Are You Happy Now? (2/2)
Title: Are You Happy Now? (2/2)
Pairing: Jin/Jimin, [spoiler!]V/Jimin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: fluff, angst, humor, roadtrip! au
Word Count: 11410
Summary: Seokjin goes on a road trip with his friends and ends up with his first heartbreak.
pt. 1>>
When Seokjin wakes up again, Jimin’s already out of bed and is observing himself in the mirror. He tucks the hem of his sweater into his pants but stops, noticing Seokjin staring at him. “Oh hyung, you’re awake!”
Seokjin knows that a dream is too much to ask for when the reality they live in isn’t as nice, but when Jimin suddenly greets him with a good morning with an offer of helping him wake the others up, he realizes that maybe the line between dreams and reality blur, too.
“Hyung, what was that all about?” Yoongi asks him on their way out as he’s making sure that the door to their room is locked. Jimin is already walking ahead with Jungkook and Taehyung, as per usual, and even though Seokjin would hate to admit it, he gets jealous, too.
“What was what?” he answers Yoongi’s question with another, crossing his arms over his chest. He goes on walking, not waiting for Yoongi. Yoongi tries to catch up with his pace, the younger’s relatively shorter legs adding up with his hatred for exercise dealing him some difficulties.
“I woke up to you and Jimin cuddling. Did something happen last night?”
“Oh god Yoongi, what are you even thinking? He is just a kid!” The sudden outburst coming from Seokjin almost makes Yoongi drop the bag he’s holding. Seokjn looks outright flustered, and Yoongi doesn’t even know how to begin with consoling him. “And to think that you guys were in there, I would never-“
“Hyung, hyung!” he interrupts Seokjin’s babbling tirade. “I was asking if you confessed to him last night. God, listen to yourself.”
“Ah, was that it?” Seokjin scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, ears getting tinged with red.
“How many ecchi mangas have you been going through? Seriously.”
“Yoongi!”
“What?” Yoongi looks back at him like he got offended for being scolded even though he was asking a legitimate question. “I saw you going through some back in middle school, don’t lie to me.” At the blatant look of shock in Seokjin’s eyes, Yoongi just looks at him back. “Why, are you reading hardcore porn now?”
Seokjin looks like a fish caught straight out of water, gaping and at loss of words, and Yoongi isn’t able to stop himself from laughing anymore. “Wow, look at our hyung, all grown up.”
Seokjin buries his face in his hands. “Yoongi, I swear to god-”
“Stop swearing upon me hyung.” Yoongi cuts him off again, and Seokjin buries his face deeper in his hands, embarrassed because even after all these years, Yoongi is still trying to pull that stint that he’s a god. “The kids might start slandering me.”
Seokjin rolls his eyes at Yoongi. “Just walk faster.”
✈✈✈
Seokjin thinks that when he’s grown old, even when he’s done some stupid things in the past, when he looks back on them, he will realize that he doesn’t regret them much.
But the future is still not here, and right now, at present, Seokjin very much regrets his life decisions.
“I already rode the zipline with you guys, why are you insisting that we ride the hamster wheel too?” Seokjin hates that he sounds like he’s about to whine when he rarely complains, but being the reasonable one isn’t going to get him to survive with the rides Jungkook wants them to go through. He hopes Jungkook considers the fact that they’re on top of the cable tower with the wind blowing strongly as an excuse for the loudness of his voice.
“Because it’s fun!” the deadly glint in Jungkook’s eyes when he says that makes Seokjin remember all those times his friends and even Jimin had said that Jungkook was Satan reincarnate. At times like this, he thinks their judgment had clearly been on point. “Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung have already tried it, and they’re still fine.”
Seokjin needs to strain his ears to hear Jungkook’s voice better, but what his brother just said rings clear in his mind. “Did any of them scream?”
“Not entirely.” Jungkook answers his older brother, still smiling widely. “Namjoon hyung sort of begged for his mom, and Yoongi hyung hasn’t been back from the bathroom since then. Hoseok hyung told me he might have peed in his pants.”
“That’s,” Seokjin says, looking at the long cable stretched between the tower they’re standing on and the one on the other side. He gauges the distance with a single look and decides that it may have been better if he’d stayed back at the entrance. “Comforting to hear.”
Riding on a giant hamster wheel isn’t exactly Seokjin’s idea of a summer getaway, and now, standing on top of a tower that’s twenty feet above the ground, he doesn’t think that notion is about to change soon.
The operator calls them over, telling them that it’s their turn and to wear the safety equipment. Seokjin tries to drag out the moment, pretending that he’s having a hard time putting on his harness, but the operator is quick to help him out, joking about how he shouldn’t be fumbling with the straps like he doesn’t know how to hold on to them even when his life depended on it. Seokjin is about to retort that the operator would fumble too if he were in Seokjin’s position, but he is able to hold his tongue quickly, realizing that the operator has probably been working here for a long time already, with the practiced ease in the way he talks to them and fixes their harnesses.
Seokjin squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying to think clearly. He remembers this feeling back at the roller coaster too, only fainter. The memory of a small hand holding his makes its way to his mind, along with crescent-shaped eyes and a bright smile.
He opens his eyes and takes a step.
✈✈✈
It’s unusual for Jimin to stray away from the group on his own unless he was told to buy something, so when Seokjin climbs down the tower, exhausted from limb-to-limb only to find Jimin missing, he runs straight to the first place he thinks he would find the guy.
There’s only one ice cream shop around the resort’s area, so it isn’t that hard to spot Jimin even when he’s more than ten feet away. When Jimin quickly looks up after Seokjin had called him, running straight to him and enveloping him in a hug, Seokjin knows that he should have felt happiness surging through him. But it’s unease that settles in his stomach instead, and he knows that something’s not quite right.
“What happened?” Seokjin softly asks, lips barely grazing the top of Jimin’s head. Something feels off, and the way Jimin glances up at him with teary eyes just confirms everything.
“Is Taehyung still mad at me?”
He shakes his head. He doesn’t exactly have the answer to that since he’s hurriedly taken off to find Jimin without knowing the whole story first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even know you guys fought.” Seeing Taehyung and Jimin bickering had been a norm, but it’s always been just playful banter between them and never a full-blown fight. “Tell me what happened.”
“He’s really scared of heights, so I told him not to do the hamster wheel anymore. But then the hyungs were teasing him and he got mad at me and told me that he’d prove that he can do it.” Jimin had said everything in a rush, like he was upset to retell the story again but only did because he had to, since Seokjin had to know that Seokjin takes a moment to pause and let Jimin’s words sink in.
“He really did it?” Seokjin finally releases Jimin from the hug when he realizes that he’s been holding on for too long even though he likes the warmth that had enveloped him then. Jimin lets his arms fall back to his sides, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Even when he was really scared?”
“Yes, and he got stuck halfway through because he looked down and got scared.” Jimin pouts, looking down as if trying to recall a really bad memory. “It was a good thing the operator helped him get out, but when he got down from the tower, I didn’t know what took over me and I just started scolding him.” Jimin messes his hair in frustration, and even though his sense of responsibility over his friends are strong, Seokjin is painfully reminded of the fact that he’s still just sixteen. “I shouldn’t have said anything at all. Now he’s probably pissed off at me.”
“Stop blaming yourself. You just said that because you cared, right?”
“That’s the thing, hyung-I care too much for him; too much for my own good.” Jimin kicks at the pebbles under his feet, not even really aiming at anything.
“Are you implying that…”Seokjin feels like something is stuck in his throat, dragging its way up, and then down, and back up again before he manages to spit it out. “That you like him?”
“I-“Jimin looks at him like he’s been caught, his eyes searching Seokjin’s as if he needs his hyung’s help. “I guess so.”
“Have you told him yet?”
“No I-“Jimin fiddles with his fingers, hesitant, looking as if he, too, has his words stuck in his throat. “I don’t think it’ll work out, anyway.”
Seokjin still feels a bit wobbly from running all the way to the ice cream shop from the hamster wheel, and Jimin’s answer almost has him reeling. He should already have seen it in the way Jimin had looked like he was about to say something but chose not to, but he had been too preoccupied with making sure that Jimin was there beside him to think about anything else.
“Then tell him.” Seokjin’s voice surprisingly comes out calm and collected even though he feels like his insides have been shattered, and even though that in itself surprises him, he keeps quiet about it.
Seokjin admits to being selfish a lot of times, and he doesn’t even know why he’s saying this when all this time, he’s always wanted to say otherwise. Jimin looks surprised too, like he hasn’t expected Seokjin to just lay it out for him like that.
“I bet he only thinks of me as a friend.”
“Well, have you asked him?” It feels weird, giving Jimin advice on Taehyung when just the previous night, Yoongi had given him advice on Jimin. “Taehyung’s a bit too dense sometimes; maybe that’s why it took a while for you to realize that.” Seokjin comments. “But he’s nice. You yourself would know, right?”
Jimin smiles, Seokjin’s words making him feel warm and reassured. “I think so, hyung.” And even though his smile isn’t like the full, bright ones that Seokjin’s used to seeing, he tries to make do with what he has.
✈✈✈
When Jimin and Taehyung get back to their hotel room after Namjoon’s insistence on them talking their problem out, their hands intertwined and a different look of happiness on their faces, somehow, Seokjin already knows.
Of course nothing leaves undetected under Jungkook’s gaze and he keeps prodding them until they admit what he and Seokjin already know.
Hoseok is the noisiest among the bunch when it comes to reacting, coining “Taemin” as their couple name and dancing along to Shinee’s Ring Ding Dong, all the while cackling at the brilliance of his own pun.
“Get out, now,” Yoongi says, threatening to throw a shoe at him, but Hoseok only retaliates by doing aegyo that Jungkook has to restrain Yoongi from getting up and strangling him.
Amidst all the commotion, Seokjin catches Namjoon throwing him a concerned glance as if he’s asking him if everything’s just alright with him, and he realizes that he hasn’t been that all too discreet in liking Jimin. Even when he’s made the resolve to never admit to it, all of his friends probably know of his feelings already.
“Stop it, all of my toes are starting to curl up. Do all your lovey-dovey shit when I’m not around.” Yoongi swats Taehyung and Jimin’s interlaced hands with his shoe instead of chucking it at Hoseok, and Seokjin is glad for the interference because he doesn’t know what is left to say.
✈✈✈
There’s no one in the public dipping pool at this time, with everyone else out either eating dinner or visiting other spots in the resort, and Seokjin finds peace in dipping his feet in the warm water, with only the guy by the entrance guarding the ticket booth as his company.
Looking back, he regrets having had done a lot of things, but mostly he regrets not doing anything, just sticking around and being a bystander like everyone else instead of trying to build up his own part of the story. He still has a lot to mull over, but then he spots someone entering and he just stops to stare, his mind becoming befuddled all over again.
There’s a bounce in Jimin’s steps as he makes his way to Seokjin. He sits right beside Seokjin, taking off his slippers before dipping his feet in the pool, too.
“Thank you hyung,”he says with a smile so wide it reaches his ears, and Seokjin comes to think that maybe he doesn’t completely regret most of his decisions. “Nothing would have happened at all if you hadn’t told me that.” He knows his feelings for Jimin won’t go away just like that, but even though he’s jealous of Taehyung, he realizes that it’s only Taehyung who manages to make him smile like that-like nothing could ever dampen his happiness, because they have each other now.
Seokjin clears his throat. “Then, are you happy now?”
Jimin blinks at him, slightly taken aback with the question. He looks like he’s pondering about it for a moment looking at his feet dangling by the edge of the pool, but there’s still confusion over his face when he looks back at Seokjin. “What do you mean by that, hyung?”
“I could tell that something’s been bothering you these past few months.” Seokjin says, recalling the times when Jimin would look uneasy. There was that night too, when he couldn’t sleep, his worries seeming to eat him out. “Was it that?”
“Yeah,” Jimin’s laughter is boyish, just like his smile-barely an adult, but almost there. He sounds a little breathless, but nevertheless happy. Seokjin doesn’t know if he should be happy now that Jimin is happy, or sad to know that he isn’t the reason behind that happiness. “I just didn’t know how to cope up with it, you know? I mean, I’ve known him since we were kids, and all of a sudden it just…” he trails off, making elaborate gestures with his hands, unable to exactly explain what he feels. But Seokjin understands that anyway. After all, he’s been there.
(And he still is)
“But you’re happy now, aren’t you?” every breath he takes is laden with the concurring struggle of trying to keep a straight face and trying not to break. It’s surprising, really, how his face doesn’t twitch despite the shaking of his hands. Maybe all those times being cast as the lead actor in their class plays served a purpose, after all.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“That’s good,” Seokjin says, feeling his heart dropping to his stomach and getting smashed to bits. “That’s great.” He adds, even though his mouth feels like he’s chewed on sand.
“Thanks, hyung. Really.”
“No problem,” he replies. Because love makes you agree to see your own heart break first.
✈✈✈
The morning after isn’t any better than what Seokjin expects it to be, his body screaming in protest when he tries to get up from the bed. He looks back at his pillow mournfully, regretting that he has to get up really early to order breakfast for the younger ones, but nevertheless, he still has his duties.
The anxious feelings he’s had from the night before haven’t completely faded, but they’ve settled into a monotonous lull in his chest, anchored down by his will to get up and get moving.
“That smells really nice, hyung!” Jungkook says over Seokjin’s shoulder as he’s setting the food on top of the bedside table, and Seokjin almost jumps in his place, surprised at the sudden disturbance. “It looks like you cooked the meat well.”
“I just bought this from the restaurant outside, you know we can’t cook here.” Seokjin sighs to himself. Cooking requires precision and proper timing, and their mom would always praise Seokjin for being able to get just the right amount of flavor for a dish and cooking it perfectly right. It’s ironic though, that when it comes to Jimin, he always seems to be a step behind.
“You want to try and taste it?” he offers Jungkook instead to take his mind off of things. He knows Jungkook purposefully came by to be able to taste the dish first since it’s kind of become part of his habit, really, and if anything, his brother’s reply of an excited “Yes!” and a celebratory whoop is an obvious indication of that. Seokjin smiles reflexively, and it’s the first time since last night that he’s smiled genuinely at all.
✈✈✈
It’s not the first time that Seokjin has seen Yoongi excited, but there’s a difference between seeing Yoongi excited over downloading a newly-released mixtape from his favorite underground rappers to seeing Yoongi jumping on the balls of his feet over wanting to ride a banana boat.
Jungkook looks excited as always, prepared to jump head-on to any challenge he is offered. He doesn’t even feel all bummed out when Namjoon starts talking about sharks and sea creatures, even when his hyung gets slightly off-topic and starts venturing into the subject of how sea foam and sadness could be interrelated. Jimin and Taehyung are taking selcas right next to Namjoon, ignoring his lectures, and proceeding to click away with every nice angle that they discover. Hoseok pretends to be all though like he usually does, reminding the others that it’s Yoongi who’s the king of bluffing and not him when they call for his words as lies.
But as usual, Hoseok, still the scaredy-cat that he is flails and screams when it’s his turn to hop aboard the boat, almost falling straight into the water from kicking the boat in panic.
Although though they stay aboard the boat longer than the motorboat’s driver expect them to, they still all fall over in the end even though Seokjin’s pretty sure that he was gripping on the handle in front of him really tightly, as if he’s holding on to his lifeline. Yoongi complains that it’s because the driver of the motorboat passed over that ramp on purpose to throw them off-balance, but nevertheless, Seokjin doesn’t find it all that regretful.
When they get back on the wharf, Namjoon heads straight to the operator to so that they could try out parasailing next. Seokjin has just turned his back after climbing up when they all hear a sudden splash, and he turns his head to find his younger brother neck-deep into the water, cursing a string of expletives at Taehyung.
It’s like watching a documentary film on how karma is a bitch, really, when Jungkook swims back to the edge of the wharf and climbs up, dragging Taehyung along and carrying him in his arms to throw him into the water. Taehyung resists, his efforts in trying to untangle himself from Jungkook’s grip and get back down safely proving futile, but then Jimin steps in on the scene and promptly pushes the both of them into the water, slapping his thigh loudly and making a show of laughing too hard when the two curse at him. He doesn’t get much time before he’s being dragged into the water himself, the two younger boys unrelenting in their efforts to dunk him in the water.
“This is okay,” Seokjin thinks, watching by the sidelines. He sits down and crosses his legs under him, watching the three go on with causing a ruckus in the water, splashing each other’s faces with saltwater and trying to win against each other in a competition that doesn’t have any rules and doesn’t actually make any sense in the first place.
And it is, because he really means it.
Pairing: Jin/Jimin, [spoiler!]V/Jimin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: fluff, angst, humor, roadtrip! au
Word Count: 11410
Summary: Seokjin goes on a road trip with his friends and ends up with his first heartbreak.
pt. 1>>
When Seokjin wakes up again, Jimin’s already out of bed and is observing himself in the mirror. He tucks the hem of his sweater into his pants but stops, noticing Seokjin staring at him. “Oh hyung, you’re awake!”
Seokjin knows that a dream is too much to ask for when the reality they live in isn’t as nice, but when Jimin suddenly greets him with a good morning with an offer of helping him wake the others up, he realizes that maybe the line between dreams and reality blur, too.
“Hyung, what was that all about?” Yoongi asks him on their way out as he’s making sure that the door to their room is locked. Jimin is already walking ahead with Jungkook and Taehyung, as per usual, and even though Seokjin would hate to admit it, he gets jealous, too.
“What was what?” he answers Yoongi’s question with another, crossing his arms over his chest. He goes on walking, not waiting for Yoongi. Yoongi tries to catch up with his pace, the younger’s relatively shorter legs adding up with his hatred for exercise dealing him some difficulties.
“I woke up to you and Jimin cuddling. Did something happen last night?”
“Oh god Yoongi, what are you even thinking? He is just a kid!” The sudden outburst coming from Seokjin almost makes Yoongi drop the bag he’s holding. Seokjn looks outright flustered, and Yoongi doesn’t even know how to begin with consoling him. “And to think that you guys were in there, I would never-“
“Hyung, hyung!” he interrupts Seokjin’s babbling tirade. “I was asking if you confessed to him last night. God, listen to yourself.”
“Ah, was that it?” Seokjin scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, ears getting tinged with red.
“How many ecchi mangas have you been going through? Seriously.”
“Yoongi!”
“What?” Yoongi looks back at him like he got offended for being scolded even though he was asking a legitimate question. “I saw you going through some back in middle school, don’t lie to me.” At the blatant look of shock in Seokjin’s eyes, Yoongi just looks at him back. “Why, are you reading hardcore porn now?”
Seokjin looks like a fish caught straight out of water, gaping and at loss of words, and Yoongi isn’t able to stop himself from laughing anymore. “Wow, look at our hyung, all grown up.”
Seokjin buries his face in his hands. “Yoongi, I swear to god-”
“Stop swearing upon me hyung.” Yoongi cuts him off again, and Seokjin buries his face deeper in his hands, embarrassed because even after all these years, Yoongi is still trying to pull that stint that he’s a god. “The kids might start slandering me.”
Seokjin rolls his eyes at Yoongi. “Just walk faster.”
✈✈✈
Seokjin thinks that when he’s grown old, even when he’s done some stupid things in the past, when he looks back on them, he will realize that he doesn’t regret them much.
But the future is still not here, and right now, at present, Seokjin very much regrets his life decisions.
“I already rode the zipline with you guys, why are you insisting that we ride the hamster wheel too?” Seokjin hates that he sounds like he’s about to whine when he rarely complains, but being the reasonable one isn’t going to get him to survive with the rides Jungkook wants them to go through. He hopes Jungkook considers the fact that they’re on top of the cable tower with the wind blowing strongly as an excuse for the loudness of his voice.
“Because it’s fun!” the deadly glint in Jungkook’s eyes when he says that makes Seokjin remember all those times his friends and even Jimin had said that Jungkook was Satan reincarnate. At times like this, he thinks their judgment had clearly been on point. “Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung have already tried it, and they’re still fine.”
Seokjin needs to strain his ears to hear Jungkook’s voice better, but what his brother just said rings clear in his mind. “Did any of them scream?”
“Not entirely.” Jungkook answers his older brother, still smiling widely. “Namjoon hyung sort of begged for his mom, and Yoongi hyung hasn’t been back from the bathroom since then. Hoseok hyung told me he might have peed in his pants.”
“That’s,” Seokjin says, looking at the long cable stretched between the tower they’re standing on and the one on the other side. He gauges the distance with a single look and decides that it may have been better if he’d stayed back at the entrance. “Comforting to hear.”
Riding on a giant hamster wheel isn’t exactly Seokjin’s idea of a summer getaway, and now, standing on top of a tower that’s twenty feet above the ground, he doesn’t think that notion is about to change soon.
The operator calls them over, telling them that it’s their turn and to wear the safety equipment. Seokjin tries to drag out the moment, pretending that he’s having a hard time putting on his harness, but the operator is quick to help him out, joking about how he shouldn’t be fumbling with the straps like he doesn’t know how to hold on to them even when his life depended on it. Seokjin is about to retort that the operator would fumble too if he were in Seokjin’s position, but he is able to hold his tongue quickly, realizing that the operator has probably been working here for a long time already, with the practiced ease in the way he talks to them and fixes their harnesses.
Seokjin squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying to think clearly. He remembers this feeling back at the roller coaster too, only fainter. The memory of a small hand holding his makes its way to his mind, along with crescent-shaped eyes and a bright smile.
He opens his eyes and takes a step.
✈✈✈
It’s unusual for Jimin to stray away from the group on his own unless he was told to buy something, so when Seokjin climbs down the tower, exhausted from limb-to-limb only to find Jimin missing, he runs straight to the first place he thinks he would find the guy.
There’s only one ice cream shop around the resort’s area, so it isn’t that hard to spot Jimin even when he’s more than ten feet away. When Jimin quickly looks up after Seokjin had called him, running straight to him and enveloping him in a hug, Seokjin knows that he should have felt happiness surging through him. But it’s unease that settles in his stomach instead, and he knows that something’s not quite right.
“What happened?” Seokjin softly asks, lips barely grazing the top of Jimin’s head. Something feels off, and the way Jimin glances up at him with teary eyes just confirms everything.
“Is Taehyung still mad at me?”
He shakes his head. He doesn’t exactly have the answer to that since he’s hurriedly taken off to find Jimin without knowing the whole story first. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even know you guys fought.” Seeing Taehyung and Jimin bickering had been a norm, but it’s always been just playful banter between them and never a full-blown fight. “Tell me what happened.”
“He’s really scared of heights, so I told him not to do the hamster wheel anymore. But then the hyungs were teasing him and he got mad at me and told me that he’d prove that he can do it.” Jimin had said everything in a rush, like he was upset to retell the story again but only did because he had to, since Seokjin had to know that Seokjin takes a moment to pause and let Jimin’s words sink in.
“He really did it?” Seokjin finally releases Jimin from the hug when he realizes that he’s been holding on for too long even though he likes the warmth that had enveloped him then. Jimin lets his arms fall back to his sides, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Even when he was really scared?”
“Yes, and he got stuck halfway through because he looked down and got scared.” Jimin pouts, looking down as if trying to recall a really bad memory. “It was a good thing the operator helped him get out, but when he got down from the tower, I didn’t know what took over me and I just started scolding him.” Jimin messes his hair in frustration, and even though his sense of responsibility over his friends are strong, Seokjin is painfully reminded of the fact that he’s still just sixteen. “I shouldn’t have said anything at all. Now he’s probably pissed off at me.”
“Stop blaming yourself. You just said that because you cared, right?”
“That’s the thing, hyung-I care too much for him; too much for my own good.” Jimin kicks at the pebbles under his feet, not even really aiming at anything.
“Are you implying that…”Seokjin feels like something is stuck in his throat, dragging its way up, and then down, and back up again before he manages to spit it out. “That you like him?”
“I-“Jimin looks at him like he’s been caught, his eyes searching Seokjin’s as if he needs his hyung’s help. “I guess so.”
“Have you told him yet?”
“No I-“Jimin fiddles with his fingers, hesitant, looking as if he, too, has his words stuck in his throat. “I don’t think it’ll work out, anyway.”
Seokjin still feels a bit wobbly from running all the way to the ice cream shop from the hamster wheel, and Jimin’s answer almost has him reeling. He should already have seen it in the way Jimin had looked like he was about to say something but chose not to, but he had been too preoccupied with making sure that Jimin was there beside him to think about anything else.
“Then tell him.” Seokjin’s voice surprisingly comes out calm and collected even though he feels like his insides have been shattered, and even though that in itself surprises him, he keeps quiet about it.
Seokjin admits to being selfish a lot of times, and he doesn’t even know why he’s saying this when all this time, he’s always wanted to say otherwise. Jimin looks surprised too, like he hasn’t expected Seokjin to just lay it out for him like that.
“I bet he only thinks of me as a friend.”
“Well, have you asked him?” It feels weird, giving Jimin advice on Taehyung when just the previous night, Yoongi had given him advice on Jimin. “Taehyung’s a bit too dense sometimes; maybe that’s why it took a while for you to realize that.” Seokjin comments. “But he’s nice. You yourself would know, right?”
Jimin smiles, Seokjin’s words making him feel warm and reassured. “I think so, hyung.” And even though his smile isn’t like the full, bright ones that Seokjin’s used to seeing, he tries to make do with what he has.
✈✈✈
When Jimin and Taehyung get back to their hotel room after Namjoon’s insistence on them talking their problem out, their hands intertwined and a different look of happiness on their faces, somehow, Seokjin already knows.
Of course nothing leaves undetected under Jungkook’s gaze and he keeps prodding them until they admit what he and Seokjin already know.
Hoseok is the noisiest among the bunch when it comes to reacting, coining “Taemin” as their couple name and dancing along to Shinee’s Ring Ding Dong, all the while cackling at the brilliance of his own pun.
“Get out, now,” Yoongi says, threatening to throw a shoe at him, but Hoseok only retaliates by doing aegyo that Jungkook has to restrain Yoongi from getting up and strangling him.
Amidst all the commotion, Seokjin catches Namjoon throwing him a concerned glance as if he’s asking him if everything’s just alright with him, and he realizes that he hasn’t been that all too discreet in liking Jimin. Even when he’s made the resolve to never admit to it, all of his friends probably know of his feelings already.
“Stop it, all of my toes are starting to curl up. Do all your lovey-dovey shit when I’m not around.” Yoongi swats Taehyung and Jimin’s interlaced hands with his shoe instead of chucking it at Hoseok, and Seokjin is glad for the interference because he doesn’t know what is left to say.
✈✈✈
There’s no one in the public dipping pool at this time, with everyone else out either eating dinner or visiting other spots in the resort, and Seokjin finds peace in dipping his feet in the warm water, with only the guy by the entrance guarding the ticket booth as his company.
Looking back, he regrets having had done a lot of things, but mostly he regrets not doing anything, just sticking around and being a bystander like everyone else instead of trying to build up his own part of the story. He still has a lot to mull over, but then he spots someone entering and he just stops to stare, his mind becoming befuddled all over again.
There’s a bounce in Jimin’s steps as he makes his way to Seokjin. He sits right beside Seokjin, taking off his slippers before dipping his feet in the pool, too.
“Thank you hyung,”he says with a smile so wide it reaches his ears, and Seokjin comes to think that maybe he doesn’t completely regret most of his decisions. “Nothing would have happened at all if you hadn’t told me that.” He knows his feelings for Jimin won’t go away just like that, but even though he’s jealous of Taehyung, he realizes that it’s only Taehyung who manages to make him smile like that-like nothing could ever dampen his happiness, because they have each other now.
Seokjin clears his throat. “Then, are you happy now?”
Jimin blinks at him, slightly taken aback with the question. He looks like he’s pondering about it for a moment looking at his feet dangling by the edge of the pool, but there’s still confusion over his face when he looks back at Seokjin. “What do you mean by that, hyung?”
“I could tell that something’s been bothering you these past few months.” Seokjin says, recalling the times when Jimin would look uneasy. There was that night too, when he couldn’t sleep, his worries seeming to eat him out. “Was it that?”
“Yeah,” Jimin’s laughter is boyish, just like his smile-barely an adult, but almost there. He sounds a little breathless, but nevertheless happy. Seokjin doesn’t know if he should be happy now that Jimin is happy, or sad to know that he isn’t the reason behind that happiness. “I just didn’t know how to cope up with it, you know? I mean, I’ve known him since we were kids, and all of a sudden it just…” he trails off, making elaborate gestures with his hands, unable to exactly explain what he feels. But Seokjin understands that anyway. After all, he’s been there.
(And he still is)
“But you’re happy now, aren’t you?” every breath he takes is laden with the concurring struggle of trying to keep a straight face and trying not to break. It’s surprising, really, how his face doesn’t twitch despite the shaking of his hands. Maybe all those times being cast as the lead actor in their class plays served a purpose, after all.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“That’s good,” Seokjin says, feeling his heart dropping to his stomach and getting smashed to bits. “That’s great.” He adds, even though his mouth feels like he’s chewed on sand.
“Thanks, hyung. Really.”
“No problem,” he replies. Because love makes you agree to see your own heart break first.
✈✈✈
The morning after isn’t any better than what Seokjin expects it to be, his body screaming in protest when he tries to get up from the bed. He looks back at his pillow mournfully, regretting that he has to get up really early to order breakfast for the younger ones, but nevertheless, he still has his duties.
The anxious feelings he’s had from the night before haven’t completely faded, but they’ve settled into a monotonous lull in his chest, anchored down by his will to get up and get moving.
“That smells really nice, hyung!” Jungkook says over Seokjin’s shoulder as he’s setting the food on top of the bedside table, and Seokjin almost jumps in his place, surprised at the sudden disturbance. “It looks like you cooked the meat well.”
“I just bought this from the restaurant outside, you know we can’t cook here.” Seokjin sighs to himself. Cooking requires precision and proper timing, and their mom would always praise Seokjin for being able to get just the right amount of flavor for a dish and cooking it perfectly right. It’s ironic though, that when it comes to Jimin, he always seems to be a step behind.
“You want to try and taste it?” he offers Jungkook instead to take his mind off of things. He knows Jungkook purposefully came by to be able to taste the dish first since it’s kind of become part of his habit, really, and if anything, his brother’s reply of an excited “Yes!” and a celebratory whoop is an obvious indication of that. Seokjin smiles reflexively, and it’s the first time since last night that he’s smiled genuinely at all.
✈✈✈
It’s not the first time that Seokjin has seen Yoongi excited, but there’s a difference between seeing Yoongi excited over downloading a newly-released mixtape from his favorite underground rappers to seeing Yoongi jumping on the balls of his feet over wanting to ride a banana boat.
Jungkook looks excited as always, prepared to jump head-on to any challenge he is offered. He doesn’t even feel all bummed out when Namjoon starts talking about sharks and sea creatures, even when his hyung gets slightly off-topic and starts venturing into the subject of how sea foam and sadness could be interrelated. Jimin and Taehyung are taking selcas right next to Namjoon, ignoring his lectures, and proceeding to click away with every nice angle that they discover. Hoseok pretends to be all though like he usually does, reminding the others that it’s Yoongi who’s the king of bluffing and not him when they call for his words as lies.
But as usual, Hoseok, still the scaredy-cat that he is flails and screams when it’s his turn to hop aboard the boat, almost falling straight into the water from kicking the boat in panic.
Although though they stay aboard the boat longer than the motorboat’s driver expect them to, they still all fall over in the end even though Seokjin’s pretty sure that he was gripping on the handle in front of him really tightly, as if he’s holding on to his lifeline. Yoongi complains that it’s because the driver of the motorboat passed over that ramp on purpose to throw them off-balance, but nevertheless, Seokjin doesn’t find it all that regretful.
When they get back on the wharf, Namjoon heads straight to the operator to so that they could try out parasailing next. Seokjin has just turned his back after climbing up when they all hear a sudden splash, and he turns his head to find his younger brother neck-deep into the water, cursing a string of expletives at Taehyung.
It’s like watching a documentary film on how karma is a bitch, really, when Jungkook swims back to the edge of the wharf and climbs up, dragging Taehyung along and carrying him in his arms to throw him into the water. Taehyung resists, his efforts in trying to untangle himself from Jungkook’s grip and get back down safely proving futile, but then Jimin steps in on the scene and promptly pushes the both of them into the water, slapping his thigh loudly and making a show of laughing too hard when the two curse at him. He doesn’t get much time before he’s being dragged into the water himself, the two younger boys unrelenting in their efforts to dunk him in the water.
“This is okay,” Seokjin thinks, watching by the sidelines. He sits down and crosses his legs under him, watching the three go on with causing a ruckus in the water, splashing each other’s faces with saltwater and trying to win against each other in a competition that doesn’t have any rules and doesn’t actually make any sense in the first place.
And it is, because he really means it.