(no subject)
I'll bite my tounge til ive bled dry (Continued)
7)Someone Out There
If you fall down enough your sure bound to end up in hell, I had nine lives and one by one they've sobered up. Each pill, each pathetic drink drank: A pitiful escape from this trip i called my fate.
8)A virgin sacrifice is pleased as piss to know that i need her so, A room cloaked in black and trimmed in red lace, red blood, red wine and red paint. Fumes, im huffing Gasoline and molesting flames, Each matchbook armed with twenty-four heart attacks.Im running out of matches like im running out of excuses.
For these pathedic words you read,
And for everything ive used,
Theyve all washed down the drain.
This euphoric buzz i call my doom.
8) I feel so
And is it okay if i just grab my shit and leave,
Dounce myself in kerosene, Drink bleach, and fall in love.
Ill scream; Maybe ill catch fire, Maybe ill fall down hard, Maybe ill run again or
Maybe i can hear your voice,
Warm as piss,
Worn on my soul.
***9)Maybe i dont want to go...***
Me and this still frame are all i ever needed of a home, Better yet, those kisses quick i get, made me studder out so many hours late: 'Make me yours! and ill be alright.' For the next second, until the rapture came, Til the past wins the race of time, and reclaims you finally as its prize, And then the seas will part thier ways, The stars will come close enough to hold.
our hands they shake. together we'd sing.
These are the days that made our lives worthwhile, Lying in oblivion; the past six years are now alive. And if it ends, i still have the memories, of you and me, and oblivion stepped aside.
Memories can never die.
10)The things we thought of, But never did do.
These are the days of which writers dream. Whered youd dump your boyfriend to go out with me, or just a kiss, or just a hug, or a dreaming tree. Hold me. Time can reform to fit to my dreams. Time ran your touch til death will never hate again.
Touch: I could be your hollywood stuntman, i could completely ignore the crowd i am around, as long as comes the night, your breath would meet mine, the air i breathe, would become divine. Anything that was ever then, amounts to now where in my dreams, Just knowing you are here makes life okay. And although we made bad lovers, it doesnt mean we were ever apart. Cross my heart, and hope to die.
At least we're still best friends, At least we're still alive.
11)A sea of fire
I have a bad liver and a broken heart, She says, like she knew my story since the day id been concieved. She said the stories i tell her everyday do not amuse her, and are just miserable attempts to escape reality.I told her shed forgot rusty lungs, skeptical eyes, drunken mouth cliches and a bad back. Right before i had became interupted by a velveeta cab, spinning through a rain puddle, it collides with a streetlight. Silence stills its aqward laugh, i sigh, and continue on my way back home. The oil slick sky feels like motor oil rain, and the black coffee streets are cracked, then replastered with cigarette butts and chewing gum. Maybe its time the ground cracked, and the sky fell its concussion upon the world. Intoxicating beauty censors any other thought but that of which i cannot forget. I guess its just too bad, That everything ive had, has been taken away.
12)My heart in these rooftops
The suburban hum of commerce at dawn, i hooker myself down to a caddyshack lovepit known as the autobon. I stare at the building for scarce thoughts of leaving, then intake. I hale, then ex. Light another cigarette, and make my way in. Immediately synthetic eyes cloaked in denim wash my body like a coat of oil. The low silent smooth smoke cloud lingers in the air, i exasperate the purpose of entering, and over hear the thick headed growl of a drunken fox, whos soaked in gin and whiskey, grumbling off to a business type who looks like trouble in the homefront. Tonight he wears the blazer of orange mamosas and strawberry daquiris. I remembered my agenda, and come to the conclussion, id rather take myself out tonight, to the burger van on east central, Then mingle with the hearts of broken down business men and teenage college girls, trying so dear to get laid. I call myself up on a pay phone, To my suprise no one answers the phone. So it looks like i spend another night alone. Sometimes oyu have to see the bottom, if you ever want to see that which holds you up.
13) Miles of Fire
Im dying, and im begging to know
Do you love dreaming of me?
Do you love making out where the bluest eyes meet their match?
The darkest skies oculd never even compete.
No matter what happens,
From up here, this can never change.
Always inside:
Ten thousand miles seem like stars from up here,
and every word you never spoke shot across the sky for eternity
Everyword that you never spoke, can never leave my sky.
From up here, in my heart,
I can never die.
14) I wont feel again.
Striped overcoat draped in black,
black white and red.
My heart, Your fine, Blood red wine.
A fetish i have, for gut spills and young hearts,
That i swallow whole.
Nothing is closer in my mind,
Than the blood of your gut spill.
Neither were ever friends of my own,
But what i would give,
To only be seen with your blood.
15)Hitchcock Avenues
These songs still play the same way, they are the only thing, that kept its promise to never change.
Its 4 am on a tuesday. Right now i have an idea of that which is killing me.
16)Would you scream?
Stick out your tounge and smile.
God we know it can just paralyze.
It keeps us all outside.
So no one knows no nothing.
No one know no nothing.
Of the pain that you feel,
or the heart you conceal.
Your thoughts of suicide do not suprise,
And this sky, no matter how hot it seems,
It burns no less than the corroded lungs i posses,
Burns like a bitch, or the arson of my heart.
Maybe i will catch fire.
And in a romantic blaze,
Fall down dead in your dreams.
I can never see,
The sunrise again.
I can never see,
The sunrise again.
Tranquilize me please,
I need to sleep.
Drown myself in memories.
In dreams,
I feel your touch like a tease.
For divine apathy.
Of resigned feelings of fear.
Rescue my sanity. Before it slips away.
17)Choir of sirens
This ship i have sailed before. If i fell short then, what if i fall short now? I am lost in a crowd. I am watching in line. I am filled with self doubt. If this passes me by, if i let this die..
Im tired
I want and need her
At Night
Your voice
Will always
Pull me through.
The hard times, the worst of the bad times, I remember this feeling all too well now. I remember the result dark and cold as fright. Dont let me go, i should have asked. I fell miles short of when all i had left was one step. If i would have known then, Would things have ever changed? If i would have known then, would today be the same. I dont want to go. I do not want to go.
Cerelean eyes bled this opatic blue ink, used to scribe vendetta love notes to the ghosts of my past. Speak up, my darling Amily, It almost feels about time to leave. I held your hand, And for that second knowning, Somehow id make it through. I saw a man fall back to childhood, and feel the pain of heartbreak. Passed out sobbing, only to awake, and there was a picture of you.
I will write,
Once a day,
In a letter,
I never
Planned to send.
When skies,
Are finally mine,
I see you,
and i knew,
Me & You.
18) Trouble breathing***
Its getting so much harder to breathe lately, ive felt so scared since last thursday. Ive felt so scared since that night. This is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Its so hard, to just believe. These voices in my head, of doubt and of regret, i havent slept, since you have had tears shed. (For Me.) Everybody will be let down. I cannot believe what i have done. To everybody. Those tears were never meant for me. No they were never for me. Thier too golden to shed on a rock, Too chrome to cast on dirt. Ive been so scared the past day three. I was left alone, staring at my own grave.
Dont leave her.
19) Dont Leave Me
If i had only kept the courage, to make this last. If i wasnt such a coward, would could i have shown you was truely real? Where would we be, right now? This is not real. Nothing left here is real.
AND YOU DONT KARE- REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU SAY.
None of this is real. Your smile, its drenched in apathy. I can sense your guilt, or i feel absolutely nothing. This is not real. Years do not lie, Memories do not hide. I was there. I was fucking there the day you left my life. How can you ever once say that you loved me, and then cast me away.
But never worry, You look so pretty in white.
I am impartial to the red.
19) You perfect Fool.
You perfect fool,
Mop up my gut spill,
This pool of blood that i left for you,
I spilt this for you,
It traces cancer, and it traces spades.
A scarlett love note, scribed in black inks.
Chemical Romance.
There are no useful drugs,
I cant hide this for a single day longer.
Tell me right now.
Show me before your eyes,
Prove to me this is not mere deception,
And that you would never lie.
To me.
But this is oh so much more than simple words my dear.
And it hurts more than i have ever known.
More than i have ever felt.
Kiss me please. Hold me please.
Cut me please or tear me to pieces,
Let me feel anything besides this absense,
This doubt.
I need to breakdown.
I need to feel something besides the cold air,
Or the sharp stares,
of the years where we grew apart.
I need to reach inside my chest, and i need to feel my own heart.
Kiss me, Please....Before its time to leave.
20) Much like a stranger in a crowd.
I see you smiling, right across the street from my bedroom window. I glare out as i have glared years before. These streets are now cracked, laced with broken smiles, chased with cracked skulls and broken brown glass. Split open my spine, What is on my mind? A physical portrait of you, or then, and of now...
Whats now worth to immortalize in words? Now becomes then, in only a few scarce blinks.
Come to think of it... Then is something that i will always seem to miss.
21)A Spectre, in an audience of fools.
It fucking hurt okay? Like all goddamn hell tore through my faith, and my hopes. It became a burden on every aspect of my life. To know that i will always be ashamed, be gone, be afraid. Id never be back again. To you, to these dreams, to those nights on the city streets. To that same 500 wing, If that is all that i ever was, I will never be again. This pain of then, i am recurring now. Thank you now for flashback and broken hearts.
Fuck broken hearts.
This heart of mine is stomped.
Its spit.
Its dead.
22) Make Believe. (Fairies. Are. Not. Real)
Its been two years now, this spring. Its spring time now, i can smell it in the air and with this air inside my lungs, i begin to feel the same. Every spring, i fear, from now until the end of my dreams, I will cry myself to sleep, and wish that i had died, That faithful winter night. Any pain, feels worse than this hollow shell. I could only sleep, id kiss any god damn thing. Its 5:42, on a monday mourning. I start school in a mere 18 minutes. For sleep, For one solitary night of unadultered sleep and dream, maybe i was meant to die. This feeling now feels like punishment, for my failures back then. I had faith, that was my mistake. Faith in love, faith that things would be okay. The world now is as cold as it was then, It took me this long to see how badly i ruined things. Oh and how, How wonderfully things are ruined now. What a perfect mess i have created here, Whilest i drown myself in drugs, to numb the pain. Fuck numb. Christ, damn numb right to hell. Cast it away and replace it with faith, where now there lies nothing but this bed, where i tremble, where i shake. I puke, and cry myself to what id like to call sleep. Its been a few days now, since ive closed my eyes. I dont need anything as badly as i need to feel that fire inside of me right now. Or at least like theres some warmth left over, embers that linger long enough for me to say my final goodbyes to the dreams and the world that took me into its own, Only to throw me aside.
Rest your head, James. Things will be okay...
Things are not okay. Not now they arent, not after then. Not in years even. I wont be feeling any warmth, anytime soon.
23) Photographs.
You soul so close to mine. As you lay on these tear soaked sheets, Your head and heart, close to mine. Your soul felt so warm, it set my entire room ablaze. So did mine, Right then... everything would be alright. If this ends.
Fuck...
If this ends like you said it could, Id break a promise to myself, to be alive, and to live my life for another eternity, for just one more forever, before i turn in. And i surrender myself to apathy, I ... just felt so afraid as you were standing right above me. But at the same time, i felt safe. My heart is pounding through my chest, Break my ribs so i can uncage. My arms, now convulsing, my body is trembling, If you walk away from my dreams, Then everything else is just a lie. And in my mind, I would become a walking lie. I would never lie. That is exactly what i told myself 3 years ago. When i knew who i was inside. If i could say one single word, it'd be I love you. I miss you. I will be forever, just for you. All the I Miss You's and Im Sorry's cannot bring to to me now. And why am i about to cry? To shed all that ive built? At each of those football nights, At every fleeting glimpse of everlasting memory. Of Hope. Of Lust of Love. All that i ever had.
I see the dust of the footprints i once walked,
To admire the see-through ghosts of who i used to be.
Id smile.
Id Flirt.
Id love.
Id see...
24) For my friends, My Family...
Isnt...that what you said though? But it isnt what you meant. Like that song, Konstantine. Where youd spell 'confusion' with a K? Walking down the stairs, you look so pretty when your sleeping.
So much like an acid trip of novels and old films, my own ghost tickles her, rolling down a hill. Id hit the ground, and get back up again. This time, all i can think to do is lay down, dead. My arms around your sides, after all the childish love and affection shown through my eyes. Through any touch i could skimp. I snap off my legs, and cast them into the wake. I will not need them ever again. This is my home. And im here to stay.
TBC
7)Someone Out There
If you fall down enough your sure bound to end up in hell, I had nine lives and one by one they've sobered up. Each pill, each pathetic drink drank: A pitiful escape from this trip i called my fate.
8)A virgin sacrifice is pleased as piss to know that i need her so, A room cloaked in black and trimmed in red lace, red blood, red wine and red paint. Fumes, im huffing Gasoline and molesting flames, Each matchbook armed with twenty-four heart attacks.Im running out of matches like im running out of excuses.
For these pathedic words you read,
And for everything ive used,
Theyve all washed down the drain.
This euphoric buzz i call my doom.
8) I feel so
And is it okay if i just grab my shit and leave,
Dounce myself in kerosene, Drink bleach, and fall in love.
Ill scream; Maybe ill catch fire, Maybe ill fall down hard, Maybe ill run again or
Maybe i can hear your voice,
Warm as piss,
Worn on my soul.
***9)Maybe i dont want to go...***
Me and this still frame are all i ever needed of a home, Better yet, those kisses quick i get, made me studder out so many hours late: 'Make me yours! and ill be alright.' For the next second, until the rapture came, Til the past wins the race of time, and reclaims you finally as its prize, And then the seas will part thier ways, The stars will come close enough to hold.
our hands they shake. together we'd sing.
These are the days that made our lives worthwhile, Lying in oblivion; the past six years are now alive. And if it ends, i still have the memories, of you and me, and oblivion stepped aside.
Memories can never die.
10)The things we thought of, But never did do.
These are the days of which writers dream. Whered youd dump your boyfriend to go out with me, or just a kiss, or just a hug, or a dreaming tree. Hold me. Time can reform to fit to my dreams. Time ran your touch til death will never hate again.
Touch: I could be your hollywood stuntman, i could completely ignore the crowd i am around, as long as comes the night, your breath would meet mine, the air i breathe, would become divine. Anything that was ever then, amounts to now where in my dreams, Just knowing you are here makes life okay. And although we made bad lovers, it doesnt mean we were ever apart. Cross my heart, and hope to die.
At least we're still best friends, At least we're still alive.
11)A sea of fire
I have a bad liver and a broken heart, She says, like she knew my story since the day id been concieved. She said the stories i tell her everyday do not amuse her, and are just miserable attempts to escape reality.I told her shed forgot rusty lungs, skeptical eyes, drunken mouth cliches and a bad back. Right before i had became interupted by a velveeta cab, spinning through a rain puddle, it collides with a streetlight. Silence stills its aqward laugh, i sigh, and continue on my way back home. The oil slick sky feels like motor oil rain, and the black coffee streets are cracked, then replastered with cigarette butts and chewing gum. Maybe its time the ground cracked, and the sky fell its concussion upon the world. Intoxicating beauty censors any other thought but that of which i cannot forget. I guess its just too bad, That everything ive had, has been taken away.
12)My heart in these rooftops
The suburban hum of commerce at dawn, i hooker myself down to a caddyshack lovepit known as the autobon. I stare at the building for scarce thoughts of leaving, then intake. I hale, then ex. Light another cigarette, and make my way in. Immediately synthetic eyes cloaked in denim wash my body like a coat of oil. The low silent smooth smoke cloud lingers in the air, i exasperate the purpose of entering, and over hear the thick headed growl of a drunken fox, whos soaked in gin and whiskey, grumbling off to a business type who looks like trouble in the homefront. Tonight he wears the blazer of orange mamosas and strawberry daquiris. I remembered my agenda, and come to the conclussion, id rather take myself out tonight, to the burger van on east central, Then mingle with the hearts of broken down business men and teenage college girls, trying so dear to get laid. I call myself up on a pay phone, To my suprise no one answers the phone. So it looks like i spend another night alone. Sometimes oyu have to see the bottom, if you ever want to see that which holds you up.
13) Miles of Fire
Im dying, and im begging to know
Do you love dreaming of me?
Do you love making out where the bluest eyes meet their match?
The darkest skies oculd never even compete.
No matter what happens,
From up here, this can never change.
Always inside:
Ten thousand miles seem like stars from up here,
and every word you never spoke shot across the sky for eternity
Everyword that you never spoke, can never leave my sky.
From up here, in my heart,
I can never die.
14) I wont feel again.
Striped overcoat draped in black,
black white and red.
My heart, Your fine, Blood red wine.
A fetish i have, for gut spills and young hearts,
That i swallow whole.
Nothing is closer in my mind,
Than the blood of your gut spill.
Neither were ever friends of my own,
But what i would give,
To only be seen with your blood.
15)Hitchcock Avenues
These songs still play the same way, they are the only thing, that kept its promise to never change.
Its 4 am on a tuesday. Right now i have an idea of that which is killing me.
16)Would you scream?
Stick out your tounge and smile.
God we know it can just paralyze.
It keeps us all outside.
So no one knows no nothing.
No one know no nothing.
Of the pain that you feel,
or the heart you conceal.
Your thoughts of suicide do not suprise,
And this sky, no matter how hot it seems,
It burns no less than the corroded lungs i posses,
Burns like a bitch, or the arson of my heart.
Maybe i will catch fire.
And in a romantic blaze,
Fall down dead in your dreams.
I can never see,
The sunrise again.
I can never see,
The sunrise again.
Tranquilize me please,
I need to sleep.
Drown myself in memories.
In dreams,
I feel your touch like a tease.
For divine apathy.
Of resigned feelings of fear.
Rescue my sanity. Before it slips away.
17)Choir of sirens
This ship i have sailed before. If i fell short then, what if i fall short now? I am lost in a crowd. I am watching in line. I am filled with self doubt. If this passes me by, if i let this die..
Im tired
I want and need her
At Night
Your voice
Will always
Pull me through.
The hard times, the worst of the bad times, I remember this feeling all too well now. I remember the result dark and cold as fright. Dont let me go, i should have asked. I fell miles short of when all i had left was one step. If i would have known then, Would things have ever changed? If i would have known then, would today be the same. I dont want to go. I do not want to go.
Cerelean eyes bled this opatic blue ink, used to scribe vendetta love notes to the ghosts of my past. Speak up, my darling Amily, It almost feels about time to leave. I held your hand, And for that second knowning, Somehow id make it through. I saw a man fall back to childhood, and feel the pain of heartbreak. Passed out sobbing, only to awake, and there was a picture of you.
I will write,
Once a day,
In a letter,
I never
Planned to send.
When skies,
Are finally mine,
I see you,
and i knew,
Me & You.
18) Trouble breathing***
Its getting so much harder to breathe lately, ive felt so scared since last thursday. Ive felt so scared since that night. This is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. Its so hard, to just believe. These voices in my head, of doubt and of regret, i havent slept, since you have had tears shed. (For Me.) Everybody will be let down. I cannot believe what i have done. To everybody. Those tears were never meant for me. No they were never for me. Thier too golden to shed on a rock, Too chrome to cast on dirt. Ive been so scared the past day three. I was left alone, staring at my own grave.
Dont leave her.
19) Dont Leave Me
If i had only kept the courage, to make this last. If i wasnt such a coward, would could i have shown you was truely real? Where would we be, right now? This is not real. Nothing left here is real.
AND YOU DONT KARE- REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU SAY.
None of this is real. Your smile, its drenched in apathy. I can sense your guilt, or i feel absolutely nothing. This is not real. Years do not lie, Memories do not hide. I was there. I was fucking there the day you left my life. How can you ever once say that you loved me, and then cast me away.
But never worry, You look so pretty in white.
I am impartial to the red.
19) You perfect Fool.
You perfect fool,
Mop up my gut spill,
This pool of blood that i left for you,
I spilt this for you,
It traces cancer, and it traces spades.
A scarlett love note, scribed in black inks.
Chemical Romance.
There are no useful drugs,
I cant hide this for a single day longer.
Tell me right now.
Show me before your eyes,
Prove to me this is not mere deception,
And that you would never lie.
To me.
But this is oh so much more than simple words my dear.
And it hurts more than i have ever known.
More than i have ever felt.
Kiss me please. Hold me please.
Cut me please or tear me to pieces,
Let me feel anything besides this absense,
This doubt.
I need to breakdown.
I need to feel something besides the cold air,
Or the sharp stares,
of the years where we grew apart.
I need to reach inside my chest, and i need to feel my own heart.
Kiss me, Please....Before its time to leave.
20) Much like a stranger in a crowd.
I see you smiling, right across the street from my bedroom window. I glare out as i have glared years before. These streets are now cracked, laced with broken smiles, chased with cracked skulls and broken brown glass. Split open my spine, What is on my mind? A physical portrait of you, or then, and of now...
Whats now worth to immortalize in words? Now becomes then, in only a few scarce blinks.
Come to think of it... Then is something that i will always seem to miss.
21)A Spectre, in an audience of fools.
It fucking hurt okay? Like all goddamn hell tore through my faith, and my hopes. It became a burden on every aspect of my life. To know that i will always be ashamed, be gone, be afraid. Id never be back again. To you, to these dreams, to those nights on the city streets. To that same 500 wing, If that is all that i ever was, I will never be again. This pain of then, i am recurring now. Thank you now for flashback and broken hearts.
Fuck broken hearts.
This heart of mine is stomped.
Its spit.
Its dead.
22) Make Believe. (Fairies. Are. Not. Real)
Its been two years now, this spring. Its spring time now, i can smell it in the air and with this air inside my lungs, i begin to feel the same. Every spring, i fear, from now until the end of my dreams, I will cry myself to sleep, and wish that i had died, That faithful winter night. Any pain, feels worse than this hollow shell. I could only sleep, id kiss any god damn thing. Its 5:42, on a monday mourning. I start school in a mere 18 minutes. For sleep, For one solitary night of unadultered sleep and dream, maybe i was meant to die. This feeling now feels like punishment, for my failures back then. I had faith, that was my mistake. Faith in love, faith that things would be okay. The world now is as cold as it was then, It took me this long to see how badly i ruined things. Oh and how, How wonderfully things are ruined now. What a perfect mess i have created here, Whilest i drown myself in drugs, to numb the pain. Fuck numb. Christ, damn numb right to hell. Cast it away and replace it with faith, where now there lies nothing but this bed, where i tremble, where i shake. I puke, and cry myself to what id like to call sleep. Its been a few days now, since ive closed my eyes. I dont need anything as badly as i need to feel that fire inside of me right now. Or at least like theres some warmth left over, embers that linger long enough for me to say my final goodbyes to the dreams and the world that took me into its own, Only to throw me aside.
Rest your head, James. Things will be okay...
Things are not okay. Not now they arent, not after then. Not in years even. I wont be feeling any warmth, anytime soon.
23) Photographs.
You soul so close to mine. As you lay on these tear soaked sheets, Your head and heart, close to mine. Your soul felt so warm, it set my entire room ablaze. So did mine, Right then... everything would be alright. If this ends.
Fuck...
If this ends like you said it could, Id break a promise to myself, to be alive, and to live my life for another eternity, for just one more forever, before i turn in. And i surrender myself to apathy, I ... just felt so afraid as you were standing right above me. But at the same time, i felt safe. My heart is pounding through my chest, Break my ribs so i can uncage. My arms, now convulsing, my body is trembling, If you walk away from my dreams, Then everything else is just a lie. And in my mind, I would become a walking lie. I would never lie. That is exactly what i told myself 3 years ago. When i knew who i was inside. If i could say one single word, it'd be I love you. I miss you. I will be forever, just for you. All the I Miss You's and Im Sorry's cannot bring to to me now. And why am i about to cry? To shed all that ive built? At each of those football nights, At every fleeting glimpse of everlasting memory. Of Hope. Of Lust of Love. All that i ever had.
I see the dust of the footprints i once walked,
To admire the see-through ghosts of who i used to be.
Id smile.
Id Flirt.
Id love.
Id see...
24) For my friends, My Family...
Isnt...that what you said though? But it isnt what you meant. Like that song, Konstantine. Where youd spell 'confusion' with a K? Walking down the stairs, you look so pretty when your sleeping.
So much like an acid trip of novels and old films, my own ghost tickles her, rolling down a hill. Id hit the ground, and get back up again. This time, all i can think to do is lay down, dead. My arms around your sides, after all the childish love and affection shown through my eyes. Through any touch i could skimp. I snap off my legs, and cast them into the wake. I will not need them ever again. This is my home. And im here to stay.
TBC