Suckramento.
It bothers me when my dad brings up the fact that we have to consider how often we go to LA because Sacramento is our home now. Sorry dad, Sacramento is not home. Home is supposed to make you feel comfortable, even if you go out by yourself and sit at a Starbucks to study; you still feel safe. Having my friends and other family members definitely adds to that sense of comfort and security, along with all the memories, the favorite places to hang out and/or shop, the different locations that you are so happy you just found on accident, the authentic cuisines and hole-in-the-wall restaurants that you keep coming back to, and so much more.. all these components make LA home. There are some things that I definitely don't miss, like LA traffic... but even that I've found ways to get around (if possible). Sacramento. Huh, it's just not the deal.
I've been here for about 7 months now. I've visited LA for about half of those months, just for a weekend. Maybe to my dad it's not making my transition to Sacramento any easier, but if I pull myself away from it... I fear that I'll be, well, depressed. Especially if I end up going to nursing school out here... 1 year to sacrifice my social life and LA visiting. I don't think my dad realizes how much impact that'll make upon me. Yet, I can't even explain how just thinking about it makes me feel.
Dad, if you ever read this... I understand that you moved us here to take a risk in starting this business again. Luckily, it became a success and only has made you looked forward into investing in bigger and better things that you never got to accomplish until now, especially since we're all grown up now. I'm glad that things turned out the way that they did. On the other hand, making the decision to move here has affected us all in ways that I would deem unfair sometimes. Telling me that Raehan just needs to start making friends or finding a job to start meeting people is not the solution to this void that I'm sure he feels. You already know his personality... even when he went to Alemany, he still hung out with the same homies that he grew up with since 1st grade. So stop patronizing him in finding friends because it's easier said than done. I wonder if you really try to put yourself in our shoes. Just because we're young adults now, doesn't mean that we can let things go or forget about what we all left behind. I don't know how everyone else feels; I only know how I feel and quite frankly, every morning that I wake up, I feel my body moving but my mind in some closed and vulnerable state. I don't feel like myself here. Living here makes me feel alone, depressed, insecure, and waiting for that day to come when I can move back to where my heart feels comfortable and secure. Moving here has made me feel like I need to be on my own and independent from relationships; it makes me feel like I can't rely on anybody but myself. I felt like it was a decision between money vs. happiness... and well, if it were me, I would chose the latter or find some median. I don't think I ever remember being sat down and talked to about this huge adjustment. It takes me back to that time in grade school when you pulled Raehan and I out of OLL after the 2 day of class and moved us to SG. I remember crying my eyes out that night you made that decision for us. I was so hurt and thought that it was so unfair. I don't think you ever knew that, but you just did it again. Even though I'm glad it happened because I gained some awesome friends that contributed to who I am today, I wouldn't compare it so much to moving here because I have a strong sense of what I want and where I want to be. Unfortunately, it's not sacramento.
Lastly, I just want to say that everything that I've said above does not imply that I want to leave you guys. I just want to leave this place. Sacramento does not represent home, therefore it doesn't represent you guys. You know that we belong in LA and I may just be the only one who can verbalize it.