No bones left to pick up

[exit34]

I can't tell if the fact it happened is making me so so exhausted, or if it's from all the drinking I've done to try and cope with it.

Right now, I am more tired than I've ever been.

I guess the redeeming thing is, after 34 shows, I'll now have some time to rest.

I've been kicked out of Ghost Buffalo.

Writing that last sentance hurt more than I thought it would, but I'm hoping there will be a time when it doens't affect me at all.

I guess what it boils down to is I couldn't become what other people wanted me to be and I didn't show enough effort in trying to become that person.

I can't figure out any more reasons for it than that.

I'm really confused.

I feel stupid, embarrassed, inadequet and betrayed.

I would feel a little better if the person whi made the final decesion would get his fucking nose off the mirror and call me and explain things, but that has yet to happen. Sadly, I think his window of reconciliation has passed and the only thing I need to talk to him about is the large amount of money he now owes me.

This sucks, I thought this was suppossed to be fun.