This was thereputic to write all down.
I'm a very indecisive person. It took me at least 5 attempts to figure out what music I am going to listen to while i type this. coldplay? the thrills?
no, snow patrol.
or should it be damien rice?
These decisions will not affect me overall. In a couple of hours from now, I will forget that I couldn't decide what song to play. Just like a month from now, I will forget all about this sunday...
For those of you who do not know, I work as an intern with the youth group at Anona United Methodist Church in Largo, FL. Lately, I've questioned my purpose in being there due to a failure to feel confident in the tasks I complete. I am the youngest person on staff, even younger than the summer youth intern who has confidence for days. Sometimes I envy him for his organizational skills and steady speaking voice.
When I see people who are so confident, it makes me question my abilities. There are a thosand things I want to do right now and I haven't the kahones to begin a single one. I know it's not a bad thing that I'm disorganized and scatterbrained.
I digress.
My point is this.
This sunday, my boss asked me to speak at youth group and I feel completely, one hundred percent, not prepared. I have a verse, and a vague idea of a topic. I've started by making a list of questions. If this were a small group, I would feel more confident because I'm not the one talking.
I used to not have any problems with speaking in public. What the hell happened?
It was when ____ pointed out that I said "um" 65 times in 15 minutes the last time I talked. It's the fact that I'm too afraid that I'm going to mess up my theology because I am not well versed in the world of Karl Barth. I'm afraid I'll say too much, because I have a great idea for an imagery piece, but I'm worried it would be too much personal information. The youth wouldn't be surprised to hear that I have family problems, right? But I doubt it would be permissable to tell them that my sister's in-laws are some of the most hateful people I have ever met. Too much?
All this to say, I'm willing to admit that I need help. I can't do this alone. I'm more stressed about this than I want to be.
I think that it's not just because I want to minister to the kids, but I want to win the approval of someone I shouldn't have to fight for.
I forgot how much I like lj. Particularly the way I write on it :)
no, snow patrol.
or should it be damien rice?
These decisions will not affect me overall. In a couple of hours from now, I will forget that I couldn't decide what song to play. Just like a month from now, I will forget all about this sunday...
For those of you who do not know, I work as an intern with the youth group at Anona United Methodist Church in Largo, FL. Lately, I've questioned my purpose in being there due to a failure to feel confident in the tasks I complete. I am the youngest person on staff, even younger than the summer youth intern who has confidence for days. Sometimes I envy him for his organizational skills and steady speaking voice.
When I see people who are so confident, it makes me question my abilities. There are a thosand things I want to do right now and I haven't the kahones to begin a single one. I know it's not a bad thing that I'm disorganized and scatterbrained.
I digress.
My point is this.
This sunday, my boss asked me to speak at youth group and I feel completely, one hundred percent, not prepared. I have a verse, and a vague idea of a topic. I've started by making a list of questions. If this were a small group, I would feel more confident because I'm not the one talking.
I used to not have any problems with speaking in public. What the hell happened?
It was when ____ pointed out that I said "um" 65 times in 15 minutes the last time I talked. It's the fact that I'm too afraid that I'm going to mess up my theology because I am not well versed in the world of Karl Barth. I'm afraid I'll say too much, because I have a great idea for an imagery piece, but I'm worried it would be too much personal information. The youth wouldn't be surprised to hear that I have family problems, right? But I doubt it would be permissable to tell them that my sister's in-laws are some of the most hateful people I have ever met. Too much?
All this to say, I'm willing to admit that I need help. I can't do this alone. I'm more stressed about this than I want to be.
I think that it's not just because I want to minister to the kids, but I want to win the approval of someone I shouldn't have to fight for.
I forgot how much I like lj. Particularly the way I write on it :)