Old Habits
I just got finished meditating for the first time in...forever. I needed that. Really, I needed something...anything to help me relax.
Life has been really frustrating and stressful over the past few months. It has taken a toll on me, I know. Maybe I've shown signs, I'm not sure what any of you think. But I know in my own eyes I have seen my patience decrease, my tendency to snap increase in frequency. I've eaten worse, slept less. Exercised less. Just generally been in a worse place than I have been in a long time. It's not that I'm depressed or anything like that, just life has been difficult.
Why? Well, I'm hoping I get hired on at a part time position working for $7.50 an hour. Whoopee. I didn't think that, upon getting out of college, that I would be hoping for something like that. (Am I that unhireable?) Target pretty much sucks as a place to work. I mean, right now it's slowing my descent into bankruptcy, but it's just too much work. I bust my ass for hours there and I don't feel like it's very rewarding. Or regular. Of course, I've already written about karate. And my mom just got re-married and is moving away to Alabama which doesn't help my stress. And I'm going to run out of health insurance next month. My car is dying... I'm really worried it might kick the bucket anytime and I don't have the money to get another one. Oh, and I need to find an apartment in the next two weeks.
I feel like nothing seems to go my way these days. (It's not like I need that much, God.)
I suppose I do have my health, and friends to hang out with. I have job prospects at the moment which should (hopefully) pan out to something more regular and with slightly better pay than what I'm doing. That will help immensely with getting my feet on some solid ground.
Hopefully I can maintain the discipline to treat myself well enough to not entirely fall apart in the next few weeks. Maybe then I'll be through the worst of it for the time being. But man is life giving me a hard time right now. (I can use any support you'll give me...really.)
Meditating just now was a very good experience. Made me realize why I did it in the first place. Now I think I should really put some effort into actually doing it on a regular basis. That might help to give me some extra reserves to get over my pressured experience.