On Friendship
I was chatting with someone earlier today, and we were on the topic of friendship.
I've wanted to write about this for a long time, but never had a good reason to, so I kept pushing it back to the back of my mind.
But why not now when I have a little time, right?
When I'm friends with someone, I don't expect anything from them.
And I don't want them to expect anything from me, either.
But the keyword here is 'expect'.
If you're friends, then you want to be there for them naturally, because you care.
No obligations, no expectations.
I'm usually too busy to be checking my friends page here on LJ or my entire timeline on Twitter.
I have work and I have kids. There are reasons why my fellow mommy friends aren't regulars on LJ or Twitter anymore.
And I don't feel guilty for not checking my friends page or timeline. (I used to a little bit, though. lol)
Because I do check them if/when I have the time and if/when I want to.
At the same time, I don't expect anybody to read my posts or tweets if they don't want to or don't have the time to, let alone leave comments or tweet back. And that's not to say I don't appreciate them when they do. Actually, that's all the more reason why I do appreciate them.
Oftentimes, people who are nice and patient enough to respond to my ramblings on a regular basis, despite my not reading or responding to their comments, end up being my friends. But this is not at all what I require from potential friends or anything like that. It is simply that, since I'm determined to enjoy my online life within my own limited capacities and time constraints, it just ends up being that way.
And the thing is, if I stretched myself and kept checking my friends posts, etc. despite lack of time, I know that I wouldn't last very long and would have to simply leave the fandom. This I did not want because I knew I'd miss my fandom friends too much, and that's why I stopped stretching myself. I know my limits.
In other words, I set my own limits to online participation, so I wouldn't have to leave my friends.
There are friends that are dear to me who are no longer very active online.
And that's OK. I still love them, and want them to know I'm here if they need me.
I don't expect them to be checking my posts/tweets. But I'm delighted to hear from my friends when they do decide to stop by and say something.
To me, true friendship doesn't involve any expectations or obligations.
Friendship is the knowledge that, if you're in trouble and need someone's support, you can count on them to be there, emotionally, if not physically, and to have your back because they want to, not because they feel like they need to.
This is why I have trouble forming a friendship with anyone who seems to think "What's in it for me?". lol
And this is a bit off-topic, but I want to know what you all think.
What do you think about your online friendships?
Different from your RL friendships?
More important than RL friendships, or less?
I used to wonder if my online friendships were not as 'real' or 'important' to me, or anyone, as RL friendships.
But after forming so many wonderful and deep friendships with people through the fandom, I have come to believe they are indeed very real and beautiful, just like RL friendships can be.
Actually, I've had many RL friends who came and went much faster than my online friends. lol
Of course, it's often frustrating and sad that I can't actually hang out with my online friends.
But some of their friendships over the past months and years have literally saved me, emotionally and psychologically.
And they all came from their hearts.
No obligations, no expectations.
Just the desire to be there for a friend.
I've wanted to write about this for a long time, but never had a good reason to, so I kept pushing it back to the back of my mind.
But why not now when I have a little time, right?
When I'm friends with someone, I don't expect anything from them.
And I don't want them to expect anything from me, either.
But the keyword here is 'expect'.
If you're friends, then you want to be there for them naturally, because you care.
No obligations, no expectations.
I'm usually too busy to be checking my friends page here on LJ or my entire timeline on Twitter.
I have work and I have kids. There are reasons why my fellow mommy friends aren't regulars on LJ or Twitter anymore.
And I don't feel guilty for not checking my friends page or timeline. (I used to a little bit, though. lol)
Because I do check them if/when I have the time and if/when I want to.
At the same time, I don't expect anybody to read my posts or tweets if they don't want to or don't have the time to, let alone leave comments or tweet back. And that's not to say I don't appreciate them when they do. Actually, that's all the more reason why I do appreciate them.
Oftentimes, people who are nice and patient enough to respond to my ramblings on a regular basis, despite my not reading or responding to their comments, end up being my friends. But this is not at all what I require from potential friends or anything like that. It is simply that, since I'm determined to enjoy my online life within my own limited capacities and time constraints, it just ends up being that way.
And the thing is, if I stretched myself and kept checking my friends posts, etc. despite lack of time, I know that I wouldn't last very long and would have to simply leave the fandom. This I did not want because I knew I'd miss my fandom friends too much, and that's why I stopped stretching myself. I know my limits.
In other words, I set my own limits to online participation, so I wouldn't have to leave my friends.
There are friends that are dear to me who are no longer very active online.
And that's OK. I still love them, and want them to know I'm here if they need me.
I don't expect them to be checking my posts/tweets. But I'm delighted to hear from my friends when they do decide to stop by and say something.
To me, true friendship doesn't involve any expectations or obligations.
Friendship is the knowledge that, if you're in trouble and need someone's support, you can count on them to be there, emotionally, if not physically, and to have your back because they want to, not because they feel like they need to.
This is why I have trouble forming a friendship with anyone who seems to think "What's in it for me?". lol
And this is a bit off-topic, but I want to know what you all think.
What do you think about your online friendships?
Different from your RL friendships?
More important than RL friendships, or less?
I used to wonder if my online friendships were not as 'real' or 'important' to me, or anyone, as RL friendships.
But after forming so many wonderful and deep friendships with people through the fandom, I have come to believe they are indeed very real and beautiful, just like RL friendships can be.
Actually, I've had many RL friends who came and went much faster than my online friends. lol
Of course, it's often frustrating and sad that I can't actually hang out with my online friends.
But some of their friendships over the past months and years have literally saved me, emotionally and psychologically.
And they all came from their hearts.
No obligations, no expectations.
Just the desire to be there for a friend.