Memory
Why can’t two people just be friends after splitting up, after being completely assured that things are over for good? Is it because that other person might just be holding that same little thread of hope that someday, sometime things will fall back into place?
I’ve been all over the place the past few weeks; my heart has anyway. It’s amazing how easily I can just stray from my sanity, but I don’t think that’s bad.
This past year everything I’ve done was “for the best”, which was the only way I could convince myself to keep going. But what’s the point? What if “for the best” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, what if it isn’t you, what if it doesn’t ignite that fire inside… then what? Why does everything have to be so thought of and meditated? Why do people love each other because of this and that… why can’t people love JUST because? Just because means you have to have faith… in yourself, in life and understand that the way things turn out will be great because they turn out the way they should. I’m not thinking we should all just sit back and let things happen on their own… I’m thinking if at a time we feel like doing something, saying something, anything we shouldn’t have to justify ourselves because sometimes there is no justification… sometimes things just ARE.
That is where I stand right now. I stand hopeless yet hopeful, open and willing, yet afraid and intimidated JUST BECAUSE.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t let down in myself the past couple of weeks… I should say year. But it’s my fault, I wrongly attempted to fill a spot that couldn’t be filled. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt and to myself for not realizing it sooner.
I’m sorry to me for trying to forget about something that will always be there. I’m sorry for holding myself back from grasping great things.
No one could possibly understand, I hardly do, and that’s okay.
“The best secret to success? Know when to let go-and when not to.”
And right now I would be entirely foolish to let go of something that I can’t get out of my head or heart. (If you can’t get someone out of your mind chances are they’re supposed to be there… right?)
I’ve learned a lot this past year. I’ve learned how to be incredibly happy-so happy that at times it’s intimidating because I’m okay on my own, I’m okay by myself. At one point I crossed the line and became so independent it scared people off. I like people, I like being around them and helping them and just learning about them. I love spreading the happiness I have in me to everyone.
I feel like since beginning at UF I’ve pretended to be someone I’m not.
I’m not perfect… at all. I mess up A LOT and I like to be crazy and random. I don’t like to sit still; I don’t like being cooped up in some little dorm room. I like to be around people, I like to make friends, I like to run around and force people to question my sanity. I cuss sometimes, I drink sometimes, and I get pissed off sometimes. I like to work hard and give myself breaks every once in a while. I hate driving by myself. I hate going to the mall or store by myself. I feel like a loser walking to class by myself and seeing huge masses of sorority girls going to class together. I hate being judged. I don’t like when people question why I did something. I suck at talking about feelings. I hardly ever cry.
I have never in my life felt as alone or unwanted as I did the first semester at UF and I never want to feel like that again.
I’m tired of Florida and I want to go away, I want to be in a city where it gets cold. I want to go to Boston, but I’m too dumb.
I think I may save housing money and stay home to go to UCF next fall, then transfer to Boston College in the spring.
I’d love that.
Right now I can’t eat right, I can’t sleep right and I can’t think right… but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Can I be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.
I’ve been all over the place the past few weeks; my heart has anyway. It’s amazing how easily I can just stray from my sanity, but I don’t think that’s bad.
This past year everything I’ve done was “for the best”, which was the only way I could convince myself to keep going. But what’s the point? What if “for the best” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, what if it isn’t you, what if it doesn’t ignite that fire inside… then what? Why does everything have to be so thought of and meditated? Why do people love each other because of this and that… why can’t people love JUST because? Just because means you have to have faith… in yourself, in life and understand that the way things turn out will be great because they turn out the way they should. I’m not thinking we should all just sit back and let things happen on their own… I’m thinking if at a time we feel like doing something, saying something, anything we shouldn’t have to justify ourselves because sometimes there is no justification… sometimes things just ARE.
That is where I stand right now. I stand hopeless yet hopeful, open and willing, yet afraid and intimidated JUST BECAUSE.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t let down in myself the past couple of weeks… I should say year. But it’s my fault, I wrongly attempted to fill a spot that couldn’t be filled. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt and to myself for not realizing it sooner.
I’m sorry to me for trying to forget about something that will always be there. I’m sorry for holding myself back from grasping great things.
No one could possibly understand, I hardly do, and that’s okay.
“The best secret to success? Know when to let go-and when not to.”
And right now I would be entirely foolish to let go of something that I can’t get out of my head or heart. (If you can’t get someone out of your mind chances are they’re supposed to be there… right?)
I’ve learned a lot this past year. I’ve learned how to be incredibly happy-so happy that at times it’s intimidating because I’m okay on my own, I’m okay by myself. At one point I crossed the line and became so independent it scared people off. I like people, I like being around them and helping them and just learning about them. I love spreading the happiness I have in me to everyone.
I feel like since beginning at UF I’ve pretended to be someone I’m not.
I’m not perfect… at all. I mess up A LOT and I like to be crazy and random. I don’t like to sit still; I don’t like being cooped up in some little dorm room. I like to be around people, I like to make friends, I like to run around and force people to question my sanity. I cuss sometimes, I drink sometimes, and I get pissed off sometimes. I like to work hard and give myself breaks every once in a while. I hate driving by myself. I hate going to the mall or store by myself. I feel like a loser walking to class by myself and seeing huge masses of sorority girls going to class together. I hate being judged. I don’t like when people question why I did something. I suck at talking about feelings. I hardly ever cry.
I have never in my life felt as alone or unwanted as I did the first semester at UF and I never want to feel like that again.
I’m tired of Florida and I want to go away, I want to be in a city where it gets cold. I want to go to Boston, but I’m too dumb.
I think I may save housing money and stay home to go to UCF next fall, then transfer to Boston College in the spring.
I’d love that.
Right now I can’t eat right, I can’t sleep right and I can’t think right… but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagined
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same
This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Can I be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.