One Day At a Time...
At least that's what I've been telling myself. Things'll get better. Just take it one day at a time. There are days when I'm just genuinely happy and can make it through w/o spending the majority of my day thinking. When I do think, it's usually NEVER about one specific thing...which can be rather bothersome. Usually I catch myself thinkin' about War, Death, Poverty, Lonliness, School, My graphic novel/writer's block, and ocassionally (as of late anyways) what my life would be like w/my "first-born."
At this point in my life, things have completely spiraled downward and are slowly resurfacing. For the better, that is. That thought about having a child is just completely out of left field. The reason I say that is, Because I got out of a 5yr. relationship, I'm finding it hard to actually consider a future w/anyone else in it. Not to say that I don't want a relationship...I guess you could say, that I'm in no hurry to find one. Things are so much different now that I don't have someone to share my life with. Sure, I've got friends and a lil' bro, but really I feel that no one understands me. A casual conversation w/friends usually results in Bad 90's Action movie stars, and the latest in video gaming. I thought high school was done and over with? lol.
But hey, in all fairness I can't judge people based on conversation alone. Anyways, the future...MY future is a blur. It's no longer clear what my intentions are. I can't see myself w/anyone at the moment...and quite frankly, all of this frightens me. Fears that I thought I dealt w/this past year are inching their way out of the darkest half of my soul and making me aware of their presence. It sucks, 'cus it's like a back to square 1 type deal. There are things that make me happy just by merely thinking about them. Then, there are things I'm completely uncertain of and just completely lost on. Things that at one time made sense, just don't anymore.
My emotions have been fluctuating like crazy this past week. My heart will feel heavy one day, then light and fluffy (lol) the next. I feel as though I've lost control of my feelings in a way. I can definately look at things from an outside perspective and locate where the problem within lies. It's dealing w/the problem that I find difficult. I suppose I'll have to go about this the old fashioned way and deal one day at a time.
At this point in my life, things have completely spiraled downward and are slowly resurfacing. For the better, that is. That thought about having a child is just completely out of left field. The reason I say that is, Because I got out of a 5yr. relationship, I'm finding it hard to actually consider a future w/anyone else in it. Not to say that I don't want a relationship...I guess you could say, that I'm in no hurry to find one. Things are so much different now that I don't have someone to share my life with. Sure, I've got friends and a lil' bro, but really I feel that no one understands me. A casual conversation w/friends usually results in Bad 90's Action movie stars, and the latest in video gaming. I thought high school was done and over with? lol.
But hey, in all fairness I can't judge people based on conversation alone. Anyways, the future...MY future is a blur. It's no longer clear what my intentions are. I can't see myself w/anyone at the moment...and quite frankly, all of this frightens me. Fears that I thought I dealt w/this past year are inching their way out of the darkest half of my soul and making me aware of their presence. It sucks, 'cus it's like a back to square 1 type deal. There are things that make me happy just by merely thinking about them. Then, there are things I'm completely uncertain of and just completely lost on. Things that at one time made sense, just don't anymore.
My emotions have been fluctuating like crazy this past week. My heart will feel heavy one day, then light and fluffy (lol) the next. I feel as though I've lost control of my feelings in a way. I can definately look at things from an outside perspective and locate where the problem within lies. It's dealing w/the problem that I find difficult. I suppose I'll have to go about this the old fashioned way and deal one day at a time.