Like Night and Day 48
Chapter 48
Cages
a/n: this is a short update bc i never planned on updating but that april fools joke got me feeling guilty so f*ck feelings, here's an update. ;alskdfj;laskjdf; pls dont expect much, im a booty HOE but i love you all very berry much so... i sincerely hope you enjoy i gotta go to sleep i have 9am class #fockme
ps: this is unbeta-ed so sorry for typos i suck and my betas are busy bc they are successful hoes + my main hoe is in med school now she left me for that $$$$
Waking up to the bare color of the ceiling, Baekhyun felt dead and empty. Memories of the night before groggy and blurred as he tried to recall what he had said and done that would’ve amounted to the feeling of heaviness in his chest. It was no hangover, but it was something else; something different.
His phone was silent. It had been silent for hours, even more dead than the night itself after doors were slammed shut and feelings were smashed to pieces. Sleep had escaped him numerous times within the last six hours, granting only minutes in sliced pieces given at ration. Baekhyun couldn’t keep his eyes shut for more than ten minutes at best.
The silence that he had wanted, the distance he demanded to have… Both were given, and yet, everything from the way he felt to the atmosphere marked by the scars of the words that he had spoken left nothing but misery.
-
-
Kyungsoo stared at his screen, fixated on the words of congratulations. Maybe it was a mistake to take on a path he had no interest in, but the alternatives were either grim or nonexistent at all. Confirming his acceptance to the school’s admission offer, he felt a wave of regret and the bitter feel of shackles gripping him by his existence the moment the page refreshed, offering him his gray congratulations.
Promptly after, Kyungsoo shut his laptop and sat in the silence that kept him company for a few minutes, wondering if he had done what was best for him. It wasn’t what he wanted, but moments before accepting his admission, he felt as if he was standing on the edge of cliff with no end in sight. Hesitation had filled him and when he jumped, he felt as if it was he had no other choice but to.
Maybe this was all just part of growing up. Transitioning from one cage to another with nothing but a brief moment of freedom in between. Kyungsoo pushed away from his desk and stood up, glancing at the cell phone on his bed. His guts whispered gently to check if he had gotten anything from him but he fought against it and turned his eyes away.
For four years, he had always fought against feelings of attachment. Baekhyun had been the only exception up until a few nights ago. It would’ve been stupid to let himself feel any connection to any new or observing figures in his life in that moment of time, especially with just a little over a month or so before the last time he’d ever have to really look at the same faces day in and day out again.
He wondered if it was okay to leave without a trace of his existence behind. The entire purpose of leaving the nest--the cage--was to never look back and that meant cutting any connection in that certain point that would hinder his flight.
But it troubled him.
It was human nature to yearn for love, or, in the very least, companionship. But Kyungsoo needed someone who he could confide in, who wouldn’t judge his choices. There was one person who came to mind who wouldn’t interfere with his choice to leave.
And that was because they secretly yearned for the same opportunity.
-
-
Self-destruction in itself was beautiful. A rise of emotions all twisting into one explosive ray of feelings, splattered, colorful, and untamed… However, it was the aftermath that held a tone of gray… It was ugly and a pain to even look at.
The breakup held an official feeling to it. Rightful, it was, but the feeling was still foreign. It reminded Baekhyun of the first few weeks post his relationship with Kyungsoo, but it felt different, as if he was damned to mourn it and carry the regret until his last breath. If the future was bleak before, it had tuned out all light by the time Baekhyun began accepting the reality of his consequences.
His room was a mess, but there was no time to clean it up before he dragged himself to school. It was probably a shitty decision to appear in public wearing clothes that depicted him as nothing but a downright loser (though it wasn’t too far from the truth), but Baekhyun’s state of mind was in the negatives.
School. Work. Home. A mentality that was detrimental to his progress as a person, but necessary in order for him to function at a minimal level.
Upon reaching his designated cubby, Baekhyun, out of habit, prepared himself emotionally and mentally for the harassment that came in the form of written letters, but to his surprise, there was nothing. The timing was too accurately in line with his relationship’s end for it to be a coincidence, and he quietly took note of it before pushing back in his thoughts, choosing to set matters concerning the past aside as it had nothing to do with him anymore.
Baekhyun entered his homeroom with eyes staring in his direction before many attempted to casually look on and mind businesses that were respectively appropriate. When he reached his desk, he made sure to raise the volume of his music by three bars before sitting down, taking his place, and drowning out those around him.
His routine was the same before the giant disrupted him that day that seemed so burned into his memory, and yet...it was different. He expected the feeling of discomfort knowing that no matter what he did to attempt and regain his life before them, it would never be the same, but it made it no easier to sit there knowing all that he knew.
Attempting to try and forget about Chanyeol was near impossible. He couldn’t even stand to stare at his own phone without hopelessly hoping for something what would never come. He always took pride in being able to take care of himself, no matter the event, but the feelings he was experiencing was far beyond those he experienced with Kyungsoo.
Nothing about it was the same.
The stares and whispers were suffocating him despite having broken up with Chanyeol (as cruel as it was). Nothing changed with the treatment he received, and yet everything felt so upside down...
So indulged in his own clawing thoughts, Baekhyun nearly jumped when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. Snapping his eyes up, he thought for a moment that it might’ve been Chanyeol, but only found Kyungsoo standing before him.
“I need to talk to you,” Kyungsoo curtly said, though he made it clear that he wasn’t announcing it for all to hear.
Without questioning the latter, Baekhyun rose from his seat. To him, Kyungsoo was a lifeline. Someone to occupy himself with in order to deflect any other intruding thought.
Kyungsoo led the way to an empty corridor before entering an empty classroom. He kept the lights off and closed the door once Baekhyun entered, leaving the two of them in the semi-darkness with nothing but the early morning sun beaming through the windows.
They stayed silent for a minute. Baekhyun was too tired and drained to say anything, and Kyungsoo, for some reason, felt the same. Eventually, the president looked at the brunet who was leaning against the front podium.
“I heard you finally had the balls to break up with him.” It wasn’t said in any manner that would’ve indicated that he was being smug and righteous. Rather, Kyungsoo seemed solemn about the subject, as if he was careful and understanding towards it. “The letters stopped coming, too.”
Baekhyun gave a quiet laugh that almost seemed bitter. “You knew about the letters…” he said as if he was repeating mere facts. “Why am I not surprised? You seem to know everything that goes on around here.”
“If you want me to tell you who--”
“No,” Baekhyun interrupted, shaking his head. “I don’t want to know. I don’t care about it anymore.”
Kyungsoo gave him a look. “You should at least know.”
“If I should at least know, then why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Baekhyun replied back. He paused for a moment before looking off. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over.”
Biting the tip of his tongue, Kyungsoo fought the urge to say more about the subject, but ultimately decided that it was best to move on. If the brunet didn’t want to hear anything of it, then that was final.
“What did you want to talk to me about, Soo?”
Kyungsoo looked at him for a second and took in a quiet breath. “I’ll be leaving for the States immediately after graduation… I’m telling you this now, because I feel...ridiculous, I suppose.”
“Ridiculous?”
“Ridiculous for feeling like I’m leaving you.” Kyungsoo clenched his jaw and turned his eyes to the floor. “Granted, we’re not together… I’m not trying to come onto you now that you’re done with that idiot, but… I don’t know.”
A small smile formed at the corner of Baekhyun’s lips. “You’re saying that you’ll miss me.”
“I didn’t say that,” Kyungsoo replied. “I was merely stating the situation.”
Snorting, Baekhyun rolled his eyes but ceased his teasing. “Don’t forget about me when you’re over there, then,” he quietly said. “By any chance, can I go with you?”
“Why? So you can get away from him?” Kyungsoo muttered. He attempted to read the expression on the boy’s face, but failed. “Believe me. As shitty as you might think your relationship is right now, it’d probably make it worse if you just left.”
“There’s no relationship so I doubt it can get any worse.”
“I wouldn’t count out the possibility.” Reaching out, Kyungsoo grazed Baekhyun’s cheek with the tip of his fingers. “So, what’re you doing after school?”
“Nothing, I guess.” Baekhyun answered, ignoring the touch. “I have to go to work and then finish some papers for one of my classes.”
“You have an evening shift at the store today, right?” Kyungsoo asked. “Do you mind coming home with me after your last class? I need help with something.”
Baekhyun thought about it for a moment, but then agreed. He had no other plans between then and his five o’clock shift. Plus, he was in no hurry to meet Jihoon face-to-face. Ever since prom night, it was awkward. In fact, everything made him want to shut himself inside his room until graduation. Only then could he finally leave and forget about everything and everyone, even Chanyeol--as bitter as that thought was.
“I’m okay with that.” Pausing, Baekhyun’s eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. “We should go to homeroom.”
“Since when did you start caring about being timely?” the latter said quietly. “The last time I checked, you hardly gave a damn about school.”
Merely shrugging, Baekhyun met his eyes. “I realized the fastest way to get away from here is by doing the work, but in all honesty, I’m just trying to keep my head occupied.”
“Because of him.”
“More or less.”
“I told you to stay away from him, Baek,” Kyungsoo said in a neutral tone. “I warned you.”
“No… It’s not his fault. It’d be easier to hate him if… you know.” Stopping, the brunet ran his hand through his hair. “Actually, I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“That’s fine,” the president replied, looking at his watch. He had hallway duties to perform. “I’m not going to lecture you on how to heal your self-inflicted gunshot wound to the heart, because it’s not my business anymore to care... But I love you, so… cheer up. I guess.”
Baekhyun snorted, fighting the urge to smile. “You always have the right words to say, Do Kyungsoo. Must’ve been why I fell in love with you in the first place.”
“Shut up and go to class before I issue you a warning.”
Grabbing the door handle, Baekhyun raised a brow in amusement and finally smiled. “If it were anyone but me, you’d actually seem intimidating.”
Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo followed the brunet out the empty classroom and into the hallway. “I’ve been too soft around you. It’s not good for the image, you know.”
“Yeah… I know.”
Looking to the right of the hallway, Kyungsoo saw what made Baekhyun’s voice suddenly lower. Jongin and Chanyeol had stopped in their tracks the moment the two had exited the dark room, and Kyungsoo knew that Baekhyun’s eyes were most likely locked in with the basketball player’s own judgement by the look of the two.
Though they both seemed hurt, it was Chanyeol who seemed to be suffering the most. However, it was Baekhyun who broke contact first, turning his back against the two athletes. “Let’s go, Soo.”
Kyungsoo felt the tense atmosphere and saw the look the look on Jongin’s face that was directed right at him. He had an idea of what it meant, but he decided to ignore it. With a cold look on his face to mask any thoughts running across his mind, he turned left, following Baekhyun down the opposite end of the hall.
Cages
a/n: this is a short update bc i never planned on updating but that april fools joke got me feeling guilty so f*ck feelings, here's an update. ;alskdfj;laskjdf; pls dont expect much, im a booty HOE but i love you all very berry much so... i sincerely hope you enjoy i gotta go to sleep i have 9am class #fockme
ps: this is unbeta-ed so sorry for typos i suck and my betas are busy bc they are successful hoes + my main hoe is in med school now she left me for that $$$$
Waking up to the bare color of the ceiling, Baekhyun felt dead and empty. Memories of the night before groggy and blurred as he tried to recall what he had said and done that would’ve amounted to the feeling of heaviness in his chest. It was no hangover, but it was something else; something different.
His phone was silent. It had been silent for hours, even more dead than the night itself after doors were slammed shut and feelings were smashed to pieces. Sleep had escaped him numerous times within the last six hours, granting only minutes in sliced pieces given at ration. Baekhyun couldn’t keep his eyes shut for more than ten minutes at best.
The silence that he had wanted, the distance he demanded to have… Both were given, and yet, everything from the way he felt to the atmosphere marked by the scars of the words that he had spoken left nothing but misery.
-
-
Kyungsoo stared at his screen, fixated on the words of congratulations. Maybe it was a mistake to take on a path he had no interest in, but the alternatives were either grim or nonexistent at all. Confirming his acceptance to the school’s admission offer, he felt a wave of regret and the bitter feel of shackles gripping him by his existence the moment the page refreshed, offering him his gray congratulations.
Promptly after, Kyungsoo shut his laptop and sat in the silence that kept him company for a few minutes, wondering if he had done what was best for him. It wasn’t what he wanted, but moments before accepting his admission, he felt as if he was standing on the edge of cliff with no end in sight. Hesitation had filled him and when he jumped, he felt as if it was he had no other choice but to.
Maybe this was all just part of growing up. Transitioning from one cage to another with nothing but a brief moment of freedom in between. Kyungsoo pushed away from his desk and stood up, glancing at the cell phone on his bed. His guts whispered gently to check if he had gotten anything from him but he fought against it and turned his eyes away.
For four years, he had always fought against feelings of attachment. Baekhyun had been the only exception up until a few nights ago. It would’ve been stupid to let himself feel any connection to any new or observing figures in his life in that moment of time, especially with just a little over a month or so before the last time he’d ever have to really look at the same faces day in and day out again.
He wondered if it was okay to leave without a trace of his existence behind. The entire purpose of leaving the nest--the cage--was to never look back and that meant cutting any connection in that certain point that would hinder his flight.
But it troubled him.
It was human nature to yearn for love, or, in the very least, companionship. But Kyungsoo needed someone who he could confide in, who wouldn’t judge his choices. There was one person who came to mind who wouldn’t interfere with his choice to leave.
And that was because they secretly yearned for the same opportunity.
-
-
Self-destruction in itself was beautiful. A rise of emotions all twisting into one explosive ray of feelings, splattered, colorful, and untamed… However, it was the aftermath that held a tone of gray… It was ugly and a pain to even look at.
The breakup held an official feeling to it. Rightful, it was, but the feeling was still foreign. It reminded Baekhyun of the first few weeks post his relationship with Kyungsoo, but it felt different, as if he was damned to mourn it and carry the regret until his last breath. If the future was bleak before, it had tuned out all light by the time Baekhyun began accepting the reality of his consequences.
His room was a mess, but there was no time to clean it up before he dragged himself to school. It was probably a shitty decision to appear in public wearing clothes that depicted him as nothing but a downright loser (though it wasn’t too far from the truth), but Baekhyun’s state of mind was in the negatives.
School. Work. Home. A mentality that was detrimental to his progress as a person, but necessary in order for him to function at a minimal level.
Upon reaching his designated cubby, Baekhyun, out of habit, prepared himself emotionally and mentally for the harassment that came in the form of written letters, but to his surprise, there was nothing. The timing was too accurately in line with his relationship’s end for it to be a coincidence, and he quietly took note of it before pushing back in his thoughts, choosing to set matters concerning the past aside as it had nothing to do with him anymore.
Baekhyun entered his homeroom with eyes staring in his direction before many attempted to casually look on and mind businesses that were respectively appropriate. When he reached his desk, he made sure to raise the volume of his music by three bars before sitting down, taking his place, and drowning out those around him.
His routine was the same before the giant disrupted him that day that seemed so burned into his memory, and yet...it was different. He expected the feeling of discomfort knowing that no matter what he did to attempt and regain his life before them, it would never be the same, but it made it no easier to sit there knowing all that he knew.
Attempting to try and forget about Chanyeol was near impossible. He couldn’t even stand to stare at his own phone without hopelessly hoping for something what would never come. He always took pride in being able to take care of himself, no matter the event, but the feelings he was experiencing was far beyond those he experienced with Kyungsoo.
Nothing about it was the same.
The stares and whispers were suffocating him despite having broken up with Chanyeol (as cruel as it was). Nothing changed with the treatment he received, and yet everything felt so upside down...
So indulged in his own clawing thoughts, Baekhyun nearly jumped when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. Snapping his eyes up, he thought for a moment that it might’ve been Chanyeol, but only found Kyungsoo standing before him.
“I need to talk to you,” Kyungsoo curtly said, though he made it clear that he wasn’t announcing it for all to hear.
Without questioning the latter, Baekhyun rose from his seat. To him, Kyungsoo was a lifeline. Someone to occupy himself with in order to deflect any other intruding thought.
Kyungsoo led the way to an empty corridor before entering an empty classroom. He kept the lights off and closed the door once Baekhyun entered, leaving the two of them in the semi-darkness with nothing but the early morning sun beaming through the windows.
They stayed silent for a minute. Baekhyun was too tired and drained to say anything, and Kyungsoo, for some reason, felt the same. Eventually, the president looked at the brunet who was leaning against the front podium.
“I heard you finally had the balls to break up with him.” It wasn’t said in any manner that would’ve indicated that he was being smug and righteous. Rather, Kyungsoo seemed solemn about the subject, as if he was careful and understanding towards it. “The letters stopped coming, too.”
Baekhyun gave a quiet laugh that almost seemed bitter. “You knew about the letters…” he said as if he was repeating mere facts. “Why am I not surprised? You seem to know everything that goes on around here.”
“If you want me to tell you who--”
“No,” Baekhyun interrupted, shaking his head. “I don’t want to know. I don’t care about it anymore.”
Kyungsoo gave him a look. “You should at least know.”
“If I should at least know, then why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Baekhyun replied back. He paused for a moment before looking off. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s over.”
Biting the tip of his tongue, Kyungsoo fought the urge to say more about the subject, but ultimately decided that it was best to move on. If the brunet didn’t want to hear anything of it, then that was final.
“What did you want to talk to me about, Soo?”
Kyungsoo looked at him for a second and took in a quiet breath. “I’ll be leaving for the States immediately after graduation… I’m telling you this now, because I feel...ridiculous, I suppose.”
“Ridiculous?”
“Ridiculous for feeling like I’m leaving you.” Kyungsoo clenched his jaw and turned his eyes to the floor. “Granted, we’re not together… I’m not trying to come onto you now that you’re done with that idiot, but… I don’t know.”
A small smile formed at the corner of Baekhyun’s lips. “You’re saying that you’ll miss me.”
“I didn’t say that,” Kyungsoo replied. “I was merely stating the situation.”
Snorting, Baekhyun rolled his eyes but ceased his teasing. “Don’t forget about me when you’re over there, then,” he quietly said. “By any chance, can I go with you?”
“Why? So you can get away from him?” Kyungsoo muttered. He attempted to read the expression on the boy’s face, but failed. “Believe me. As shitty as you might think your relationship is right now, it’d probably make it worse if you just left.”
“There’s no relationship so I doubt it can get any worse.”
“I wouldn’t count out the possibility.” Reaching out, Kyungsoo grazed Baekhyun’s cheek with the tip of his fingers. “So, what’re you doing after school?”
“Nothing, I guess.” Baekhyun answered, ignoring the touch. “I have to go to work and then finish some papers for one of my classes.”
“You have an evening shift at the store today, right?” Kyungsoo asked. “Do you mind coming home with me after your last class? I need help with something.”
Baekhyun thought about it for a moment, but then agreed. He had no other plans between then and his five o’clock shift. Plus, he was in no hurry to meet Jihoon face-to-face. Ever since prom night, it was awkward. In fact, everything made him want to shut himself inside his room until graduation. Only then could he finally leave and forget about everything and everyone, even Chanyeol--as bitter as that thought was.
“I’m okay with that.” Pausing, Baekhyun’s eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. “We should go to homeroom.”
“Since when did you start caring about being timely?” the latter said quietly. “The last time I checked, you hardly gave a damn about school.”
Merely shrugging, Baekhyun met his eyes. “I realized the fastest way to get away from here is by doing the work, but in all honesty, I’m just trying to keep my head occupied.”
“Because of him.”
“More or less.”
“I told you to stay away from him, Baek,” Kyungsoo said in a neutral tone. “I warned you.”
“No… It’s not his fault. It’d be easier to hate him if… you know.” Stopping, the brunet ran his hand through his hair. “Actually, I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“That’s fine,” the president replied, looking at his watch. He had hallway duties to perform. “I’m not going to lecture you on how to heal your self-inflicted gunshot wound to the heart, because it’s not my business anymore to care... But I love you, so… cheer up. I guess.”
Baekhyun snorted, fighting the urge to smile. “You always have the right words to say, Do Kyungsoo. Must’ve been why I fell in love with you in the first place.”
“Shut up and go to class before I issue you a warning.”
Grabbing the door handle, Baekhyun raised a brow in amusement and finally smiled. “If it were anyone but me, you’d actually seem intimidating.”
Rolling his eyes, Kyungsoo followed the brunet out the empty classroom and into the hallway. “I’ve been too soft around you. It’s not good for the image, you know.”
“Yeah… I know.”
Looking to the right of the hallway, Kyungsoo saw what made Baekhyun’s voice suddenly lower. Jongin and Chanyeol had stopped in their tracks the moment the two had exited the dark room, and Kyungsoo knew that Baekhyun’s eyes were most likely locked in with the basketball player’s own judgement by the look of the two.
Though they both seemed hurt, it was Chanyeol who seemed to be suffering the most. However, it was Baekhyun who broke contact first, turning his back against the two athletes. “Let’s go, Soo.”
Kyungsoo felt the tense atmosphere and saw the look the look on Jongin’s face that was directed right at him. He had an idea of what it meant, but he decided to ignore it. With a cold look on his face to mask any thoughts running across his mind, he turned left, following Baekhyun down the opposite end of the hall.