Just find the horizon, I promise you it's not as far as you think...
I've been marathoning Something Corporate and Jack's Mannequin everywhere I have access to my ipod for the past three days in an effort to make myself feel better. That's something like 85+ songs and a two hour AP interview that is absolutely amazing. I'm not sure if it's working or not, but I finally sat down and put a lot of stuff on paper about my musial tastes and why this whole thing kind of hurts.
Okay so, when I was sixteen I went to a concert with my twin sister and a few of our friends. Good Charlotte were headlining and I only knew one or two of their songs. Mostly, I think I went because I wanted to make our little sister jealous because my mom wouldn’t let her go without an adult. I still have no idea what possessed me to shell out the money for that ticket but I’m so glad I did, because Something Corporate were the first band to open.
Now, the other concerts I’d been to up to this point had all been huge stadium shows for Nsync. Really, my musical taste ran so mainstream back then because I feel like I didn’t know how to find all of this really good music like I do today. I basically listened to what my mom played around the house and what my sisters listened to. Not that I look back badly at any of these bands, I just feel like I have more of a connection with today’s music.
Anyway, when Something Corporate came onstage I don’t even know why, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it, but I pretty much fell in love right from the first song. I was like halfway back in the crowd, dead center, and couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the big square thing in the middle of the stage was. Really, it took me three songs to figure out that it was a piano. I made one of my friends put their CD into the stereo of his car on the way home. Last month he told me how much he didn’t like them then but had kind of gone back and let them grow on him.
I think that was kind of it for me for the rest of high school, and through the beginning of college. Each of the Something Corporate and subsequent Jack’s Mannequin LPs pretty much lined up perfectly with what was going on in my life and how I was feeling. My musical interests spiraled out a lot too, because of suggestions of similar artists from other people, bands that Jack’s performed with. I remember Newbury Comics near my house having a huge sale because it was closing and my friend Heather shoving Guster’s Lost and Gone Forever and The Academy Is…’s Almost Here into my hands, telling me that these were CDs that I could not live without.. Now these are two albums and two bands that I really can’t live without
And really, the thing is, I know nothing about music theory at all. I can tell you what the notes are on a page but I have to go through those mnemonic devices we learned in music class. I can’t look at it and just read it straight off. I can’t play any instruments. I can play like the first half of Ode to Joy on a piano but that’s not exactly difficult. I just kind of have no grasp on it, but I still get kind of offended when people tell me I have shitty taste in music, or that my favorite artists can’t really play well.
Anyway, a week before finals started at the end of my junior year of college my mom called me and told me that my dad had Leukemia. My dad and I really don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. I really don’t think he’s happy about what I went to school for, and he’s always on my case about getting more hours at work (even when I’m working 48 hours a week with a two hour commute every day, thanks), but really, something like that happening to a parent really kind of shatters your world view because parents are seriously supposed to be indestructible. I think I kind of pushed it aside as much as I could and kept going on like things were normal. I think I’m the only person in my house who didn’t see a shrink all summer.
I spent the summer working 48 hours a week, and taking two summer classes at school. I only visited my dad once while he was in the hospital which is something I still feel kind of bad about. During the second summer session I moved into school and once he got to come home I avoided going home as much as possible because he looked sick and I really didn’t want to deal with it.
Anyway, those of you who know me from online and a lot pf people from real life know that when everything gets hard I pretty much turn to two things, writing and music. I threw myself into a lot of the stuff that I was working on that summer, writing wise. I am so happy creative writing was one of my summer classes because it gave me something to focus on. I got new music from my little sister (she and I really have so much more in common musically than me and the twin) and started buying concert tickets like crazy. I think she got me to listen to a few Panic songs that I actually got into and then I stumbled into a few other Decaydance bands, and then when I was screwing around on youtube one night I stumbled upon the One of THOSE Nights video for The Cab.
I don’t even know what it was but I got that kick in the gut ‘oh my god, this is good’ feeling again. So I went and bought Whisper War off of itunes, and then spent the next week pissed because I didn’t have any blank CDs or my ipod connector and thus couldn’t listen to it at work. But yeah, I basically listened to that CD for the rest of the summer nonstop. And the big thing was they were so accessible. There was so much about them online and Cash had posted so many tour updates and videos on youtube and their myspace, and there were some funny blog updates. I told one of my friends, theres something about this band. I don’t know what it was but there was something in their music that reminded me of Something Corporate, even before I’d heard a bunch of them say that they were fans.
And then in nine months I saw them four times. Yeah, combined, I’ve seen Jack’s and Something Corporate seven times and that’s over the course of six years. My roommates have started rolling their eyes at me when I say that I have Cab tickets. But they’re just so good live. I’m disappointed in bands a lot when I see them live but one of their performances has never done that. And they were always so nice when I got to talk to them afterwards. The two times I’ve met them I’ve been wearing Jack’s gear and the first time Singer’s first words to me were ‘Did Cash say something about your shirt?’ and then yelling and pointing it out to him, and then Cash and I having an actual conversation about Something Corporate. Really, it’s kind of awesome to talk to someone about music that you both like, because there are so few people around here who like my music. I’ve been told I live on the wrong coast. Sometimes I think even farther south likes me music more. Seriously New England, I love it here but what’s wrong with you.
Not only am I a huge fan of this band, but, I don’t know, there’s just something about Cash that I always like, despite the fact that he can come off as kind of a loveable douche. He just clearly cares so much about his band. I’ve heard about him trying to find friends on myspace before they were signed, and he’s one of the few members who regularly updates his blog, and posts band videos and saynow posts. Seriously, go look at them and you’ll see that it’s mostly him. I just have so much respect for him that he throws so much of himself into what he’s doing, and even when they had time off he was working on Johnny and Harry’s trying to make things better for bands in Vegas that are n the position he was a few years ago. How can you not have a lot of respect for someone who is like that? And seriously, the Something Corporate conversation just makes me smile whenever I think of it because I’ve read his post Andrew’s music and I get it.
I was so upset when Ian left the band back in June, but when they announced that Cash was leaving I was legitimately in tears because I just don’t understand it. All of his posts during tour were about how much he loved his life and how much fun he was having, and he posted tons of video. I just don't understand, I guess. If he's happy I'm really glad for him but I'll admit I am confused. If there was anything beyond his personal choice to move on and focus more on things in Vegas I really don’t think I want to know about them. I think it would just break me a little more to know that there was a huge blowout or something and that they’re not all still friends. I’ve been marathoning all of my Something Corporate and Jack’s Mannequin songs for the past three days, and I have enough that it’s taken that long. It’s made me feel a little bit better because Andrew does that, but I still can’t bring myself to listen to the Cab because it still really sucks.
My twin just rolled her eyes at me and told me that I’m way too invested in this band. I guess she’s right to a certain degree but I’m kind of okay with that, having these huge personal connections to bands like Jack’s Mannequin and The Cab. I’m just a little worried about being able to go see them or listen to new stuff now that Cash isn’t there anymore. I don’t know how but I feel like it’s going to make a really big difference to me that they’ve changed two members and as much as I like Bryan I really need to see where they move on to musically before I’m okay with this.
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