Like Night and Day 49
Chapter 49
Begin Again
a/n: unbeta-ed bc im impatient! and my beta is busy (boooo) anyways this is garbage but i'm wrapping things up. After everything that happened to me earlier this year and this fall, I'm still unsure on how to approach this story, but I've resolved some of the feelings I personally hold on things and it's helped me write this chapter (even if its poop!) I know how to end this story and their story. Writing it is just difficult so haha *disappears* peace
Chanyeol figured he was over it, but that was just a lie that he tried to build up to help him focus on other things. His coach was beating them with more drills than usual, and that was understandable. The regional championship was the biggest opportunity the school had gotten in more than a decade, and with the amount of pressure set on his team’s shoulders, it was almost dire that he blocked out any and every thought that came to mind that reminded him of Baekhyun.
That was often difficult to do, especially when it seemed like glimpses of him were more and more frequent than they were before, and it was no help to Chanyeol’s case when they managed to cross paths when the latter came out of an empty room with Kyungsoo for business that obviously did not concern him. But it was proving to be difficult.
How often had he stared at the ceiling of his basement bedroom, wondering if everything was alright? Had Baekhyun been eating? He looked fine, but Chanyeol knew how secretive the boy was with his reality. And was Baekhyun sleeping alright? Maybe he wasn’t…
As hard as Chanyeol tried not to care, it took everything that he had not to ask around. He had forgotten what it was like to move on without a cause. His past relationships didn’t mirror how he felt for the past two weeks.
He sat up, knowing that he just had to forget about it, but with so many things left unsaid and questions unanswered, how could he? But Baekhyun was unwilling to talk to him--or at least that was how he felt about it. There was just no point in wanting closure with someone he couldn’t emotionally let go yet. How they ended felt too fast, as if one moment they were perfectly fine, the next, they were bursting into flames and turning into ashes.
Graduation was nearing, which meant that so was their time together. Those who noticed and caught on with what had happened between them were kind enough to tell him that soon, he’d move away for college and forget about Baekhyun like they never happened, which was true. They were weeks away from moving into separate directions; a perfect opportunity to never look back and bury the memories without questioning a single one.
And yet, it only made him feel worse…
-
-
With all of his work done and caught up, Baekhyun was left with little to nothing to distract himself. Try as he wanted, repressing his feelings was becoming more and more difficult to the point where he almost felt like begging for more homework and papers to complete.
His desk was cleared and organized. Every pen had been put into its place, all his papers filed… There was absolutely nothing left to do. Sighing, Baekhyun pushed himself away from his desk and got up, heading over to his closet.
His bedroom walls were beginning to be too familiar and he needed to step out. He didn’t particularly have a destination in mind even as he made his way down the stairs and to the front door, but it didn’t matter. There was always something about running away that seemed so easy despite how complicated matters were in reality.
The cold air hit his face the moment he stepped out of the house, but Baekhyun ignored the feeling and closed the door behind him. Blood rushed to his cheeks, giving his face a faint tint of red, though it was noticeable underneath the blanket of the night.
His strides were fast and long as if he had a place to go, and Baekhyun didn’t exactly know why. Heading in the direction of the bus station, he wondered if he’d actually take a ride somewhere just for the hell of it or simply pass by and head elsewhere. The convenience store where Kyungsoo worked was along the way, but Baekhyun had no desire to see his friend. In fact, he didn’t feel like seeing anybody at all.
Eventually, the strides became jogs and Baekhyun found himself running under the lights.
-
-
Kyungsoo was rarely ever surprised, but to see Chanyeol standing outside the student government room caught him off guard. The boy was dressed in his training suit with a duffle bag on the side. It seemed obvious that he was getting ready to go to practice and the student government president was his one and only stop before then. Despite it being so, Kyungsoo didn’t know how to feel or react considering what he knew about the situation between the giant and his ex, but once he managed to pull his composure together, he approached the latter with a face as expressionless as the first day Chanyeol ever laid eyes on him.
“Odd seeing you here, Park,” the president said as he grabbed the handle of the door to slide it open. “Can’t say I was ever expecting you come by again since you don’t really have a reason to anymore.”
It was a petty dig and it didn’t hurt as much as it was possibly intended to, but Chanyeol felt it nonetheless. Choosing to ignore those feelings, he refused to address the comment in his response. “I just came by to ask you for a few favors.”
“How brave.”
Biting down his tongue, the jock decided against saying the first thing that came to his mind. Instead, he followed the latter into the classroom without invite. “It’s about...Baek.”
“Of course, it is,” Kyungsoo muttered, rolling his eyes as he flipped the light switches on. “When it is ever not? Didn’t you two break up already? If so, then why’re you still asking for things that concern him?”
“I’m really not here to pick a fight with you, Soo.” Chanyeol stayed by the door. “I just came by to ask if you could tell him that the regional game is this Saturday. It’ll be over in the Gangnam district, but I have a flier with me with the address and everything and--”
Kyungsoo turned his head and looked at the giant when intrigued eyes. “You could tell him all of this yourself. You don’t need me to act like some messenger.”
“I… I don’t want him to know I want him there.”
“And what exactly do you want to accomplish by this?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Nothing. Just… Can you just extend the invitation over?”
A pause ensued and as useless as the favor seemed to him, Kyungsoo shrugged. “Sure. Can’t imagine he’d actually go, though. It wouldn’t be like him.”
Chanyeol wanted to argue against the presumption. He already knew that Baekhyun probably had no intention of attending, but it was worth the shot even if there was ultimately no goal. Besides, he was being honest when he said that he just wanted the brunet there… and Chanyeol wasn’t going to deny that.
“Is that all?”
The question brought Chanyeol’s attention back to the president as he raised his brows and, for a second, seemed to forget his other purpose for approaching him that day. “No… It’s not.”
“Okay. What else is there for me to entertain you with? Take your time. I have all day.” The tone of his voice said otherwise, but Kyungsoo made it a point to flaunt his obvious sarcasm rather than to hide it behind feigned interest.
Holding himself back once more, Chanyeol let the comment pass. “It’s about those letters and… and that incident that happened with Baekhyun and the shed.”
“What about it?” Kyungsoo muttered as he headed over to the corner were a larger cabinet was stationed.
“You know who was behind it all, don’t you?”
For a second, Kyungsoo froze, but he was quick to recollect and respond. “I do.”
His lips were pursed and Chanyeol could feel his chest heaving with anger that threatened to swell. “Who was it? And why didn’t you tell me--or anyone? Even Baek?”
“Because it didn’t matter anymore.” It was neither the expected answer, nor one that satisfied the question. “I found out who it was and threatened them with repercussions.”
“Well, it didn’t work. The letters never stopped until…” Chanyeol voice trailed off before he found it in him to finish. “The letters only stopped coming when people were beginning to find out that we broke up.”
“Isn’t that interesting...” Pulling open the middle drawer, Kyungsoo paid the latter no attention as his fingers perused through the folders until finding the one that caught his eyes. “Funny how coincidences work.”
Fed up with the coy games, Chanyeol left his post and walked in long strides over to the president, looming over him the moment he stopped just two feet away from where the latter was standing. “I’m not in the mood for this anymore. I want to know and you’re going to tell me.”
“Or else what?” Cocking his head, Kyungsoo smiled and maintained his features as he continued to challenge the male in front of him.
“Or else I’ll tell Baekhyun you knew all along who it was and didn’t do anything about it.”
Raising his brows, Kyungsoo was amused. His smile faltered by a millisecond before he shrugged. “Believe me. He’ll be upset at me but not as upset as he would be if he knew who it was and why they decided to target him… You wouldn’t like it either considering how it was all for you and only you.”
“Why won’t you just tell me!?” Chanyeol demanded, asking so angrily his hands had curled into fists against his side. “We broke up because of this, Kyungsoo! And I’m sure that this makes you happy, but guess what? I’m not… And I don’t think Baekhyun is either. I want to know who’s responsible for making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to be with me--hell. Good enough to be in a relationship with someone like me.”
“And if I told you,” Kyungsoo retorted, stepping forward as if to accept the latter’s challenge, “then what will you do? Beat them up? Scold them? Are you going to try and win him back because, as I recall, he broke it off with you... So wouldn’t you seem a little pathetic to go off chasing somebody who doesn’t want you anymore?”
“The way you chased after him long after he was with me?” Chanyeol’s jaw locked. “Yeah. It would be pathetic and I’m sure you’d know considering that was you the entire time him and I were together.”
Taken aback, Kyungsoo frowned. “I was only trying to protect him from--”
“You were trying to keep him from moving on.” Going after him, the athlete took one step forward and, for the first time, Kyungsoo felt as if he was...less than. “Tell me or I’ll find out myself. One way or another, I’m going to find out the truth and you’re not going to stop me.”
Scoffing, Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, lips almost sneering as he mocked the giant’s perseverance. “It’s been in front of your face this entire time. You’ve looked everywhere for the answer when it was right there and you were just too stupid to look in the one place you thought you never had to look for.”
“And where’s that?”
Looking at the folder in his hand, Kyungsoo kept his silence as moments passed before ultimately offering it up. “Your past.”
-
-
“Baekhyun.”
Jolting from his place, Baekhyun turned his head around and watched as Jihoon approached him with a box. “Yeah?”
“I need you to restock these in the store shelves,” the older man said, transferring the goods over to the brunet. “Afterwards, you can go home early. I’ll help the old man lock up.”
Shaking his head, Baekhyun refused the offer. “It’s alright. I’ll stay for as long as you need me to be here.”
“It’s a Friday night. Don’t high schoolers have things to do on Friday nights?”
“I suppose,” the brunet mumbled as he took the box from Jihoon’s possession and began to walk in the opposite direction. “I don’t have plans tonight so I’m okay with staying late.”
“Well, if you don’t have any plans, then let’s have dinner together after work.”
Baekhyun stopped. His breathing picked up and his grip on the box tightened. “I have to head straight up afterwards. I need to catch up with some homework.”
A lie.
Jihoon seemed disappointed, but the feeling faded as soon as it came across his face and the man soon followed behind Baekhyun. “Don’t even have time to spare for a snack?
“No.” He found that he had answered too curtly, possibly coming off as rude, and Baekhyun decided to immediately remedy that fact by turning around and offering a brief, feigned smile. “I’d rather get all my work done.”
“That’s alright. Maybe some other time then.”
Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something in response, but the words never left his mouth. He took into account his discomfort and utter annoyance at the constant feeling of being pursued. Granted, it wasn’t like he was mourning his past relationship, but the comments and invitations were too new to be rubbed against a wound so fresh… He just couldn’t help but see Jihoon as a physical embodiment of the mistakes and memories that he longed to forget and repress.
-
-
Baekhyun drew the hood of his jacket over his head as he stepped out the front of the store for the final time, leaving Jihoon and his former boss behind to close the shop. Stuffing his hands in his front pockets, he began to turn the corner to walk home, but he wasn’t more than half a block down before he stopped at the sight of a tall figure standing before him at the crosswalk.
Swallowing, Baekhyun almost felt himself shaking before he realized what his body was doing and used every being in his body to halt the action. His lips had gone dry, but he hardly noticed with other things preoccupying his mind.
“Hey…”
Chanyeol had spoken first and Baekhyun, realizing he couldn’t find his voice in that immediate second, nodded, acknowledging the athlete’s presence. “Hi.”
Seconds passed, but it felt more like minutes with the silence that dredged through the air before Chanyeol sighed and lifted up a hand, revealing a brown bag. “I brought you a sandwich from the supermarket deli… Thought you’d be hungry by the end of your shift.”
Baekhyun had lost his appetite after his conversation with Jihoon but the gesture was nice. Giving him a lopsided smile that was faint under the yellow light of the lamp post, Baekhyun accepted the bag. “Well, you thought right.”
Shrugging, Chanyeol grinned back. “I just have great intuition.”
“Unfortunately for you, I don’t,” Baekhyun said, eyeing him. “So I guess I’ll have to ask… What’re you doing here?”
The slightly playful feeling that surrounded them a few moments ago vanished within seconds and Chanyeol’s smile seemed less teasing than it did before. “I wanted to see you.”
With his shoulders slanted, Baekhyun sighed. “Chanyeol, I--”
“Listen,” the giant interrupted. “I’m not here to try and… I don’t know. I’m not here about...us. It’s not that.”
Baekhyun felt a blow against his chest, but his face remained stoic. “Alright…” he said in an encouraging way. “Then…?”
Biting down on his bottom lip, Chanyeol looked as if he was about to say something, only to hesitate and decide against it moments later. When he spoke, it seemed clumsy and awkward. “I just… We…” He pursed his lips. “There’s so much to say-- so much I want to tell you… I guess, I wanted to see you. That’s it. Before you say anything, I’m just telling you that I’m not expecting anything. I swear. I’m respecting the fact that we’re no longer in a… relationship, but, hey, I just thought we could talk. So, even if it means having to come here and bump into your co-worker--maybe new boyfriend--Shit. I don’t know, but anyways, what I’m trying to say is--”
“Ex..co-worker,” Baekhyun said slowly, making sure the latter heard. “And he’s not my new boyfriend.” It was tempting to call him an idiot, but the brunet held off, thinking it would be hypocritical to label someone something that he was guilty of being as well.
Blinking, Chanyeol frowned. “Wait, what?”
“I said, he’s not my--”
“You quit your job?” The giant seemed baffled and shocked. Baekhyun loved working at the store--or at least, he thought he did. “Why? What happened?”
Baekhyun brushed off the question. “Graduation’s coming up… I’ll be leaving soon. I don’t need the job anymore.”
“But why not quit after we graduate?” Chanyeol asked. “Why now?”
“I just…” There was a pause. “I just wasn’t comfortable there anymore. That’s all.”
“Did something happen?” Realizing how he might’ve been overstepping his boundaries, Chanyeol cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I mean… If you want to tell me, that is. You don’t have to.”
“No, it’s okay. Nothing...big happened,” Baekhyun said anyways, sighing as he shrugged. “It was time to quit anyways.”
“I see. Well, congratulations.”
“I guess,” Baekhyun repeated before looking at the male from head to toe. Noticing that he seemed ragged and tired, the brunet could only suspect that he had come straight from practice. “You look...good.”
“Don’t lie. I look terrible right now.” Chanyeol hung his head slightly. “We ran some last harder drills today. Coach wants us to be ready by tomorrow.”
“The regional game.”
Ears perked, Chanyeol smiled. “You know?”
“Everyone knows. They’ve been advertising it for weeks.”
“Well, that’s kind of why I came here tonight. I was going to ask if you could...go.”
Surprised by the request, Baekhyun gave him a gentle smile. “Chanyeol, you know I don’t like going to these things and… I don’t know if I feel comfortably going.”
“I know big crowds aren’t your thing, but--”
“It’s not the crowd, Chanyeol,” the brunet interjected, shaking his head. “It’s you. It just doesn’t feel right.”
Chanyeol stayed silent, his eyes dropping down to the concrete ground. “You know, you and I… We didn’t really end things on a good note.”
It was a fact that Baekhyun knew all too well. The constant blame he put on himself in the days and nights that followed that day was so loud that no music by any artist that he listened to could drown out the guilt. But he forced himself to keep his chin up high and move past the mess he had made.
“If I’m being honest, I’m holding myself back. By a lot.” Looking up, Chanyeol met the brunet’s eyes. “But I just want us to be okay, even if we’re not together.”
There was sadness locked away in the athlete’s dark eyes, and Baekhyun could do nothing but ignore it. The latter was holding back while Baekhyun was ready to pull away again and that was the only sign he needed to know that their jagged pieces weren’t meant to fit together anymore...
Baekhyun nodded, letting the giant knew that he understood. The sad longing they both felt was set aside and ignored, all for the best. “I know.”
“So, that’s why I’m here. To just invite you, I guess. Also because I wanted to see you, see how you were doing. Figured we’ve been ignoring each other enough.” Giving the male a small grin, Chanyeol silently fought with himself to remain composed--for lack of a better word. “I knew you probably weren’t going to come up to me first. If you had it your way, we probably wouldn’t talk for the rest of the year...even if that’s not what you actually want.”
The smile Baekhyun gave in return couldn’t hide the bittersweet and troubled feelings he had, but the giant chose not to address it. He knew what it was and how it felt. It didn’t need to said in order to be understood. They were already well aware.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Baekhyun started, taking in a deep breath, “I might go. Maybe. I won’t promise anything.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, if I knew all I had to do was get you a deli sandwich just so you’d go to my games, then I should’ve done that a long time ago.” Seeing the way the corner of Baekhyun’s lips twitched upwards before the latter would prevent him from noticing, Chanyeol laughed, feeling slightly more at ease with everything. “You know, if we win this game, we’ll go to the championship. Even if we don’t, there’ll be scouts there and, who knows? Maybe they’ll like me. I could use a scholarship or two.”
“I’m sure they’ll like you. You’re pretty decent at playing.”
“That’s exactly what they’re looking for,” the giant responded, snapping his finger. “Decent.”
Rolling his eyes at the sarcasm, Baekhyun snorted. “You know what I meant.”
“I know. I just couldn’t believe you gave me a mild compliment.”
“I--”
The sound of a bus stopping across the street interrupted Baekhyun and they both turned their attention to it. Knowing that Chanyeol lived in the opposite direction of his own home, Baekhyun pulled out his phone and checked the time displayed on the screen. “It’s getting pretty late... You should try and catch that bus.”
“I actually should… but there’s another one coming in twenty minutes so I thought I’d stay in the area and get something to eat, maybe. Something quick before heading back.”
“You can have this if you want?” Baekhyun held up the brown bag he’d been given. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“No, no,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head. “That’s for you. Really, I’m okay.”
Frowning up at him, Baekhyun furrowed his brows. “I don’t want you spending money on something I could just give you for free, you know.”
“But I got that for you.”
“Okay, but you’re--”
“Baekhyun, no. I--”
“Alright, fine.” Although he may have came off as such, he hadn’t relented. “Why don’t you…come over then--to my house, I mean. We have some leftovers.”
“No, it’s okay. I appreciate it, but--”
“You came all this way to give me a sandwich.” It was a fact. “You’re obviously tired from practice and your way over here. It wouldn’t hurt you to relax.”
“I mean… If you’re okay with it, then sure, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” the giant said, softly. “It’s really okay if I just go.”
There were words that Baekhyun couldn’t say nor would he allow himself to say. The guilt in his chest still existed, but by far less than what had manifested over time. Apologies and regrets threatened to force their way out into the world, but he managed to keep himself together. There would be different times and other places for such things. That night was an armistice.
Lightly grazing the boy’s hand with his own without full contact, Baekhyun turned on his heel and nodded in this direction of his house, a short and familiar walk to both... “Let’s go.”
Begin Again
a/n: unbeta-ed bc im impatient! and my beta is busy (boooo) anyways this is garbage but i'm wrapping things up. After everything that happened to me earlier this year and this fall, I'm still unsure on how to approach this story, but I've resolved some of the feelings I personally hold on things and it's helped me write this chapter (even if its poop!) I know how to end this story and their story. Writing it is just difficult so haha *disappears* peace
Chanyeol figured he was over it, but that was just a lie that he tried to build up to help him focus on other things. His coach was beating them with more drills than usual, and that was understandable. The regional championship was the biggest opportunity the school had gotten in more than a decade, and with the amount of pressure set on his team’s shoulders, it was almost dire that he blocked out any and every thought that came to mind that reminded him of Baekhyun.
That was often difficult to do, especially when it seemed like glimpses of him were more and more frequent than they were before, and it was no help to Chanyeol’s case when they managed to cross paths when the latter came out of an empty room with Kyungsoo for business that obviously did not concern him. But it was proving to be difficult.
How often had he stared at the ceiling of his basement bedroom, wondering if everything was alright? Had Baekhyun been eating? He looked fine, but Chanyeol knew how secretive the boy was with his reality. And was Baekhyun sleeping alright? Maybe he wasn’t…
As hard as Chanyeol tried not to care, it took everything that he had not to ask around. He had forgotten what it was like to move on without a cause. His past relationships didn’t mirror how he felt for the past two weeks.
He sat up, knowing that he just had to forget about it, but with so many things left unsaid and questions unanswered, how could he? But Baekhyun was unwilling to talk to him--or at least that was how he felt about it. There was just no point in wanting closure with someone he couldn’t emotionally let go yet. How they ended felt too fast, as if one moment they were perfectly fine, the next, they were bursting into flames and turning into ashes.
Graduation was nearing, which meant that so was their time together. Those who noticed and caught on with what had happened between them were kind enough to tell him that soon, he’d move away for college and forget about Baekhyun like they never happened, which was true. They were weeks away from moving into separate directions; a perfect opportunity to never look back and bury the memories without questioning a single one.
And yet, it only made him feel worse…
-
-
With all of his work done and caught up, Baekhyun was left with little to nothing to distract himself. Try as he wanted, repressing his feelings was becoming more and more difficult to the point where he almost felt like begging for more homework and papers to complete.
His desk was cleared and organized. Every pen had been put into its place, all his papers filed… There was absolutely nothing left to do. Sighing, Baekhyun pushed himself away from his desk and got up, heading over to his closet.
His bedroom walls were beginning to be too familiar and he needed to step out. He didn’t particularly have a destination in mind even as he made his way down the stairs and to the front door, but it didn’t matter. There was always something about running away that seemed so easy despite how complicated matters were in reality.
The cold air hit his face the moment he stepped out of the house, but Baekhyun ignored the feeling and closed the door behind him. Blood rushed to his cheeks, giving his face a faint tint of red, though it was noticeable underneath the blanket of the night.
His strides were fast and long as if he had a place to go, and Baekhyun didn’t exactly know why. Heading in the direction of the bus station, he wondered if he’d actually take a ride somewhere just for the hell of it or simply pass by and head elsewhere. The convenience store where Kyungsoo worked was along the way, but Baekhyun had no desire to see his friend. In fact, he didn’t feel like seeing anybody at all.
Eventually, the strides became jogs and Baekhyun found himself running under the lights.
-
-
Kyungsoo was rarely ever surprised, but to see Chanyeol standing outside the student government room caught him off guard. The boy was dressed in his training suit with a duffle bag on the side. It seemed obvious that he was getting ready to go to practice and the student government president was his one and only stop before then. Despite it being so, Kyungsoo didn’t know how to feel or react considering what he knew about the situation between the giant and his ex, but once he managed to pull his composure together, he approached the latter with a face as expressionless as the first day Chanyeol ever laid eyes on him.
“Odd seeing you here, Park,” the president said as he grabbed the handle of the door to slide it open. “Can’t say I was ever expecting you come by again since you don’t really have a reason to anymore.”
It was a petty dig and it didn’t hurt as much as it was possibly intended to, but Chanyeol felt it nonetheless. Choosing to ignore those feelings, he refused to address the comment in his response. “I just came by to ask you for a few favors.”
“How brave.”
Biting down his tongue, the jock decided against saying the first thing that came to his mind. Instead, he followed the latter into the classroom without invite. “It’s about...Baek.”
“Of course, it is,” Kyungsoo muttered, rolling his eyes as he flipped the light switches on. “When it is ever not? Didn’t you two break up already? If so, then why’re you still asking for things that concern him?”
“I’m really not here to pick a fight with you, Soo.” Chanyeol stayed by the door. “I just came by to ask if you could tell him that the regional game is this Saturday. It’ll be over in the Gangnam district, but I have a flier with me with the address and everything and--”
Kyungsoo turned his head and looked at the giant when intrigued eyes. “You could tell him all of this yourself. You don’t need me to act like some messenger.”
“I… I don’t want him to know I want him there.”
“And what exactly do you want to accomplish by this?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Nothing. Just… Can you just extend the invitation over?”
A pause ensued and as useless as the favor seemed to him, Kyungsoo shrugged. “Sure. Can’t imagine he’d actually go, though. It wouldn’t be like him.”
Chanyeol wanted to argue against the presumption. He already knew that Baekhyun probably had no intention of attending, but it was worth the shot even if there was ultimately no goal. Besides, he was being honest when he said that he just wanted the brunet there… and Chanyeol wasn’t going to deny that.
“Is that all?”
The question brought Chanyeol’s attention back to the president as he raised his brows and, for a second, seemed to forget his other purpose for approaching him that day. “No… It’s not.”
“Okay. What else is there for me to entertain you with? Take your time. I have all day.” The tone of his voice said otherwise, but Kyungsoo made it a point to flaunt his obvious sarcasm rather than to hide it behind feigned interest.
Holding himself back once more, Chanyeol let the comment pass. “It’s about those letters and… and that incident that happened with Baekhyun and the shed.”
“What about it?” Kyungsoo muttered as he headed over to the corner were a larger cabinet was stationed.
“You know who was behind it all, don’t you?”
For a second, Kyungsoo froze, but he was quick to recollect and respond. “I do.”
His lips were pursed and Chanyeol could feel his chest heaving with anger that threatened to swell. “Who was it? And why didn’t you tell me--or anyone? Even Baek?”
“Because it didn’t matter anymore.” It was neither the expected answer, nor one that satisfied the question. “I found out who it was and threatened them with repercussions.”
“Well, it didn’t work. The letters never stopped until…” Chanyeol voice trailed off before he found it in him to finish. “The letters only stopped coming when people were beginning to find out that we broke up.”
“Isn’t that interesting...” Pulling open the middle drawer, Kyungsoo paid the latter no attention as his fingers perused through the folders until finding the one that caught his eyes. “Funny how coincidences work.”
Fed up with the coy games, Chanyeol left his post and walked in long strides over to the president, looming over him the moment he stopped just two feet away from where the latter was standing. “I’m not in the mood for this anymore. I want to know and you’re going to tell me.”
“Or else what?” Cocking his head, Kyungsoo smiled and maintained his features as he continued to challenge the male in front of him.
“Or else I’ll tell Baekhyun you knew all along who it was and didn’t do anything about it.”
Raising his brows, Kyungsoo was amused. His smile faltered by a millisecond before he shrugged. “Believe me. He’ll be upset at me but not as upset as he would be if he knew who it was and why they decided to target him… You wouldn’t like it either considering how it was all for you and only you.”
“Why won’t you just tell me!?” Chanyeol demanded, asking so angrily his hands had curled into fists against his side. “We broke up because of this, Kyungsoo! And I’m sure that this makes you happy, but guess what? I’m not… And I don’t think Baekhyun is either. I want to know who’s responsible for making him feel like he wasn’t good enough to be with me--hell. Good enough to be in a relationship with someone like me.”
“And if I told you,” Kyungsoo retorted, stepping forward as if to accept the latter’s challenge, “then what will you do? Beat them up? Scold them? Are you going to try and win him back because, as I recall, he broke it off with you... So wouldn’t you seem a little pathetic to go off chasing somebody who doesn’t want you anymore?”
“The way you chased after him long after he was with me?” Chanyeol’s jaw locked. “Yeah. It would be pathetic and I’m sure you’d know considering that was you the entire time him and I were together.”
Taken aback, Kyungsoo frowned. “I was only trying to protect him from--”
“You were trying to keep him from moving on.” Going after him, the athlete took one step forward and, for the first time, Kyungsoo felt as if he was...less than. “Tell me or I’ll find out myself. One way or another, I’m going to find out the truth and you’re not going to stop me.”
Scoffing, Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, lips almost sneering as he mocked the giant’s perseverance. “It’s been in front of your face this entire time. You’ve looked everywhere for the answer when it was right there and you were just too stupid to look in the one place you thought you never had to look for.”
“And where’s that?”
Looking at the folder in his hand, Kyungsoo kept his silence as moments passed before ultimately offering it up. “Your past.”
-
-
“Baekhyun.”
Jolting from his place, Baekhyun turned his head around and watched as Jihoon approached him with a box. “Yeah?”
“I need you to restock these in the store shelves,” the older man said, transferring the goods over to the brunet. “Afterwards, you can go home early. I’ll help the old man lock up.”
Shaking his head, Baekhyun refused the offer. “It’s alright. I’ll stay for as long as you need me to be here.”
“It’s a Friday night. Don’t high schoolers have things to do on Friday nights?”
“I suppose,” the brunet mumbled as he took the box from Jihoon’s possession and began to walk in the opposite direction. “I don’t have plans tonight so I’m okay with staying late.”
“Well, if you don’t have any plans, then let’s have dinner together after work.”
Baekhyun stopped. His breathing picked up and his grip on the box tightened. “I have to head straight up afterwards. I need to catch up with some homework.”
A lie.
Jihoon seemed disappointed, but the feeling faded as soon as it came across his face and the man soon followed behind Baekhyun. “Don’t even have time to spare for a snack?
“No.” He found that he had answered too curtly, possibly coming off as rude, and Baekhyun decided to immediately remedy that fact by turning around and offering a brief, feigned smile. “I’d rather get all my work done.”
“That’s alright. Maybe some other time then.”
Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something in response, but the words never left his mouth. He took into account his discomfort and utter annoyance at the constant feeling of being pursued. Granted, it wasn’t like he was mourning his past relationship, but the comments and invitations were too new to be rubbed against a wound so fresh… He just couldn’t help but see Jihoon as a physical embodiment of the mistakes and memories that he longed to forget and repress.
-
-
Baekhyun drew the hood of his jacket over his head as he stepped out the front of the store for the final time, leaving Jihoon and his former boss behind to close the shop. Stuffing his hands in his front pockets, he began to turn the corner to walk home, but he wasn’t more than half a block down before he stopped at the sight of a tall figure standing before him at the crosswalk.
Swallowing, Baekhyun almost felt himself shaking before he realized what his body was doing and used every being in his body to halt the action. His lips had gone dry, but he hardly noticed with other things preoccupying his mind.
“Hey…”
Chanyeol had spoken first and Baekhyun, realizing he couldn’t find his voice in that immediate second, nodded, acknowledging the athlete’s presence. “Hi.”
Seconds passed, but it felt more like minutes with the silence that dredged through the air before Chanyeol sighed and lifted up a hand, revealing a brown bag. “I brought you a sandwich from the supermarket deli… Thought you’d be hungry by the end of your shift.”
Baekhyun had lost his appetite after his conversation with Jihoon but the gesture was nice. Giving him a lopsided smile that was faint under the yellow light of the lamp post, Baekhyun accepted the bag. “Well, you thought right.”
Shrugging, Chanyeol grinned back. “I just have great intuition.”
“Unfortunately for you, I don’t,” Baekhyun said, eyeing him. “So I guess I’ll have to ask… What’re you doing here?”
The slightly playful feeling that surrounded them a few moments ago vanished within seconds and Chanyeol’s smile seemed less teasing than it did before. “I wanted to see you.”
With his shoulders slanted, Baekhyun sighed. “Chanyeol, I--”
“Listen,” the giant interrupted. “I’m not here to try and… I don’t know. I’m not here about...us. It’s not that.”
Baekhyun felt a blow against his chest, but his face remained stoic. “Alright…” he said in an encouraging way. “Then…?”
Biting down on his bottom lip, Chanyeol looked as if he was about to say something, only to hesitate and decide against it moments later. When he spoke, it seemed clumsy and awkward. “I just… We…” He pursed his lips. “There’s so much to say-- so much I want to tell you… I guess, I wanted to see you. That’s it. Before you say anything, I’m just telling you that I’m not expecting anything. I swear. I’m respecting the fact that we’re no longer in a… relationship, but, hey, I just thought we could talk. So, even if it means having to come here and bump into your co-worker--maybe new boyfriend--Shit. I don’t know, but anyways, what I’m trying to say is--”
“Ex..co-worker,” Baekhyun said slowly, making sure the latter heard. “And he’s not my new boyfriend.” It was tempting to call him an idiot, but the brunet held off, thinking it would be hypocritical to label someone something that he was guilty of being as well.
Blinking, Chanyeol frowned. “Wait, what?”
“I said, he’s not my--”
“You quit your job?” The giant seemed baffled and shocked. Baekhyun loved working at the store--or at least, he thought he did. “Why? What happened?”
Baekhyun brushed off the question. “Graduation’s coming up… I’ll be leaving soon. I don’t need the job anymore.”
“But why not quit after we graduate?” Chanyeol asked. “Why now?”
“I just…” There was a pause. “I just wasn’t comfortable there anymore. That’s all.”
“Did something happen?” Realizing how he might’ve been overstepping his boundaries, Chanyeol cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I mean… If you want to tell me, that is. You don’t have to.”
“No, it’s okay. Nothing...big happened,” Baekhyun said anyways, sighing as he shrugged. “It was time to quit anyways.”
“I see. Well, congratulations.”
“I guess,” Baekhyun repeated before looking at the male from head to toe. Noticing that he seemed ragged and tired, the brunet could only suspect that he had come straight from practice. “You look...good.”
“Don’t lie. I look terrible right now.” Chanyeol hung his head slightly. “We ran some last harder drills today. Coach wants us to be ready by tomorrow.”
“The regional game.”
Ears perked, Chanyeol smiled. “You know?”
“Everyone knows. They’ve been advertising it for weeks.”
“Well, that’s kind of why I came here tonight. I was going to ask if you could...go.”
Surprised by the request, Baekhyun gave him a gentle smile. “Chanyeol, you know I don’t like going to these things and… I don’t know if I feel comfortably going.”
“I know big crowds aren’t your thing, but--”
“It’s not the crowd, Chanyeol,” the brunet interjected, shaking his head. “It’s you. It just doesn’t feel right.”
Chanyeol stayed silent, his eyes dropping down to the concrete ground. “You know, you and I… We didn’t really end things on a good note.”
It was a fact that Baekhyun knew all too well. The constant blame he put on himself in the days and nights that followed that day was so loud that no music by any artist that he listened to could drown out the guilt. But he forced himself to keep his chin up high and move past the mess he had made.
“If I’m being honest, I’m holding myself back. By a lot.” Looking up, Chanyeol met the brunet’s eyes. “But I just want us to be okay, even if we’re not together.”
There was sadness locked away in the athlete’s dark eyes, and Baekhyun could do nothing but ignore it. The latter was holding back while Baekhyun was ready to pull away again and that was the only sign he needed to know that their jagged pieces weren’t meant to fit together anymore...
Baekhyun nodded, letting the giant knew that he understood. The sad longing they both felt was set aside and ignored, all for the best. “I know.”
“So, that’s why I’m here. To just invite you, I guess. Also because I wanted to see you, see how you were doing. Figured we’ve been ignoring each other enough.” Giving the male a small grin, Chanyeol silently fought with himself to remain composed--for lack of a better word. “I knew you probably weren’t going to come up to me first. If you had it your way, we probably wouldn’t talk for the rest of the year...even if that’s not what you actually want.”
The smile Baekhyun gave in return couldn’t hide the bittersweet and troubled feelings he had, but the giant chose not to address it. He knew what it was and how it felt. It didn’t need to said in order to be understood. They were already well aware.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Baekhyun started, taking in a deep breath, “I might go. Maybe. I won’t promise anything.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, if I knew all I had to do was get you a deli sandwich just so you’d go to my games, then I should’ve done that a long time ago.” Seeing the way the corner of Baekhyun’s lips twitched upwards before the latter would prevent him from noticing, Chanyeol laughed, feeling slightly more at ease with everything. “You know, if we win this game, we’ll go to the championship. Even if we don’t, there’ll be scouts there and, who knows? Maybe they’ll like me. I could use a scholarship or two.”
“I’m sure they’ll like you. You’re pretty decent at playing.”
“That’s exactly what they’re looking for,” the giant responded, snapping his finger. “Decent.”
Rolling his eyes at the sarcasm, Baekhyun snorted. “You know what I meant.”
“I know. I just couldn’t believe you gave me a mild compliment.”
“I--”
The sound of a bus stopping across the street interrupted Baekhyun and they both turned their attention to it. Knowing that Chanyeol lived in the opposite direction of his own home, Baekhyun pulled out his phone and checked the time displayed on the screen. “It’s getting pretty late... You should try and catch that bus.”
“I actually should… but there’s another one coming in twenty minutes so I thought I’d stay in the area and get something to eat, maybe. Something quick before heading back.”
“You can have this if you want?” Baekhyun held up the brown bag he’d been given. “I wouldn’t mind.”
“No, no,” Chanyeol said, shaking his head. “That’s for you. Really, I’m okay.”
Frowning up at him, Baekhyun furrowed his brows. “I don’t want you spending money on something I could just give you for free, you know.”
“But I got that for you.”
“Okay, but you’re--”
“Baekhyun, no. I--”
“Alright, fine.” Although he may have came off as such, he hadn’t relented. “Why don’t you…come over then--to my house, I mean. We have some leftovers.”
“No, it’s okay. I appreciate it, but--”
“You came all this way to give me a sandwich.” It was a fact. “You’re obviously tired from practice and your way over here. It wouldn’t hurt you to relax.”
“I mean… If you’re okay with it, then sure, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” the giant said, softly. “It’s really okay if I just go.”
There were words that Baekhyun couldn’t say nor would he allow himself to say. The guilt in his chest still existed, but by far less than what had manifested over time. Apologies and regrets threatened to force their way out into the world, but he managed to keep himself together. There would be different times and other places for such things. That night was an armistice.
Lightly grazing the boy’s hand with his own without full contact, Baekhyun turned on his heel and nodded in this direction of his house, a short and familiar walk to both... “Let’s go.”