/ignores point systempomeqranateJuly 19 2011, 10:37:06 UTC
character interpretation: mm, i dig your bianchi. neither she or dino are my forté -- i barely remember what they were like in the manga at this point, haha -- but the way you've written bianchi in this fic and described her really suit her, i think. you balance dino's upbeat, no-longer-quite-so-dame personality with the prompt well, too, though he feels a little too dark sometimes. i don't know if he'd be the type to cheat on someone, even if that someone were a girl he never wanted to marry, for example. that said, i can't actually say that fact's very important to me, as a reader; i like the direction you've taken with these characters even if they don't stick "strictly" to the canon source.
grammar/spelling: i noticed a couple typos here and there, but nothing disruptive.
story flow: major props for you in this section. i love how you've interspersed a flashback within the narrative and the... structure of your sentences? that sounds more awkward than i wanted it to, but -- i don't know, your style during the intimate scene was particularly good and this is coming from a person who never reads smut, haha. my one gripe lies in the repetition of so fucked; i feel as if it would've been more powerful said either once at the beginning or once at the beginning and once at the end. sprinkling it throughout the fic weakened its impact, at least for me.
prompt usage: liked how you took it in a simultaneously romantic/slightly political direction and how you just stuck to "ends justify the means" without it being overbearing. the possibilities for interpretation are nice.
originality: i never read dino/bianchi; i liked this dino/bianchi: 2 + 2 = ♥.
Thank you so much! ♥ I admit writing them was very tricky, because neither of them are "main" characters, so I'm glad that you enjoyed the way I write them.
As for Dino cheating... well, I suppose the way I interpreted the prompt was that Dino was corrupted. BY ~*LOVE*~. And so. He did this. Or something. I HAD SOMETHING WHILE I WAS WRITING and I lost it midway through. So I thought fuck it all imma keep writing this anyway >:C I suppose a back story would help a little bit. I am thinking of writing more about them. Dino/Bianchi is a very interesting pairing.
grammar/spelling: i noticed a couple typos here and there, but nothing disruptive.
story flow: major props for you in this section. i love how you've interspersed a flashback within the narrative and the... structure of your sentences? that sounds more awkward than i wanted it to, but -- i don't know, your style during the intimate scene was particularly good and this is coming from a person who never reads smut, haha. my one gripe lies in the repetition of so fucked; i feel as if it would've been more powerful said either once at the beginning or once at the beginning and once at the end. sprinkling it throughout the fic weakened its impact, at least for me.
prompt usage: liked how you took it in a simultaneously romantic/slightly political direction and how you just stuck to "ends justify the means" without it being overbearing. the possibilities for interpretation are nice.
originality: i never read dino/bianchi; i liked this dino/bianchi: 2 + 2 = ♥.
bonus: kudos for writing dino!
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As for Dino cheating... well, I suppose the way I interpreted the prompt was that Dino was corrupted. BY ~*LOVE*~. And so. He did this. Or something. I HAD SOMETHING WHILE I WAS WRITING and I lost it midway through. So I thought fuck it all imma keep writing this anyway >:C I suppose a back story would help a little bit. I am thinking of writing more about them. Dino/Bianchi is a very interesting pairing.
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oh man, if you do write more dino/bianchi, you have at least one reader on your hands. good luck. ♥
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