For (you)
So, I was sick 4 out of 5 days of schoolday this week. I had a fever, a sore throat, and (most randomly) low-blood pressure.
In the end, I missed 2 and a half days of schooldays, and when I got back, nothing changed but something wasn't quite the same. When I asked, no-friggin-body would TELL me so I spent a couple of sleepless nights contempelating on the vauge cryptic answers my so-called friends dumped me with.
I've never been part of anything since I was young. I was always the outsider.
When I was in Primary school, I was the outsider because I was the only one in the Chinese-based school who couldn't speak a word of it. But I learned and had a fairly happy childhood, but it was different. I didn't feel like I belonged.
Then when I just entered this school, I was the outsider because I wasn't from the same housing area nor primary school with any of these kids. But then (you) came along, and I felt a little something, that maybe, just maybe, this was where I could be part of something.
But now, (you) throw me with this uncertainty. Pratically the whole class knows this matter but they all seem to be playing a game of "Lets hide things from Kahyan". Noone wants to be the one who tells me what happened when I asked. The all say that they are not in a liberty to discuss this with me.
In the end, I found out when a friend from the next class asked someone from my class to confirm if the rumors were true. That person answered something that sounds remotely like a "yes".
I've never had a best friend. Its not that I don't want one. Its just that everytime I consider someone my best friend, and I'd think they think the same, turns out that the best friend they were talking about isn't me.
I take (you) as my best friend. I try and try to be a good friend, I care for (you), but I don't know how to express my concern. I try to protect (you). The first person I talk to about my feelings is (you). The first person I tell good news to is (you). But the first person (you) tell all those things to, isn't me.
Why do I have to sneak around and eavesdrop to find out that (you)'re dating (him)?? What makes (you) think that (you) should hide this news from me?
The main point here isn't that (you're) dating (him). They're both my great friends, I wish the best for them. I just....
...feel sad that they found the need to not tell me.
(You) made me feel lonely all over again.
For (you).