Don't break too many hearts
I have been at work since 9 in the morning.
It is now 1:16 am.
I was two hours late showing up for this job. I apparently was almost fired.
It wouldn't have been the worst thing.
I realize that the only reason I stay at my newspaper job (the one I was late for) is that I want to maintain some air of professionalsim.
I drink a lot.
I have tattoos.
I play in a band.
I work at a burrito place.
This is fine for me now, but eventually, I would like to grow up.
The newspaper job is kinda my savings account. Although there's not a lot of money in it, it's good to keep, just in case someday I get my shit figured out and decide to be resposible.
I nearly broke down in tears talking to my mom tonight thinking about all the uncertanties in my life.
Most people don't know what they're doing at this age, but at least they have a plan. I don't have a plan that's career oriented or fiscally responsible, but what I've decided tonight is that I want to try to do as much for other peopl as I possibly can. It won't make me any money, but it will at least make me feel like my life means something.
I am currently working on a project which will donate a large sum of money to the Boys and Girls Club I volenteer at.
This is the first step.
The rest will unfold itself.
In other news, Coleen, my back up girl, the one I always figured I'd be with someday, has changed her Myspace status to "in a relationship." I believe as a result of this, she refuses to get in touch with me despite numerous phone calls and e-mails telling her I'll be in Chicago in July.
It's been fucking with me.
I never counted her out as an option until now. This is not a girl that defines her relationships very easily. She rarely referred to me as a "boyfriend."
I was planning on moving there one day, I really was.
I guess you can't wait for things to unfold for too long.
I think I did.
This has never fit a situation more perfectly.
"don't break too many hearts.
don't take too many arrows in the chest.
cry comfortably, let us all know what you're thinking.
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express
i'm at an utter loss for words?
is there a part of you that's torn? that's larger than life?
that'll hold on for one more night?
i've got a speech to make.
followed by a big parade.
northside. closed eyes.
all charades go on forever.
hands tied with fools pride.
in a slowly fleeing summer.
just throw your hands up at the sky.
no use trying to explain this.
the clouds are mirrors. i'm disguised.
i'm not all that entertaining.
the city looks the same
until you notice smaller changes.
it still knows us all by name.
it holds us close to its heart
it holds us close to its heart
all my hopes are unaligned.
this diagnosis is self-designed.
northside. dead eyes.
all charades go on forever.
hands tied with past lives.
in a slowly fleeing summer.
empty rooms don't have pictures to talk to.
brickwall views demand uninspired afternoons.
the days are flooding into months.
the nights are staring into centuries.
i've got some older pictures
of people i see once every couple years.
intrigued or unamazed.
"you were so much different back in those days."
and now this smile has a bitter curve.
now these eyes are unenchanted.
and all we see is a faded image of what we used to be.
how can we relate
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know each other anymore?
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express
i'm at an utter loss for words."
It is now 1:16 am.
I was two hours late showing up for this job. I apparently was almost fired.
It wouldn't have been the worst thing.
I realize that the only reason I stay at my newspaper job (the one I was late for) is that I want to maintain some air of professionalsim.
I drink a lot.
I have tattoos.
I play in a band.
I work at a burrito place.
This is fine for me now, but eventually, I would like to grow up.
The newspaper job is kinda my savings account. Although there's not a lot of money in it, it's good to keep, just in case someday I get my shit figured out and decide to be resposible.
I nearly broke down in tears talking to my mom tonight thinking about all the uncertanties in my life.
Most people don't know what they're doing at this age, but at least they have a plan. I don't have a plan that's career oriented or fiscally responsible, but what I've decided tonight is that I want to try to do as much for other peopl as I possibly can. It won't make me any money, but it will at least make me feel like my life means something.
I am currently working on a project which will donate a large sum of money to the Boys and Girls Club I volenteer at.
This is the first step.
The rest will unfold itself.
In other news, Coleen, my back up girl, the one I always figured I'd be with someday, has changed her Myspace status to "in a relationship." I believe as a result of this, she refuses to get in touch with me despite numerous phone calls and e-mails telling her I'll be in Chicago in July.
It's been fucking with me.
I never counted her out as an option until now. This is not a girl that defines her relationships very easily. She rarely referred to me as a "boyfriend."
I was planning on moving there one day, I really was.
I guess you can't wait for things to unfold for too long.
I think I did.
This has never fit a situation more perfectly.
"don't break too many hearts.
don't take too many arrows in the chest.
cry comfortably, let us all know what you're thinking.
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express
i'm at an utter loss for words?
is there a part of you that's torn? that's larger than life?
that'll hold on for one more night?
i've got a speech to make.
followed by a big parade.
northside. closed eyes.
all charades go on forever.
hands tied with fools pride.
in a slowly fleeing summer.
just throw your hands up at the sky.
no use trying to explain this.
the clouds are mirrors. i'm disguised.
i'm not all that entertaining.
the city looks the same
until you notice smaller changes.
it still knows us all by name.
it holds us close to its heart
it holds us close to its heart
all my hopes are unaligned.
this diagnosis is self-designed.
northside. dead eyes.
all charades go on forever.
hands tied with past lives.
in a slowly fleeing summer.
empty rooms don't have pictures to talk to.
brickwall views demand uninspired afternoons.
the days are flooding into months.
the nights are staring into centuries.
i've got some older pictures
of people i see once every couple years.
intrigued or unamazed.
"you were so much different back in those days."
and now this smile has a bitter curve.
now these eyes are unenchanted.
and all we see is a faded image of what we used to be.
how can we relate
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
when we don't know each other anymore?
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express
i'm at an utter loss for words."