If You Could
Time: Evening on Day 20, Month 9, Turn 3
Location: Outside Five Mines Hold
Players: Ownah and J'lor
Scene: Ownah found a fine hill for sledding. With a bit of trepidation and much jumping up and down, she shows it to J'lor.
The dinner hour at the hold is winding down to a stop. People are punctual about eating and following the meal go their own ways to do what they do before retiring for the night. Outside the hold there's not so many people. Especially this far out. Who wanders, after all, when you don't know what sort of person you might run into. Ownah waited until after dinner to seek out the bluerider she's conversed with in the past. After she'd eaten and hopefully after he'd eaten she tracked him down and insisted he come with her right now this minute you must come see what I found. If she was acting about twelve turns old it was certainly endearing and she's not said anything else until the hold is behind them and they're on the road. "Ok. We have to turn off here a little ways. This way! Come on!" There's nothing suspicious in a girl like her luring a man off into the wilderness.
Nothing suspicious at all. Not even a little. The bluerider has obediently followed along, murmuring vague and teasing concerns about 'wandering too far' and 'getting lost', but his smile seems unbothered. "We're turning off the path?" he asks, hands in his pockets. "All right, I'm just behind you." He has given up asking where they're headed and what they're meant to find.
"Can't reach it on the path! Best things off the path!" Ownah allows a hint of teasing to be injected into those words. After all, if anyone would know the truth of that it would be him. Still, for all she teases it's still got a note of hesitancy to it. As if she's not quite sure teasing is ok or it won't earn her a smack if not a beating. "Not too far. Was out lookin'. Found it!" Glee! She hops over a rock and gestures in front of her. "Almost there. A little farther! See it before it gets dark!"
"Can't argue with that," laughs J'lor as he plods after her. "Looking? For?" Oh, well, not entirely done asking, then. "Had we better run? If we're racing the daylight anyhow?"
Coming to a stop, Ownah shakes her head. "Nah. You couldn't run as fast as me anyway. Wouldn't want you to be all wheezing and stuff. Have ta carry you home or somethin'." Every now and again she skips instead of walks, but that's not something she allows that often. Stopping herself before getting carried away and all. "Here! Look! Right there!" One arm lifts to point to a spot a hundred yards in the distance. There's no telling if it is a natural slope or the byproduct of the mining that has gone on. It could have been man made, but all that can be seen from this distance is it appears to be the sort of slope, not too steep and not too gentle, that would be good for someone looking to go sledding once the snow comes. She goes from looking at it to turning to the man behind her and smiling brightly at him.
"I'll have you know I'm in excellent and peak condition and I..." which is when J'lor's knees pop as he walks. He halts to frown down at the m before again following after Ownah, his protestations halted with a small cough. Then the stop and the bluerider studies the hill. His eyes narrow and he lifts a hand to rub his chin thoughtfully, as if weighing the strengths and weaknesses of this find. Then he turns his head to meet Ownah's gaze, his dimple flashing as he smiles. "It's perfect. Now all we need is the snow."
"It's getting colder. And, that's not true. We need a sled. You said you'd get one." Ownah's smile falters a little here. He may have said, but it's a good guess plenty of men have said plenty to her in the past that's come to mean nothing. "Ain't that big a deal or nothing. I mean, sledding. S'for kids." Creeping in and out of her shell she wipes the back of her hand across her forehead. "Found steeper. But, ya know, kids and stuff. Ain't wanting anyone to get hurt. Just ta have fun. Couldn' be too far out or they wouldn't be able ta get to it and all."
"I did say," J'lor agrees with another small smile. "We'll have one, by the time the snow's thick enough to use it. We may need more than one, if everybody's coming along," he considers as he rocks back and forth between heels and toes. "I'll figure it out."
"Could be some of tha kids have em? Just wouldn't be right, ya know? Not including em. Kids deserve ta have fun too." And, if Ownah is just along to help the kids she is not acting like a child. Nope. She is the adult, watcher of kids, teacher of sledding techniques. While she sleds, sure, but there is a reason! "I guess- I mean, that's all I had ta show you and all. I guess. I mean, you know, sorry ta drag you off and stuff when you was probably busy." Enthusiasm fades slightly and reality returns. Well, her reality.
"I think," the bluerider begins carefully as he turns to regard the hill again, "We'd better check and make sure we can climb up it all right. It's no good, you see, thinking about sledding down, if you can't make it up. Oh, and there was something else, too..." J'lor holds his hand up, fingers snapping as he attempts to recall his lost musing. "What was it...what was...ah. That's right. Tag!" The hand moves, finger poking Ownah in the shoulder. Then, popping knees and all, he is running towards said hill and up it.
Eyes rolling, Ownah uses just that expression to show what she thinks of his implication that she cannot climb to the top of that little hill. "You're so-" Something. He is definitely something and whatever that something is does not get voiced because he has tagged her. "Hey! No fair!" But she's already running after him, saving the surprised laugh for later when she does not need her breath. Possibly she withholds some youthful exuberance because he makes it up the hill a ways before she catches up and, as she runs past him, tags his shoulder. "Last one to tha top is a rotten apple!"
"Bother," J'lor laughs as he lowers his head and puts a bit more push behind his dash. Climbing up hills is not quite like climbing up dragons. Hills go on for longer. Still, the bluerider gives it his best, though likely Ownah's best is a bit better.
Sometimes, she might not do her best just to not appear better than someone else. Sometimes, Ownah might hold back and if she is going to look better not look so much better. But away from the hold and around someone she has tentatively labeled as being 'ok' there is no holding back. She is barely out of breath by the time she reaches the top of the hill and she turns to watch the rider finish his journey. Hopping up and down while she waits, to add insult to injury. "I won, I won, I won, I won, I won," she chants as she hops in place, spinning around in a circle. "I won!" Now she laughs, now that she can afford a little extra breath for it. When he comes to a stop she finishes her victory dance and points a finger at him. "Yer outta shape!"
"Bah, I certainly am not," J'lor puffs as he lowers himself into a sit and catches his breath as discreetly as possible. "You wait until you're my age, and then tell me about shape." He leans back on his elbows and turns he head to peer out at the horizon. A fine view of a brilliant sunset painted in reds and pinks and oranges has him smiling again. "Well, now. Look at that."
"Ain't gonna be your age forever and for a long time." Ahh, youth, in all it's. . .youth. When he sits down, so does she, although a fair distance from him. If not as far as she might have before, certainly well within running away safely parameters. "It's different from where ya were, yea? Sunset. Don' like em as much as sunrise. Sunrise is a brand new day and stuff ta do and everything. Not tha end." Ownah scrounges around for a rock and tosses it from hand to hand and then pulls her arm back and throws it so it arcs towards the sun and then tumbles down the hill.
"It's the end of the day, but it's also the beginning for the night," J'lor muses as he watches that stone fall through the air. "A good time to think or to dream. To watch stars. I used to go walking in the bowl at Telgar, late at night. It felt like I was the only one awake. I liked it."
"Don' like night so much. Time for sleepin' is all. At the orchard, ya know? Got up early ta work and went ta bed early so you could." Ownah shrugs her shoulders and rests her hands in her lap. "Dreamin' ain't always so good." Adjusting her position some she casts a curious look his way. "You don' give that impression. Seems like you don' wanna be alone. I mean, seems like you're happy 'nough to see people and all. You like ta think though, yea? Alone's good for that. I like people. Just don' trust em is all.
"I suppose I've noticed that a bit about you," the bluerider agrees with a little nod and a small glance Ownah-wards. "I like being around people a great deal, but, as you say, crowds are not always so conducive to long and ponderous thoughts. Sometimes, I enjoy a bit of solitude as well.
"My Gran said you can't not do something ever again just cause somethin' bad happened once." Ownah shrugs, philosophical. "So, ain't got much trust for people I suppose, but don' make em bad. Like you." Pulling her legs up she wraps her arms around them and rests her chin atop her knees, staring at the sun. "Ain't sure I should be trustin' you. But ain't right to not give you a chance. Turns out bad I learned my lesson. 'sides, can outrun you if I can't win no fight."
"To be perfectly fair, I suspect you could do both," J'lor murmurs as he dips his head down and scratches the nape of his neck. "Your Gran sounds like a wise woman, and I appreciate the chance her words have allowed me. I'll try not to be too much of a disappointment." His hands fall into his lap as he looks out at the sunset.
"Wouldn't ever hit you! Not unless you had it comin'. Seen you punch. Ain't be no challenge." Ownah continues to stare out at the sun, finding it easier to speak that way. "Not gonna. I mean, you don't hit someone unless they have it comin'. Either cause you gotta defend yourself or someone else. Mostly someone else. Take my hits, but won't let no one else. Not right." Peeking a sneaky glance towards the bluerider she asks, "Why you think you would? Disappoint? You do or just always think you do?"
"Well, I've a history of disappointing, haven't I?" J'lor smiles weakly, head tipping down yet again. "So it's all right for you to be hit. Just not all right for anybody else. Mmm. I can't say I much agree with that."
"Just met ya, si-Umm. Sorry. Just met ya, J'lor. Ain't right to be sayin' you got a history of nothing." Ownah goes back to staring at the fading light. "Everyone disappoints. Disappointed my family. My husband. Don' think it's a history. I mean, don't know. Like to think it's not. Don' wanna be. Want ta do good. Ta help." More silence is dragged out of her as one unhand unwraps from her leg so she can swipe at bangs covering her eyes. "Just- Dunno. Can defend myself. My decision not to or not, right? Not everyone can defend themselves."
"My history is written down," the bluerider muses, "but I don't suppose that means I cannot move forward from it. I'd still say that your husband and your family let you down, rather than the other way, but it's your choice to believe what you wish about that. If not everyone can, and more folks ought to be able to defend themselves, perhaps you could teach them?" He plucks a long blade of grass to idly twirl it between restless fingers.
"Not my place. To teach 'em." Ownah sighs quietly and stretches her legs out in front of her. Booted feet wiggle back and forth on her heels as she peeks over again. "Ain't much on reading. And know it weren't taught in none of my harper lessons. Can't get caught in tha past though. Guess- I mean, just not right. Gotta move ahead, yea? Let 'em down though. Maybe we let each other down? Still feel I should make it right. An' miss em. Want em to know I done ok, you know? Want ta see em again maybe someday."
"Well," J'lor says as he watches, now, those wiggling boots, "I believe Odern has runners. You could send a message if you liked, to tell them how you're doing. What do you think you would need to do? To make it right?" He lifts the blade of grass and traps it between his two hands so that when he puts them to his lips and blows a shrill *fweeeeet* is distinctly audible.
"Can't. Don' know where they are at." Ownah looks over at the noise and almost grins. She stops at the last minute and looks back towards the sun once more. Or what is left of it. "After tha orchard was ruined, yea? They sent a letter to Urbann askin' for help, but he weren't in no place ta give it. So. . .don' know where they are. Brothers all got families of their own anyway. Probably happy ta be rid of me. All of em. Just a daughter. No point in me. Can' make it right unless I make a good wife." Biting down on her lip she closes her eyes. "Ain't even sure I want to."
*Fweeeeet!* "They didn't tell you where they were going?" J'lor looks over, frowning a little bit before turning back to his blade of grass. "I have to admit, it my lifetime I have managed to pick up on a few lessons. One of which," *fweeet* "is that family is who and where you make it." *fwt* "You have a point. Just because you think you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean there isn't one to be found. I don't think you'll discover it with Urbann, however."
"They might'a told him. Didn' tell me." Ownah's shoulders hunch and she tucks her legs up against her chest again. "Their right ta tell him and not me. Still. Want to know they're all right. That- they're safe. Want someone I care about ta be safe." Biting her lip she buries a sniffle against her her knee. "He's my husband. I stood up with him. Followed him. Obeyed him. Tried to. Now you think I'm gonna have ta start over? Ain't gonna find no other man. Got a husband. Can't be. . .right. Without a family like is proper. Husband an' kids. Want kids. Don' wanna be alone an' sad. Can't stand on my own. Got ta have someone."
"Ownah," her name is gentle and J'lor inches just a bit to the side, just a touch closer and halts, to see if the girl will flinch before he attempts anything else. "You don't have to be married to be somebody. And you don't have to have a husband to have people who care for you."
Option A is that she does not notice being so intent on not staring where the sun will only be for a short while more. Option B is that she's letting him get closer. Whichever it might be, Ownah doesn't move. "But I am married. That don' change. Just because he don' want me. Can't be a wife without a husband is all. Was raised ta be a wife. A wife an' a mother and without it I don' have anything. Like I ain't me. Like I don' know who I am anymore."
"Yes you do, Ownah. There's nothing wrong with being a wife or a mother." Inch inch goes the bluerider. "But there's nothing wrong with not being that, either, and there are many things about you that have nothing to do with him. You are Ownah, lover of orchards and summer days. Thrower of rocks at people in trees and bigger rocks. Fighter for the weak, when absolutely necessary. Seeker of superior sledding hills. Thoughtful. Funny. Plenty of things." It's just happenstance, really, that ends up with J'lor sitting shoulder to shoulder with the young woman by the end of all that.
"Those aren't real. Those're just- I don't know." Ownah lets out the weariest of sighs. The sort of weariness only emo angsty teenagers can summon up. That she can do it without being all emo angsty at the same time is a gift. "Urbann's family had an orchard. But he didn' want anything ta do with it. He said he weren't no farmer and I guess it's the truth. Nothing wrong with it. When I was little, you know? Before I knew I couldn't I thought I might get it when my parents were too old. Too tired. Coulda done it fine, but had five brothers and one of them would have got it. An' even if they hadn't wouldn't have been me. Now I just wash clothes. Were what I did at Nabol and at tha' weyr and I guess what I'll do forever."
"They're bits of you. Things that say who you are more than 'so and so's wife' does." J'lor draws his knees up, draping his arms over them. "Perhaps you can start your own orchard someday. Or...is that what you'd like to do? I mean, suppose there were no rules about who could be what. What would you wish to be, if you could be anything?"
"Can' run an orchard alone. Got ta have people. No one's gonna work for me. Gonna be forever anyway til I could. Things're so ruined and it won't be me that gets a chance. Family's orchard'll go back ta them." Ownah shrugs her shoulders. A peek is given over towards the rider that considers much in the dusky light. And then she looks out over the hill and the ground below it. "Not. . .not nothing I could do. There's just some things can't ever do."
"Pretend," J'lor encourages quietly in the growing darkness, "that wasn't the case. What would you do?"
"Pretend," Ownah repeats quietly as if the word is a little big foreign to her. One arm unwraps from her legs so she can pull her braid over her shoulder. Chewing on the end of it she tugs at the ribbon tying it off before spitting her hair out and pushing it over her shoulder once more. If she could make herself any smaller she would, little speck of girl in the wilderness. "Would be a guard. Could be a good one. Ain't so smart or anything, but could be no worse than others. Don' think about it. Don't think about things that can't be. S'what my mother told me. No sense in wishing."
"You're sitting beside a man who ought to be in exile, planning to go sledding in Five Mines territory and thinking on a husband who is hundreds of miles away," J'lor notes gently. "Did you ever imagine any of those things could be?"
"Never thought about my future none. Was just. . .what would be. Would get married someday and would have kids and be a mother and would. . .just do that." Ownah stretches her legs out again and clicks her boots together. "I mean, there's nothing much else ta do. Never expected ta have to be on my own. That's all. But I just gotta survive. No time for dreams and imaginin' and wishin'."
"It seems like the perfect time for such things to me." J'lor turns to squint in the darkness at the shadow that used to be Ownah before the sun set. "Nobody here to say you cannot. Nobody from before to judge you. In some ways, I suppose you're safe here." In other ways, of course, not so much.
It seems she thinks of safety differently because Ownah laughs quietly into the dark. "Ain't so safe here. Men here. . .ain't safe. Don' like it, but someday gonna have to stand up to em. Take what comes after, but reaches a point. You either be you act and let em push you or you push back. Ain't so sure I'll live so well after that. Could not even be able ta stay here." In the dark her fingers curl around a rock and she lifts it up to throw it into the dark. Or against the dark. Could be either. "Judge myself."
"I suppose we all do that," J'lor agrees quietly. "We should probably head back. The sun's well past set."
"Dark now. Ain't so light with the sun some days though. You see ok?" Ownah rises to her feet and dusts herself off. "Can help ya. If ya need. Know the way better." She has been here one other time after all. "Ya got hurt I could get in trouble. Won't even race ya down. Your age ya know? Could break bones or something you fall. Embarrassing I had ta carry you I think."
"I've climbed down far steeper in far darker. Islands are good for that sort of thing, but thank you. Give a shriek if any of the hill snakes wrap around your ankle. I'm nearly sure I can grab you before they drag you into their den," the bluerider says, all seriousness, as he pushes into a stand.
If he's so sure he's ok then Ownah will begin her slow descent down the hill. "Maybe island snakes might. Northern snakes go for men. Usually got more muscle on em and that's where they lay their eggs. Don' kill ya right away. Chew a hole in yer leg and crawl up in ya and lay their eggs. Horrible way ta die." In the dark she moves more slowly than before, but with the recklessness of youth won't move /that/ slowly. She'll make it down before he will.
"But they like young legs better than they like male legs. Superior muscle and all," J'lor opines as he begins to make his way down more carefully than he headed up.
"Stomp em. Can keep em away from me. Runnin' if I have to." Ownah runs the last little way down the hill and once at the bottom waits patiently for the bluerider to rejoin her. "Got good boots. Were mine before. Ain't just what I could get here. So, better'n yours." While she waits she hops to ward off the nighttime cold that comes with living in this climate.
"I think my boots stomp very well." Instead of walking the last couple steps, he jumps and lands with a faint *thud* in the grass. "Perfectly stomp-worthy, my dear, even if they're not as dainty. That comes with having bigger feet, you see. This way, I think?" Carefully, the bluerider begins to move in the direction he supposes is the correct one.
He must have the right direction since Ownah doesn't correct him. She falls into step beside him however as they walk and giggles quietly. "Yea, but you'd get tired of stomping before me. Cause of your old legs. Got young legs and so's I can stop all night I have to. Can kick too. I have to."
"Stomping and kicking all night, and you don't like the sunset?" J'lor queries, incredulous. "Next time, we'll watch stars, and I'll tell you of the ones I've read about. To can get places by following them, if you know how."
"Just sittin' and lookin' at stars? I guess. Sounds like not much ta do." Ownah would normally be able to rely on her expression to get across her perceived disdain at such a thing. Since there's no way for him to see that adolescent disdain he only gets to hear poorly suppressed anticipation to any such occurrence. "Tha road's right there." She points, so helpful.
"My stomping boots would have found it eventually. Just sitting and looking," J'lor agrees as he slips his hands into his pockets. "And talking a bit, if we feel so inclined."
Shoulders shrugging in the dark Ownah is silent until their feet hit the road. "Could talk. Ain't so bad talkin' ta you. 'Cept when I gotta explain everything, but at least I only gotta do that once." The next round of silence from her sits heavier, like she's thinking some great thought and trying to decide if she'll share or not.
There is warm laughter in the cooling night. "I'm not entirely hopeless, in that way." Without much thinking about it, J'lor reaches out a hand to ruffle the top of Ownah's head. Then he follows the girl's lead and lapses into quiet. Waiting patiently as he walks.
"Little way longer is all." Likely not the great idea that has kept her in silence as they walked. The ruffling caused Ownah to duck her head, but only in the way any girl might when someone musses her hair. Even if that hair always looks somewhat mussed even in a braid. "Could. . .might. Maybe trust ya. A little." And more quiet as she kicks at pebbles in the dark. "Don' mean I won't still hit ya if you get tha wrong idea though."
More laughter. "No, of course not," murmurs J'lor, his voice bemused in the darkness. "But thank you, anyhow. I'm glad."
"Gotta trust someone sometime I guess. May as well be someone I know can't hit as good as me." Ownah's tough girl facade may have broken a little, but there's still plenty left. Especially once she knows it's chipped here and there. The hold is close enough to be seen. Or at least the space that the hold is in can be seen now. Just slightly less dark than the foothills they leave.
"That's wise I suppose," is the agreement, followed by a yawn as the defunct copper mine looms. "You could knock me flat and run, if I ever gave you cause. I'll try not to but, as you said, I'm still learning." They begin to inch into the 'bowl' of the mine before J'lor notes, unnecessarily, "Nearly there."
"Could maybe, might. . .teach ya better. I mean, ta not be so hurt ya get hit. How ta avoid it and all. Fall tha right way, yea? I'll think about it. But it's my tricks. Can't use em on me." Ownah blinks at the light some and casts a sidewise glance towards him. "Ain't so bad for a criminal monster. Ya have a good night." And she breaks away from him to get herself back inside. Can't be seen too close to anyone. Can't give anyone ideas or anything. Still, before she's too far away she slows her steps long enough to shyly whisper, "Thank you." Not that she turns around to look back at him.
"My pleasure," he murmurs, although she may be too far away to hear it. "Not too bad," he adds as he heads towards his own weyr, "for a criminal monster. Well," J'lor lets loose another wide yawn, "I do try."
Location: Outside Five Mines Hold
Players: Ownah and J'lor
Scene: Ownah found a fine hill for sledding. With a bit of trepidation and much jumping up and down, she shows it to J'lor.
The dinner hour at the hold is winding down to a stop. People are punctual about eating and following the meal go their own ways to do what they do before retiring for the night. Outside the hold there's not so many people. Especially this far out. Who wanders, after all, when you don't know what sort of person you might run into. Ownah waited until after dinner to seek out the bluerider she's conversed with in the past. After she'd eaten and hopefully after he'd eaten she tracked him down and insisted he come with her right now this minute you must come see what I found. If she was acting about twelve turns old it was certainly endearing and she's not said anything else until the hold is behind them and they're on the road. "Ok. We have to turn off here a little ways. This way! Come on!" There's nothing suspicious in a girl like her luring a man off into the wilderness.
Nothing suspicious at all. Not even a little. The bluerider has obediently followed along, murmuring vague and teasing concerns about 'wandering too far' and 'getting lost', but his smile seems unbothered. "We're turning off the path?" he asks, hands in his pockets. "All right, I'm just behind you." He has given up asking where they're headed and what they're meant to find.
"Can't reach it on the path! Best things off the path!" Ownah allows a hint of teasing to be injected into those words. After all, if anyone would know the truth of that it would be him. Still, for all she teases it's still got a note of hesitancy to it. As if she's not quite sure teasing is ok or it won't earn her a smack if not a beating. "Not too far. Was out lookin'. Found it!" Glee! She hops over a rock and gestures in front of her. "Almost there. A little farther! See it before it gets dark!"
"Can't argue with that," laughs J'lor as he plods after her. "Looking? For?" Oh, well, not entirely done asking, then. "Had we better run? If we're racing the daylight anyhow?"
Coming to a stop, Ownah shakes her head. "Nah. You couldn't run as fast as me anyway. Wouldn't want you to be all wheezing and stuff. Have ta carry you home or somethin'." Every now and again she skips instead of walks, but that's not something she allows that often. Stopping herself before getting carried away and all. "Here! Look! Right there!" One arm lifts to point to a spot a hundred yards in the distance. There's no telling if it is a natural slope or the byproduct of the mining that has gone on. It could have been man made, but all that can be seen from this distance is it appears to be the sort of slope, not too steep and not too gentle, that would be good for someone looking to go sledding once the snow comes. She goes from looking at it to turning to the man behind her and smiling brightly at him.
"I'll have you know I'm in excellent and peak condition and I..." which is when J'lor's knees pop as he walks. He halts to frown down at the m before again following after Ownah, his protestations halted with a small cough. Then the stop and the bluerider studies the hill. His eyes narrow and he lifts a hand to rub his chin thoughtfully, as if weighing the strengths and weaknesses of this find. Then he turns his head to meet Ownah's gaze, his dimple flashing as he smiles. "It's perfect. Now all we need is the snow."
"It's getting colder. And, that's not true. We need a sled. You said you'd get one." Ownah's smile falters a little here. He may have said, but it's a good guess plenty of men have said plenty to her in the past that's come to mean nothing. "Ain't that big a deal or nothing. I mean, sledding. S'for kids." Creeping in and out of her shell she wipes the back of her hand across her forehead. "Found steeper. But, ya know, kids and stuff. Ain't wanting anyone to get hurt. Just ta have fun. Couldn' be too far out or they wouldn't be able ta get to it and all."
"I did say," J'lor agrees with another small smile. "We'll have one, by the time the snow's thick enough to use it. We may need more than one, if everybody's coming along," he considers as he rocks back and forth between heels and toes. "I'll figure it out."
"Could be some of tha kids have em? Just wouldn't be right, ya know? Not including em. Kids deserve ta have fun too." And, if Ownah is just along to help the kids she is not acting like a child. Nope. She is the adult, watcher of kids, teacher of sledding techniques. While she sleds, sure, but there is a reason! "I guess- I mean, that's all I had ta show you and all. I guess. I mean, you know, sorry ta drag you off and stuff when you was probably busy." Enthusiasm fades slightly and reality returns. Well, her reality.
"I think," the bluerider begins carefully as he turns to regard the hill again, "We'd better check and make sure we can climb up it all right. It's no good, you see, thinking about sledding down, if you can't make it up. Oh, and there was something else, too..." J'lor holds his hand up, fingers snapping as he attempts to recall his lost musing. "What was it...what was...ah. That's right. Tag!" The hand moves, finger poking Ownah in the shoulder. Then, popping knees and all, he is running towards said hill and up it.
Eyes rolling, Ownah uses just that expression to show what she thinks of his implication that she cannot climb to the top of that little hill. "You're so-" Something. He is definitely something and whatever that something is does not get voiced because he has tagged her. "Hey! No fair!" But she's already running after him, saving the surprised laugh for later when she does not need her breath. Possibly she withholds some youthful exuberance because he makes it up the hill a ways before she catches up and, as she runs past him, tags his shoulder. "Last one to tha top is a rotten apple!"
"Bother," J'lor laughs as he lowers his head and puts a bit more push behind his dash. Climbing up hills is not quite like climbing up dragons. Hills go on for longer. Still, the bluerider gives it his best, though likely Ownah's best is a bit better.
Sometimes, she might not do her best just to not appear better than someone else. Sometimes, Ownah might hold back and if she is going to look better not look so much better. But away from the hold and around someone she has tentatively labeled as being 'ok' there is no holding back. She is barely out of breath by the time she reaches the top of the hill and she turns to watch the rider finish his journey. Hopping up and down while she waits, to add insult to injury. "I won, I won, I won, I won, I won," she chants as she hops in place, spinning around in a circle. "I won!" Now she laughs, now that she can afford a little extra breath for it. When he comes to a stop she finishes her victory dance and points a finger at him. "Yer outta shape!"
"Bah, I certainly am not," J'lor puffs as he lowers himself into a sit and catches his breath as discreetly as possible. "You wait until you're my age, and then tell me about shape." He leans back on his elbows and turns he head to peer out at the horizon. A fine view of a brilliant sunset painted in reds and pinks and oranges has him smiling again. "Well, now. Look at that."
"Ain't gonna be your age forever and for a long time." Ahh, youth, in all it's. . .youth. When he sits down, so does she, although a fair distance from him. If not as far as she might have before, certainly well within running away safely parameters. "It's different from where ya were, yea? Sunset. Don' like em as much as sunrise. Sunrise is a brand new day and stuff ta do and everything. Not tha end." Ownah scrounges around for a rock and tosses it from hand to hand and then pulls her arm back and throws it so it arcs towards the sun and then tumbles down the hill.
"It's the end of the day, but it's also the beginning for the night," J'lor muses as he watches that stone fall through the air. "A good time to think or to dream. To watch stars. I used to go walking in the bowl at Telgar, late at night. It felt like I was the only one awake. I liked it."
"Don' like night so much. Time for sleepin' is all. At the orchard, ya know? Got up early ta work and went ta bed early so you could." Ownah shrugs her shoulders and rests her hands in her lap. "Dreamin' ain't always so good." Adjusting her position some she casts a curious look his way. "You don' give that impression. Seems like you don' wanna be alone. I mean, seems like you're happy 'nough to see people and all. You like ta think though, yea? Alone's good for that. I like people. Just don' trust em is all.
"I suppose I've noticed that a bit about you," the bluerider agrees with a little nod and a small glance Ownah-wards. "I like being around people a great deal, but, as you say, crowds are not always so conducive to long and ponderous thoughts. Sometimes, I enjoy a bit of solitude as well.
"My Gran said you can't not do something ever again just cause somethin' bad happened once." Ownah shrugs, philosophical. "So, ain't got much trust for people I suppose, but don' make em bad. Like you." Pulling her legs up she wraps her arms around them and rests her chin atop her knees, staring at the sun. "Ain't sure I should be trustin' you. But ain't right to not give you a chance. Turns out bad I learned my lesson. 'sides, can outrun you if I can't win no fight."
"To be perfectly fair, I suspect you could do both," J'lor murmurs as he dips his head down and scratches the nape of his neck. "Your Gran sounds like a wise woman, and I appreciate the chance her words have allowed me. I'll try not to be too much of a disappointment." His hands fall into his lap as he looks out at the sunset.
"Wouldn't ever hit you! Not unless you had it comin'. Seen you punch. Ain't be no challenge." Ownah continues to stare out at the sun, finding it easier to speak that way. "Not gonna. I mean, you don't hit someone unless they have it comin'. Either cause you gotta defend yourself or someone else. Mostly someone else. Take my hits, but won't let no one else. Not right." Peeking a sneaky glance towards the bluerider she asks, "Why you think you would? Disappoint? You do or just always think you do?"
"Well, I've a history of disappointing, haven't I?" J'lor smiles weakly, head tipping down yet again. "So it's all right for you to be hit. Just not all right for anybody else. Mmm. I can't say I much agree with that."
"Just met ya, si-Umm. Sorry. Just met ya, J'lor. Ain't right to be sayin' you got a history of nothing." Ownah goes back to staring at the fading light. "Everyone disappoints. Disappointed my family. My husband. Don' think it's a history. I mean, don't know. Like to think it's not. Don' wanna be. Want ta do good. Ta help." More silence is dragged out of her as one unhand unwraps from her leg so she can swipe at bangs covering her eyes. "Just- Dunno. Can defend myself. My decision not to or not, right? Not everyone can defend themselves."
"My history is written down," the bluerider muses, "but I don't suppose that means I cannot move forward from it. I'd still say that your husband and your family let you down, rather than the other way, but it's your choice to believe what you wish about that. If not everyone can, and more folks ought to be able to defend themselves, perhaps you could teach them?" He plucks a long blade of grass to idly twirl it between restless fingers.
"Not my place. To teach 'em." Ownah sighs quietly and stretches her legs out in front of her. Booted feet wiggle back and forth on her heels as she peeks over again. "Ain't much on reading. And know it weren't taught in none of my harper lessons. Can't get caught in tha past though. Guess- I mean, just not right. Gotta move ahead, yea? Let 'em down though. Maybe we let each other down? Still feel I should make it right. An' miss em. Want em to know I done ok, you know? Want ta see em again maybe someday."
"Well," J'lor says as he watches, now, those wiggling boots, "I believe Odern has runners. You could send a message if you liked, to tell them how you're doing. What do you think you would need to do? To make it right?" He lifts the blade of grass and traps it between his two hands so that when he puts them to his lips and blows a shrill *fweeeeet* is distinctly audible.
"Can't. Don' know where they are at." Ownah looks over at the noise and almost grins. She stops at the last minute and looks back towards the sun once more. Or what is left of it. "After tha orchard was ruined, yea? They sent a letter to Urbann askin' for help, but he weren't in no place ta give it. So. . .don' know where they are. Brothers all got families of their own anyway. Probably happy ta be rid of me. All of em. Just a daughter. No point in me. Can' make it right unless I make a good wife." Biting down on her lip she closes her eyes. "Ain't even sure I want to."
*Fweeeeet!* "They didn't tell you where they were going?" J'lor looks over, frowning a little bit before turning back to his blade of grass. "I have to admit, it my lifetime I have managed to pick up on a few lessons. One of which," *fweeet* "is that family is who and where you make it." *fwt* "You have a point. Just because you think you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean there isn't one to be found. I don't think you'll discover it with Urbann, however."
"They might'a told him. Didn' tell me." Ownah's shoulders hunch and she tucks her legs up against her chest again. "Their right ta tell him and not me. Still. Want to know they're all right. That- they're safe. Want someone I care about ta be safe." Biting her lip she buries a sniffle against her her knee. "He's my husband. I stood up with him. Followed him. Obeyed him. Tried to. Now you think I'm gonna have ta start over? Ain't gonna find no other man. Got a husband. Can't be. . .right. Without a family like is proper. Husband an' kids. Want kids. Don' wanna be alone an' sad. Can't stand on my own. Got ta have someone."
"Ownah," her name is gentle and J'lor inches just a bit to the side, just a touch closer and halts, to see if the girl will flinch before he attempts anything else. "You don't have to be married to be somebody. And you don't have to have a husband to have people who care for you."
Option A is that she does not notice being so intent on not staring where the sun will only be for a short while more. Option B is that she's letting him get closer. Whichever it might be, Ownah doesn't move. "But I am married. That don' change. Just because he don' want me. Can't be a wife without a husband is all. Was raised ta be a wife. A wife an' a mother and without it I don' have anything. Like I ain't me. Like I don' know who I am anymore."
"Yes you do, Ownah. There's nothing wrong with being a wife or a mother." Inch inch goes the bluerider. "But there's nothing wrong with not being that, either, and there are many things about you that have nothing to do with him. You are Ownah, lover of orchards and summer days. Thrower of rocks at people in trees and bigger rocks. Fighter for the weak, when absolutely necessary. Seeker of superior sledding hills. Thoughtful. Funny. Plenty of things." It's just happenstance, really, that ends up with J'lor sitting shoulder to shoulder with the young woman by the end of all that.
"Those aren't real. Those're just- I don't know." Ownah lets out the weariest of sighs. The sort of weariness only emo angsty teenagers can summon up. That she can do it without being all emo angsty at the same time is a gift. "Urbann's family had an orchard. But he didn' want anything ta do with it. He said he weren't no farmer and I guess it's the truth. Nothing wrong with it. When I was little, you know? Before I knew I couldn't I thought I might get it when my parents were too old. Too tired. Coulda done it fine, but had five brothers and one of them would have got it. An' even if they hadn't wouldn't have been me. Now I just wash clothes. Were what I did at Nabol and at tha' weyr and I guess what I'll do forever."
"They're bits of you. Things that say who you are more than 'so and so's wife' does." J'lor draws his knees up, draping his arms over them. "Perhaps you can start your own orchard someday. Or...is that what you'd like to do? I mean, suppose there were no rules about who could be what. What would you wish to be, if you could be anything?"
"Can' run an orchard alone. Got ta have people. No one's gonna work for me. Gonna be forever anyway til I could. Things're so ruined and it won't be me that gets a chance. Family's orchard'll go back ta them." Ownah shrugs her shoulders. A peek is given over towards the rider that considers much in the dusky light. And then she looks out over the hill and the ground below it. "Not. . .not nothing I could do. There's just some things can't ever do."
"Pretend," J'lor encourages quietly in the growing darkness, "that wasn't the case. What would you do?"
"Pretend," Ownah repeats quietly as if the word is a little big foreign to her. One arm unwraps from her legs so she can pull her braid over her shoulder. Chewing on the end of it she tugs at the ribbon tying it off before spitting her hair out and pushing it over her shoulder once more. If she could make herself any smaller she would, little speck of girl in the wilderness. "Would be a guard. Could be a good one. Ain't so smart or anything, but could be no worse than others. Don' think about it. Don't think about things that can't be. S'what my mother told me. No sense in wishing."
"You're sitting beside a man who ought to be in exile, planning to go sledding in Five Mines territory and thinking on a husband who is hundreds of miles away," J'lor notes gently. "Did you ever imagine any of those things could be?"
"Never thought about my future none. Was just. . .what would be. Would get married someday and would have kids and be a mother and would. . .just do that." Ownah stretches her legs out again and clicks her boots together. "I mean, there's nothing much else ta do. Never expected ta have to be on my own. That's all. But I just gotta survive. No time for dreams and imaginin' and wishin'."
"It seems like the perfect time for such things to me." J'lor turns to squint in the darkness at the shadow that used to be Ownah before the sun set. "Nobody here to say you cannot. Nobody from before to judge you. In some ways, I suppose you're safe here." In other ways, of course, not so much.
It seems she thinks of safety differently because Ownah laughs quietly into the dark. "Ain't so safe here. Men here. . .ain't safe. Don' like it, but someday gonna have to stand up to em. Take what comes after, but reaches a point. You either be you act and let em push you or you push back. Ain't so sure I'll live so well after that. Could not even be able ta stay here." In the dark her fingers curl around a rock and she lifts it up to throw it into the dark. Or against the dark. Could be either. "Judge myself."
"I suppose we all do that," J'lor agrees quietly. "We should probably head back. The sun's well past set."
"Dark now. Ain't so light with the sun some days though. You see ok?" Ownah rises to her feet and dusts herself off. "Can help ya. If ya need. Know the way better." She has been here one other time after all. "Ya got hurt I could get in trouble. Won't even race ya down. Your age ya know? Could break bones or something you fall. Embarrassing I had ta carry you I think."
"I've climbed down far steeper in far darker. Islands are good for that sort of thing, but thank you. Give a shriek if any of the hill snakes wrap around your ankle. I'm nearly sure I can grab you before they drag you into their den," the bluerider says, all seriousness, as he pushes into a stand.
If he's so sure he's ok then Ownah will begin her slow descent down the hill. "Maybe island snakes might. Northern snakes go for men. Usually got more muscle on em and that's where they lay their eggs. Don' kill ya right away. Chew a hole in yer leg and crawl up in ya and lay their eggs. Horrible way ta die." In the dark she moves more slowly than before, but with the recklessness of youth won't move /that/ slowly. She'll make it down before he will.
"But they like young legs better than they like male legs. Superior muscle and all," J'lor opines as he begins to make his way down more carefully than he headed up.
"Stomp em. Can keep em away from me. Runnin' if I have to." Ownah runs the last little way down the hill and once at the bottom waits patiently for the bluerider to rejoin her. "Got good boots. Were mine before. Ain't just what I could get here. So, better'n yours." While she waits she hops to ward off the nighttime cold that comes with living in this climate.
"I think my boots stomp very well." Instead of walking the last couple steps, he jumps and lands with a faint *thud* in the grass. "Perfectly stomp-worthy, my dear, even if they're not as dainty. That comes with having bigger feet, you see. This way, I think?" Carefully, the bluerider begins to move in the direction he supposes is the correct one.
He must have the right direction since Ownah doesn't correct him. She falls into step beside him however as they walk and giggles quietly. "Yea, but you'd get tired of stomping before me. Cause of your old legs. Got young legs and so's I can stop all night I have to. Can kick too. I have to."
"Stomping and kicking all night, and you don't like the sunset?" J'lor queries, incredulous. "Next time, we'll watch stars, and I'll tell you of the ones I've read about. To can get places by following them, if you know how."
"Just sittin' and lookin' at stars? I guess. Sounds like not much ta do." Ownah would normally be able to rely on her expression to get across her perceived disdain at such a thing. Since there's no way for him to see that adolescent disdain he only gets to hear poorly suppressed anticipation to any such occurrence. "Tha road's right there." She points, so helpful.
"My stomping boots would have found it eventually. Just sitting and looking," J'lor agrees as he slips his hands into his pockets. "And talking a bit, if we feel so inclined."
Shoulders shrugging in the dark Ownah is silent until their feet hit the road. "Could talk. Ain't so bad talkin' ta you. 'Cept when I gotta explain everything, but at least I only gotta do that once." The next round of silence from her sits heavier, like she's thinking some great thought and trying to decide if she'll share or not.
There is warm laughter in the cooling night. "I'm not entirely hopeless, in that way." Without much thinking about it, J'lor reaches out a hand to ruffle the top of Ownah's head. Then he follows the girl's lead and lapses into quiet. Waiting patiently as he walks.
"Little way longer is all." Likely not the great idea that has kept her in silence as they walked. The ruffling caused Ownah to duck her head, but only in the way any girl might when someone musses her hair. Even if that hair always looks somewhat mussed even in a braid. "Could. . .might. Maybe trust ya. A little." And more quiet as she kicks at pebbles in the dark. "Don' mean I won't still hit ya if you get tha wrong idea though."
More laughter. "No, of course not," murmurs J'lor, his voice bemused in the darkness. "But thank you, anyhow. I'm glad."
"Gotta trust someone sometime I guess. May as well be someone I know can't hit as good as me." Ownah's tough girl facade may have broken a little, but there's still plenty left. Especially once she knows it's chipped here and there. The hold is close enough to be seen. Or at least the space that the hold is in can be seen now. Just slightly less dark than the foothills they leave.
"That's wise I suppose," is the agreement, followed by a yawn as the defunct copper mine looms. "You could knock me flat and run, if I ever gave you cause. I'll try not to but, as you said, I'm still learning." They begin to inch into the 'bowl' of the mine before J'lor notes, unnecessarily, "Nearly there."
"Could maybe, might. . .teach ya better. I mean, ta not be so hurt ya get hit. How ta avoid it and all. Fall tha right way, yea? I'll think about it. But it's my tricks. Can't use em on me." Ownah blinks at the light some and casts a sidewise glance towards him. "Ain't so bad for a criminal monster. Ya have a good night." And she breaks away from him to get herself back inside. Can't be seen too close to anyone. Can't give anyone ideas or anything. Still, before she's too far away she slows her steps long enough to shyly whisper, "Thank you." Not that she turns around to look back at him.
"My pleasure," he murmurs, although she may be too far away to hear it. "Not too bad," he adds as he heads towards his own weyr, "for a criminal monster. Well," J'lor lets loose another wide yawn, "I do try."