Leverage: I'm Not Pissed (Really)
Title: I'm Not Pissed (Really)
Fandom: Leverage
Rating: T
Warning: Slash, Language (dropping the F-bomb), un-Betaed, Season 1 references in The First David Job
Pairing: Nate/Eliot implied
Disclaimer: NOT MINE! If it were I'd have more Eliot. :)
Summary: No matter what anyone said, he wasn't mad because he wouldn't allow himself to be so damn involved.
___
He wasn’t pissed.
No, he really wasn’t.
Eliot Spencer didn’t do pissed because that would mean he got emotionally involved in something. Emotionally involved to the point where his emotions, the ones he controlled with an iron grip, would begin to leak out of his tightly closed hand. He couldn’t allow himself to let those things through though, they were dangerous. And not just to him but to those around him. He became weaker.
Anger he could deal with: spar with his punching bag, do some extra reps with his weight equipment, or even an extra long run around the city. Anxiety he could handle: tend to his garden patio or whip up a five course meal for everyone at headquarters, whatever he needed to do to keep his mind busy and not his hands. Fear was pretty easy to handle too: stare it down, face it head on and go down swinging if need be. Hell, he had even been intimately acquainted with pride: a shot to the arm and torturous captivity for three weeks in some unnamable location later and he would not make those mistakes for pride ever again. He could handle disappointment too: walking away before he got in even deeper. Actually, running away was more like it.
But shit.
Disappointment was one of those “walk the line” kind of things that Hollywood movies did. It was a fucking cliché and stupid as hell to think about but it’s one of those things that if he can’t believe in it, he’s royally screwed. Because if he gave in to being more than disappointed, to actually being sad…
He really couldn’t let himself go on thinking that way.
Because he was not emotionally involved.
He was not pissed.
He could ignore that hand crushing grip when they shook hands and the loathing he could feel coming off the other man in waves. He could even pass off the heated banter between them, or rather the level of pure jealously oozing off the other man. He may be the hitter, the muscle, of their rag tag little team of do-gooders but he was anything but dumb. He didn’t need to see the jealousy in their staring contests or feel the hatred in that ferocious grip to understand what was being communicated between them.
Didn’t fucking matter either.
Because he wasn’t pissed.
He just needed to get his head on straight again, think things through more and see it in a different perspective. Maybe…
… maybe…
Maybe he just couldn’t ignore all of it. The touches they shared, him and her, or the looks when each other wasn’t paying attention. Even the words they passed between them… fairly innocent yet packed full of what if’s and could be’s. He tried to ignore it because it wasn’t his damn business anyways - not with everything they, him and him, had been through. Him and her shared a past far more bonding that anything he could ever hope to have.
Fucking hell.
No, he wasn’t pissed!
But this is exactly what he deserved for getting involved with Nathan fucking Ford.
One shredded heart, already beaten to begin with, a handful of broken dreams that never would go away, and a future filled with an outcome he never should have even thought up to begin with because it was most definitely shot to Hell.
All in all Eliot had a right to be pissed but he fucking wasn’t.
He was more than disappointed in himself…
…he was damn near miserable, bordering on despondent.
And God help him if that wasn’t the worst thing he could think of cause that definitely defined emotionally involved with Nathan fucking Ford.
___
Author's Note: So there you have it. My first steps into the Leverage fanfiction world. And I can't tell you how much I hate it. But because I didn't like it I'll probably write again! WOOT woot for creative thinking. Haha. I'm weird but whatever. :)
Fandom: Leverage
Rating: T
Warning: Slash, Language (dropping the F-bomb), un-Betaed, Season 1 references in The First David Job
Pairing: Nate/Eliot implied
Disclaimer: NOT MINE! If it were I'd have more Eliot. :)
Summary: No matter what anyone said, he wasn't mad because he wouldn't allow himself to be so damn involved.
___
He wasn’t pissed.
No, he really wasn’t.
Eliot Spencer didn’t do pissed because that would mean he got emotionally involved in something. Emotionally involved to the point where his emotions, the ones he controlled with an iron grip, would begin to leak out of his tightly closed hand. He couldn’t allow himself to let those things through though, they were dangerous. And not just to him but to those around him. He became weaker.
Anger he could deal with: spar with his punching bag, do some extra reps with his weight equipment, or even an extra long run around the city. Anxiety he could handle: tend to his garden patio or whip up a five course meal for everyone at headquarters, whatever he needed to do to keep his mind busy and not his hands. Fear was pretty easy to handle too: stare it down, face it head on and go down swinging if need be. Hell, he had even been intimately acquainted with pride: a shot to the arm and torturous captivity for three weeks in some unnamable location later and he would not make those mistakes for pride ever again. He could handle disappointment too: walking away before he got in even deeper. Actually, running away was more like it.
But shit.
Disappointment was one of those “walk the line” kind of things that Hollywood movies did. It was a fucking cliché and stupid as hell to think about but it’s one of those things that if he can’t believe in it, he’s royally screwed. Because if he gave in to being more than disappointed, to actually being sad…
He really couldn’t let himself go on thinking that way.
Because he was not emotionally involved.
He was not pissed.
He could ignore that hand crushing grip when they shook hands and the loathing he could feel coming off the other man in waves. He could even pass off the heated banter between them, or rather the level of pure jealously oozing off the other man. He may be the hitter, the muscle, of their rag tag little team of do-gooders but he was anything but dumb. He didn’t need to see the jealousy in their staring contests or feel the hatred in that ferocious grip to understand what was being communicated between them.
Didn’t fucking matter either.
Because he wasn’t pissed.
He just needed to get his head on straight again, think things through more and see it in a different perspective. Maybe…
… maybe…
Maybe he just couldn’t ignore all of it. The touches they shared, him and her, or the looks when each other wasn’t paying attention. Even the words they passed between them… fairly innocent yet packed full of what if’s and could be’s. He tried to ignore it because it wasn’t his damn business anyways - not with everything they, him and him, had been through. Him and her shared a past far more bonding that anything he could ever hope to have.
Fucking hell.
No, he wasn’t pissed!
But this is exactly what he deserved for getting involved with Nathan fucking Ford.
One shredded heart, already beaten to begin with, a handful of broken dreams that never would go away, and a future filled with an outcome he never should have even thought up to begin with because it was most definitely shot to Hell.
All in all Eliot had a right to be pissed but he fucking wasn’t.
He was more than disappointed in himself…
…he was damn near miserable, bordering on despondent.
And God help him if that wasn’t the worst thing he could think of cause that definitely defined emotionally involved with Nathan fucking Ford.
___
Author's Note: So there you have it. My first steps into the Leverage fanfiction world. And I can't tell you how much I hate it. But because I didn't like it I'll probably write again! WOOT woot for creative thinking. Haha. I'm weird but whatever. :)