongin to love his boyfriend more and more. He has taken to reading the pages everyday when he has the time, just to remind himself why despite the time apart, despite the little fights, he's determined to stay.
The notebook is open on the table right now, Jongin just starting on a new page. He had just fetched a lid to cover the pot of stew in front of him, ready to be kept in the fridge to be reheated when Kyungsoo eventually comes home later, probably after his evening consultation for his thesis paper.
It's already half past two. Jongin has an afternoon class in 30 minutes. He knows Kyungsoo has one too. He looks at the cold pot of doenjang jjigae and swallows the disappointment in his throat. Kyungsoo is busy. Kyungsoo's a graduating student this term. But instead of making Jongin feel better, he feels his heart clench painfully at the thought. It has been happening more and more lately, whenever he would think of his future, of his and Kyungsoo's future. They're barely two years into their relationship, and yet Kyungsoo's already too busy for him. He knows it's only natural, that Kyungsoo isn't doing it on purpose. That forgetting to send Jongin a text message that he can't come to eat lunch with him like they promised is understandable. It's fine, Jongin tells himself, but that doesn't mean the hurt will go away so easily. He can already feel the prickling of tears at the corner of his eyes but he blinks them away before they can pool and fall. It's alright. It really is.
But Jongin senses another fight coming.
Jongin is afraid.
Kyungsoo comes back at 8 pm.
Jongin is napping on his bed, face smushed on his statistics book, when the door creaks open. Jongin used to be a heavy sleeper. Minseok hated this about him, but lately, Jongin would wake up from the faintest sounds from Kyungsoo.
He stands up from the bed, sets aside his book on his desk and walks to the door where his boyfriend is taking off his shoes.
Kyungsoo is hunched down, unlacing his sneakers. Jongin gets down on one knee in front of him.
"How's the consultation?" Jongin asks, reaching for the laces to help. Kyungsoo takes his hands away and straightens up as Jongin unties the knot. Kyungsoo lifts his left leg so Jongin can slide his shoe off his foot.
"Terrible."
Jongin looks up, just as his hands reach for Kyungsoo's right shoe.
"Professor Song wants you to rewrite another chapter?"
"Worse."
Jongin slides the right shoe off as well, and stands up with the pair in his hands. It's a gift from Jongin last year, the gray sneakers simple but comfortable. Kyungsoo loves wearing them, the soles almost worn out from using them everyday. Jongin bought Kyungsoo another pair but he refuses to wear those, saying the first one is still usable. Kyungsoo is often too stubborn in his practicality, always refusing to waste anything. Jongin loves that about him, the same way he loves everything about him. One of the things Kyungsoo hates to waste is time. Jongin is learning to love that as well.
He reaches behind Kyungsoo on the doorway to place the gray sneakers on the shelf with their other shoes. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo in front of him, leaning on the wall, eyes closed. His eyebrows are furrowed, there are bags under his eyes, his whole face is tense, his shoulders tight. Kyungsoo looks beyond exhausted. Jongin's heart hurts so much.
He leans forward and kisses the tip of Kyungsoo's nose, earning him a tired looking smile from his boyfriend. Nothing big, just a small quirk of the lips, but it's a smile that warms Jongin's heart all the same.
"How worse?"
Kyungsoo doesn't answer, instead, he opens his eyes, tired and lined, and heads for the small kitchen at the side.
"Let's eat dinner first," Kyungsoo says, taking off his backpack and putting it on the table. His movements are sluggish and slow, but his whole frame is tight, almost high strung with invisible tension. Whatever his professor told him, it wasn't good.
"I already ate," Jongin says carefully, edging towards his bed, hoping Kyungsoo doesn't ask what.
"What did you eat?"
"Uh-"
"Not chicken, right?"
"Well..."
Kyungsoo looks at him, sharp with narrowed eyes, "Jongin..."
"What? Chicken is the easiest thing to order! I also love chicken, it's cheap, it's tasty. They give discounts to students-"
"I get it. But it's all you eat, Jongin! We shot those videos so you can practice cooking proper meals at home. And what do you do? You order chicken, and then chicken, and then more chicken!"
"But cooking is hard! And time consuming!" Jongin doesn't want to argue, he really doesn't. Kyungsoo looks tired, he needs to eat and then rest. But Jongin feels cornered all of a sudden. "I don't have time to cook. You're not the only one who's busy, okay?"
Kyungsoo's mouth closes, swallowing whatever he was going to say. Jongin isn't angry. He isn't.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
It's Jongin's first time hearing this question coming from Kyungsoo. Between them, they always know what the other means. They never have to explain. There was never a need to. But these days, sometimes, maybe, perhaps, it isn't as simple as it used to be.
"It just means I'm busy too. I can't cook all the time, alright? I have classes too, and dance practice. We have a recital coming up. You're not the only one who's busy. You don't even cook anymore, yourself, you know? Because you're so busy. Well, I'm busy too, alright? So I just buy chicken since it's easier than to cook a stew or jap-"
"So it's because of me?"
"What? What's because of you?"
"The reason you buy chicken all time."
"What- I never said-"
"Because I'm so busy and can't cook for us anymore, you have no choice but to buy chicken, is that it? Are you blaming me?"
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo like he grew two heads in the span of a second.
"What? Hyung! That's not what I meant!"
"Well it sounded like it!" Kyungsoo's leaning forward, shoulders tense. His hands are gripping the back of the chair so tightly his knuckles are turning white. He's tired, Jongin knows, but he's also being unreasonable.
"Well that's not what I meant! Stop putting words in my mouth, hyung. Just because you're guilty of being away all the time doesn't mean I'm holding it against you!"
Kyungsoo's eyes go wide, he stills, the hand gripping the chair goes lax, but the tension in his shoulders remains. Jongin wishes he could take it back. But he's tired too. Jongin thinks a little selfishness is allowed once in awhile.
"What's that supposed to-"
"-mean? What? You want to know what I mean, hyung? It means I love you," Jongin watches the cloud of exhaustion clear from his boyfriend's eyes, his shoulders coming down, deflating as the fight in him begins to leave slowly. "Like, a lot. I love you a lot. So stop assuming I mean more than what I said. Yeah, you're away all the time. I miss you like crazy. I wish you'd spend more time with me but I understand, okay? You're busy, your classes are all killers, you're writing your thesis paper, you just finished your internship, you have Movie Club too… you're too busy for me."
"I'm not-"
"And even though I hate it. Even though I feel... left out. I try to be fine, even if I'm not. Because I'm not-" Jongin swallows the lump in his throat, the one that's taken an unwelcome residence in the pit of his stomach three months ago and has decided to make a surprising upward move now. "-I'm not fine. But I try to be, I try to be understanding-"
"-please-"
"-because I love you. I really, really do."
Kyungsoo rarely cries. Jongin has only ever seen him cry thrice. Once while watching Prince of Tennis, once while watching a French movie he can't remember the title of and once when Jongin hurt his foot two years ago, when they were still close friends and dancing around their feelings for each other. This is the fourth time Jongin sees him crying, and it's because of him again. They've come a long way.
"Hey, hyung, don't cry," Jongin walks over to him by the counter, three long strides to cross the short distance in their small dorm room. Kyungsoo is pretty when he cries. His eyes are so clear, wide and large and oh so sincere. Jongin can read the apology in them as he stops right in front of him and reaches to wipe the falling tears with his thumbs, large hands cradling the face he's memorized and dreamed of ever since his freshmen year. Jongin leans over and kisses the tip of Kyungsoo's nose, and watches a small smile bloom on his boyfriend's face like it always does, soft and sweet and tentative.
"I love you too," Kyungsoo mumbles, cheeks tinged a pretty pink. Kyungsoo hates getting shy, always trying to appear calm and collected. Jongin has told him that emotions aren't weaknesses that needs to be hidden. It's alright to cry, to blush, to be sad. It's alright to ask for help when he's tired. Kyungsoo's always been a rock of support for Jongin, and Jongin wants to be the same to Kyungsoo.
"C'mere and hug me then," Jongin smiles, and Kyungsoo reaches over and wraps his arms around him, warm body pressing close, comfortable and familiar.
"Why are we even fighting," Kyungsoo asks, head resting on Jongin's chest. "It's just chicken."
"Just chicken," Jongin nods, arms wrapped around Kyungsoo as well, fitting his smaller boyfriend's body perfectly against his. "It's nothing important."
"It's just a little thing."
"Totally insignificant."
"Professor Song wants me to change my thesis topic."
Jongin leans back in surprise, arms holding out but Kyungsoo reaches for him and tightens his embrace around Jongin's torso, arms secure around him as he lays his head on Jongin's chest again, "No no no, don't let go. Keep hugging me."
So Jongin does. Kyungsoo doesn't say anything for a moment so they just stand there, in the middle of their dorm, hugging tightly, warm bodies providing the comfort they need. Jongin doesn't want to ask and prod further than Kyungsoo wants to tell him. It's a while until Kyungsoo speaks again, voice betraying how tired he really is.
"He said he doesn't think I can finish it this term. It's too complicated. Too much data to handle."
"But you've been working on that for a long time, right? You were working on it even during your internship."
"Yeah, I was. But, he thinks I need to aim for something more realistic. Something I can finish this term. Otherwise, I won't get to graduate and will have to wait for summer."
"But your job offer?"
"I know. That's what he said. But I've already invested too much time on this one. But, I don’t know, Jongin, I kinda… I kinda agree with him," Kyungsoo says as he presses his face against Jongin's chest, nose squashed against the fabric of Jongin's shirt. He's embarrassed, and sad, and maybe a little disappointed in himself. Jongin knows how stubborn Kyungsoo can be, so to admit something out loud, even to himself, must have taken a lot of thinking.
"Do you?"
"He's right. I've been stressed out of my limits. The last three months were hell. I thought I was a mess. I don't know how I got offered a permanent position when the other interns were just as good, if not more. The new term has just started and my classes are draining me. I barely passed that first exam a few days ago. I've missed all my club meetings. I haven't properly spent time with you since forever. I'm barely home, and when I am-" Jongin feels the large gulp of air that Kyungsoo takes, the older's chest pressed against his own. "-and when I am I just ruin it by fighting with you."
"Hyung, you don't ruin it-"
"Why aren't you angry at me?" Kyungsoo pulls away a little, looking up at Jongin. Jongin looks down to see tears pooling at the corner of his boyfriend's eyes again. He really does have the most beautiful clear eyes.
"Hey, I told you, no crying."
"No, really, Jongin. I missed our lunch date. I forgot, I admit. Why aren't you angry?"
Jongin smiles. Kyungsoo is rarely insecure. Kyungsoo is rarely emotional. But this Kyungsoo, the one in Jongin's arms right now, is insecure and emotional.
"I was. I was angry. Disappointed. I waited for hours. Didn't even bother to text me. No calls either. I felt alone-"
"Jongin, I'm so sorry-"
"I know. I know you are. But that's why I'm not angry anymore. Because I know you would never miss a date with me if you can't help it. You would never make me wait or hurt me on purpose. I trust you."
No amount of verbal I love yous can compare to the look that Jongin sees in Kyungsoo's eyes in that moment, loving, tender, soft. Absolute mutual trust.
"Professor Song asked to meet me before lunch. He had an unexpected free period and wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I didn't know we would talk a long time. He told me about his suggestion then and I honestly just sort of… blanked out. I missed two of my afternoon classes. I didn't attend my evening class too."
"You what? Where were you then? Hyung-"
"I was at the library. Thinking."
"Since this afternoon?"
"Also missed lunch. I haven't eaten since this morning."
"You only drank hot cocoa this morning."
"Well, yeah, nothing since then."
"And you're angry I ate a box of chicken?"
Kyungsoo looks down sheepishly, ears tinged pink. Jongin just shakes his head and steps away as Kyungsoo reluctantly lets go, a pout on his face. Jongin walks around the table and reaches the fridge, opening the door and crouching down to fetch the pot of jjigae he cooked for lunch.
"What's that?"
"Doenjang jjigae," Jongin answers, straightening with the heavy pot in his hand. He moves towards the counter, placing it on the stove just as Kyungsoo joins him by the sink. He turns on the range and set it to medium, just to reheat the stew. "I cooked it for lunch."
"You cooked lunch and yet you still ordered chicken?" Kyungsoo asks with a raised eyebrow as he opens the tap to wash his hands, reaching for utensils in the dishwasher after. He takes out his Pororo bowl and Jongin's Krong one, 2 steel spoons and two pairs of metal chopsticks they received as a gift from Jongin's mother over Chuseok last year.
"I didn't want to eat it without you," Jongin replies with a shrug, opening the fridge door once again to take out a few banchans. Truth is, he didn't have the appetite to eat after Kyungsoo didn't show up. He went to class angry, and ordered in a box of chicken out of spite. He isn't an angel. He can get a bit childish, a bit petty at times, Kyungsoo knows. But by the time he's finished the whole box, his anger has disappeared, replaced by worry over why Kyungsoo never even called him to cancel their lunch date. "Can you reheat the rice, hyung?"
"You're eating again, right? Despite the chicken?" Kyungsoo raises the Krong bowl in his hand as he sets the rest down on the table, pushing the ricecooker button after. He walks to the stove to check on the pot. Jongin sees him turning the heat off and fetching the mittens hanging above the sink.
"I'll join you. All that hugging made me hungry," Jongin chuckles, spooning kimchi and alkamja-jorim on two small plates. "Hey hyung, we're running out of kimchi."
"I'll call mom later," Kyungsoo says, carrying the steaming pot of doenjang jjigae to the table.
Jongin puts the containers of banchans back inside the fridge, just as he sees Kyungsoo scooping steaming white rice onto their bowls, already sitting down on his seat, face set in concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out. Jongin smiles at the sight as he walks over, setting down the kimchi and the potato by the pot. He sits down himself as he removes the lid, the delicious smell of the stew filling the dorm.
"Hmmm, smells good," Kyungsoo smiles at him across the table, that beautiful heart-shaped smile of his that never fails to make Jongin's heart skip a bit, and it does so now, several ones in fact.
Kyungsoo scoops hot soup onto Jongin's bowl, including a piece of tofu and zucchini. Jongin has long stopped complaining about being forcefully fed vegetables so he stays silent, pouring them both a glass of water each instead as Kyungsoo scoops the same amount of stew onto his own bowl.
They eat in comfortable silence, the first time in weeks. Jongin feels a happy warmth of contentment bloom in his heart, watching Kyungsoo eat the stew he cooked, compliments spilling from his boyfriend’s lips every now and then. He's missed this, terribly so.
Under the table, Kyungsoo stretches his legs to tangle them with Jongin's, ankles rubbing comfortably, a small smirk on his lips. Jongin's cheeks fill with heat as he smiles back.
Jongin knows Kyungsoo is tired, but as Kyungsoo snaps his hips into him, cock filling him up as completely as he always does, slow and steady, it's as if he isn't at all. But this isn't the speed that Jongin wants. He knows Kyungsoo is capable of more.
"Hyung, please," Jongin whines, the stretch of his ass a pleasant familiar burn, arms locked around Kyungsoo's shoulders, a thin sheen of sweat covering their bodies as Kyungsoo continues to rock into him in a steady rhythm, but it's too slow, too safe. It feels good but he wants more. He’s missed this so much, he needs more.
"Please what, baby?" Kyungsoo smirks into his vision, Jongin tries to focus, but just then, Kyungsoo gives a particularly hard thrust that has him moaning in silence, mouth opening wide in pleasure, nails digging crescents on bare skin. "Like that?"
"Yes, hyung, but please-"
"Like this?" Kyungsoo thrusts again, his cock brushing right where Jongin wants it. But it's too far, too little.
"Yes but-"
"But what, baby? Tell me what you want?"
"Want you hard and fast, hyung, please. You know how I like it."
"Really?" Kyungsoo is playing with him, Jongin can tell, because he stops pulling out all together, just pressing his hips into Jongin's ass, burying his cock as deep as he can, thrusting shallowly, skin never leaving skin. "You want my cock fast?"
"Deep, and hard, hyung, please stop teasing me, please," Jongin likes to beg, he knows Kyungsoo knows this. Jongin knows because Kyungsoo starts pulling out slowly, each inch of his cock sliding out of Jongin's ass making him exhale in pleasure. Kyungsoo’s teasing. When just the tip of his cock is inside Jongin's warmth, the large head caught at the rim of his ass, Kyungsoo leans down to Jongin's neck, lips pressing kisses down his collarbones, each touch of his lips leaving a trail of hot heat that has Jongin’s whole body burning.
"You want it hard and fast?" Kyungsoo mouths against his skin, his lips pressing feather-like whispers, warm breath fanning across Jongin's neck and shoulders. Jongin's whole body tingles with delight, heart hammering loudly in his chest. Kyungsoo knows, Jongin realizes. Kyungsoo knows what his lips does to Jongin. "Then turn around for me."
Jongin moves, scrambling to turn around on the narrow bed, the frames squeaking in his haste. He plants his face on the pillow, chest pressed down, bracing his whole body with an arm bent by his face and the other gripping the edge of the bed, knees bouncing slightly from the sudden movement. Jongin feels the chill of the room around his body, losing the heat of Kyungsoo around him, but it's soon replaced by his boyfriend's hands on the globes of his ass, kneading the soft flesh with his fingers, palms warm and familiar on his bare skin.
"So beautiful," Kyungsoo whispers behind him. Jongin just groans in agony, wanting his boyfriend's cock inside him already, but Kyungsoo's still touching, hands massaging the flesh in his hands as he pushes Jongin's asscheeks apart. Despite the situation, Jongin can't help the blush creeping up his cheeks, chest heaving against the blanket below him. "Look at your pretty hole. Want me back in, baby?"
"Yes, hyung, please-"
"But I wanna fuck your pretty hole with my tongue first-"
"No- no-"
Jongin is desperate for his boyfriend's cock so he does what he does best, beg.
"Please fuck me already, hyung, please fuck me already with your cock please please please please I need it please don't tease I beg you-"
Kyungsoo isn't cruel because the next moment, he's stuffing his cock back inside Jongin in one swift motion, the slide of it sending a moan out of Jongin's lips. Kyungsoo doesn't take his time to give Jongin what he wants because as soon as he's bottomed out, he pulls out and snaps his hips back again, and again, and again, and again. Each thrust of his hips faster than the last. The new angle has Kyungsoo's cock reaching deeper within him, making Jongin's eyes lose focus, his breath coming out in ragged moans. Jongin's chest is moving up the mattress with each forceful push of Kyungsoo's hips, until he can't move up no more, the top of his head hitting the headboard, cheek pressed past the pillow as the student bed's legs creak on the floor from the sheer force of Kyungsoo fucking into Jongin's tight heat.
But Kyungsoo doesn't stop, he goes on and on and on, soft grunts escaping his lips that Jongin barely hears as his ass gets filled again and again, his boyfriend knowing just how to make him feel so full. Kyungsoo is so good at this. Jongin’s body has missed this, has missed the feeling of his boyfriend filling him so tightly, cock hard and hot inside him. Jongin can't get enough.
"This what you want, baby?" Kyungsoo says behind him, snapping his hips fast and deep, cock massaging Jongin's insides, warming his skin all over, every thrust fucking into him in time with the thundering beat of his heart. Jongin feels each glide perfectly, his hand gripping the edge of the bed tighter, back arching each time Kyungsoo's cock brushes right where he wants him. "Hitting it right? But not fast enough for you, huh?"
Jongin lets out a loud moan, sound echoing around their small dorm because the next instant, Kyungsoo starts pounding into him, harder and faster, hand gripping his shoulder as the other one braces his whole weight against the wall, headboard hitting it with each thrust of Kyungsoo's hips. Jongin feels hot all over, beads of sweat rolling down his back and forehead, the burn in his ass so familiar and full, his toes curling in pleasure, knees parting wider apart. Kyungsoo is too good to him.
"Hey, answer me, Jongin," Kyungsoo pants, "This-" cock hitting his prostate at the perfect angle "-this what you want?"
Jongin mewls obscenely into the pillow, as he nods his head as best as he can, mouth open and slack, his chest pressing harder against the bed as he pushes back, hips rocking in time with Kyungsoo's thrusts, "Touch me please hyung."
"Why don't you touch yourself? I don't wanna slow down."
Jongin whines, hand reaching down beneath him with effort, shoulder digging into the mattress to support his weight as he wraps his hand around his leaking cock, thumbing his own slit and spreading precum over the head of his cock before he’s fucking into his own hand, Kyungsoo's hips pushing Jongin's cock into his fingers, stroking in time with each powerful thrust. Jongin can already feel the heat in his gut uncoiling, building from the double pleasure he's feeling.
"You gonna come yet, baby?" Kyungsoo snaps his hips particularly hard, a grunt from his lips making Jongin's toes curl as his hand work furiously on his own cock.
"I want-" Jongin tries, barely coherent, "-fingers, hyung."
"Shit-"
Kyungsoo presses deeper, hips stuttering at Jongin's words. Jongin feels the weight on his lower back as Kyungsoo catches himself, having let go of the wall, balancing himself upright. The heat in his gut doesn't subside. Kyungsoo eventually holds onto Jongin's hips, hands gripping the younger as he drills into him, Jongin letting out shaky breaths of exhales into the room.
"F-fingers?"
Jongin can only nod, turning his head more to the side as he opens his mouth wide, inviting.
"Shit- Jongin, seriously."
Kyungsoo reaches a hand down to Jongin's mouth, pointer and middle finger sliding inside the wet heat, earning a groan from the older, whose hips snap harder and deeper into him. Jongin sucks around the digits, not caring if he drools on the pillow. They can worry about that later.
When Kyungsoo takes his fingers away, the heat in Jongin's gut is barely contained, his thighs are shaking, knees so wide apart he can barely keep his hips up. His boyfriend doesn't waste time, a finger circling where his cock is fucking into Jongin's ass.
"You're so tight baby," Kyungsoo says almost reverently, his voice suddenly going soft, before he's pushing the finger in until the first knuckle, hips slowing down. Jongin moans obscenely, voice ringing throughout the room. Kyungsoo lets out a loud exhale, pulling the finger back out. "We need more lube, 'kay?"
Jongin whines from the loss but only nods again, hips pushing back.
"Don't do that!"
Jongin stills, breathing heavily.
"Maybe I should just get the dil-"
"No! Just you, hyung."
"Alright alright," Kyungsoo reaches for the bottle of lube near their feet. Jongin hears the cap opening and closing, and then the cool gel against his skin as Kyungsoo's fingers touch his stuffed hole again. "I'll go slowly."
"Just fuck me, please," Jongin doesn't care.
Kyungsoo pushes the finger back in, inching the digit slowly, the slide in easier this time. Soon enough it's inside Jongin all the way. But it's not enough.
"More, one more," he breathes, hand stroking his cock still.
"Jongin-"
"Please- hyung-"
Kyungsoo pulls the finger out, lining it with his middle finger before he begins pushing it alongside his cock. The tips of his fingers barely makes it in, careful not to hurt. When both are in by the first knuckle, Jongin lets out a sigh, a blissed out look on his face.
“You good?”
“Yeah, just- more- I’m good-”
Jongin feels Kyungsoo’s fingers slide in further inside him, the familiar stretch a good mixture of pleasure and pain. They’ve only tried this twice, only always until the second knuckle. Just enough stretch to get Jongin going, the burn good, the pain even better.
"I'll fuck you again now, 'kay?"
"Yes please."
Kyungsoo starts off slow, but soon enough, he's built his pace back up to where he left off, though not as fast as he would like, his fingers buried in Jongin’s ass, Jongin's pink hole stretched so wide. Jongin's almost sobbing into the mattress, body buzzing with pleasure, his eyes unfocused, hand furiously working his own cock.
"You gonna come soon, baby?"
Jongin nods, "Full, so full hyung."
"Fuck- you're so tight, Jongin."
Jongin loves it like this, his ass stuffed full, Kyungsoo drilling into him. He can feel his orgasm coming, his thumb swiping against the head of his leaking cock once twice, thrice. Thighs spread wide, Kyungsoo fucks him deep, one perfectly aimed thrust hitting his prostate just right. Jongin moans loudly as Kyungsoo holds himself in place, pressing into the spot for a while until his thrusting shallowly, hitting it again and again and again.
"You gonna come soon?" Kyungsoo leans down, lips pressed on the back of Jongin's neck as his cock works him open, fingers slipping out, the loud squelch filling the room as the mattress groans under their fervent fucking, Jongin’s small gasps of pleasure mingling with Kyungsoo’s grunts of effort. "You gonna come soon for me, pretty baby?"
The heat in Jongin's gut begins to uncoil at the touch of Kyungsoo's lips on his skin. The fire growing and building and building up up up, each desperate stroke of his hand on his cock taking him higher as Kyungsoo continues to drill into him, cock driving Jongin closer and closer to the edge until-
“Come for me now, Jongin.”
-the command is firm against the sensitive skin of Jongin’s nape, Kyungsoo’s lips soft and hot on his skin as he comes all over his hand and the bed beneath him. His ass clenches and unclenches around Kyungsoo's cock, insides fluttering wildly, his vision blurring off-focus as all his muscles tighten, thighs going taut from the sheer force of his release. Oh god how he’s missed this.
Kyungsoo fucks him into it, fucks his orgasm off him as he chases his own. Jongin smiles up at his boyfriend after coming off his high, eyes lidded, sensitive and tingling all over, a well fucked look of bliss on his face. Kyungsoo's hips stutter and hammers in once, twice before he's coming inside Jongin, a familiar warmth filling the younger up just how he likes it.
Jongin is on the verge of sleep when Kyungsoo pulls out slowly. He feels the older's weight leave the bed so he turns around, mindful of the mess he made beside him.
"Where ya going, hyung?"
"Wet towel for you."
"M'kay," Jongin mumbles sleepily, the pleasant afterglow that he's missed so much overtaking his senses, lulling him to sleep. He hasn't felt this light and relaxed in months, Kyungsoo always away and busy. He's missed this boneless feeling of contentment so badly, he doesn't know how he survived so long without it.
He wants to wait for his boyfriend to come back to bed so they can cuddle, and talk about nonsense things like they used to do when they just started dating, libido on high, the excitement of a new relationship running through them each night. But he's so tired, eyelids heavy, and he feels so so so relaxed and happy.
Jongin already has his eyes closed when he feels Kyungsoo come back beside him on the bed, pressing a soft kiss on his temple.
Jongin decides they can talk and cuddle later as he lets sleep overtake him, a small happy smile on his lips.
That night, for the first time in months, Jongin sleeps easily.
He wakes up later, much later, he can tell by the chill in the room, on his bed, only this time, there is no warmth engulfing his entire being with comforting heat. Instead, Kyungsoo is at his desk across the room, face illuminated by his laptop as he types away, black rimmed glasses slipping down his nose as he leans to the screen in concentration.
"Hyung," Jongin's voice is scratchy, legs and arms stretching across the mattress, whole frame too long for his narrow bed.
Kyungsoo stops and turns at his voice, a soft tender smile on his face. "Hey, did I wake you?"
"Nu-uh," Jongin shakes his head, rolling his shoulder, feeling the kink loosen from the rigorous exercise he just had prior. "What are you doing up?"
"Just some research," Kyungsoo smiles, going back to his laptop. Jongin feels a little bit guilty. Instead of sleeping, Kyungsoo's up so late working on research he could have done earlier. If only Jongin wasn't so needy.
"Sorry, hyung," Jongin mumbles, pulling the blanket above his chin, curling in on himself. Kyungsoo looks up at him in question, a bewildered look on his face.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"For distracting you. You could have finished that earlier if only I didn't-"
"Hey-"
"-force you-"
"Jongin!"
Jongin shuts up. Kyungsoo looks at him long and hard. It's dark, the lights are off. Jongin can barely make out the look of contemplation on his face before Kyungsoo's standing up from his desk and moving towards Jongin's bed.
"Move over."
"I thought you said you didn't want to-"
Kyungsoo sits down with a sigh, pushing Jongin to the wall, forcing the younger to lie down on his side. Kyungsoo makes himself comfortable, legs crossed in front of him as he scoots closer, thigh pressing against Jongin's chest. He reaches for Jongin's hand and holds it on his lap.
"I just emailed Professor Song," Kyungsoo squeezes Jongin's hand. Jongin keeps his mouth shut, watching his boyfriend choose his next words carefully. "I'm changing my thesis topic. I want to spend more time with you-"
"-you don't-"
"-but I'm not doing this because of you, okay? I'm doing this for me. He's right. I can't finish it this term. I was too ambitious. I kept adding more and more, the scope was getting bigger. I need to be realistic. I can't just focus on this one thing while I neglect everything else in my life. I don't want to drop Movie Club. I need to pay more attention on my classes. I need to graduate with honors for that job offer. Besides, I missed fucking you so much."
"Hyung!"
Kyungsoo chuckles, eyes glinting with happiness in the dark, face visible by the moonlight.
"I'm serious. I really missed you, alright? But I'll still be busy, just not as much."
Jongin has thought about this for sometime now, the fear in his heart. Afraid. But he wants to tell Kyungsoo because he trusts him, and he's sure his boyfriend will understand.
"Hyung, I'll be as busy as you are next year, you know that, right?"
"Yes, of course. You'll be interning next year as well, and all the unpleasant things that comes with a graduating student."
"And you'll be busy too, working at the bottom of the corporate ladder in that fancy Gangnam office, what was it called-"
"Infotek."
"-right, Infotek. You'll be busy, I'll be busy. We'll both be busy."
The smile on Kyungsoo's face slips, Jongin moves to grab the hand atop his, covering it with his own.
"Hyung, do you see me in your future?"
"What-"
"I'm not proposing but do you see me in your future?"
"Yes. Of course, I do. Of course I do, Jongin,"
"Me too. I see you in mine. I imagine us moving to San Francisco with my sister, adopting a kid or two, getting married if you want. We can buy our own apartment, larger than this one, but we'll be together. I'll cook when I can using those videos we filmed. But you'll cook when you can because your doenjang jjigae tastes infinitely better than mine. We'll both have jobs then. And we'll both be busy as hell, barely seeing each other during the day but you know what's important, hyung?"
Jongin watches the understanding dawn on Kyungsoo's face, the light in his eyes returning brightly.
"I know."
"What is it, if you know."
"What's important is that we both come home to each other at the end of the day. In love and together."
"Yes, that's right. I don't mind you being busy, or me being busy, if it means I will come home to you every day. Nothing else matters."
"Jongin-" Kyungsoo isn't crying, of course he isn't, but he might as well be because he says Jongin's name out as a choked sob. Jongin just squeezes his hand tighter.
"Look, hyung, I was thinking. We'll always be busy. Our lives will always be busy. Studies, internship, thesis papers, work. We can't just wait for one to be finished and tell ourselves we'll have more time after because we won't. There will be more. Life won't stop for us. But if we love each other-"
"-we do-"
"-yes we do, very much- but if we love each other, we'll stay together. Because I can't see myself with anyone else. I'm still young, and afraid of the future but I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Are you sure you're not proposing?"
"Yes- no, well, do you want me to be?"
"Maybe when you get the money from your internship. Wait, you are gonna apply for a paid internship, right?"
"Of course I am!"
“Because I’ll have graduated by then, and we’d have moved out of here and into an apartment off campus by that time. And I am not shouldering all of the rent, feelings be damned, just saying.”
Jongin looks so offended until Kyungsoo begins to laugh. Jongin stops the scowl on his face from deepening, realizing his boyfriend is teasing him again. He always falls for it, always. He never learns.
"You're so cruel to me."
"I'm not. I'm only not-cruel with you."
"Well, true."
Kyungsoo moves beside him, letting go of his hand in favor of lying down beside Jongin, body aligning perfectly with Jongin's own, like perfect puzzle pieces.
"I thought you said you're not sleeping here until I wash the bed-sheets?"
"And sleep on the other bed where your cum is on the mattress?"
"Well, you swallow my cum all the time-"
"That's different!"
This time, it's Jongin who laughs, light giggles escaping his lips as Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at him in the darkness.
"Do you promise never to eat chicken on the bed again?"
"But-"
"Jongin, we sleep on this bed. There's a perfectly functioning table a few feet away. And don't forget, we fuck on this bed too."
"True, my knees kinda hurt because the other bed isn't used as often. Not springy enough."
"See?"
"Or maybe you just fucked me extra hard tonight so-"
"Jongin!"
"Fine, I promise!"
"Good, because I'm not letting you fuck me on that bed. Not when I know Minseok hyung used to sleep there."
"Aw, you're not into that? But you didn't seem to have a problem fucking me on it-"
"I swear to god, Kim Jongin!"
The bathroom in their dorm is really small. Jongin's tall frame barely fits the narrow space, so when Kyungsoo comes tumbling in, eyes half closed, Jongin has no choice but to press himself back to the wall, toothbrush hanging from his mouth with green foam.
"Morning," Kyungsoo mumbles, rubbing his eyes adorably. Jongin coos at the sight, reaching for Kyungsoo's black toothbrush and squirting toothpaste on it as his boyfriend bends over the sink, washing his face with warm water.
Jongin continues to brush his teeth thoroughly, mint filling his mouth, his other hand holding Kyungsoo's own brush, handing it to him when the older starts to blindly reach for Jongin to give it to him. Kyungsoo steps back automatically as Jongin steps around him to spit the foam on the sink, rinsing his mouth with water. He watches Kyungsoo in the mirror, eyes still closed, brushing his teeth, green foam dribbling down his chin.
Jongin chuckles as he reaches behind him and swipes the green away before he's stepping out of the small space and heading to the kitchen. He washes his hands under running water before fetching their utensils from the dishwasher, reaching over the counter to place them on the table. Kyungsoo will arrange them later when he's done brushing his teeth.
Next, Jongin takes out the leftover jjigae last night and heats it, alongside a few pieces of wanja-jeon he made last week (courtesy of Kyungsoo's cooking videos, of course).
By the time Kyungsoo comes out of the bathroom, Jongin is already sitting down, the pot of steaming stew, jeon and kimchi on the middle of the table. Kyungsoo sits down himself, taking his spoon and chopsticks and handing Jongin his own, opening the ricecooker beside him to scoop hot rice into their bowls.
As Jongin begins to ladle soup for the both of them, Kyungsoo looks at him, gaze serious.
"I'm sorry, Jonginah."
Jongin stops, hands stilling, "We already talked about this hyung-"
"I know, but you were right. I was guilty. We kept on fighting because we barely saw each other, because we didn't talk anymore. We should talk more again. Like we used to. I have more time now. No, wait, no. That's wrong. What I want to say is that, I will make sure I have time for you now."
Jongin smiles as he puts down the ladle, a warmth in his heart filling his chest at the sincere look on his boyfriend's face, eyes clear and wide, so easy to read with his emotions. Jongin never understood why people thought of Kyungsoo as a stoic man of few words when he already says so much with his eyes.
"And you, you need to do your part too, alright?"
"What part?" Jongin asks resting his chin on his hand, looking and gazing at the only person he's ever loved, and he's sure, he will love.
"You need to stop being too understanding."
"Do I?"
"Yes! When I'm being too selfish again, when I'm not giving you enough time, or you think I need to slow down, tell me, okay? Call me when I missed a lunch date. Knock some sense into me when I start ignoring you again."
Jongin chuckles into his palm at the determined look on Kyungsoo’s face.
"I'm not trying to be funny, Jongin!"
"I know, but I love it when you're bossy. Lighten up, hyung. Yes, I promise. I'll tell you. I'll tell you if I have a problem, I'll tell you," Jongin gazes at Kyungsoo across the table, a bit of mint foam drying by the side of his cheek, hair tousled from sleep, Jongin’s shirt from last night dwarfing his smaller frame. He feels his heart beat steadily, a pleasant thud thud thud, sure and secure. They aren’t the same as when they were just starting. They don’t have as much time as they used to, when they could skip classes and just lay down on the grounds under the sun, or sneak in secluded areas of the library to make out against bookshelves. They’re older now, with more responsibilities, less time to themselves. But it’s alright, because-
"Okay, alright. That's good. Because like you, I'm afraid too. Of the future. Of my future. Our future. The only thing I'm sure of is the same thing you are sure of."
-because they’re both afraid. Jongin smiles. He and Kyungsoo can be afraid together.
"That we'll do this together?"
"Yeah, together."
Jongin can't help it, he really can't. He really really loves this man in front of him, so he stretches and tangles his feet with Kyungsoo's beneath the table, rubbing his ankles softly, touch familiar and meaningful, a smirk on his lips.
"Jongin, we haven't eaten breakfast yet," Kyungsoo protests, but Jongin can already see the blush creeping up his neck.
"You know it's your turn, right?"
"Y-yeah-"
Jongin stands up and steps around the table, dragging Kyungsoo's chair to face him by the side, ladle and stew forgotten. Kyungsoo's face is beet-red now, and he's breathing heavily. He's wearing Jongin's boxers, cock half-hard already, gaze soft and tender with emotions mirroring Jongin's own-love, lust, trust.
"Good, 'cause I can't wait to fuck you over this table right now, baby."
"Jongin! Not on the table!"
Jongin just smirks as he leans in, hands gripping both of Kyungsoo's thighs as he mouths at Kyungsoo's cock, wetting the fabric with his tongue.
"We'll see about that."
"When two people are first together, their hearts are on fire, and their passion is very great. After a while, the fire cools, and that's how it stays. They continue to love each other, but it's in a different way-warm and dependable."
- Shostak, Marjorie (1981)
Title: How We Love
Pairing: Kyungsoo/Jongin
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9,623
Summary: When their old roommates graduated, university couple Jongin and Kyungsoo decide to move in together. But life under one roof isn’t as easy as they thought it would be.
Author’s note: First of all, thank you to the mods for being extremely patient and forgiving. I apologize for all the trouble I caused you. Second, thank you to the prompter for this prompt! Sorry if it’s not exactly what you wanted. I don’t know what happened but I hope you like this all the same. Third, I’d like to thank Jongin and Kyungsoo, whose existence made this fic possible. I wouldn’t have been able to write this if they don’t make it so easy. Lastly, I would also like to apologize for my tenses, this is unbeta’d. Still, please enjoy~
The entire length of Jongin's body is covered by a pleasant warmth, a comforting heat radiating from the body pressed against his, their legs tangled under the blankets, fending off the cold, arms locked around each other, hold tight and secure as the wind outside picks up, the last of the monsoon rains making their rounds before summer changes to autumn and the greens make way for the reds and the yellows. Jongin thinks that he and Kyungsoo fits so well together like this, the ends of his toes pressing warmly against Kyungsoo's ankles, the circle of his embrace the perfect space for Kyungsoo's familiar body to hide from the night's cold.
It's still dark outside, the room bathed in moonlight. It's silent save for the soft hum of Kyungsoo's breathing, soft exhales fanning across Jongin's neck, hitting the sensitive skin right at his collarbones, tickling a little, but Jongin makes an effort to stay still, to relax, not wanting to wake his boyfriend up after such a stressful day yesterday. Besides, Jongin enjoys the feeling of Kyungsoo's lips touching his bare skin out of sexual contexts. It makes Jongin smile up at the ceiling, eyes making out the stars they stuck up there three months ago, twinkling with their artificial light above them.
Others might call him silly, but Jongin likes the little things about Kyungsoo, the little details, the things that others don't notice but mean the world to him. Jongin likes the insignificant things, the normal days, the mundane activities. He has a notebook full of these.
One of these things is this. Jongin likes Kyungsoo's lips on him. He likes it when the older would whisper something to him in a crowded hallway, soft lips ghosting across the shell of his ear, barely there but heavier when he speaks, each syllable a brief touch and go that sets Jongin's heart fluttering helplessly. In the middle of so many students, milling around with heavy books in their arms, an array of colors and conversations fighting for attention, all Jongin can think of is Kyungsoo's lips on his ear, and the soft press of his chest against Jongin's arm as he leans in.
Jongin likes it too when the older would hug him from the back, strong arms circling his middle, waist caged by the heat that permeates through his clothes, the pressure behind him soft and yet firm, a source of comfort when he's stressed out over papers, ideas escaping him. But it's not the hug that sets Jongin's heart hammering loudly in his chest. It's Kyungsoo's lips pressing to the base of his neck, mouthing encouraging words against Jongin's skin (You can do this, I'll cook you a meal afterwards, how's that?), the touch of his smile against Jongin's neck not quite a kiss but might as well be.
And Jongin likes it now, Kyungsoo curled on top of him like a cat, exhausted after his first exam so early into the new term, the older's limbs tangled with his, whole body pressed against his own under the covers, Kyungsoo's face set against his neck, and of course-of course-his lips touching Jongin's collarbone, a soft and ghost-like touch of nothing but a mere press of plump lips against his bare skin, and yet it has his heart thumping like drum beats in his chest. Jongin is hopeless, he knows. But he likes this about Kyungsoo, his boyfriend's lips against his skin. He likes it very much.
As if sensing his thoughts, the warmth in his arms moves, stretching and then settling down again. Kyungsoo cranes his neck up, arms squeezing, eyes blinking sleepily up at Jongin. Jongin tries not to coo at the sight of his adorable boyfriend waking up.
"Swhat syow dwoing awakhe?"
"Shhh, sleep, hyung. Woke up 'cause of the chill. Let's go back to sleep. Class isn't until this afternoon for you," Jongin leans down and pecks Kyungsoo's nose, making a smile bloom on the older's face, slowly spreading across his lips.
Kyungsoo's clearly tired. Jongin knows he hasn't slept properly in weeks, spending every spare time he could on studying for yesterday's exam. They hadn't gone out on a date in months but Jongin understands. Kyungsoo's a graduating student this semester, he's writing his thesis paper and all his units are major courses. There's pressure for him to do well, from his family, from his adviser and department. He has a job offer lined up that's riding on his final GPA. He's just finished an internship last summer, and though this has already cut down on their time together, moving and living in together after their old roommates graduated last term helped bridge the time apart. Still, it hasn't been enough but Jongin understands, he really does.
"You sleeping too?" Kyungsoo asks, eyes closing already, heavy with sleep. He really is tired, Jongin thinks as he looks at the older's face so close to his, his hand moving up to the older's neck, fingers touching the small growing hairs at the back of his boyfriend's head, skimming lightly, rubbing and kneading gently. Jongin knows it brings comfort to Kyungsoo, and will lull him back to sleep in no time.
"Yeah, I'll go back to sleep too. So you go back to sleep too, 'kay?"
Kyungsoo doesn't answer for a while. Jongin thought he's fallen back asleep but then a soft mumble and a rustle, "M'kay," as Kyungsoo returns to his original position, head falling back down and resting on Jongin's neck, lips touching skin in a silent whisper. Jongin's heart starts beating just a little bit faster in his chest again, like it always does. He wills it to calm down but then Kyungsoo kisses him, right there at the hollow where his neck meets his shoulders and mouths against his skin, "G'night, baby."
Jongin's heart stops beating all at once at hearing the seldom used term of endearment, his breath hitches and he stills. After 2 years, he's still so in love it's ridiculous. His heart pangs in his chest.
"Goodnight to you too, baby."
That night, like most nights these days, Jongin doesn't sleep easily.
Jongin is afraid.
Kyungsoo is running late again. They agreed to meet for lunch, their schedules aligning for the first time in weeks. Jongin cooked doenjang jjigae, following Kyungsoo's instructions carefully right down to the way he cut the spring onions and leeks. The hour preparation and cooking time took longer than needed because Jongin kept pausing and rewinding the video, replaying moments he likes, just staring and admiring his boyfriend as he cooks in the apron Jongin gave him as a present for their birthdays as a joke (an ugly thing that cost Jongin a thousand won, the real gift was a weekend of mind blowing sex).
They filmed the cooking video last year, back when their schedules were better and their days together were longer. It was filmed here at Jongin's dorm room which he used to share with Kim Minseok, a ChemEng major who liked his side of the room clean as can be, but doesn't bother Jongin with his. He's perfectly fine when Jongin's clothes litter the floor, or when his books are stacked under the bed, when there are empty boxes of chicken on Jongin's desk. As long as Jongin keeps his mess on his side, Minseok doesn't say anything and even lets him borrow old reading materials for a professor they shared.
The doenjang jjigae cooking video is part of a series. Jongin was in charge of holding the camera, filming his adorable boyfriend cooking various dishes that he called "easy to make meals for university students", but Jongin thought were more along the lines of "only to be attempted by professional chefs of fifteen years".
Kyungsoo insisted on the idea, saying Jongin needs to cook healthy meals instead of ordering chicken delivery all the time. So he thought of making instructional cooking videos that Jongin can follow along on his own. Kim Junmyeon, Kyungsoo's old roommate, has lent them his expensive DSLR camera that he never uses for the occasion. Minseok stayed with him over the weekend so Kyungsoo and Jongin can film their videos at the younger's dorm, it being larger and having a kitchen instead of the commons kitchen per floor in Kyungsoo's building.
The weekend was spent filming Kyungsoo cooking, and eating the good food together on the small table, their legs cramped and knees touching but with big happy smiles on their faces. That night was spent cuddling on Jongin's bed, watching a movie that gets forgotten halfway, and ends with Kyungsoo fucking Jongin into the creaking student bed, slowly and then harder, just the way Jongin likes it. Jongin returns the favor in the morning.
The day after, with the sun filtering through the curtains, bodies warm and perfectly molded into each others', they decide to move in together after Junmyeon and Minseok graduate.
But now, looking at the cold pot of doenjang jjigae in front of him, Jongin wonders if moving in together was too early in the relationship.
The new term has just started, barely a month in, but they've been living together since summer, when Minseok moved out after his Spring classes three months ago, the same time Kyungsoo started his internship. Since then, Jongin has barely seen Kyungsoo, always busy with work, going even on the weekends. The times Kyungsoo is at home, he spends working on take home reports and his thesis paper, back hunched over his desk, typing away on his laptop, books open by his side. Jongin watches him from his own bed across the room, silently observing, but never interfering.
At first, Jongin would engage his boyfriend in small talk about their day, something Jongin has always wanted to do and imagined to come home to, Kyungsoo at home after a tiring day and spending the rest of their night talking, laughing and basking in each other's presence. Every time, Kyungsoo would stop whatever he was doing, turn towards Jongin and give him his full attention. Most of these nights, Kyungsoo would end up joining Jongin on the bed, work long forgotten. But Jongin put a stop to it when after a week, he noticed Kyungsoo waking up very early in the morning, finishing whatever he couldn't the night before because Jongin wanted to talk. Jongin decided his domestic fantasies can wait until after Kyungsoo's internship.
The three months of Kyungsoo always away was hard for Jongin and he imagines it was harder for Kyungsoo, who was stressed with his internship and the expectations set on him, the need to impress so they can consider him for a permanent position once he graduates after this term. So Jongin gave Kyungsoo all the space he needed, all the time he could give. They were living together, but Jongin has never felt as distant from Kyungsoo as he did in those days.
They began having little fights on the second month. Little things, insignificant things. The toothpaste cap on the bathroom sink, the warm water running out, turning off the lights, Jongin's dirty clothes on the floor, his chicken boxes on the desk, his socks (or rather, his lack thereof). Things that never bothered them before but now leads to small tiffs. They both don't like shouting, or dramatic arguments. It's always a clipped conversation, sparse words even lesser. The anger is always superficial, gone in a day or two, and soon enough they would be back to their normal selves, teasing and loving as they prepare for bed, cuddling under the covers for the night.
Jongin picked the habit of waking up in the middle of the night around the third month. One of his most favorite things is watching Kyungsoo, looking at him as he moves about, as he talks, gazing at the side of his face, at the dip of his brows, the tip of his nose, the fullness of his lips. Jongin likes watching Kyungsoo, the way he laughs, the way he walks. But he barely saw Kyungsoo anymore. He woke up one day, a leg cramp after dance practice with the boys that afternoon, and he saw Kyungsoo curled by his side, head nuzzled against his chest. His heart warmed at the sight, and he spent a good hour or so just looking, gazing, watching. He kissed the top of Kyungsoo's head, and murmured an I love you, before drifting off to sleep. Since then, he has taken to waking up at night, odd hours, but always before Kyungsoo wakes up, just to spend a few moments with his boyfriend, though asleep. It wasn't enough, but it helped ease his anxiety and fears.
The little notebook happened around the start of Fall term, a few weeks ago. It was a generic little black notebook with no ruled lines, just plain white paper bound together. Jongin saw it and thought it would be nice to keep something he can jot down notes and ideas in. The notebook ended up being filled with things he likes about Kyungsoo. It's half filled now, pages upon pages of Jongin's sappy thoughts about his boyfriend, and the things that make his heart flutter. There are no less than five pages dedicated to how much he likes Kyungsoo's lips on his skin, and about one or two on how adorable Kyungsoo looks in Jongin's oversized polos, which he loves to wear, folding the sleeves to his forearm to hide the fact that they're not his.
There are just so many things that Jongin loves about Kyungsoo, it's hard to stop writing, every little thing seemingly a reason for Jongin to love his boyfriend more and more. He has taken to reading the pages everyday when he has the time, just to remind himself why despite the time apart, despite the little fights, he's determined to stay.
The notebook is open on the table right now, Jongin just starting on a new page. He had just fetched a lid to cover the pot of stew in front of him, ready to be kept in the fridge to be reheated when Kyungsoo eventually comes home later, probably after his evening consultation for his thesis paper.
It's already half past two. Jongin has an afternoon class in 30 minutes. He knows Kyungsoo has one too. He looks at the cold pot of doenjang jjigae and swallows the disappointment in his throat. Kyungsoo is busy. Kyungsoo's a graduating student this term. But instead of making Jongin feel better, he feels his heart clench painfully at the thought. It has been happening more and more lately, whenever he would think of his future, of his and Kyungsoo's future. They're barely two years into their relationship, and yet Kyungsoo's already too busy for him. He knows it's only natural, that Kyungsoo isn't doing it on purpose. That forgetting to send Jongin a text message that he can't come to eat lunch with him like they promised is understandable. It's fine, Jongin tells himself, but that doesn't mean the hurt will go away so easily. He can already feel the prickling of tears at the corner of his eyes but he blinks them away before they can pool and fall. It's alright. It really is.
But Jongin senses another fight coming.
Jongin is afraid.
Kyungsoo comes back at 8 pm.
Jongin is napping on his bed, face smushed on his statistics book, when the door creaks open. Jongin used to be a heavy sleeper. Minseok hated this about him, but lately, Jongin would wake up from the faintest sounds from Kyungsoo.
He stands up from the bed, sets aside his book on his desk and walks to the door where his boyfriend is taking off his shoes.
Kyungsoo is hunched down, unlacing his sneakers. Jongin gets down on one knee in front of him.
"How's the consultation?" Jongin asks, reaching for the laces to help. Kyungsoo takes his hands away and straightens up as Jongin unties the knot. Kyungsoo lifts his left leg so Jongin can slide his shoe off his foot.
"Terrible."
Jongin looks up, just as his hands reach for Kyungsoo's right shoe.
"Professor Song wants you to rewrite another chapter?"
"Worse."
Jongin slides the right shoe off as well, and stands up with the pair in his hands. It's a gift from Jongin last year, the gray sneakers simple but comfortable. Kyungsoo loves wearing them, the soles almost worn out from using them everyday. Jongin bought Kyungsoo another pair but he refuses to wear those, saying the first one is still usable. Kyungsoo is often too stubborn in his practicality, always refusing to waste anything. Jongin loves that about him, the same way he loves everything about him. One of the things Kyungsoo hates to waste is time. Jongin is learning to love that as well.
He reaches behind Kyungsoo on the doorway to place the gray sneakers on the shelf with their other shoes. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo in front of him, leaning on the wall, eyes closed. His eyebrows are furrowed, there are bags under his eyes, his whole face is tense, his shoulders tight. Kyungsoo looks beyond exhausted. Jongin's heart hurts so much.
He leans forward and kisses the tip of Kyungsoo's nose, earning him a tired looking smile from his boyfriend. Nothing big, just a small quirk of the lips, but it's a smile that warms Jongin's heart all the same.
"How worse?"
Kyungsoo doesn't answer, instead, he opens his eyes, tired and lined, and heads for the small kitchen at the side.
"Let's eat dinner first," Kyungsoo says, taking off his backpack and putting it on the table. His movements are sluggish and slow, but his whole frame is tight, almost high strung with invisible tension. Whatever his professor told him, it wasn't good.
"I already ate," Jongin says carefully, edging towards his bed, hoping Kyungsoo doesn't ask what.
"What did you eat?"
"Uh-"
"Not chicken, right?"
"Well..."
Kyungsoo looks at him, sharp with narrowed eyes, "Jongin..."
"What? Chicken is the easiest thing to order! I also love chicken, it's cheap, it's tasty. They give discounts to students-"
"I get it. But it's all you eat, Jongin! We shot those videos so you can practice cooking proper meals at home. And what do you do? You order chicken, and then chicken, and then more chicken!"
"But cooking is hard! And time consuming!" Jongin doesn't want to argue, he really doesn't. Kyungsoo looks tired, he needs to eat and then rest. But Jongin feels cornered all of a sudden. "I don't have time to cook. You're not the only one who's busy, okay?"
Kyungsoo's mouth closes, swallowing whatever he was going to say. Jongin isn't angry. He isn't.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
It's Jongin's first time hearing this question coming from Kyungsoo. Between them, they always know what the other means. They never have to explain. There was never a need to. But these days, sometimes, maybe, perhaps, it isn't as simple as it used to be.
"It just means I'm busy too. I can't cook all the time, alright? I have classes too, and dance practice. We have a recital coming up. You're not the only one who's busy. You don't even cook anymore, yourself, you know? Because you're so busy. Well, I'm busy too, alright? So I just buy chicken since it's easier than to cook a stew or jap-"
"So it's because of me?"
"What? What's because of you?"
"The reason you buy chicken all time."
"What- I never said-"
"Because I'm so busy and can't cook for us anymore, you have no choice but to buy chicken, is that it? Are you blaming me?"
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo like he grew two heads in the span of a second.
"What? Hyung! That's not what I meant!"
"Well it sounded like it!" Kyungsoo's leaning forward, shoulders tense. His hands are gripping the back of the chair so tightly his knuckles are turning white. He's tired, Jongin knows, but he's also being unreasonable.
"Well that's not what I meant! Stop putting words in my mouth, hyung. Just because you're guilty of being away all the time doesn't mean I'm holding it against you!"
Kyungsoo's eyes go wide, he stills, the hand gripping the chair goes lax, but the tension in his shoulders remains. Jongin wishes he could take it back. But he's tired too. Jongin thinks a little selfishness is allowed once in awhile.
"What's that supposed to-"
"-mean? What? You want to know what I mean, hyung? It means I love you," Jongin watches the cloud of exhaustion clear from his boyfriend's eyes, his shoulders coming down, deflating as the fight in him begins to leave slowly. "Like, a lot. I love you a lot. So stop assuming I mean more than what I said. Yeah, you're away all the time. I miss you like crazy. I wish you'd spend more time with me but I understand, okay? You're busy, your classes are all killers, you're writing your thesis paper, you just finished your internship, you have Movie Club too… you're too busy for me."
"I'm not-"
"And even though I hate it. Even though I feel... left out. I try to be fine, even if I'm not. Because I'm not-" Jongin swallows the lump in his throat, the one that's taken an unwelcome residence in the pit of his stomach three months ago and has decided to make a surprising upward move now. "-I'm not fine. But I try to be, I try to be understanding-"
"-please-"
"-because I love you. I really, really do."
Kyungsoo rarely cries. Jongin has only ever seen him cry thrice. Once while watching Prince of Tennis, once while watching a French movie he can't remember the title of and once when Jongin hurt his foot two years ago, when they were still close friends and dancing around their feelings for each other. This is the fourth time Jongin sees him crying, and it's because of him again. They've come a long way.
"Hey, hyung, don't cry," Jongin walks over to him by the counter, three long strides to cross the short distance in their small dorm room. Kyungsoo is pretty when he cries. His eyes are so clear, wide and large and oh so sincere. Jongin can read the apology in them as he stops right in front of him and reaches to wipe the falling tears with his thumbs, large hands cradling the face he's memorized and dreamed of ever since his freshmen year. Jongin leans over and kisses the tip of Kyungsoo's nose, and watches a small smile bloom on his boyfriend's face like it always does, soft and sweet and tentative.
"I love you too," Kyungsoo mumbles, cheeks tinged a pretty pink. Kyungsoo hates getting shy, always trying to appear calm and collected. Jongin has told him that emotions aren't weaknesses that needs to be hidden. It's alright to cry, to blush, to be sad. It's alright to ask for help when he's tired. Kyungsoo's always been a rock of support for Jongin, and Jongin wants to be the same to Kyungsoo.
"C'mere and hug me then," Jongin smiles, and Kyungsoo reaches over and wraps his arms around him, warm body pressing close, comfortable and familiar.
"Why are we even fighting," Kyungsoo asks, head resting on Jongin's chest. "It's just chicken."
"Just chicken," Jongin nods, arms wrapped around Kyungsoo as well, fitting his smaller boyfriend's body perfectly against his. "It's nothing important."
"It's just a little thing."
"Totally insignificant."
"Professor Song wants me to change my thesis topic."
Jongin leans back in surprise, arms holding out but Kyungsoo reaches for him and tightens his embrace around Jongin's torso, arms secure around him as he lays his head on Jongin's chest again, "No no no, don't let go. Keep hugging me."
So Jongin does. Kyungsoo doesn't say anything for a moment so they just stand there, in the middle of their dorm, hugging tightly, warm bodies providing the comfort they need. Jongin doesn't want to ask and prod further than Kyungsoo wants to tell him. It's a while until Kyungsoo speaks again, voice betraying how tired he really is.
"He said he doesn't think I can finish it this term. It's too complicated. Too much data to handle."
"But you've been working on that for a long time, right? You were working on it even during your internship."
"Yeah, I was. But, he thinks I need to aim for something more realistic. Something I can finish this term. Otherwise, I won't get to graduate and will have to wait for summer."
"But your job offer?"
"I know. That's what he said. But I've already invested too much time on this one. But, I don’t know, Jongin, I kinda… I kinda agree with him," Kyungsoo says as he presses his face against Jongin's chest, nose squashed against the fabric of Jongin's shirt. He's embarrassed, and sad, and maybe a little disappointed in himself. Jongin knows how stubborn Kyungsoo can be, so to admit something out loud, even to himself, must have taken a lot of thinking.
"Do you?"
"He's right. I've been stressed out of my limits. The last three months were hell. I thought I was a mess. I don't know how I got offered a permanent position when the other interns were just as good, if not more. The new term has just started and my classes are draining me. I barely passed that first exam a few days ago. I've missed all my club meetings. I haven't properly spent time with you since forever. I'm barely home, and when I am-" Jongin feels the large gulp of air that Kyungsoo takes, the older's chest pressed against his own. "-and when I am I just ruin it by fighting with you."
"Hyung, you don't ruin it-"
"Why aren't you angry at me?" Kyungsoo pulls away a little, looking up at Jongin. Jongin looks down to see tears pooling at the corner of his boyfriend's eyes again. He really does have the most beautiful clear eyes.
"Hey, I told you, no crying."
"No, really, Jongin. I missed our lunch date. I forgot, I admit. Why aren't you angry?"
Jongin smiles. Kyungsoo is rarely insecure. Kyungsoo is rarely emotional. But this Kyungsoo, the one in Jongin's arms right now, is insecure and emotional.
"I was. I was angry. Disappointed. I waited for hours. Didn't even bother to text me. No calls either. I felt alone-"
"Jongin, I'm so sorry-"
"I know. I know you are. But that's why I'm not angry anymore. Because I know you would never miss a date with me if you can't help it. You would never make me wait or hurt me on purpose. I trust you."
No amount of verbal I love yous can compare to the look that Jongin sees in Kyungsoo's eyes in that moment, loving, tender, soft. Absolute mutual trust.
"Professor Song asked to meet me before lunch. He had an unexpected free period and wanted to meet me as soon as possible. I didn't know we would talk a long time. He told me about his suggestion then and I honestly just sort of… blanked out. I missed two of my afternoon classes. I didn't attend my evening class too."
"You what? Where were you then? Hyung-"
"I was at the library. Thinking."
"Since this afternoon?"
"Also missed lunch. I haven't eaten since this morning."
"You only drank hot cocoa this morning."
"Well, yeah, nothing since then."
"And you're angry I ate a box of chicken?"
Kyungsoo looks down sheepishly, ears tinged pink. Jongin just shakes his head and steps away as Kyungsoo reluctantly lets go, a pout on his face. Jongin walks around the table and reaches the fridge, opening the door and crouching down to fetch the pot of jjigae he cooked for lunch.
"What's that?"
"Doenjang jjigae," Jongin answers, straightening with the heavy pot in his hand. He moves towards the counter, placing it on the stove just as Kyungsoo joins him by the sink. He turns on the range and set it to medium, just to reheat the stew. "I cooked it for lunch."
"You cooked lunch and yet you still ordered chicken?" Kyungsoo asks with a raised eyebrow as he opens the tap to wash his hands, reaching for utensils in the dishwasher after. He takes out his Pororo bowl and Jongin's Krong one, 2 steel spoons and two pairs of metal chopsticks they received as a gift from Jongin's mother over Chuseok last year.
"I didn't want to eat it without you," Jongin replies with a shrug, opening the fridge door once again to take out a few banchans. Truth is, he didn't have the appetite to eat after Kyungsoo didn't show up. He went to class angry, and ordered in a box of chicken out of spite. He isn't an angel. He can get a bit childish, a bit petty at times, Kyungsoo knows. But by the time he's finished the whole box, his anger has disappeared, replaced by worry over why Kyungsoo never even called him to cancel their lunch date. "Can you reheat the rice, hyung?"
"You're eating again, right? Despite the chicken?" Kyungsoo raises the Krong bowl in his hand as he sets the rest down on the table, pushing the ricecooker button after. He walks to the stove to check on the pot. Jongin sees him turning the heat off and fetching the mittens hanging above the sink.
"I'll join you. All that hugging made me hungry," Jongin chuckles, spooning kimchi and alkamja-jorim on two small plates. "Hey hyung, we're running out of kimchi."
"I'll call mom later," Kyungsoo says, carrying the steaming pot of doenjang jjigae to the table.
Jongin puts the containers of banchans back inside the fridge, just as he sees Kyungsoo scooping steaming white rice onto their bowls, already sitting down on his seat, face set in concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out. Jongin smiles at the sight as he walks over, setting down the kimchi and the potato by the pot. He sits down himself as he removes the lid, the delicious smell of the stew filling the dorm.
"Hmmm, smells good," Kyungsoo smiles at him across the table, that beautiful heart-shaped smile of his that never fails to make Jongin's heart skip a bit, and it does so now, several ones in fact.
Kyungsoo scoops hot soup onto Jongin's bowl, including a piece of tofu and zucchini. Jongin has long stopped complaining about being forcefully fed vegetables so he stays silent, pouring them both a glass of water each instead as Kyungsoo scoops the same amount of stew onto his own bowl.
They eat in comfortable silence, the first time in weeks. Jongin feels a happy warmth of contentment bloom in his heart, watching Kyungsoo eat the stew he cooked, compliments spilling from his boyfriend’s lips every now and then. He's missed this, terribly so.
Under the table, Kyungsoo stretches his legs to tangle them with Jongin's, ankles rubbing comfortably, a small smirk on his lips. Jongin's cheeks fill with heat as he smiles back.
Jongin knows Kyungsoo is tired, but as Kyungsoo snaps his hips into him, cock filling him up as completely as he always does, slow and steady, it's as if he isn't at all. But this isn't the speed that Jongin wants. He knows Kyungsoo is capable of more.
"Hyung, please," Jongin whines, the stretch of his ass a pleasant familiar burn, arms locked around Kyungsoo's shoulders, a thin sheen of sweat covering their bodies as Kyungsoo continues to rock into him in a steady rhythm, but it's too slow, too safe. It feels good but he wants more. He’s missed this so much, he needs more.
"Please what, baby?" Kyungsoo smirks into his vision, Jongin tries to focus, but just then, Kyungsoo gives a particularly hard thrust that has him moaning in silence, mouth opening wide in pleasure, nails digging crescents on bare skin. "Like that?"
"Yes, hyung, but please-"
"Like this?" Kyungsoo thrusts again, his cock brushing right where Jongin wants it. But it's too far, too little.
"Yes but-"
"But what, baby? Tell me what you want?"
"Want you hard and fast, hyung, please. You know how I like it."
"Really?" Kyungsoo is playing with him, Jongin can tell, because he stops pulling out all together, just pressing his hips into Jongin's ass, burying his cock as deep as he can, thrusting shallowly, skin never leaving skin. "You want my cock fast?"
"Deep, and hard, hyung, please stop teasing me, please," Jongin likes to beg, he knows Kyungsoo knows this. Jongin knows because Kyungsoo starts pulling out slowly, each inch of his cock sliding out of Jongin's ass making him exhale in pleasure. Kyungsoo’s teasing. When just the tip of his cock is inside Jongin's warmth, the large head caught at the rim of his ass, Kyungsoo leans down to Jongin's neck, lips pressing kisses down his collarbones, each touch of his lips leaving a trail of hot heat that has Jongin’s whole body burning.
"You want it hard and fast?" Kyungsoo mouths against his skin, his lips pressing feather-like whispers, warm breath fanning across Jongin's neck and shoulders. Jongin's whole body tingles with delight, heart hammering loudly in his chest. Kyungsoo knows, Jongin realizes. Kyungsoo knows what his lips does to Jongin. "Then turn around for me."
Jongin moves, scrambling to turn around on the narrow bed, the frames squeaking in his haste. He plants his face on the pillow, chest pressed down, bracing his whole body with an arm bent by his face and the other gripping the edge of the bed, knees bouncing slightly from the sudden movement. Jongin feels the chill of the room around his body, losing the heat of Kyungsoo around him, but it's soon replaced by his boyfriend's hands on the globes of his ass, kneading the soft flesh with his fingers, palms warm and familiar on his bare skin.
"So beautiful," Kyungsoo whispers behind him. Jongin just groans in agony, wanting his boyfriend's cock inside him already, but Kyungsoo's still touching, hands massaging the flesh in his hands as he pushes Jongin's asscheeks apart. Despite the situation, Jongin can't help the blush creeping up his cheeks, chest heaving against the blanket below him. "Look at your pretty hole. Want me back in, baby?"
"Yes, hyung, please-"
"But I wanna fuck your pretty hole with my tongue first-"
"No- no-"
Jongin is desperate for his boyfriend's cock so he does what he does best, beg.
"Please fuck me already, hyung, please fuck me already with your cock please please please please I need it please don't tease I beg you-"
Kyungsoo isn't cruel because the next moment, he's stuffing his cock back inside Jongin in one swift motion, the slide of it sending a moan out of Jongin's lips. Kyungsoo doesn't take his time to give Jongin what he wants because as soon as he's bottomed out, he pulls out and snaps his hips back again, and again, and again, and again. Each thrust of his hips faster than the last. The new angle has Kyungsoo's cock reaching deeper within him, making Jongin's eyes lose focus, his breath coming out in ragged moans. Jongin's chest is moving up the mattress with each forceful push of Kyungsoo's hips, until he can't move up no more, the top of his head hitting the headboard, cheek pressed past the pillow as the student bed's legs creak on the floor from the sheer force of Kyungsoo fucking into Jongin's tight heat.
But Kyungsoo doesn't stop, he goes on and on and on, soft grunts escaping his lips that Jongin barely hears as his ass gets filled again and again, his boyfriend knowing just how to make him feel so full. Kyungsoo is so good at this. Jongin’s body has missed this, has missed the feeling of his boyfriend filling him so tightly, cock hard and hot inside him. Jongin can't get enough.
"This what you want, baby?" Kyungsoo says behind him, snapping his hips fast and deep, cock massaging Jongin's insides, warming his skin all over, every thrust fucking into him in time with the thundering beat of his heart. Jongin feels each glide perfectly, his hand gripping the edge of the bed tighter, back arching each time Kyungsoo's cock brushes right where he wants him. "Hitting it right? But not fast enough for you, huh?"
Jongin lets out a loud moan, sound echoing around their small dorm because the next instant, Kyungsoo starts pounding into him, harder and faster, hand gripping his shoulder as the other one braces his whole weight against the wall, headboard hitting it with each thrust of Kyungsoo's hips. Jongin feels hot all over, beads of sweat rolling down his back and forehead, the burn in his ass so familiar and full, his toes curling in pleasure, knees parting wider apart. Kyungsoo is too good to him.
"Hey, answer me, Jongin," Kyungsoo pants, "This-" cock hitting his prostate at the perfect angle "-this what you want?"
Jongin mewls obscenely into the pillow, as he nods his head as best as he can, mouth open and slack, his chest pressing harder against the bed as he pushes back, hips rocking in time with Kyungsoo's thrusts, "Touch me please hyung."
"Why don't you touch yourself? I don't wanna slow down."
Jongin whines, hand reaching down beneath him with effort, shoulder digging into the mattress to support his weight as he wraps his hand around his leaking cock, thumbing his own slit and spreading precum over the head of his cock before he’s fucking into his own hand, Kyungsoo's hips pushing Jongin's cock into his fingers, stroking in time with each powerful thrust. Jongin can already feel the heat in his gut uncoiling, building from the double pleasure he's feeling.
"You gonna come yet, baby?" Kyungsoo snaps his hips particularly hard, a grunt from his lips making Jongin's toes curl as his hand work furiously on his own cock.
"I want-" Jongin tries, barely coherent, "-fingers, hyung."
"Shit-"
Kyungsoo presses deeper, hips stuttering at Jongin's words. Jongin feels the weight on his lower back as Kyungsoo catches himself, having let go of the wall, balancing himself upright. The heat in his gut doesn't subside. Kyungsoo eventually holds onto Jongin's hips, hands gripping the younger as he drills into him, Jongin letting out shaky breaths of exhales into the room.
"F-fingers?"
Jongin can only nod, turning his head more to the side as he opens his mouth wide, inviting.
"Shit- Jongin, seriously."
Kyungsoo reaches a hand down to Jongin's mouth, pointer and middle finger sliding inside the wet heat, earning a groan from the older, whose hips snap harder and deeper into him. Jongin sucks around the digits, not caring if he drools on the pillow. They can worry about that later.
When Kyungsoo takes his fingers away, the heat in Jongin's gut is barely contained, his thighs are shaking, knees so wide apart he can barely keep his hips up. His boyfriend doesn't waste time, a finger circling where his cock is fucking into Jongin's ass.
"You're so tight baby," Kyungsoo says almost reverently, his voice suddenly going soft, before he's pushing the finger in until the first knuckle, hips slowing down. Jongin moans obscenely, voice ringing throughout the room. Kyungsoo lets out a loud exhale, pulling the finger back out. "We need more lube, 'kay?"
Jongin whines from the loss but only nods again, hips pushing back.
"Don't do that!"
Jongin stills, breathing heavily.
"Maybe I should just get the dil-"
"No! Just you, hyung."
"Alright alright," Kyungsoo reaches for the bottle of lube near their feet. Jongin hears the cap opening and closing, and then the cool gel against his skin as Kyungsoo's fingers touch his stuffed hole again. "I'll go slowly."
"Just fuck me, please," Jongin doesn't care.
Kyungsoo pushes the finger back in, inching the digit slowly, the slide in easier this time. Soon enough it's inside Jongin all the way. But it's not enough.
"More, one more," he breathes, hand stroking his cock still.
"Jongin-"
"Please- hyung-"
Kyungsoo pulls the finger out, lining it with his middle finger before he begins pushing it alongside his cock. The tips of his fingers barely makes it in, careful not to hurt. When both are in by the first knuckle, Jongin lets out a sigh, a blissed out look on his face.
“You good?”
“Yeah, just- more- I’m good-”
Jongin feels Kyungsoo’s fingers slide in further inside him, the familiar stretch a good mixture of pleasure and pain. They’ve only tried this twice, only always until the second knuckle. Just enough stretch to get Jongin going, the burn good, the pain even better.
"I'll fuck you again now, 'kay?"
"Yes please."
Kyungsoo starts off slow, but soon enough, he's built his pace back up to where he left off, though not as fast as he would like, his fingers buried in Jongin’s ass, Jongin's pink hole stretched so wide. Jongin's almost sobbing into the mattress, body buzzing with pleasure, his eyes unfocused, hand furiously working his own cock.
"You gonna come soon, baby?"
Jongin nods, "Full, so full hyung."
"Fuck- you're so tight, Jongin."
Jongin loves it like this, his ass stuffed full, Kyungsoo drilling into him. He can feel his orgasm coming, his thumb swiping against the head of his leaking cock once twice, thrice. Thighs spread wide, Kyungsoo fucks him deep, one perfectly aimed thrust hitting his prostate just right. Jongin moans loudly as Kyungsoo holds himself in place, pressing into the spot for a while until his thrusting shallowly, hitting it again and again and again.
"You gonna come soon?" Kyungsoo leans down, lips pressed on the back of Jongin's neck as his cock works him open, fingers slipping out, the loud squelch filling the room as the mattress groans under their fervent fucking, Jongin’s small gasps of pleasure mingling with Kyungsoo’s grunts of effort. "You gonna come soon for me, pretty baby?"
The heat in Jongin's gut begins to uncoil at the touch of Kyungsoo's lips on his skin. The fire growing and building and building up up up, each desperate stroke of his hand on his cock taking him higher as Kyungsoo continues to drill into him, cock driving Jongin closer and closer to the edge until-
“Come for me now, Jongin.”
-the command is firm against the sensitive skin of Jongin’s nape, Kyungsoo’s lips soft and hot on his skin as he comes all over his hand and the bed beneath him. His ass clenches and unclenches around Kyungsoo's cock, insides fluttering wildly, his vision blurring off-focus as all his muscles tighten, thighs going taut from the sheer force of his release. Oh god how he’s missed this.
Kyungsoo fucks him into it, fucks his orgasm off him as he chases his own. Jongin smiles up at his boyfriend after coming off his high, eyes lidded, sensitive and tingling all over, a well fucked look of bliss on his face. Kyungsoo's hips stutter and hammers in once, twice before he's coming inside Jongin, a familiar warmth filling the younger up just how he likes it.
Jongin is on the verge of sleep when Kyungsoo pulls out slowly. He feels the older's weight leave the bed so he turns around, mindful of the mess he made beside him.
"Where ya going, hyung?"
"Wet towel for you."
"M'kay," Jongin mumbles sleepily, the pleasant afterglow that he's missed so much overtaking his senses, lulling him to sleep. He hasn't felt this light and relaxed in months, Kyungsoo always away and busy. He's missed this boneless feeling of contentment so badly, he doesn't know how he survived so long without it.
He wants to wait for his boyfriend to come back to bed so they can cuddle, and talk about nonsense things like they used to do when they just started dating, libido on high, the excitement of a new relationship running through them each night. But he's so tired, eyelids heavy, and he feels so so so relaxed and happy.
Jongin already has his eyes closed when he feels Kyungsoo come back beside him on the bed, pressing a soft kiss on his temple.
Jongin decides they can talk and cuddle later as he lets sleep overtake him, a small happy smile on his lips.
That night, for the first time in months, Jongin sleeps easily.
He wakes up later, much later, he can tell by the chill in the room, on his bed, only this time, there is no warmth engulfing his entire being with comforting heat. Instead, Kyungsoo is at his desk across the room, face illuminated by his laptop as he types away, black rimmed glasses slipping down his nose as he leans to the screen in concentration.
"Hyung," Jongin's voice is scratchy, legs and arms stretching across the mattress, whole frame too long for his narrow bed.
Kyungsoo stops and turns at his voice, a soft tender smile on his face. "Hey, did I wake you?"
"Nu-uh," Jongin shakes his head, rolling his shoulder, feeling the kink loosen from the rigorous exercise he just had prior. "What are you doing up?"
"Just some research," Kyungsoo smiles, going back to his laptop. Jongin feels a little bit guilty. Instead of sleeping, Kyungsoo's up so late working on research he could have done earlier. If only Jongin wasn't so needy.
"Sorry, hyung," Jongin mumbles, pulling the blanket above his chin, curling in on himself. Kyungsoo looks up at him in question, a bewildered look on his face.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"For distracting you. You could have finished that earlier if only I didn't-"
"Hey-"
"-force you-"
"Jongin!"
Jongin shuts up. Kyungsoo looks at him long and hard. It's dark, the lights are off. Jongin can barely make out the look of contemplation on his face before Kyungsoo's standing up from his desk and moving towards Jongin's bed.
"Move over."
"I thought you said you didn't want to-"
Kyungsoo sits down with a sigh, pushing Jongin to the wall, forcing the younger to lie down on his side. Kyungsoo makes himself comfortable, legs crossed in front of him as he scoots closer, thigh pressing against Jongin's chest. He reaches for Jongin's hand and holds it on his lap.
"I just emailed Professor Song," Kyungsoo squeezes Jongin's hand. Jongin keeps his mouth shut, watching his boyfriend choose his next words carefully. "I'm changing my thesis topic. I want to spend more time with you-"
"-you don't-"
"-but I'm not doing this because of you, okay? I'm doing this for me. He's right. I can't finish it this term. I was too ambitious. I kept adding more and more, the scope was getting bigger. I need to be realistic. I can't just focus on this one thing while I neglect everything else in my life. I don't want to drop Movie Club. I need to pay more attention on my classes. I need to graduate with honors for that job offer. Besides, I missed fucking you so much."
"Hyung!"
Kyungsoo chuckles, eyes glinting with happiness in the dark, face visible by the moonlight.
"I'm serious. I really missed you, alright? But I'll still be busy, just not as much."
Jongin has thought about this for sometime now, the fear in his heart. Afraid. But he wants to tell Kyungsoo because he trusts him, and he's sure his boyfriend will understand.
"Hyung, I'll be as busy as you are next year, you know that, right?"
"Yes, of course. You'll be interning next year as well, and all the unpleasant things that comes with a graduating student."
"And you'll be busy too, working at the bottom of the corporate ladder in that fancy Gangnam office, what was it called-"
"Infotek."
"-right, Infotek. You'll be busy, I'll be busy. We'll both be busy."
The smile on Kyungsoo's face slips, Jongin moves to grab the hand atop his, covering it with his own.
"Hyung, do you see me in your future?"
"What-"
"I'm not proposing but do you see me in your future?"
"Yes. Of course, I do. Of course I do, Jongin,"
"Me too. I see you in mine. I imagine us moving to San Francisco with my sister, adopting a kid or two, getting married if you want. We can buy our own apartment, larger than this one, but we'll be together. I'll cook when I can using those videos we filmed. But you'll cook when you can because your doenjang jjigae tastes infinitely better than mine. We'll both have jobs then. And we'll both be busy as hell, barely seeing each other during the day but you know what's important, hyung?"
Jongin watches the understanding dawn on Kyungsoo's face, the light in his eyes returning brightly.
"I know."
"What is it, if you know."
"What's important is that we both come home to each other at the end of the day. In love and together."
"Yes, that's right. I don't mind you being busy, or me being busy, if it means I will come home to you every day. Nothing else matters."
"Jongin-" Kyungsoo isn't crying, of course he isn't, but he might as well be because he says Jongin's name out as a choked sob. Jongin just squeezes his hand tighter.
"Look, hyung, I was thinking. We'll always be busy. Our lives will always be busy. Studies, internship, thesis papers, work. We can't just wait for one to be finished and tell ourselves we'll have more time after because we won't. There will be more. Life won't stop for us. But if we love each other-"
"-we do-"
"-yes we do, very much- but if we love each other, we'll stay together. Because I can't see myself with anyone else. I'm still young, and afraid of the future but I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Are you sure you're not proposing?"
"Yes- no, well, do you want me to be?"
"Maybe when you get the money from your internship. Wait, you are gonna apply for a paid internship, right?"
"Of course I am!"
“Because I’ll have graduated by then, and we’d have moved out of here and into an apartment off campus by that time. And I am not shouldering all of the rent, feelings be damned, just saying.”
Jongin looks so offended until Kyungsoo begins to laugh. Jongin stops the scowl on his face from deepening, realizing his boyfriend is teasing him again. He always falls for it, always. He never learns.
"You're so cruel to me."
"I'm not. I'm only not-cruel with you."
"Well, true."
Kyungsoo moves beside him, letting go of his hand in favor of lying down beside Jongin, body aligning perfectly with Jongin's own, like perfect puzzle pieces.
"I thought you said you're not sleeping here until I wash the bed-sheets?"
"And sleep on the other bed where your cum is on the mattress?"
"Well, you swallow my cum all the time-"
"That's different!"
This time, it's Jongin who laughs, light giggles escaping his lips as Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at him in the darkness.
"Do you promise never to eat chicken on the bed again?"
"But-"
"Jongin, we sleep on this bed. There's a perfectly functioning table a few feet away. And don't forget, we fuck on this bed too."
"True, my knees kinda hurt because the other bed isn't used as often. Not springy enough."
"See?"
"Or maybe you just fucked me extra hard tonight so-"
"Jongin!"
"Fine, I promise!"
"Good, because I'm not letting you fuck me on that bed. Not when I know Minseok hyung used to sleep there."
"Aw, you're not into that? But you didn't seem to have a problem fucking me on it-"
"I swear to god, Kim Jongin!"
The bathroom in their dorm is really small. Jongin's tall frame barely fits the narrow space, so when Kyungsoo comes tumbling in, eyes half closed, Jongin has no choice but to press himself back to the wall, toothbrush hanging from his mouth with green foam.
"Morning," Kyungsoo mumbles, rubbing his eyes adorably. Jongin coos at the sight, reaching for Kyungsoo's black toothbrush and squirting toothpaste on it as his boyfriend bends over the sink, washing his face with warm water.
Jongin continues to brush his teeth thoroughly, mint filling his mouth, his other hand holding Kyungsoo's own brush, handing it to him when the older starts to blindly reach for Jongin to give it to him. Kyungsoo steps back automatically as Jongin steps around him to spit the foam on the sink, rinsing his mouth with water. He watches Kyungsoo in the mirror, eyes still closed, brushing his teeth, green foam dribbling down his chin.
Jongin chuckles as he reaches behind him and swipes the green away before he's stepping out of the small space and heading to the kitchen. He washes his hands under running water before fetching their utensils from the dishwasher, reaching over the counter to place them on the table. Kyungsoo will arrange them later when he's done brushing his teeth.
Next, Jongin takes out the leftover jjigae last night and heats it, alongside a few pieces of wanja-jeon he made last week (courtesy of Kyungsoo's cooking videos, of course).
By the time Kyungsoo comes out of the bathroom, Jongin is already sitting down, the pot of steaming stew, jeon and kimchi on the middle of the table. Kyungsoo sits down himself, taking his spoon and chopsticks and handing Jongin his own, opening the ricecooker beside him to scoop hot rice into their bowls.
As Jongin begins to ladle soup for the both of them, Kyungsoo looks at him, gaze serious.
"I'm sorry, Jonginah."
Jongin stops, hands stilling, "We already talked about this hyung-"
"I know, but you were right. I was guilty. We kept on fighting because we barely saw each other, because we didn't talk anymore. We should talk more again. Like we used to. I have more time now. No, wait, no. That's wrong. What I want to say is that, I will make sure I have time for you now."
Jongin smiles as he puts down the ladle, a warmth in his heart filling his chest at the sincere look on his boyfriend's face, eyes clear and wide, so easy to read with his emotions. Jongin never understood why people thought of Kyungsoo as a stoic man of few words when he already says so much with his eyes.
"And you, you need to do your part too, alright?"
"What part?" Jongin asks resting his chin on his hand, looking and gazing at the only person he's ever loved, and he's sure, he will love.
"You need to stop being too understanding."
"Do I?"
"Yes! When I'm being too selfish again, when I'm not giving you enough time, or you think I need to slow down, tell me, okay? Call me when I missed a lunch date. Knock some sense into me when I start ignoring you again."
Jongin chuckles into his palm at the determined look on Kyungsoo’s face.
"I'm not trying to be funny, Jongin!"
"I know, but I love it when you're bossy. Lighten up, hyung. Yes, I promise. I'll tell you. I'll tell you if I have a problem, I'll tell you," Jongin gazes at Kyungsoo across the table, a bit of mint foam drying by the side of his cheek, hair tousled from sleep, Jongin’s shirt from last night dwarfing his smaller frame. He feels his heart beat steadily, a pleasant thud thud thud, sure and secure. They aren’t the same as when they were just starting. They don’t have as much time as they used to, when they could skip classes and just lay down on the grounds under the sun, or sneak in secluded areas of the library to make out against bookshelves. They’re older now, with more responsibilities, less time to themselves. But it’s alright, because-
"Okay, alright. That's good. Because like you, I'm afraid too. Of the future. Of my future. Our future. The only thing I'm sure of is the same thing you are sure of."
-because they’re both afraid. Jongin smiles. He and Kyungsoo can be afraid together.
"That we'll do this together?"
"Yeah, together."
Jongin can't help it, he really can't. He really really loves this man in front of him, so he stretches and tangles his feet with Kyungsoo's beneath the table, rubbing his ankles softly, touch familiar and meaningful, a smirk on his lips.
"Jongin, we haven't eaten breakfast yet," Kyungsoo protests, but Jongin can already see the blush creeping up his neck.
"You know it's your turn, right?"
"Y-yeah-"
Jongin stands up and steps around the table, dragging Kyungsoo's chair to face him by the side, ladle and stew forgotten. Kyungsoo's face is beet-red now, and he's breathing heavily. He's wearing Jongin's boxers, cock half-hard already, gaze soft and tender with emotions mirroring Jongin's own-love, lust, trust.
"Good, 'cause I can't wait to fuck you over this table right now, baby."
"Jongin! Not on the table!"
Jongin just smirks as he leans in, hands gripping both of Kyungsoo's thighs as he mouths at Kyungsoo's cock, wetting the fabric with his tongue.
"We'll see about that."
"When two people are first together, their hearts are on fire, and their passion is very great. After a while, the fire cools, and that's how it stays. They continue to love each other, but it's in a different way-warm and dependable."
- Shostak, Marjorie (1981)