(no subject)
I really don't think I'll ever go back.
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I've been thinking a lot, lately, about who I'm gonna be when I'm all growed up. This isn't exactly far away, maybe another year or two, and I'll be out doing something. I'm certain I won't be living here, or I'll at least be travelling a lot.
I don't know where to go. I want to go somewhere big. Edmonton seems like the obvious answer because I know people there...
but that may also be a problem.
I'd like to get a fresh start somewhere where i don't have to fit a self-projected mold that people know me by. That's why I want to go to Seattle. No one knows me, it's rainy and big, and isn't really far away.
We still gonna live in Seattle, amanda?
Heh, I'm not even sure if you remember us talking about that.
That was fun.
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I've been getting really annoyed with my friends lately. Not all of them, but that band ones. All but one are truly intent on becoming famous, to the point where it isn't even fun to accompany them anymore.
"Do this right. No...dammit. Like this."
I remember, a while ago. Sitting in my friend Robin's room...the 4 of us, Robin sitting against her wall playing guitar, I'd be on the bed laying on my back, with her laying on top of me with my arms around her, and Brett playing Super Nintendo. We used to do that for hours every day. It was a year before anything would go horribly wrong with her. Her and Robin. A year before they got their "new friends". Who would have thought I was to be the only one to come out of them who wasn't completely destroying themselves?
I hate influence.
I hate influence, and I hate her, and I hate her "new friends".
We don't talk anymore. We haven't for a long time. I still pass her in the halls every day at school.
Danielle talks to her, though...asks me about stories she tells her, but that's the extent of it. It makes me pretty happy to hear that she still holds onto those thoughts, those memories, and values that time as much as I do. I'd like to believe she regrets ever changing. She used to be so beautiful. A year and a half, and she's degenerated so much. You can see her scars and tracks, she doesn't hide them. Her burns...it's sad.
I'm glad Danielle doesn't ask to hear all the stuff we went through. There's way too much, I wouldn't be able to stop.
I fucking hate it.
Change can be horrible.