This is the kind of thing I was talking about, with those last two essayish posts.
On the one hand, there's a very clear need for fandom-- for all society, and fandom is one of its cutting edges in that art is born from it and memes are made from it-- to evolve beyond self-indulgent wallowing in cheap stereotypes and prejudices. A racist joke may give you a laugh, and you may feel you have a right to your laughs, but that doesn't mean it's right to enjoy a joke predicated on cruelty and undesired power imbalance.
On the other hand, fandom is about something. It's about a number of things, and those things that it's about, those desires that it's about, tie into why stereotypes can flourish in fandom. Why fandom is sometimes shamelessly unrealistic about how it portrays certain sensitive situations. Fandom is not simply people gathered together telling sexist, racist, ableist jokes for the sake of doing so. It's an intellectual gathering, a self-exploratory gathering, a gathering of people who are often trying to break things in themselves down and let things pour out.
Those needs of fans need to be honoured, too. Where they conflict with the need for a progressive fannish culture, the solution is not simply to stomp all over the need for catharsis and exploration of one's own less socially positive leanings, nor is it to simply say that activism is harshing our squee. Both needs are true ones, and at times any given person may need to say, time out: I need to retreat into a space that's just progressiveness, or just embracing of this cathartic fannish need, for a while, to fulfil my own needs. And that should be okay.
Everyone has the right to examine and deconstruct a fiction. Everyone has the right to take time out from deconstruction to focus on something else that the fiction is saying to them, too. And some people just aren't suited for that kind of deconstruction, period. They might be sympathetic, but they don't have the resources to be activists. They're in fandom for something else, and it's fulfilling a deep need.
Those on the front lines of fannish activism, I think, need to work out how that need can be satisfied without also compromising progressive goals.