Monster of Mine
One day,
I told you I wanted to kill myself.
You told me not to think about it.
I told you I was depressed.
And you told me to stay focused.
I tried to tell you I'm struggling.
You told me I'm not trying hard enough.
I told you I wasn't happy.
You told me life isn't supposed to be easy.
If I were to die today,
You'd retrace your steps.
But you'd never understand where you went wrong.
Because you never listened to me.
Because you ignored my words.
Because the only one who has ever heard me cry is my only sister through thin, plaster walls.
Did you notice any signs? Was she acting suicidal?
No, she was not. She was a happy girl!
Dear, MoM,
I have a monster who lives in my head,
And I tried to show you.
But you didn't want to see it.
And You never wanted to believe in it.
To you, I'm a happy girl.
I persevere.
I laugh therefore I am.
A happy girl.
I don't cry in front of you.
I'm a strong girl.
I have a pulse.
Therefore, I am alive.
I breathe.
I'm alive.
I'm alive.
I'm alive.
Physically.
And that makes it all the worse.
3/10/2017