And Then There Was You 7
And Then There Was You
Chapter 7: Shores
a/n: this is 5.8k and it's honestly GARBAGE. i wanted to do so much more but i am pooped and it was longer than i expected and i feel unaccomplished but my beta says its fine and that i should be confident so this is the best update EVER
It was never in his plans to find himself approaching Chanyeol after work, especially when he looked so unpresentable in his mind, but then again, it was never in anyone’s plan for him to have Kyungsoo, who was the reason for seeking out the giant for a favor. Baekhyun almost hated how he smelled like the ocean and the subtle hints that reminded him of the market place, but it was only applicable in that moment. He didn’t understand the nervousness that came with being in front of Chanyeol’s presence again. Those feelings were so juvenile and childish that he wanted to rid himself of them so badly, and yet… he couldn’t.
His fist was curled just inches away from the Park’s door, but every time he told himself he’d knock, Baekhyun couldn’t do it. Pulling away a few times, he took a breather and hung his head in an effort to recollect his courage and pride. Then, once again, he tried to knock, but stopped just before making contact with the door.
Cursing at himself, Baekhyun backed away from the door, running his hand through his hair in frustration. Maybe he should bother Chanyeol some other time when he felt like he was actually presentable. Making the decision to try again later that week, the brunet turned on his heel and began walking away only to be stopped a few feet short of the gate by someone calling his name. WIthout having to wonder who, Baekhyun sucked in a breath of air before forcing a smile on his face as he turned to face the giant standing underneath the door arch.
“Hey,” he said, initially trying to sound as casual as he could before realizing he was only making things sound more forced. Clearing his throat, he slowly approached Chanyeol, though he made sure to keep his distance. “Um…”
Raising a brow, Chanyeol waited for the brunet to finish knowing full well that Baekhyun was struggling to even speak. But, to him, it was a bit entertaining watching the man fumble and hoping that he’d say something to alleviate the awkwardness.
Realizing that he wasn’t going to have any help from his ex and that Chanyeol was essentially forcing him to get straight to the point as to why he was there in the first place, Baekhyun sighed in front of him, making it clear that he wasn’t going to play the silent game. “Are you free tomorrow?”
It was a stupid question to ask. Chanyeol was on vacation in a small town that had nothing to offer for entertainment (except nature), so of course, the man had nothing to do tomorrow. Baekhyun immediately felt himself turn a shade of red darker and looked away, hoping that Chanyeol would answer soon.
Luckily for him, he did.
“I am. Why?”
Baekhyun’s chest heaved before he answered. “Would you mind... spending some time with Kyungsoo?”
The request caught Chanyeol off guard as he uncrossed his arms and looked at the flustered male with curious eyes. “I don’t mind, but…” He paused. “Is there a reason why you’re asking me to spend time with him? Don’t get me wrong, Baek, but I really wasn’t expecting you to ask me this.”
“It’s just that Kyungsoo found out you were a celebrity, and he… Well, it’s not every day that someone famous comes to this part of the country, you know?” He spoke a little too fast, but Baekhyun couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the nerves or the anxiety, but it was a good and valid excuse to give--at least for him, it was.
“Oh…”
Baekhyun blinked. Did he hear a hint of disappointment in Chanyeol’s voice or was he imagining nonsense? Shaking the feeling off, he stuffed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and pursed his lips.
“Yeah, so since he won’t have class tomorrow, maybe I can bring him over around noon and pick him up later in the evening. I have work, but I’ll make time before going back.”
“Alright.” Chanyeol looked at him as if he was attempting to figure out what was so off about the situation. Maybe there was nothing off at all and the kid really was just interested in meeting a celebrity. If anything, being starstruck could’ve been the reason for why Kyungsoo was so silent and off around him. It was probably nothing and he was just overthinking.
“Okay, great,” Baekhyun said, his voice a little bit too high for both of their liking. Clearing his throat, he smiled and hesitantly raised a hand to wave good-bye. “Thank you again, Yeol. Kyungsoo will be really excited to hear that you’re on-board.”
“Anything for a fan,” Chanyeol said jokingly, waving back with a more sure hand. “I’m not really sure how I am with kids, so this’ll be interesting.”
“I’m sure you’ll learn quick.”
“If you say so.”
-
-
“Dad?”
Kyungsoo waited patiently at their small eating table for his father to respond to him, but even he could see that the brunet had something on his mind. It was only when the six year old called out again that Baekhyun finally ceased rummaging around in the kitchen in his search for a large pot and looked back to acknowledge the boy.
“I’m so sorry, Soo. What did you say?” he said, apologetically.
“Did you ask?”
Baekhyun saw the excitement flash in the boy’s eyes despite his mannerism and tone being so calm and cautious. “Yes, I did, hon. He said that you guys can spend time together tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, Soo. I promise,” Baekhyun said, holding up his right pinky. In response, Kyungsoo lifted his own and they hooked their fingers together. “Are you happy?”
Without skipping a beat, Kyungsoo nodded, trying to hide the tiniest smile.
-
-
There was a little bit of guilt that creeped in the back of his mind that he never mentioned to Chanyeol about how Kyungsoo requested to spend time with all three of them and not just one-on-one alone time with him and his father. He even decided to keep that bit of information from Chanyeol. At the time, he didn’t know why he couldn’t tell the man. Maybe he was being selfish--no. He was being selfish.
Distracted with his thoughts, Baekhyun jolted when he felt a hand touch his right shoulder. Turning around, he let out a sigh upon seeing Jongin’s face. “Oh...Hey.”
“Hey… Are you okay?”
Straightening his posture, Baekhyun fixed a smile on his face. “Yeah, I’m fine! Why do you ask?”
“Nothing. You just looked a little worried before.”
“Worried?” For a moment, the smile on his face faltered, yet somehow, he managed. “Ah, um, maybe. I just have a lot of things going on.”
“That’s rare,” Jongin replied, giving the man a comforting look. “You never have more than a few things going on. There’s not a lot here to do, I mean.”
Shrugging, Baekhyun agreed. “I know, but…”
“But… Chanyeol’s in town, right?” Jongin raised his brow at the other’s expression before chuckling as he passed him to tend to the front of the stand. “I know you, Baek, and I know that face. You’ve had that face since you found out he was back.”
Huffing, Baekhyun bent down and lifted a box of freshly delivered tomatoes. “He’s not back. He’s just here temporarily.”
“Well, yeah,” the latter said, taking a seat on a wooden stool. “But that hasn’t stopped you from acting nervous and worried whenever he’s around.”
It was a slow afternoon at the market. Not a lot of folks were buying, which was expected since most worked during the day and only came by in the evening. After setting down the box at the front of the stand, Baekhyun decided to take a seat next to the younger man.
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“Understand what?”
Baekhyun crossed his arms. “It’s just not easy to see your ex again and… you know. Interact.”
Rolling his eyes, Jongin scoffed. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship, Baek, but I’m pretty sure that six years post-break up is enough time for someone to get over those types of nerves.”
“This is different,” Baekhyun argued. “It’s like…”
“Like what?”
“It’s like when I left, it never stopped.” Pausing, the brunet looked away. “It’s like I just pause, and since he came back, everything feels like we’re just picking up where we left off… Kind of.”
“Are you talking about your feelings for him?”
Baekhyun was silent for a few moments, but not because the question caught him off guard. In fact, it didn’t bother him at all, almost as if he already knew that he did harbor feelings for the man who helped father his son. But to admit it to someone else besides himself was something that he hadn’t done. In the end, he decided that it didn’t matter if he admitted to his own emotions or not. Chanyeol would be gone within a week and he’d never see him again--at least, not for a very long time.
After some time passed, he nodded slightly. Just enough for Jongin to notice. “Yeah… That.”
Chuckling, Jongin looked away from him, combing through his hands. “I can’t say I’m not surprised. I suspected it. I mean, it wasn’t like you were very good at hiding it, either.”
“Was I that obvious?” Baekhyun asked, showing some concern in his voice and stature. If he really was that transparent, then that would mean that Chanyeol could also tell how he felt… It was embarrassing, but he fought against the feeling, telling himself that he was merely overthinking it.
“Kind of, but not as much as you probably think,” Jongin assured him. Then, with a smile on his face, he reached over and touched the latter’s shoulder. “But listen. It’ll be okay. Whatever it is that you’re worried about? It’ll be fine and it’ll all work out.”
Sighing, Baekhyun turned his eyes towards the open sea and pondered if it really would be okay in the end. He was hoping for the best despite all his concerns with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, thinking that maybe he was overthinking and, for once, allow himself to slowly let go.
-
-
What did kids like to do? How was he going to keep one child entertained for at least a few hours? Most of the parents that he knew gave their children ipads or paid caretakers to keep them off their hands--as sad as that was. But Chanyeol didn’t have anything to offer, nor did he want to pass Kyungsoo off to another adult just to keep his peace and quiet at home because, for one reason or another, he was actually excited.
Chanyeol caught himself looking at his watch more times than he actually would’ve liked to admit to himself. Eventually, he stopped listening to the ticks and counted each wave that landed on the beach as a way to pass time as he waited in his house for Baekhyun to come around with the boy. His boy…
It was still weird to think about--Baekhyun being a parent and all. But Chanyeol was beginning to settle with the idea and it began to feel natural. Of course, they weren’t the same high schoolers from before. Time had obviously passed, he had furthered his career, and Baekhyun became a father… It was just life and Kyungsoo was the proof.
The sound of knocking at the door brought Chanyeol back to his senses. Rising up from his bed, he made his way over to the window and peered out. Spotting Baekhyun’s faded red bicycle leaning against the post in front of his home made him nervous. The beating in his chest was climactic and it was only the consequent knock on his door once again that broke the spell. Shaking his head, he muttered words to himself, annoyed at his boyish feelings.
As he walked down the stairs, he saw Yoora wiping her hands as she exited the kitchen area and headed towards the front. He stopped her with a hand gesture. “I’ll get it,” he said before turning his back to her.
Raising her brows, Yoora watched as her younger brother stood in front of the entrance for a moment in a still stance before seemingly inhaling and opening the door to the guests outside. She moved to the side to see who it was that was knocking, and was surprised to see Baekhyun with Kyungsoo standing in front of him.
“Hi.” Baekhyun seemed a little stiff, but Chanyeol brushed it off. Maybe he had a hard day at work today.
“Hey…” The pause that followed was longer than he would’ve liked. Snapping a smile to his face, Chanyeol moved aside and created enough space for both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to enter his home. “Do you want to come in for a while? We have food in the back-- Well. At least, I think we do--”
“Yes, we have food, Chanyeol,” Yoora said from behind him. When Chanyeol looked back at her, she was smiling with amusement in her eyes before she turned her attention to Kyungsoo. “Are you hungry, Soo?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo answered quietly, nodded his head. However, he didn’t move from where he stood. Instead, he looked up at Chanyeol.
“Um, thank you, Yoora,” Baekhyun said when the six year old said nothing more. “But I think he’s been saving his appetite this entire day.”
“You mean he hasn’t eaten the entire day?” Chanyeol looked concerned as he glanced down to meet the dark eyes looking at him.
“Chanyeol, he…” Baekhyun pursed his lips. Lowering his voice for only Chanyeol to hear, he continued. “He wanted to eat out with you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
That was surprising, but then again, it was Kyungsoo who asked to spend the day with him--or at least a few hours. He felt touched that the six year old was excited enough to save his appetite for him, but it was still considerably new for Kyungsoo to show this much interest in him. For the longest while, he thought that he was disliked by the ever silent boy, but it seemed like he was wrong. Maybe Baekhyun was right. Maybe he was just starstrucked by him.
Sensing that her presence was not needed, Yoora decided to leave the two alone. “I’ll be in the back, Yeol. Call out if you need me.”
“Okay.”
Her brother sounded a bit distracted, but Yoora couldn’t fault him. “Have fun you two! And make sure you feed Kyungsoo.”
Chuckling, Baekhyun smiled at her. “Thanks, Yoora. I’ll give him the quick run down.”
“You better. Even Chanyeol says that he’s not very good with kids!”
Rolling at his sister’s attempt to discredit him, Chanyeol looked back at Baekhyun and shrugged. “I’m not as bad as she makes me sound, but the amount of experience I’ve had with kids has been...minimal.”
“I can imagine,” Baekhyun replied with a little shrug of his own. “I don’t exactly see you with kids in your day to day life.”
“You’re right.” It was the truth, after all. “But it’s never too late, right?”
Baekhyun thought about it for a while. Chanyeol was right, but the giant just didn’t know to what extent his words were actually true. In reality, it really was never too late to start anything, even if seven years had passed in silence like a ghost to him.
“Yeah… Never.” Loosening the hold he had on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, Baekhyun took a moment before gently pushing the boy a little closer to his father. “Well, I guess this is the part where I tell you two to have fun?”
“I guess?” Chanyeol said, laughing. “I’ve never...done this before.”
“Me either…” Biting his bottom lip, Baekhyun looked down just as Kyungsoo looked back at him. He could see confusion in the boy’s eyes, and he tried to push it off. But, being a father, it was hard to ignore the sense of betrayal that he got from the six year old. “So, um, Kyungsoo doesn’t have any food allergies, so he can eat anything. He’s also not a very picky eater, but he likes apple slices as picnic food for the beach so I brought some with me. I...trust you to keep him safe, but if there’s any emergency, just call me.”
“So, I guess this is the part where I ask for your number?” Chanyeol gave him a grin, and Baekhyun tried to suppress the feelings by looking away briefly.
“Yeah.” The moment felt so nostalgic of their youth, and that was something that was strongly felt, yet ignored by both. “Here, give me your phone and I’ll just give you my number.”
“Sure.” Digging into his back pocket, Chanyeol grabbed his cell phone and handed it over without a thought.
“Thanks,” Baekhyun mumbled as he fumbled with the device for a moment. When it woke from its power-saving mode, he was met with a text on the screen. Raising his brows, he handed it back to Chanyeol. “Chae-Yeong says she misses you.”
Chanyeol cursed under his breath as he read the messages and subsequently deleted them after. “Sorry. She’s not important.”
Baekhyun made no comment as he was given back the phone. This time, he made it a point to focus on inputting his information into the man’s contacts and giving it back without seeing another glimpse of his life. It was a reality that he’d rather not know about, especially not with the feelings and the nostalgic attachment that he was fighting so hard against.
After pocketing the phone, Chanyeol put a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, replacing where Baekhyun’s presence was once prominent. “I promise I’ll take care of him, and I’ll make sure he’ll have fun today.”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face was soft and genuine. “I know.” Then, he looked at Kyungsoo, addressing the look in the boy’s eyes. “Be good, okay? Don’t forget to have fun. I’ll see you later tonight.”
For the first time since they arrived, Kyungsoo spoke. “You promised.”
“We’ll talk about this later, Soo,” Baekhyun responded, trying to make him understand. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Kyungsoo only stared back in disappointment before nodding and silently moving to Chanyeol’s side. Sighing, Baekhyun’s expression fell as he looked on from his son’s face and back towards the man in front of him. “Sorry. It’s just that I promised him I’d be joining, too, but... work.”
“Right.” He half-bought the excuse, but he had a feeling as to why that excuse came up. “Well, I wish you could’ve joined us today.”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face faltered for a split second, but Chanyeol caught a glimpse of it. “I know… It’s just that I really couldn’t. Not today, I mean.”
“Maybe some other time then.”
“Maybe.” Baekhyun paused for a second before recalling that he had a few things to hand over to his ex. In his other hand, he held a bag full of food that he had prepared prior to their ride over to the Parks’ home. “Here. I made a few dishes for both of you.”
“For both of us?” Chanyeol took the offered bag. “You didn’t have to.”
“Well, I didn’t think it’d be fair to make Kyungsoo’s favorites without making yours, too.”
“Mine?”
“Yes, yours.” It was almost as if he hated to admit it. Before Chanyeol could make a comment on it, Baekhyun moved topics. “Anyways, I put an extra set of clothes in Kyungsoo’s mini backpack and some water, but I think you should carry a bit more just in case. He knows how to swim, but just keep an eye out and keep him near the shore.”
“Got it.”
“I… I think that’s it. Like I said, call me if anything happens.”
“You have nothing to worry about,” Chanyeol said, attempting to reassure the brunet. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to Kyungsoo. He’s your son, after all.”
Baekhyun opened his mouth to retort, but stopped short of his first word, deciding against what he initially wanted to say. “Just be careful, okay?”
“It shouldn’t be that hard. We’re only going to the beach, right?”
“I know, but--”
“Relax, Baek. I got this.”
“It’s not that. It’s--” Baekhyun stopped himself again. “Honestly, you’re right. I’m just worrying too much over this.”
“This can’t be the first time you’re leaving him with someone else,” Chanyeol said, trying to give him a comforting smile. “Are you worried because of my lack of experience?”
“Yes,” the brunet said bluntly, though it wasn’t the entire truth. “But I trust you. I really do.”
“I appreciate that.”
Nodding his head, Baekhyun ran a hand through his hair as he heaved a sigh, trying to relax. “Right… So, I guess I’ll go now. Mr. Lee’s expecting me to help Jongin with loading some crates and produce today, so I have to get back. I just came to drop Soo off.”
“I see. Well, say hi to Jongin for me,” Chanyeol said, a bit more tight-lipped than he would’ve liked.
Oblivious to the giant’s slight change in tone, Baekhyun continued to nod, distracted by his own thoughts. “I will.” As he knelt down, he cupped Kyungsoo’s face with his hands, placing a kiss on the boy’s flushed cheeks. “I know what’s in that little mind of yours, but I promise I will make it up to you. This time, I’ll keep this promise. I swear. But have fun and be careful, Soo… I mean it.”
After their exchange, Baekhyun stood back up and locked eyes with Chanyeol. “Thanks again for agreeing to this. I know you didn’t have to and you are on vacation.”
“To be honest with you, Baek, I don’t mind this at all.”
“Really?” Baekhyun’s ears perked. It was surprising, but nice to hear. “I know how you are, Chanyeol, so I really wasn’t expecting--”
“It’s fine, Baek. Really. We’ll have fun today because, unlike you, I won’t be a boring ‘dad’,” Chanyeol teased, unaware of the way that Kyungsoo inhaled sharply as the boy watched him. “I know you think I’m this crazy guy--and I am, don’t get me wrong--but I know what I’m doing.”
“I hope so… Ah, I should get going now,” Baekhyun muttered as he took a glance at the watch on his wrist. “It’s almost time. I’ll see you both tonight, but if its easier for you, you can just come back here and I can pick him up. Whichever works best, but just call me and let me know.”
“Sure, I’ll just text you if--”
“No, no. Call. It’s easier and faster that way. Plus, I don’t like texting. It takes a while.”
“Oh, right.” Chanyeol forgot that the latter used an old flip phone. Maybe he should buy him a smart phone as a gift… “Then I’ll call.”
“Great.” As Baekhyun turned and began to walk away, he stopped midway in the yard to turn around and wave good-bye. He didn’t expect to be so affected by the sight of Chanyeol holding Kyungsoo in front of him, but he was… It left like he was leaving behind his husband and child for the day to go to work, and it almost seemed real if it hadn’t been for the sharp realization that it was just all in his head.
He continued to play it off as he walked away, pushing down his worries and the feelings that kept crashing back to his shores, and set the gears to the rusted red bike into forward motion.
-
-
It wasn’t until some time had passed, around thirty minutes after Baekhyun had left, that Chanyeol was finally ready to leave his home. Kyungsoo was quiet and unwilling to converse as he sat in the living room, waiting for him to pack up some things that he thought were essential like some food, water bottles, and some bandages in case something minor happened like a scraped knee (plausible). But it was always a way to give him time in order to come up with questions or conversation starters that would actually intrigue the kid he was supposed to keep company until that evening.
After packing up a dusty and old backpack that he had found in his room (his old high school bag), he met up with Kyungsoo who was standing by the door after sensing that his father was done. Smiling down at him, Chanyeol offered him his hand, figuring that holding the child’s hand was what responsible adults were supposed to do with children when going somewhere with them. He didn’t expect Kyungsoo to take it, thinking that the independant six year old would prefer to walk by himself, but to his surprise, Kyungsoo had no problem with holding his hand, gripping it with a tightness that caught Chanyeol off guard.
As they began walking along the road and in the direction of an isolated beach near Chanyeol’s home, the silence between them had become comfortable and nothing like the tense, static silence that took place in the house. There was a feeling of calm and peace, something that seemed like such a luxury in the musician’s everyday life. The feeling of a child’s small, gentle hand tightly squeezing his own also brought a feeling of warmth that Chanyeol never thought he’d experience. After years and years of swearing off children and the very thought of a small human being derailing his life in any way, being with Kyungsoo as an adult who was responsible for his safety, Chanyeol felt fulfilled. He couldn’t understand it. It was such an odd sensation that threw him off, but there was something about that moment that Chanyeol enjoyed.
Thinking that, despite the comfortable silence, he might as well attempt to try and talk to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol decided to begin talking in the hopes that the six year old would reciprocate.
“So, what’re you learning about in school right now?” It was really hard trying to talk with children… But then again, he didn’t have much experience.
It took a few moments before Chanyeol received any type of response. He watched as Kyungsoo’s lips pursed as if he was thinking about the question or about how he would answer. Maybe, in his little mind, he was deciding on what aspect of his young life he wanted to share with a total stranger that he only knew as “Mr. Park.”
After waiting patiently, the giant was rewarded with an answer.
“Pluses.” It was simply said. Nothing more, nothing less.
Confused, Chanyeol cocked his head. “Pluses?”
Giving a small nod, Kyungsoo confirmed. “And minuses.”
Realizing that he was talking about the basics of arithmetic, Chanyeol smiled. “I see. Pretty hard stuff, huh?”
“No...”
“So, you’re pretty smart for your age? Smarter than all the other kids?” He had to admit that talking to Kyungsoo was amusing on his end. Then, just as he expected, the latter didn’t respond. “When your dad and I were in school, he used to be the smartest boy I knew… Everyone really liked your dad. He was always the teacher’s favorite.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes grew, fascinated with the stories about his dad. Seeing this, Chanyeol felt good, as if he was finally doing something right.
“In high school, he would study a lot more than the rest of our friends,” the giant continued. “Then, after school, he’d help the teachers grade papers. He was that kind of student… Ambitious, kind, and really diligent with whatever he did. You know, he even got this scholarship that he really wanted?”
“What’s that?”
Chanyeol thought about it, thinking of ways to explain it to a six year old. “Well, it’s like… if you study hard, people give you money. Like a reward.”
“Dad got money?”
Nodding, the giant responded. “Yeah. He did. He even got into a really good university with that scholarship and he…”
It was by mistake that his voice began to trail off, but talking about the past was different than remembering the events in his head. Physically saying the words made the past so much more cruel and tragic. Though it was true that Baekhyun did receive a scholarship to attend one of the top tier universities in Seoul, in the end, his reality was so different than the future that he often used to talk about.
“He?”
Snapping out of it, Chanyeol gave the boy a smile and squeezed his hand gently. “He was just...the most amazing person that I knew.”
Kyungsoo said nothing, but looked off, keeping his eyes on the path. A glimpse of sadness washed over the look in his eyes, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder why.
After some time, the six year old stopped walking and Chanyeol stopped immediately after. “Do…Do you…” Kyungsoo pursed his lips, his brows furrowed together. “Do you love my dad?”
Of all the things to say, Chanyeol never expected those words to slip from the boy’s mouth. Shocked, he frowned. “Why?”
The latter had no answer.
“I mean, your dad and I, we’re old friends… Why’re you asking?”
Ignoring the giant’s question, Kyungsoo asked his own. “But do you love him?”
Chanyeol stared at him. It was hard to find words to say. He was completely dumbfounded. “No… No, I don’t.”
It was as if he had struck the six year old with his hand. The look in Kyungsoo’s dark eyes was enough to make Chanyeol pull back. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t lie to him, and he was only answering as honestly as he could. Digging up old feelings of the past that were chasing him hard was not the same as love… But he didn’t know any better.
“Kyungsoo--”
“Why not?”
“Why not?” Chanyeol repeated in confusion. “Because… I just don’t. Why’re you asking me this, Soo?”
“Do you love someone else--”
Chanyeol let go of his hand and knelt down at his level, taking the boy’s shoulders in his hands. “Kyungsoo, why are you asking me these questions?”
“Because dad says that you’re--” Abruptly, he stopped his sentence. Then, he looked down at his feet. Chanyeol noticed the way he was biting down on his bottom lip harder than before, as if he was attempting to restrain himself from saying something he wasn’t supposed to say. “Dad says that you’re my…”
“I’m your what?” Chanyeol’s heart began to beat faster, anticipating the worst. But in the back of his mind, there were a feeling as if he knew what the boy would say, but in reality, he was still oblivious. When Kyungsoo didn’t answer as seconds passed by, he sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know how you found out or if Baekhyun told you about us before, but it’s just not the same between us… Maybe you were hoping I’d say that I do still love him because you’re looking for another father or you don’t want your dad to be lonely anymore, but I can’t be that person, Kyungsoo.”
Even as the words slipped from his mouth, Chanyeol wondered who he was saying it for. Was it for Kyungsoo or for himself?
“I’m sorry… Maybe I should just call Baek and--”
“No,” Kyungsoo said, shaking his head. “I want to go to the beach.”
Chanyeol kept his words to himself. There were a million questions running through his mind, unanswered by the way Kyungsoo avoided it all with silence. Something told him that the answers Kyungsoo held back were the same that Baekhyun would be unwilling to give.
As he stared into Kyungsoo’s eyes, he wondered if he had the right to know what those secrets were. It was a constant battle with himself, always wondering, always asking if he was allowed to overstep those boundaries set by the duo. Before, the answer was obvious--no, he didn’t have the right. But with every interaction, it began to show that he was more involved in the secrets than he thought before.
But maybe it wasn’t the right time to ask, or maybe it was just too late to get involved with whatever it was that Kyungsoo was holding back.
Ignoring the feelings he had for Baekhyun was something he found himself coping with, and with his vacation ending soon and the reality that awaited him back in Seoul, Chanyeol figured that digging into the mystery of Baekhyun’s secret would only complicate things. Constantly telling himself to leave the past in the past and continue moving on with his life was the only way Chanyeol knew how to deal with the situation. Rather than confronting it and pushing forward with it, he decided, in that moment, to leave the matter as it was. If Kyungsoo had anymore questions, he’d answer them, but for anything else beyond that, he would simply move on.
Moving on was what he did best. At the age of eighteen, he left the small fishing village for bigger and better things, wanting to move out of the gray cycle that seemed to keep the past alive along its sandy shores. The way waves and currents constantly pushed boats and debris back in the direction of village, memories and secrets of the past also seemed trapped in the pull of the the town and Chanyeol found himself in the same force.
Standing there, he had the option to call Baekhyun to tell him that, maybe, it was a terrible idea to be alone with Kyungsoo. But then again, the brunet was at work and Kyungsoo didn’t have any classes. On top of all that, the six year old saved his appetite for him, and that was honestly the deciding factor for Chanyeol.
“Okay.” Offering his hand to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol waited until he felt the latter slip his small hand in with his. “We’ll go. We’re almost there anyways.”
“I know.”
“What do you mean ‘you know’?”
“Dad takes me there.”
Chanyeol gave him a look. “To the spot near my house?”
Kyungsoo nodded. The sadness from before stayed, but it seemed like he was trying to move past it as well.
“Well, I’ll tell you what. I bet he’s never taken you to ‘The Rocks’ before.” As Kyungsoo’s eyes widened, so did the smile on Chanyeol’s face. “You don’t know what that is? It’s a little farther down, but there’s some tidal pools where we can sometimes see fish or little organisms.”
“Organ...Organisms…?”
“Sea critters,” Chanyeol simplified.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And since it’s low tide, we should be able to walk around a few and see if we can find anything. Does that sound good to you?” the giant asked. “It’s a lot more fun than just sitting on the beach and eating apple slices.”
After thinking about it for a second, Kyungsoo agreed, deciding that he’d never been to a tidal pool and that it would be a nice scene of change from the usual beach visit. “Okay… I want to go to where the rocks are…”
“Yeah?” And after being given a nod, Chanyeol smiled. “Okay then. Let’s go.”
Chapter 7: Shores
a/n: this is 5.8k and it's honestly GARBAGE. i wanted to do so much more but i am pooped and it was longer than i expected and i feel unaccomplished but my beta says its fine and that i should be confident so this is the best update EVER
It was never in his plans to find himself approaching Chanyeol after work, especially when he looked so unpresentable in his mind, but then again, it was never in anyone’s plan for him to have Kyungsoo, who was the reason for seeking out the giant for a favor. Baekhyun almost hated how he smelled like the ocean and the subtle hints that reminded him of the market place, but it was only applicable in that moment. He didn’t understand the nervousness that came with being in front of Chanyeol’s presence again. Those feelings were so juvenile and childish that he wanted to rid himself of them so badly, and yet… he couldn’t.
His fist was curled just inches away from the Park’s door, but every time he told himself he’d knock, Baekhyun couldn’t do it. Pulling away a few times, he took a breather and hung his head in an effort to recollect his courage and pride. Then, once again, he tried to knock, but stopped just before making contact with the door.
Cursing at himself, Baekhyun backed away from the door, running his hand through his hair in frustration. Maybe he should bother Chanyeol some other time when he felt like he was actually presentable. Making the decision to try again later that week, the brunet turned on his heel and began walking away only to be stopped a few feet short of the gate by someone calling his name. WIthout having to wonder who, Baekhyun sucked in a breath of air before forcing a smile on his face as he turned to face the giant standing underneath the door arch.
“Hey,” he said, initially trying to sound as casual as he could before realizing he was only making things sound more forced. Clearing his throat, he slowly approached Chanyeol, though he made sure to keep his distance. “Um…”
Raising a brow, Chanyeol waited for the brunet to finish knowing full well that Baekhyun was struggling to even speak. But, to him, it was a bit entertaining watching the man fumble and hoping that he’d say something to alleviate the awkwardness.
Realizing that he wasn’t going to have any help from his ex and that Chanyeol was essentially forcing him to get straight to the point as to why he was there in the first place, Baekhyun sighed in front of him, making it clear that he wasn’t going to play the silent game. “Are you free tomorrow?”
It was a stupid question to ask. Chanyeol was on vacation in a small town that had nothing to offer for entertainment (except nature), so of course, the man had nothing to do tomorrow. Baekhyun immediately felt himself turn a shade of red darker and looked away, hoping that Chanyeol would answer soon.
Luckily for him, he did.
“I am. Why?”
Baekhyun’s chest heaved before he answered. “Would you mind... spending some time with Kyungsoo?”
The request caught Chanyeol off guard as he uncrossed his arms and looked at the flustered male with curious eyes. “I don’t mind, but…” He paused. “Is there a reason why you’re asking me to spend time with him? Don’t get me wrong, Baek, but I really wasn’t expecting you to ask me this.”
“It’s just that Kyungsoo found out you were a celebrity, and he… Well, it’s not every day that someone famous comes to this part of the country, you know?” He spoke a little too fast, but Baekhyun couldn’t help it. Maybe it was the nerves or the anxiety, but it was a good and valid excuse to give--at least for him, it was.
“Oh…”
Baekhyun blinked. Did he hear a hint of disappointment in Chanyeol’s voice or was he imagining nonsense? Shaking the feeling off, he stuffed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and pursed his lips.
“Yeah, so since he won’t have class tomorrow, maybe I can bring him over around noon and pick him up later in the evening. I have work, but I’ll make time before going back.”
“Alright.” Chanyeol looked at him as if he was attempting to figure out what was so off about the situation. Maybe there was nothing off at all and the kid really was just interested in meeting a celebrity. If anything, being starstruck could’ve been the reason for why Kyungsoo was so silent and off around him. It was probably nothing and he was just overthinking.
“Okay, great,” Baekhyun said, his voice a little bit too high for both of their liking. Clearing his throat, he smiled and hesitantly raised a hand to wave good-bye. “Thank you again, Yeol. Kyungsoo will be really excited to hear that you’re on-board.”
“Anything for a fan,” Chanyeol said jokingly, waving back with a more sure hand. “I’m not really sure how I am with kids, so this’ll be interesting.”
“I’m sure you’ll learn quick.”
“If you say so.”
-
-
“Dad?”
Kyungsoo waited patiently at their small eating table for his father to respond to him, but even he could see that the brunet had something on his mind. It was only when the six year old called out again that Baekhyun finally ceased rummaging around in the kitchen in his search for a large pot and looked back to acknowledge the boy.
“I’m so sorry, Soo. What did you say?” he said, apologetically.
“Did you ask?”
Baekhyun saw the excitement flash in the boy’s eyes despite his mannerism and tone being so calm and cautious. “Yes, I did, hon. He said that you guys can spend time together tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, Soo. I promise,” Baekhyun said, holding up his right pinky. In response, Kyungsoo lifted his own and they hooked their fingers together. “Are you happy?”
Without skipping a beat, Kyungsoo nodded, trying to hide the tiniest smile.
-
-
There was a little bit of guilt that creeped in the back of his mind that he never mentioned to Chanyeol about how Kyungsoo requested to spend time with all three of them and not just one-on-one alone time with him and his father. He even decided to keep that bit of information from Chanyeol. At the time, he didn’t know why he couldn’t tell the man. Maybe he was being selfish--no. He was being selfish.
Distracted with his thoughts, Baekhyun jolted when he felt a hand touch his right shoulder. Turning around, he let out a sigh upon seeing Jongin’s face. “Oh...Hey.”
“Hey… Are you okay?”
Straightening his posture, Baekhyun fixed a smile on his face. “Yeah, I’m fine! Why do you ask?”
“Nothing. You just looked a little worried before.”
“Worried?” For a moment, the smile on his face faltered, yet somehow, he managed. “Ah, um, maybe. I just have a lot of things going on.”
“That’s rare,” Jongin replied, giving the man a comforting look. “You never have more than a few things going on. There’s not a lot here to do, I mean.”
Shrugging, Baekhyun agreed. “I know, but…”
“But… Chanyeol’s in town, right?” Jongin raised his brow at the other’s expression before chuckling as he passed him to tend to the front of the stand. “I know you, Baek, and I know that face. You’ve had that face since you found out he was back.”
Huffing, Baekhyun bent down and lifted a box of freshly delivered tomatoes. “He’s not back. He’s just here temporarily.”
“Well, yeah,” the latter said, taking a seat on a wooden stool. “But that hasn’t stopped you from acting nervous and worried whenever he’s around.”
It was a slow afternoon at the market. Not a lot of folks were buying, which was expected since most worked during the day and only came by in the evening. After setting down the box at the front of the stand, Baekhyun decided to take a seat next to the younger man.
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“Understand what?”
Baekhyun crossed his arms. “It’s just not easy to see your ex again and… you know. Interact.”
Rolling his eyes, Jongin scoffed. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship, Baek, but I’m pretty sure that six years post-break up is enough time for someone to get over those types of nerves.”
“This is different,” Baekhyun argued. “It’s like…”
“Like what?”
“It’s like when I left, it never stopped.” Pausing, the brunet looked away. “It’s like I just pause, and since he came back, everything feels like we’re just picking up where we left off… Kind of.”
“Are you talking about your feelings for him?”
Baekhyun was silent for a few moments, but not because the question caught him off guard. In fact, it didn’t bother him at all, almost as if he already knew that he did harbor feelings for the man who helped father his son. But to admit it to someone else besides himself was something that he hadn’t done. In the end, he decided that it didn’t matter if he admitted to his own emotions or not. Chanyeol would be gone within a week and he’d never see him again--at least, not for a very long time.
After some time passed, he nodded slightly. Just enough for Jongin to notice. “Yeah… That.”
Chuckling, Jongin looked away from him, combing through his hands. “I can’t say I’m not surprised. I suspected it. I mean, it wasn’t like you were very good at hiding it, either.”
“Was I that obvious?” Baekhyun asked, showing some concern in his voice and stature. If he really was that transparent, then that would mean that Chanyeol could also tell how he felt… It was embarrassing, but he fought against the feeling, telling himself that he was merely overthinking it.
“Kind of, but not as much as you probably think,” Jongin assured him. Then, with a smile on his face, he reached over and touched the latter’s shoulder. “But listen. It’ll be okay. Whatever it is that you’re worried about? It’ll be fine and it’ll all work out.”
Sighing, Baekhyun turned his eyes towards the open sea and pondered if it really would be okay in the end. He was hoping for the best despite all his concerns with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, thinking that maybe he was overthinking and, for once, allow himself to slowly let go.
-
-
What did kids like to do? How was he going to keep one child entertained for at least a few hours? Most of the parents that he knew gave their children ipads or paid caretakers to keep them off their hands--as sad as that was. But Chanyeol didn’t have anything to offer, nor did he want to pass Kyungsoo off to another adult just to keep his peace and quiet at home because, for one reason or another, he was actually excited.
Chanyeol caught himself looking at his watch more times than he actually would’ve liked to admit to himself. Eventually, he stopped listening to the ticks and counted each wave that landed on the beach as a way to pass time as he waited in his house for Baekhyun to come around with the boy. His boy…
It was still weird to think about--Baekhyun being a parent and all. But Chanyeol was beginning to settle with the idea and it began to feel natural. Of course, they weren’t the same high schoolers from before. Time had obviously passed, he had furthered his career, and Baekhyun became a father… It was just life and Kyungsoo was the proof.
The sound of knocking at the door brought Chanyeol back to his senses. Rising up from his bed, he made his way over to the window and peered out. Spotting Baekhyun’s faded red bicycle leaning against the post in front of his home made him nervous. The beating in his chest was climactic and it was only the consequent knock on his door once again that broke the spell. Shaking his head, he muttered words to himself, annoyed at his boyish feelings.
As he walked down the stairs, he saw Yoora wiping her hands as she exited the kitchen area and headed towards the front. He stopped her with a hand gesture. “I’ll get it,” he said before turning his back to her.
Raising her brows, Yoora watched as her younger brother stood in front of the entrance for a moment in a still stance before seemingly inhaling and opening the door to the guests outside. She moved to the side to see who it was that was knocking, and was surprised to see Baekhyun with Kyungsoo standing in front of him.
“Hi.” Baekhyun seemed a little stiff, but Chanyeol brushed it off. Maybe he had a hard day at work today.
“Hey…” The pause that followed was longer than he would’ve liked. Snapping a smile to his face, Chanyeol moved aside and created enough space for both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo to enter his home. “Do you want to come in for a while? We have food in the back-- Well. At least, I think we do--”
“Yes, we have food, Chanyeol,” Yoora said from behind him. When Chanyeol looked back at her, she was smiling with amusement in her eyes before she turned her attention to Kyungsoo. “Are you hungry, Soo?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo answered quietly, nodded his head. However, he didn’t move from where he stood. Instead, he looked up at Chanyeol.
“Um, thank you, Yoora,” Baekhyun said when the six year old said nothing more. “But I think he’s been saving his appetite this entire day.”
“You mean he hasn’t eaten the entire day?” Chanyeol looked concerned as he glanced down to meet the dark eyes looking at him.
“Chanyeol, he…” Baekhyun pursed his lips. Lowering his voice for only Chanyeol to hear, he continued. “He wanted to eat out with you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
That was surprising, but then again, it was Kyungsoo who asked to spend the day with him--or at least a few hours. He felt touched that the six year old was excited enough to save his appetite for him, but it was still considerably new for Kyungsoo to show this much interest in him. For the longest while, he thought that he was disliked by the ever silent boy, but it seemed like he was wrong. Maybe Baekhyun was right. Maybe he was just starstrucked by him.
Sensing that her presence was not needed, Yoora decided to leave the two alone. “I’ll be in the back, Yeol. Call out if you need me.”
“Okay.”
Her brother sounded a bit distracted, but Yoora couldn’t fault him. “Have fun you two! And make sure you feed Kyungsoo.”
Chuckling, Baekhyun smiled at her. “Thanks, Yoora. I’ll give him the quick run down.”
“You better. Even Chanyeol says that he’s not very good with kids!”
Rolling at his sister’s attempt to discredit him, Chanyeol looked back at Baekhyun and shrugged. “I’m not as bad as she makes me sound, but the amount of experience I’ve had with kids has been...minimal.”
“I can imagine,” Baekhyun replied with a little shrug of his own. “I don’t exactly see you with kids in your day to day life.”
“You’re right.” It was the truth, after all. “But it’s never too late, right?”
Baekhyun thought about it for a while. Chanyeol was right, but the giant just didn’t know to what extent his words were actually true. In reality, it really was never too late to start anything, even if seven years had passed in silence like a ghost to him.
“Yeah… Never.” Loosening the hold he had on Kyungsoo’s shoulders, Baekhyun took a moment before gently pushing the boy a little closer to his father. “Well, I guess this is the part where I tell you two to have fun?”
“I guess?” Chanyeol said, laughing. “I’ve never...done this before.”
“Me either…” Biting his bottom lip, Baekhyun looked down just as Kyungsoo looked back at him. He could see confusion in the boy’s eyes, and he tried to push it off. But, being a father, it was hard to ignore the sense of betrayal that he got from the six year old. “So, um, Kyungsoo doesn’t have any food allergies, so he can eat anything. He’s also not a very picky eater, but he likes apple slices as picnic food for the beach so I brought some with me. I...trust you to keep him safe, but if there’s any emergency, just call me.”
“So, I guess this is the part where I ask for your number?” Chanyeol gave him a grin, and Baekhyun tried to suppress the feelings by looking away briefly.
“Yeah.” The moment felt so nostalgic of their youth, and that was something that was strongly felt, yet ignored by both. “Here, give me your phone and I’ll just give you my number.”
“Sure.” Digging into his back pocket, Chanyeol grabbed his cell phone and handed it over without a thought.
“Thanks,” Baekhyun mumbled as he fumbled with the device for a moment. When it woke from its power-saving mode, he was met with a text on the screen. Raising his brows, he handed it back to Chanyeol. “Chae-Yeong says she misses you.”
Chanyeol cursed under his breath as he read the messages and subsequently deleted them after. “Sorry. She’s not important.”
Baekhyun made no comment as he was given back the phone. This time, he made it a point to focus on inputting his information into the man’s contacts and giving it back without seeing another glimpse of his life. It was a reality that he’d rather not know about, especially not with the feelings and the nostalgic attachment that he was fighting so hard against.
After pocketing the phone, Chanyeol put a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, replacing where Baekhyun’s presence was once prominent. “I promise I’ll take care of him, and I’ll make sure he’ll have fun today.”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face was soft and genuine. “I know.” Then, he looked at Kyungsoo, addressing the look in the boy’s eyes. “Be good, okay? Don’t forget to have fun. I’ll see you later tonight.”
For the first time since they arrived, Kyungsoo spoke. “You promised.”
“We’ll talk about this later, Soo,” Baekhyun responded, trying to make him understand. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Kyungsoo only stared back in disappointment before nodding and silently moving to Chanyeol’s side. Sighing, Baekhyun’s expression fell as he looked on from his son’s face and back towards the man in front of him. “Sorry. It’s just that I promised him I’d be joining, too, but... work.”
“Right.” He half-bought the excuse, but he had a feeling as to why that excuse came up. “Well, I wish you could’ve joined us today.”
The smile on Baekhyun’s face faltered for a split second, but Chanyeol caught a glimpse of it. “I know… It’s just that I really couldn’t. Not today, I mean.”
“Maybe some other time then.”
“Maybe.” Baekhyun paused for a second before recalling that he had a few things to hand over to his ex. In his other hand, he held a bag full of food that he had prepared prior to their ride over to the Parks’ home. “Here. I made a few dishes for both of you.”
“For both of us?” Chanyeol took the offered bag. “You didn’t have to.”
“Well, I didn’t think it’d be fair to make Kyungsoo’s favorites without making yours, too.”
“Mine?”
“Yes, yours.” It was almost as if he hated to admit it. Before Chanyeol could make a comment on it, Baekhyun moved topics. “Anyways, I put an extra set of clothes in Kyungsoo’s mini backpack and some water, but I think you should carry a bit more just in case. He knows how to swim, but just keep an eye out and keep him near the shore.”
“Got it.”
“I… I think that’s it. Like I said, call me if anything happens.”
“You have nothing to worry about,” Chanyeol said, attempting to reassure the brunet. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to Kyungsoo. He’s your son, after all.”
Baekhyun opened his mouth to retort, but stopped short of his first word, deciding against what he initially wanted to say. “Just be careful, okay?”
“It shouldn’t be that hard. We’re only going to the beach, right?”
“I know, but--”
“Relax, Baek. I got this.”
“It’s not that. It’s--” Baekhyun stopped himself again. “Honestly, you’re right. I’m just worrying too much over this.”
“This can’t be the first time you’re leaving him with someone else,” Chanyeol said, trying to give him a comforting smile. “Are you worried because of my lack of experience?”
“Yes,” the brunet said bluntly, though it wasn’t the entire truth. “But I trust you. I really do.”
“I appreciate that.”
Nodding his head, Baekhyun ran a hand through his hair as he heaved a sigh, trying to relax. “Right… So, I guess I’ll go now. Mr. Lee’s expecting me to help Jongin with loading some crates and produce today, so I have to get back. I just came to drop Soo off.”
“I see. Well, say hi to Jongin for me,” Chanyeol said, a bit more tight-lipped than he would’ve liked.
Oblivious to the giant’s slight change in tone, Baekhyun continued to nod, distracted by his own thoughts. “I will.” As he knelt down, he cupped Kyungsoo’s face with his hands, placing a kiss on the boy’s flushed cheeks. “I know what’s in that little mind of yours, but I promise I will make it up to you. This time, I’ll keep this promise. I swear. But have fun and be careful, Soo… I mean it.”
After their exchange, Baekhyun stood back up and locked eyes with Chanyeol. “Thanks again for agreeing to this. I know you didn’t have to and you are on vacation.”
“To be honest with you, Baek, I don’t mind this at all.”
“Really?” Baekhyun’s ears perked. It was surprising, but nice to hear. “I know how you are, Chanyeol, so I really wasn’t expecting--”
“It’s fine, Baek. Really. We’ll have fun today because, unlike you, I won’t be a boring ‘dad’,” Chanyeol teased, unaware of the way that Kyungsoo inhaled sharply as the boy watched him. “I know you think I’m this crazy guy--and I am, don’t get me wrong--but I know what I’m doing.”
“I hope so… Ah, I should get going now,” Baekhyun muttered as he took a glance at the watch on his wrist. “It’s almost time. I’ll see you both tonight, but if its easier for you, you can just come back here and I can pick him up. Whichever works best, but just call me and let me know.”
“Sure, I’ll just text you if--”
“No, no. Call. It’s easier and faster that way. Plus, I don’t like texting. It takes a while.”
“Oh, right.” Chanyeol forgot that the latter used an old flip phone. Maybe he should buy him a smart phone as a gift… “Then I’ll call.”
“Great.” As Baekhyun turned and began to walk away, he stopped midway in the yard to turn around and wave good-bye. He didn’t expect to be so affected by the sight of Chanyeol holding Kyungsoo in front of him, but he was… It left like he was leaving behind his husband and child for the day to go to work, and it almost seemed real if it hadn’t been for the sharp realization that it was just all in his head.
He continued to play it off as he walked away, pushing down his worries and the feelings that kept crashing back to his shores, and set the gears to the rusted red bike into forward motion.
-
-
It wasn’t until some time had passed, around thirty minutes after Baekhyun had left, that Chanyeol was finally ready to leave his home. Kyungsoo was quiet and unwilling to converse as he sat in the living room, waiting for him to pack up some things that he thought were essential like some food, water bottles, and some bandages in case something minor happened like a scraped knee (plausible). But it was always a way to give him time in order to come up with questions or conversation starters that would actually intrigue the kid he was supposed to keep company until that evening.
After packing up a dusty and old backpack that he had found in his room (his old high school bag), he met up with Kyungsoo who was standing by the door after sensing that his father was done. Smiling down at him, Chanyeol offered him his hand, figuring that holding the child’s hand was what responsible adults were supposed to do with children when going somewhere with them. He didn’t expect Kyungsoo to take it, thinking that the independant six year old would prefer to walk by himself, but to his surprise, Kyungsoo had no problem with holding his hand, gripping it with a tightness that caught Chanyeol off guard.
As they began walking along the road and in the direction of an isolated beach near Chanyeol’s home, the silence between them had become comfortable and nothing like the tense, static silence that took place in the house. There was a feeling of calm and peace, something that seemed like such a luxury in the musician’s everyday life. The feeling of a child’s small, gentle hand tightly squeezing his own also brought a feeling of warmth that Chanyeol never thought he’d experience. After years and years of swearing off children and the very thought of a small human being derailing his life in any way, being with Kyungsoo as an adult who was responsible for his safety, Chanyeol felt fulfilled. He couldn’t understand it. It was such an odd sensation that threw him off, but there was something about that moment that Chanyeol enjoyed.
Thinking that, despite the comfortable silence, he might as well attempt to try and talk to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol decided to begin talking in the hopes that the six year old would reciprocate.
“So, what’re you learning about in school right now?” It was really hard trying to talk with children… But then again, he didn’t have much experience.
It took a few moments before Chanyeol received any type of response. He watched as Kyungsoo’s lips pursed as if he was thinking about the question or about how he would answer. Maybe, in his little mind, he was deciding on what aspect of his young life he wanted to share with a total stranger that he only knew as “Mr. Park.”
After waiting patiently, the giant was rewarded with an answer.
“Pluses.” It was simply said. Nothing more, nothing less.
Confused, Chanyeol cocked his head. “Pluses?”
Giving a small nod, Kyungsoo confirmed. “And minuses.”
Realizing that he was talking about the basics of arithmetic, Chanyeol smiled. “I see. Pretty hard stuff, huh?”
“No...”
“So, you’re pretty smart for your age? Smarter than all the other kids?” He had to admit that talking to Kyungsoo was amusing on his end. Then, just as he expected, the latter didn’t respond. “When your dad and I were in school, he used to be the smartest boy I knew… Everyone really liked your dad. He was always the teacher’s favorite.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes grew, fascinated with the stories about his dad. Seeing this, Chanyeol felt good, as if he was finally doing something right.
“In high school, he would study a lot more than the rest of our friends,” the giant continued. “Then, after school, he’d help the teachers grade papers. He was that kind of student… Ambitious, kind, and really diligent with whatever he did. You know, he even got this scholarship that he really wanted?”
“What’s that?”
Chanyeol thought about it, thinking of ways to explain it to a six year old. “Well, it’s like… if you study hard, people give you money. Like a reward.”
“Dad got money?”
Nodding, the giant responded. “Yeah. He did. He even got into a really good university with that scholarship and he…”
It was by mistake that his voice began to trail off, but talking about the past was different than remembering the events in his head. Physically saying the words made the past so much more cruel and tragic. Though it was true that Baekhyun did receive a scholarship to attend one of the top tier universities in Seoul, in the end, his reality was so different than the future that he often used to talk about.
“He?”
Snapping out of it, Chanyeol gave the boy a smile and squeezed his hand gently. “He was just...the most amazing person that I knew.”
Kyungsoo said nothing, but looked off, keeping his eyes on the path. A glimpse of sadness washed over the look in his eyes, and Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder why.
After some time, the six year old stopped walking and Chanyeol stopped immediately after. “Do…Do you…” Kyungsoo pursed his lips, his brows furrowed together. “Do you love my dad?”
Of all the things to say, Chanyeol never expected those words to slip from the boy’s mouth. Shocked, he frowned. “Why?”
The latter had no answer.
“I mean, your dad and I, we’re old friends… Why’re you asking?”
Ignoring the giant’s question, Kyungsoo asked his own. “But do you love him?”
Chanyeol stared at him. It was hard to find words to say. He was completely dumbfounded. “No… No, I don’t.”
It was as if he had struck the six year old with his hand. The look in Kyungsoo’s dark eyes was enough to make Chanyeol pull back. Had he done something wrong? He didn’t lie to him, and he was only answering as honestly as he could. Digging up old feelings of the past that were chasing him hard was not the same as love… But he didn’t know any better.
“Kyungsoo--”
“Why not?”
“Why not?” Chanyeol repeated in confusion. “Because… I just don’t. Why’re you asking me this, Soo?”
“Do you love someone else--”
Chanyeol let go of his hand and knelt down at his level, taking the boy’s shoulders in his hands. “Kyungsoo, why are you asking me these questions?”
“Because dad says that you’re--” Abruptly, he stopped his sentence. Then, he looked down at his feet. Chanyeol noticed the way he was biting down on his bottom lip harder than before, as if he was attempting to restrain himself from saying something he wasn’t supposed to say. “Dad says that you’re my…”
“I’m your what?” Chanyeol’s heart began to beat faster, anticipating the worst. But in the back of his mind, there were a feeling as if he knew what the boy would say, but in reality, he was still oblivious. When Kyungsoo didn’t answer as seconds passed by, he sighed. “Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know how you found out or if Baekhyun told you about us before, but it’s just not the same between us… Maybe you were hoping I’d say that I do still love him because you’re looking for another father or you don’t want your dad to be lonely anymore, but I can’t be that person, Kyungsoo.”
Even as the words slipped from his mouth, Chanyeol wondered who he was saying it for. Was it for Kyungsoo or for himself?
“I’m sorry… Maybe I should just call Baek and--”
“No,” Kyungsoo said, shaking his head. “I want to go to the beach.”
Chanyeol kept his words to himself. There were a million questions running through his mind, unanswered by the way Kyungsoo avoided it all with silence. Something told him that the answers Kyungsoo held back were the same that Baekhyun would be unwilling to give.
As he stared into Kyungsoo’s eyes, he wondered if he had the right to know what those secrets were. It was a constant battle with himself, always wondering, always asking if he was allowed to overstep those boundaries set by the duo. Before, the answer was obvious--no, he didn’t have the right. But with every interaction, it began to show that he was more involved in the secrets than he thought before.
But maybe it wasn’t the right time to ask, or maybe it was just too late to get involved with whatever it was that Kyungsoo was holding back.
Ignoring the feelings he had for Baekhyun was something he found himself coping with, and with his vacation ending soon and the reality that awaited him back in Seoul, Chanyeol figured that digging into the mystery of Baekhyun’s secret would only complicate things. Constantly telling himself to leave the past in the past and continue moving on with his life was the only way Chanyeol knew how to deal with the situation. Rather than confronting it and pushing forward with it, he decided, in that moment, to leave the matter as it was. If Kyungsoo had anymore questions, he’d answer them, but for anything else beyond that, he would simply move on.
Moving on was what he did best. At the age of eighteen, he left the small fishing village for bigger and better things, wanting to move out of the gray cycle that seemed to keep the past alive along its sandy shores. The way waves and currents constantly pushed boats and debris back in the direction of village, memories and secrets of the past also seemed trapped in the pull of the the town and Chanyeol found himself in the same force.
Standing there, he had the option to call Baekhyun to tell him that, maybe, it was a terrible idea to be alone with Kyungsoo. But then again, the brunet was at work and Kyungsoo didn’t have any classes. On top of all that, the six year old saved his appetite for him, and that was honestly the deciding factor for Chanyeol.
“Okay.” Offering his hand to Kyungsoo, Chanyeol waited until he felt the latter slip his small hand in with his. “We’ll go. We’re almost there anyways.”
“I know.”
“What do you mean ‘you know’?”
“Dad takes me there.”
Chanyeol gave him a look. “To the spot near my house?”
Kyungsoo nodded. The sadness from before stayed, but it seemed like he was trying to move past it as well.
“Well, I’ll tell you what. I bet he’s never taken you to ‘The Rocks’ before.” As Kyungsoo’s eyes widened, so did the smile on Chanyeol’s face. “You don’t know what that is? It’s a little farther down, but there’s some tidal pools where we can sometimes see fish or little organisms.”
“Organ...Organisms…?”
“Sea critters,” Chanyeol simplified.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. And since it’s low tide, we should be able to walk around a few and see if we can find anything. Does that sound good to you?” the giant asked. “It’s a lot more fun than just sitting on the beach and eating apple slices.”
After thinking about it for a second, Kyungsoo agreed, deciding that he’d never been to a tidal pool and that it would be a nice scene of change from the usual beach visit. “Okay… I want to go to where the rocks are…”
“Yeah?” And after being given a nod, Chanyeol smiled. “Okay then. Let’s go.”