Nick's Guide to Next-Gen!

Dec 15, 2006 23:20

Well, it's official: I've now played each next-gen console as much as I care to or will for the next while (god knows when I'll ever see a PS3 again...), so it's time to sum up my thoughts in a simple, fun guide for all you crazy nerd cats out there! All right! Heaven or Hell! Let's rock!

XBox 360
Total crap. Ok, not really, but I wanted so desperately to be able to say that. My brother Joe just bought one, and I got a chance to play Rainbow Six: Vegas. Graphically, the 360 is pretty good, and I like that I don't have to rest the controller in my lap and play it like a DDR pad anymore. The game controlled nicely (a good thing, because the whole "hiding behind a wall" thing saved my noob ass a number of times, and simple controls helped), and the controller, which is as original to gaming as Turistas (GO HOME! (TURISTAS!)) is to the horror genre, is still function enough for first person shooters (which, I assume, are the only reason anyone buys a 360).

Game-wise, I give the system a C, because that's average, and that about sums up what this system is. As for the hardware, the XBox may be HUEG, but the 360 is LODU. As I watched my brother play the game, I wondered where the helicopter was. Only later did I discover that there was no helicopter, but that the sound was coming from the system fan. I can hear it from across the room right now, for god's sake! I think the only way they could have improved the fan noise is to have made it into more of a wind tunnel, because then at least it could double as an air conditioner.

The OS in the 360 is stupid as shit. I just wanted to screw around in the menu for a bit, maybe see how much memory it had or any special features built in, but the second it detected the disc my brother put in, I was flung unwillingly into the game. Maybe it's just a matter of a simple setting change, maybe not, but right then: lame.

Again, this gets a C grade. Nice job keeping up the mediocrity with this system, there, Microsoft.

Also, as a side note, Microsoft jackass Peter Moore believes that the 360 will have sold 10 million systems by years end. His reasoning? "In every other generation, the first guy to 10 million consoles was the number one seller in the generation". Frankly, if they don't sell 10 million first with an entire year's head start, I'm going to laugh. A lot.

Playstation 3
First off, very pretty system. Nothing says "I'm a rich bastard" quite like that huge hunk of tomorrow sitting next to your big screen, high-definition monstrosity of a television. I played MotorStorm at Best Buy (the devil's store), and the graphics on that son of a bitch are gorgeous. Some of the time, I couldn't tell if this was instead some insane race going on somewhere in the world, or a video game.

One minute later, I was bored.

This is the best eye-candy money can buy (if the money stands in line two days before it can be spent), but GAWD if the PS3 doesn't have the crappiest release titles out. Eventually, I began to simply wreak the car, in hopes that the resulting explosion would woo me into enjoyment, but even that became a chore (takes too long >_<). I know there are plenty of just dandy games coming out for it next year, but outside of taking advantage of morons on eBay, what good is the system for at least another 6 months? Oh, right! For watching the 4 Blu-ray movies out (can't wait to see Ultraviolet on a new disc format!)...

Overall grade: D+ for now, probably an A when it picks up the slack and gets some decent titles out. Right now, it's just a cheap Blu-ray player for crappy movies.

Nintendo Wii
Guess what, nerds? I gots me one! And I love it. Fanboydom aside, I honestly think it's the best system out right now. The Mii system is genius (being able to play as yourself in Wii Sports really adds a lot to the game, not to mention randomly getting dudes from other people's systems is awesome), although I wish the Mii Parade (the place where you'll randomly get other Mii's not directly sent by someone on your friend's list) would allow Mii's from ANY system in the world, although, I suppose having 14 thousand Mii's at the same time would get a wee (ha! get it!?) bit frustrating.

As for gameplay, I can see the system sucking in a couple of years (like with the Gamecube... and N64...) when the number of new games dies down, but seeing previews of other games (Rayman: Raving Rabbits, WarioWare, and Mario Party 8 all looks like a blast!), and also from seeing the success of the DS's very different control scheme and the success it still has, I'm really hopeful for new games I haven't even heard of. Graphically, the Wii won't dazzle (compared to other next-gen), but in the right hands (Zelda, anyone?), the games can still be plenty purdy. Granted, Zelda could only hit Gamecube levels, so I'm looking forward to Metroid and Mario (yes, Mario) to show me the true power (go back to school!) of the system. But if MotorStorm showed me anything it's that gameplay is still the number one priority any game should have, and that graphics, while shiny, aren't everything.

Overall grade: A (fanboy grade: A+++... +)

Well, there you have it! A quick (right?) review of everything you need to know before you get up and go buy a Wii! Just remember to thank me later!
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