Me Lately
I haven't posted a regular personal post in a long while, have I?
Been having so many things to do, I've had no choice but to neglect LJ a bit. Sorry, LJ... I still love you. ;3;
I'm so tired of being chased by stuff to do right now, I'm gonna take a little time for myself to write this post of no importance or significance. :D
My life for the past couple of months has been..... how should I put it....
Weird
Frustrating
Heartbreaking
Exciting
Disappointing
Addicting
Crazy
Shameful....
Oh wait, wow, these aren't very positive words at all, are they? =A=;;;; Interesting.... hmmm......
I am still going through one of the biggest transitions in my life right now, and it has been very stressful.
In the midst of it, I've made some poor decisions.
And yet, I don't regret them. When I say that, it doesn't mean I don't think they were poor decisions. They were, and if I could go back in time, I would make different choices (hopefully....). But I simply don't regret things because it's a waste of time to hope for something to never have occurred. Because they did, and that's the reality. And you cannot go back in time to undo them.
What you CAN do is to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them in the future, or even teach your children what you've learned.
That's why I don't regret anything.
Because life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Minor and major. Mistakes and their lessons shape who you are as a person on deeper levels.
I'm also realizing that I naturally avoid generating negative feelings within myself. I say 'naturally' because I don't notice that I do this. But I feel like my feelings/emotions are 'usually' inclined to go toward the center, meaning I don't get either extremely happy or unhappy about things, but somewhere more in the middle.
For instance, there used to be things that would get me pretty upset/anxious or very excited/happy...., you know, any extreme emotions.
Now, I find myself just taking it all in, and yet not be disturbed too much by anything.
Why has this happened?
I think it's because, the older I get, the more accepting of things I have become.
I take things/people for what/who they are. I have always been this way since I was little, but it seems to have really reinforced itself in the past few years...
I don't very easily form either good or bad opinions of anything anymore. I still do, of course, in some cases. Some things still do irk me, upset me..., but only very occasionally. Even then, I accept them for what they are.
When you reject things by labeling them as 'bad' in your mind, then you've basically rid yourself of the willingness/ability to look beyond the surface. Underneath the 'bad' label, there could be millions of reasons that explain the particular situation, but you've stopped looking further.
For example, think of that thing flying in the sky with its wings.
When you don't know what it is, you will keep observing and examining it to know more about it. What colors is it? How can it not fall to the ground? What textures are its wings? What sounds does it make? Where is it going? What would it feel like to be it? Oh, what an AMAZING creature that is!!
But as soon as you call it "Oh, it's a bird", you stop looking further, 'thinking' that you know all about it. When the truth is, you really don't.
That's the scary thing about labeling...and prejudgement. It keeps you from expanding your knowledge and understanding of the world, the universe, and in the end, your compassion for it.
Of course, there are some instances when I think, "Why in the world do they think like that?" "Why can't they be more understanding?", etc., etc... But I realize that it's because of a myriad of factors that led up to that point, and that I am in no position to judge them.
This doesn't mean I don't speak up for what I believe in. I do. But when I do, I usually do so without much negativity involved.
When you are very firm and strong in your opinions/points, the other party will also become very firm and strong in their opposing opinions/points. If you want understanding, you must give yours first.
Don't just assume. Listen.
And in the end, if you still don't agree, simply respect and accept it.
And realize that you can't always be right. Nobody can. And there's the beauty of it. Nothing in this world is either right or wrong in the universal scale of things. They just simply 'are'.
See how lacking in direction and point this post has already become?
My mind has been in a pretty chaotic and messy place lately, I'm just trying to get a few things out here so I can organize my head a little better... lol
I have realized that I can still be a mind-boggling fool after all these years of trying to better myself as a human being.
What do I think about that?
I don't beat myself up over it, no. I'm just reconfirming that I am indeed a work in progress, and will always be.
But I am trying.
While struggling and stumbling and scraping my knees here and there, getting bruises on my hands and cheeks (figure of speech, people! lol), even crying and screaming at times (ok, these, literally...lol).
As long as I'm trying, what else could I expect of myself? That's all I can do, as a completely imperfect human being that I am.
For someone who thinks she loves herself, I've put myself through lots and lots of muddy and yucky stuff lately.
I'm sorry, Val. I really am.
But I'm struggling and choking right now. In this mess I created. Forgive me. Love me just a bit longer, and I'll get a handle of myself a little better soon. Then I will behave, I promise.
And yes, despite all that, I still do think I love myself, including that pathetic, sometimes even nasty, part of me.
I don't reject it. I don't suppress it. I accept it for what it is and embrace it, hoping to slowly turn it into positive energy, especially when it's so obviously visible and easy to recognize, like it is now.
Because if I don't, who else will?
Ha.
What a strange post.
Thanks for reading this weirdness, if you did. lol
I'll hopefully change gears and talk about my trip to Japan in the next post, which is coming up in oh-my-god two weeks, away from this craziness... hahahahaha
Been having so many things to do, I've had no choice but to neglect LJ a bit. Sorry, LJ... I still love you. ;3;
I'm so tired of being chased by stuff to do right now, I'm gonna take a little time for myself to write this post of no importance or significance. :D
My life for the past couple of months has been..... how should I put it....
Weird
Frustrating
Heartbreaking
Exciting
Disappointing
Addicting
Crazy
Shameful....
Oh wait, wow, these aren't very positive words at all, are they? =A=;;;; Interesting.... hmmm......
I am still going through one of the biggest transitions in my life right now, and it has been very stressful.
In the midst of it, I've made some poor decisions.
And yet, I don't regret them. When I say that, it doesn't mean I don't think they were poor decisions. They were, and if I could go back in time, I would make different choices (hopefully....). But I simply don't regret things because it's a waste of time to hope for something to never have occurred. Because they did, and that's the reality. And you cannot go back in time to undo them.
What you CAN do is to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them in the future, or even teach your children what you've learned.
That's why I don't regret anything.
Because life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. Minor and major. Mistakes and their lessons shape who you are as a person on deeper levels.
I'm also realizing that I naturally avoid generating negative feelings within myself. I say 'naturally' because I don't notice that I do this. But I feel like my feelings/emotions are 'usually' inclined to go toward the center, meaning I don't get either extremely happy or unhappy about things, but somewhere more in the middle.
For instance, there used to be things that would get me pretty upset/anxious or very excited/happy...., you know, any extreme emotions.
Now, I find myself just taking it all in, and yet not be disturbed too much by anything.
Why has this happened?
I think it's because, the older I get, the more accepting of things I have become.
I take things/people for what/who they are. I have always been this way since I was little, but it seems to have really reinforced itself in the past few years...
I don't very easily form either good or bad opinions of anything anymore. I still do, of course, in some cases. Some things still do irk me, upset me..., but only very occasionally. Even then, I accept them for what they are.
When you reject things by labeling them as 'bad' in your mind, then you've basically rid yourself of the willingness/ability to look beyond the surface. Underneath the 'bad' label, there could be millions of reasons that explain the particular situation, but you've stopped looking further.
For example, think of that thing flying in the sky with its wings.
When you don't know what it is, you will keep observing and examining it to know more about it. What colors is it? How can it not fall to the ground? What textures are its wings? What sounds does it make? Where is it going? What would it feel like to be it? Oh, what an AMAZING creature that is!!
But as soon as you call it "Oh, it's a bird", you stop looking further, 'thinking' that you know all about it. When the truth is, you really don't.
That's the scary thing about labeling...and prejudgement. It keeps you from expanding your knowledge and understanding of the world, the universe, and in the end, your compassion for it.
Of course, there are some instances when I think, "Why in the world do they think like that?" "Why can't they be more understanding?", etc., etc... But I realize that it's because of a myriad of factors that led up to that point, and that I am in no position to judge them.
This doesn't mean I don't speak up for what I believe in. I do. But when I do, I usually do so without much negativity involved.
When you are very firm and strong in your opinions/points, the other party will also become very firm and strong in their opposing opinions/points. If you want understanding, you must give yours first.
Don't just assume. Listen.
And in the end, if you still don't agree, simply respect and accept it.
And realize that you can't always be right. Nobody can. And there's the beauty of it. Nothing in this world is either right or wrong in the universal scale of things. They just simply 'are'.
See how lacking in direction and point this post has already become?
My mind has been in a pretty chaotic and messy place lately, I'm just trying to get a few things out here so I can organize my head a little better... lol
I have realized that I can still be a mind-boggling fool after all these years of trying to better myself as a human being.
What do I think about that?
I don't beat myself up over it, no. I'm just reconfirming that I am indeed a work in progress, and will always be.
But I am trying.
While struggling and stumbling and scraping my knees here and there, getting bruises on my hands and cheeks (figure of speech, people! lol), even crying and screaming at times (ok, these, literally...lol).
As long as I'm trying, what else could I expect of myself? That's all I can do, as a completely imperfect human being that I am.
For someone who thinks she loves herself, I've put myself through lots and lots of muddy and yucky stuff lately.
I'm sorry, Val. I really am.
But I'm struggling and choking right now. In this mess I created. Forgive me. Love me just a bit longer, and I'll get a handle of myself a little better soon. Then I will behave, I promise.
And yes, despite all that, I still do think I love myself, including that pathetic, sometimes even nasty, part of me.
I don't reject it. I don't suppress it. I accept it for what it is and embrace it, hoping to slowly turn it into positive energy, especially when it's so obviously visible and easy to recognize, like it is now.
Because if I don't, who else will?
Ha.
What a strange post.
Thanks for reading this weirdness, if you did. lol
I'll hopefully change gears and talk about my trip to Japan in the next post, which is coming up in oh-my-god two weeks, away from this craziness... hahahahaha