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ugh pretty soon i will need to find an outlet for my frustration and rage. it is getting to be too much for me to keep inside. it's written all over my face and i hate that if everyone paid attention, they could all tell. but few people do. emo
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i mean, i know that sounds like, insano, but whatevs. i didn't know it before. and now i do.
it turns out that most people with destructive habits (i.e. drug use, eating disorders, cutting, etc.) are not in touch with their feelings. they suppress them by making their lives about something else (like drugs or compulsive eating/starving, pain). so, check it. folllow me here.
feel your feelings. i recently learned that when i feel mad, i need to fucking feel mad! i need to let that feeling happen! when i feel sad, i need to fucking cry! when i feel happy, i need to jump up and down and scream, "i feel happy!" (i actually did that today, on the trampoline. it's so rare, that i embrace it with much enthusiasm)
you can't help your feelings, i have learned, but you can help your behavior. so, the advice i am giving you right now, through this jimble-jamble, is to not shy away from sadness, but to sit with it. contemplate it. think about it. think deeper. if you think you're sad because of an isolated instance, or because of something someone said or did, think again. it has to do with something bigger. figure out what it is. write about it.
at least, that's what i'm trying to do.
i love you, you know. as much as it kills me.
xo
erin
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