Reviews are Love (and Prizes), an Exchange_Bingo Story.
How to Review - Advice for the Inarticulate
One day in a kingdom called the internet, Llama signed up to play exchange_bingo. Then she read the F.A.Q.
I'm a rebel. How do I get kicked out? Leave mean reviews. Flame. Leave the same generic reviews. Review anonymously.
Uh-oh. Llama had never reviewed fanfiction before. But she wanted the Tim-Tams. Real bad.
Llama thought and thought. And thought and thought. Then she got a brilliant idea.
I'll just make up a nice review and use it for every story.
She opened notepad and typed carefully:
Wow! I love your story! There was a lot of neat stuff in it! Write more!
Llama nodded to herself. Perfect. She could practically taste those Tim-Tams already.
After a week of Exchange stories, Banana came to visit. They had tea with milk, scones and clotted cream. They chatted about all the fantastic stories they'd read.
"I noticed your reviews are all the same, Llama," said Banana, nibbling on her scone.
"Isn't it awesome?" Llama enthused. "I'll share my Tim-Tams with you!"
Banana cleared her throat. "It's not awesome, actually."
"Did I use too many exclamation points again?" Llama had a weakness for them and Banana was always admonishing her to try a period once in a while.
"Well, yes. But more importantly, posting the same review for every story or art will get your bingo claim disqualified," explained Banana.
Llama gasped in horror. She could lose her beloved Tim-Tims? "What should I do? I never know what to say!"
"First," said Banana. "Calm down. You can still fix it. Let's look at a story you reviewed this week."
"Okay," Llama said, bringing up 'May the Best Man Win.' "Here's a good one."
"What do you like about it?" asked Banana.
"It's so funny," said Llama. "I love to laugh."
"Write that down."
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
Llama looked at Banana for approval.
"That's good," said Banana. "But a bit more would be better. Is there a part you especially liked?"
Llama thought for a moment. "Oooooooooooh, yes!"
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
My favourite bit was when Hermione said "Cock." to Snape and they realised
he couldn't deduct points because she wasn't a student anymore.
~gigglesnort~
"That's awesome," Banana said, grinning.
"But, you know?" Llama pondered a moment. "I think Ron should have been told the truth. He was such a git about leaving her all the time, and he's never been punished for it."
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
My favourite bit was when Hermione said "Cock." to Snape and they realised
he couldn't deduct points because she wasn't a student anymore.
~gigglesnort~
But Ron should be turned into Luna or something. He should see how it feels. You need to be meaner to your characters. Especially the awful ones.
"I would cut that out that last part, if I were you." Banana looked serious.
"Why? It's how I feel." Llama pouted.
"Yes, but the gift exchange doesn't allow criticism because it's rude to complain about a present. If you post that, the Eye will get you."
Llama shuddered. "The Eye?" she asked in a very small voice.
Banana simply nodded.
"What about art?"
"Mention how it makes you feel, the colors you like, the positioning or technique or style." Banana checked her watch. "I'm sure you'll do great."
"And you'll tell me if I'm not?" Llama looked nervous.
"Don't I always?" said Banana with an appealing smile.
They laughed as Llama walked Banana to the door.
"Wanna come over for dinner next week?"
"What are you making?"
"Red bean stew and tostones." Llama replied.
"Um," said Banana. "I have plans."
One day in a kingdom called the internet, Llama signed up to play exchange_bingo. Then she read the F.A.Q.
I'm a rebel. How do I get kicked out? Leave mean reviews. Flame. Leave the same generic reviews. Review anonymously.
Uh-oh. Llama had never reviewed fanfiction before. But she wanted the Tim-Tams. Real bad.
Llama thought and thought. And thought and thought. Then she got a brilliant idea.
I'll just make up a nice review and use it for every story.
She opened notepad and typed carefully:
Wow! I love your story! There was a lot of neat stuff in it! Write more!
Llama nodded to herself. Perfect. She could practically taste those Tim-Tams already.
After a week of Exchange stories, Banana came to visit. They had tea with milk, scones and clotted cream. They chatted about all the fantastic stories they'd read.
"I noticed your reviews are all the same, Llama," said Banana, nibbling on her scone.
"Isn't it awesome?" Llama enthused. "I'll share my Tim-Tams with you!"
Banana cleared her throat. "It's not awesome, actually."
"Did I use too many exclamation points again?" Llama had a weakness for them and Banana was always admonishing her to try a period once in a while.
"Well, yes. But more importantly, posting the same review for every story or art will get your bingo claim disqualified," explained Banana.
Llama gasped in horror. She could lose her beloved Tim-Tims? "What should I do? I never know what to say!"
"First," said Banana. "Calm down. You can still fix it. Let's look at a story you reviewed this week."
"Okay," Llama said, bringing up 'May the Best Man Win.' "Here's a good one."
"What do you like about it?" asked Banana.
"It's so funny," said Llama. "I love to laugh."
"Write that down."
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
Llama looked at Banana for approval.
"That's good," said Banana. "But a bit more would be better. Is there a part you especially liked?"
Llama thought for a moment. "Oooooooooooh, yes!"
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
My favourite bit was when Hermione said "Cock." to Snape and they realised
he couldn't deduct points because she wasn't a student anymore.
~gigglesnort~
"That's awesome," Banana said, grinning.
"But, you know?" Llama pondered a moment. "I think Ron should have been told the truth. He was such a git about leaving her all the time, and he's never been punished for it."
I laughed until I cried. My stomach still hurts three days later.
My favourite bit was when Hermione said "Cock." to Snape and they realised
he couldn't deduct points because she wasn't a student anymore.
~gigglesnort~
But Ron should be turned into Luna or something. He should see how it feels. You need to be meaner to your characters. Especially the awful ones.
"I would cut that out that last part, if I were you." Banana looked serious.
"Why? It's how I feel." Llama pouted.
"Yes, but the gift exchange doesn't allow criticism because it's rude to complain about a present. If you post that, the Eye will get you."
Llama shuddered. "The Eye?" she asked in a very small voice.
Banana simply nodded.
"What about art?"
"Mention how it makes you feel, the colors you like, the positioning or technique or style." Banana checked her watch. "I'm sure you'll do great."
"And you'll tell me if I'm not?" Llama looked nervous.
"Don't I always?" said Banana with an appealing smile.
They laughed as Llama walked Banana to the door.
"Wanna come over for dinner next week?"
"What are you making?"
"Red bean stew and tostones." Llama replied.
"Um," said Banana. "I have plans."